Full text of "THE ART OF LOVE"

See other formats

Google

This is a digital copy of a book that was preserved for generations on Hbrary shelves before it was carefully scanned by Google as part of a project

to make the world's books discoverable online.

It has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject

to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books

are our gateways to the past, representing a wealth of history, culture and knowledge that's often difficult to discover.

Marks, notations and other maiginalia present in the original volume will appear in this file - a reminder of this book's long journey from the

publisher to a library and finally to you.

Usage guidelines

Google is proud to partner with libraries to digitize public domain materials and make them widely accessible. Public domain books belong to the
public and we are merely their custodians. Nevertheless, this work is expensive, so in order to keep providing this resource, we liave taken steps to
prevent abuse by commercial parties, including placing technical restrictions on automated querying.
We also ask that you:

+ Make non-commercial use of the files We designed Google Book Search for use by individuals, and we request that you use these files for
personal, non-commercial purposes.

+ Refrain fivm automated querying Do not send automated queries of any sort to Google's system: If you are conducting research on machine
translation, optical character recognition or other areas where access to a large amount of text is helpful, please contact us. We encourage the
use of public domain materials for these purposes and may be able to help.

+ Maintain attributionTht GoogXt "watermark" you see on each file is essential for informing people about this project and helping them find
additional materials through Google Book Search. Please do not remove it.

+ Keep it legal Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just
because we believe a book is in the public domain for users in the United States, that the work is also in the public domain for users in other
countries. Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country, and we can't offer guidance on whether any specific use of
any specific book is allowed. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in Google Book Search means it can be used in any manner
anywhere in the world. Copyright infringement liabili^ can be quite severe.

About Google Book Search

Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers
discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web

at |http : //books . google . com/|

i • .

I?1?by

iAP.oSP^^*^<i.cS!oiv

THE ART OF LOVE

W. F. ROBIB, MD.

md I4f*," -Bet Butarim"

Sotioafy to memberi oj ths neognized pnfi

BOSTON
BICHARD G. BADGEB

Thi« On*

CoFraiOHT, 1921, bt Richard G. Baikiks

All Rights Resenred

Made in the United States of America

The Oorham Preas, Bostoa, U. S. A«

lUnONAL SEX SEBISa >
Batiokai* Sis ExEictt.

Tub Aat of Lovs» b^ W. F. BM$f M3*
Sex HxtTOBiss, Iw ^- F* SohU^ MJ>.
Sans Sxs lira MXfu Saioi Sss Imvo^ Igr

MoTBCBBOQDb 5|f ff* W* Lomg^ MJ>.

Cbildrsk bt Cbancb OB BT CSboicb* ly
WiUiam Hai^ SmiA

Sbs IK PkrcBo- AnuitTBii* ^ S. Fmncs^

H»1OBTAMBPiACTIC8OtP0IC8AlULTaia»

hy Paid Bjme, MJ>.
TEMKBacBNT Alio Sn» ^ IFbfafr BmIm
SBSANDSocnrr^lgrlF*/. Tkama$

BICaASD O. BAOOBB* WJBfJWfBB, BO0XOM

PREFACE

Ko treatise on the sex question is complete witlioiit an
extended consideration of the art of love. Mj former booVs
on sex, while often briefly dealing with some aspects of the
mechanical or physical side of sex, have chiefly been con-
cerned with its psychology.

A book, to be of use to beginners in marriage, must be
very plain in its language and ignore no detail. The only
modem book I know which attempts this is one for which
I wrote an introduction several years ago, "Sane Sex Life
and Sane Sex Living," by H. W. Long, M. D. It would be
folly to attempt, and I would not have it thouglit that I
expect to improve upon this book, so far as it goes. The
book referred to, however, is very brief, deals abiiost exclu-
sively with the mechanical and physical sides of sex, giieB
little by way of illustration from actual eases, md nten
very little or not at all to the literature on this subject.

While the book here presented will not be an exhaustive
treatise, it is my purpose to treat the subject adequately for
all ordinary purposes, to correlate the psychic and pfivsiral
sides of the love relation, to illustrate details to some extent
by cases that have come under my own observation, and to
discuss quotations from the older literature on the sub'
for there is a literature on this subject, faiHv coniDlT'
though kept almost ent.r^Iy from the pro/eMi„^, and pub-'
bee eye, whde such books on the relations of married n<- I
which have been generally known have dealt aim t '^.
«Tely with Platonic relation, and «e.thetir conS ,!'*""

the aver.gr i uu „a™ ^ «_, . , •

4 Preface

remain true married lovers, is my present purpose, made
difficult by a deeply intrenched ignorance and prejudice, by
a whole psychology of erroneous sex thinking, and by a
pathological physiology of married love. Not a week goes
by in which I do not find couples, long married, whose
psychic barriers have never been broken down, and whose
ignorance of the physical adaptations necessary for love's
perfect consummation is nothing short of amazing.

If ignorance were bliss it might be folly to be wise; but
where ignorance leads to prostitution, divorce, ill health,
neurosis, unhappiness, it were better to be wise, even at the
price or some shocks to the sensibilities of those reared under
and adhering to the old traditions.

And yet I shall show that, while the older idealistic writ-
ers left everything to instinct and made the whole subject of
married love so refined and remote that few blundered into
right ways of physiological living, there were people who
lived happily and physiologically, there was a literature
two thousand years ago, so precise and complete that had
it been heeded no one could have gone astray.

The tendency of those students who have noted the disas-
ters attendant upon the almost utter neglect of the art of
love in marriage is at present, while giving instruction which
is absolutely correct, to make love in its consummation so
baldly physical or material and all love's aspirations so
destitute of ideals that the refined look upon their teachings
as sensual or salacious. Undoubtedly these criticisms are
largely unjust; but it is hardly possible to discuss the
physical side of sex in its details when shame, prudery, and
disgust, as the result of the sex tabu, have so long existed,
without offending many. Such discussions even take away
the breath of some who recognize the honor, purity, and
beauty of a legitimate sex life and who are in dire straits
for lack of adequate directions for living such a life properly.

We have long considered sex as the depraved part of our
nature. Many people consider the psychic or Platonic
relations of married people far above their physical sex
relations, and that the former may be enhanced by sacri-
ficing the latter. Some recognize the legitimacy and neces-

Preface 5

sity of both the psychic and the physical, while others, of
inferior type, have no desire or ability beyond the physical
relation.

I have always endeavored, in my writings concerning sex,
to express my belief that the psychic and physical went hand
in hand, that without physiological physical relations com-
pletely understood and properly performed there could never
be permanent, intense, and ennobling psychic union. All
experiences, of my own and others, tond to show conclu-
sively that the erotic physical plays just as legitimate a part
in married love and is to be no more ashamed of than the
erethic psychical.

The psychic yearning and association is more abiding
and satisfying, and at its best is so perfect a communion that
were it possible for this relation to exist without the other
it might be considered as all-sufficient and an end in itself;
but this longing for super-sense to the exclusion of the sensu-
ous receives a rude shock when confronted with the certain
knowledge that the soul affiliations of marriage can never
attain their highest plane, can seldom be realized at all, and
if realized can never be permanent without the sensuous as
precursor and accompanist. Yet, the physical, if it is alone
courted, without higher aspiration, yields selfish, sensual
satisfaction alone, which is incomplete and unenduring.

There has been so much neglect of the physical side, and
so many evils and so much misery and unhappiness have
resulted therefrom, that it is perhaps natural that there
should now be a tendency to apotheosize that side and omit
consideration of the other side entirely. This gives a dis-
torted and incomplete view of the sex relation, ver}' shock-
ing to those who have been in the habit of looking at it only
from the psychic side and wh< have considered the physical
an unnecessary evil, to be scorned and ignored.

My unenviable task is to attempt to present sex in its
entirety, in its true beauty and in its dual aspect, the physi-
cal part at least necessary for health and happiness, as well
as necessary for the perfection of the psvchic part, which
is the most enduring and permanently satisfying bond of men
and women and to show that the psychic and physical ele-

Trefaee

ments of the sex instinct, taken together — for they are insep*
arable — are fundamental to our progress in literature, altni*
ism, morality, idealism, and religion, and to our comprehen-
sion and appreciation of nature and art, and to the perfect
realization of all the real joys of men and women.

While this book is written especially for the professionff
it may seem exceedingly simple to some members of all pro*
fessions. Nevertheless, it may prove of use to those whose
correct early instruction, common sense, or accurate inves-
tigations have rendered its teachings superfluous if it shows
them the necessity of expounding such teachings as it con-
tains to the large majority of married folks. At the same
time the author is fully aware that the mass of professional
people have ill-defined ideas on this subject, are hesitant
about teaching what they themselves really know, and under-
estimate greatly the distresses, illnesses, and infidelities
which overtake those who would always remain happily mar-
ried if they understood some of these simple first principles*

While the author has made some special study along these
lines, he does not pose as an absolute authority nor speak
in any critical way of the failure of the profession as a whole
to master and teach the facts of correct sex living. He
thinks that in recent years the profession has been very
unjustly condemned from within its own ranks. Especially
do those urban specialists who condemn the general prac-
titioner fail to realize that it would be ordinarily utterly
impossible for them to step into the shoes of those same
general practitioners and discharge their duties with any
approximation to the celerity, exactness, and humanity
which characterize the work of their rural brethren. In other
words, extended observation is conclusive to the effect that
city men and specialists, while supposedly better trained
are really, because of the facilities for a multiplication of
judgments and a division of responsibility (an opportunity
to "pass the buck," so to speak), less reliable in emergencies
and at least as prone to error in diagnosis and treatment as
the country doctor.

But in this matter of sex knowledge and instructioUt

Treface %

whether the man be urban or rural, he is ordinarily desti-
tute of much desirable knowledge and hesitant about using
what he has, and he must be absolved from any blame for
this, since the absurdly prudish attitude of the public, ini-
tiated and fostered by the teleological pronouncements of a
pre-scientific era, have made it well nigh impossible, if he
values his professional standing, for him to acquire from
its fountain-head, normal man, any knowledge of sex beyond
his own individual experience and the perfectly obvious ; and
if by hook or crook he does acquire any such knowledge and
attempt to impart it, even where most needed, it is tanta-
mount to placing his social standing and his modest income
in jeopardy. Perhaps I should have used the past tense in
the preceding sentence, for there is at present certainly a
greater willingness on the part of the patient to discuss
his private life with his doctor with a view to receiving intel-
ligent advice, and also a disposition on the part of educated
men and women to reveal their mistakes or successes in sex
living to those who will properly use them as a basis for
instruction to others who are passing along the same road.

It is certain that, no matter how great the other multi-
tudinous requirements of the physician, he will not long be
excused for not acquiring and judiciously promulgating the
salient truths of correct sex living; and it is my belief that
the legal, educational, ministerial, and other professions will
not long be condoned by individual, private conscience, nor
excused by public demand from duties to the race, accord-
ing to their several lights in this direction.

It is the author's hope that here and in his former books
the busy professional man, untaught by college of arts or
school of medicine the real, fundamental facts of life, may
find a compendium of information concerning these long
neglected but necessary stepping-stones to all knowledge and
achievement, also argument and convincing proof that the
dissemination of the truths set forth is laudable and neces-
sary.

Above all he desires to so avoid a complex terminology
that, should the doctor see and believe but not have time to

B Preface

fully expound these principles, he may if he chooses turn
any of these books over to his patients or friends with the
knowledge that in the main they will be readable and under-
standable to all manner of men and women.

CONTENTS

CHAPTEI

A R£FACE • • * 'vj n M ■§ M 9

Reverentiae et Apologia , .1 ,., ^ • , [111

I. The "Kama Sutra" op Vatsyayana, Classic Love
Aphorisms of Ancient Oriental Peoples,
Quotations from Aristotle, "Arabian
Nights" and Early Medical Writers .., i., 57,

II. The Psychology of Love m m k m 51|

III. The Art of Love • • • •• m m 64/

IV. The Art of Love for the Unmarried m !•> 127,

V. Part I. The Oneida Community and the
Doctrine ©f Male Continence, "Diana,"
"Zugassent's Discovery," "Earezza," Sex
Communion, Groups that Borrowed Their
Ideas from the Oneida Community, Their
Function in Developing a Proper Sex Con-
sciousness, AND Their Place in the Love
Life of To-day . • • • •. i„ 141]

Part II. Oneida Community, Continued • ,•> 165*
VI. An Unsolicited Life Story, with Comments .. 2111

VII. More Sex and Case Histories • • .^ • 2341

VIII. Brief Mention of Cases Illustrating the
Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the
Psychology and Art of Love. Efficiency
AND Sex • ;• • i«. i«. .«. !•» 283

IX. Article on Sex Education and Venereal Dis-
ease IN "Mental Hygiene," OctobeRj 1920 31 fl

10 ^ Contenti

X. How Sex Pbrtbrbions Arise and Wht Thkt

Increase ..••••• 824'

XI. Free Love Doctrines Discussed^ Deplored,

AND Devitalized •••••• 8811

XII. A PROLEdOMENbNj AND AN APOtHEOSlS OF LoVX 848

>] i«i m !•! i«i M • vTX

Glossary •« m :•• •: m m tm 875

]LiST OF Books • • •: •! r«i > 879

JlNDSZ •. •] • IM Ml !•• M 1*1 88*

REVERENTAE ET APOLOGIA

I would that I could pay fitting tribute to all former and
contemporary earnest students of sex. Many of them have
carried to completion monumental works, despite the great
opprobrium in which till recently all such students and writ-
ers have been held, and in spite of the serious handicap
resulting from the great diffidence concerning sex matters
in general which has made individual reticence in disclosing
the intimate facts of the sex life almost universal among
refined people.

What background could one have had who, like myself,
found the sex life all awry and who would attempt a solution
for self and others without the studies of Griesinger, Forel,
Bloch, Moll, Freud, Ellis, Hall, and numerous others? I
confess that without the humanistic and scientific inspiration
of Hall's "Adolescence** I should probably never have writ-
ten what, when I first saw that book, was forming in the back
of my mind. This unchallenged master of genetic psychol-
ogy, this dean of individual pedagogy, this pioneer inter-
preter and instructor of the adolescent mind has, I believe,
done more to stimulate correct sex thought and action than
any other American ; and I say this though he criticises me,
chiefly for my leniency toward autoerotism.

But had I the inspiration to begin I could not have
gone far without that most scientific treatise, "Studies iti
the Psychology of Sex," to which Havelock Ellis has devoted
most of his life-work.

Perhaps I should not exalt Hall and Ellis above others
whom I have and have not named ; but for me these two were
the greatest sources of early inspiration and information,
though later inspiration came from the sufferings of a
humanity revealed and information accumulated from the
individual revelations of a "cloud of witnesses."

12 Reverentiae Et Apologia

I have all through my writing inveighed against dogma*
tism. The dogmatism of the early church and that of pre-
scientific medicine have each in turn come in for criticism;
and yet I am sensible that I myself have been dogmatic often,
perhaps at times disagreeably so. Let me explain and
apologize as best I may.

I have endeavored never to assert the universal appli-
cability of any line of conduct looking to a better, a happier,
a more ideal of sex life which has arisen or could possibly
have arisen in my own consciousness. Further, I have
endeavored never to subscribe fully to the tenets of any man
whose philosophy has been based solely on a priori reason-
ing. I have always tried to give weight only to the argu-
ments of those whose assemblage of actual facts tended to
an obvious end. When the multitudinous facts of the
numerous incontestable life-stories of representative men and
women have all pointed in one direction, when by direct state-
ment or inference similar revelations collected by others have
corroborated my findings, I have assumed that an axiom was
established. Axioms arrived at in this way, I have used as
a basis for some dogmatic statements to adolescent youths
and maidens, to the inevitably single and the unhappily
married. I know not if these axioms be axioms; but you
have the facts on which they are based and they cannot be
discredited, since anyone of moderate training and sufficient
persistency can collect as many more just like them. If the
reasoning from these facts is faulty, you are at liberty to
synthetize them into a fuller and better philosophy. No
foreglimpse tells me whether my doctrines, which are by no
means unique, though unquestionably having a present appli-
cation, will be of future value as guides to proper sexuality.

Human nature is always being modified. A multiple-
called soma and a genetic psyche predicate, on the one hand
phantasmagorical, on the other almost unnoticeable, changed

An Einstein-like theory of relativity which introduces a
material fourth dimension may be assumed for the imma-
terial and involve, not only all science, but all life.

I am content to leave it to the future to scrap outworn
or supernumerary parts of my work. My onlv hope and

Reverentiae Et Apologia 19

ambition is that my interpretation of facts may serve as a
transient stepping-stone to better things for those whose
health and morals have been impaired, whose joys have been
curtailed by ignorance.

I regret once again the scientific shortcomings, the lack of
specific references to authorities, the ill arrangement of
material and incomplete treatment of this most important
subject, and plead, in self-extenuation, the economic prob-
lem, the problem of one whom college left one thousand dol-
lars in debt and whose professional education after marrying
doubled the debt; one whose affianced was, in the opinion of
country doctor and city specialist, predestined to chronic
mental invalidism, but who as wife gave birth to four of
their seven children in the four years succeeding their mar-
riage at twenty-three; one whose avocations outside medi-
cine have been multifarious, and whose duties for long periods
of general medical practise in a small community have been
somewhat exacting, one to whom the problem of a liberal
culture for the six living children has had all the usual per-
plexities and involved some of the usual sacrifices.

And yet this excuse is no excuse whatever, for the writer
knows with absolute finality that he has lived better, proba-
bly longer, done more and better work (and the same applies
to his wife, who is still his amanuensis, and who deplores, as
usual, his personal allusions) thus hampered, thus handi-
capped, as some would say, thus beatifically situated, he
would say, than he could possibly have done if he had
remained single, though he had been stimulated to endeavor
by the ambition of a Napoleon, assisted by the wealth of a
Croesus, made apperceptive by the wisdom of a Solomon,
and though the invitation, which is well-nigh a compulsion,
of the single state to narrowness, selfishness, and profligacy
had been resisted.

THE ART OF LOVE

CHAPTER I

THE KAMA SUTRA ^

There is a peculiar irony in the incontestable fact that
before monogamy had any recognized claims on man, before
there was any Christian sanctification of marriage, when
license, concubinage, and all sexual irregularities were mat-
ters of course, there was accurate knowledge and explicit
instruction concerning the art of love, without which no
normal married pair can be continuously healthy, happy
and virtuous; nor — and I say it after deliberate thought
on what I have learned from the study of the sex lives of
men and women for more than a quarter of a century — caA
such a pair possess permanently any one of these three
desirable states.

The irony is manifest when we correlate the fact of the
upbuilding of monogamy, of the Christian sanctification of
the marriage for all time of one man and one woman, and
the resulting wonderful strides of the human race toward a
more perfect civilization, with the other equally obvious fact
that the Christian tabu of sex, the exhortation to asceticism,
making all sex acts a sin and all sex thought and instruction
a disgraceful procedure, are the predominant factors, if not
the sole factors, which have caused or are causing in soci-
ety infidelity, divorce, free love propaganda, neurosis, insan-
ity, and a general disregard for conventional or coercive
marriage which are so apparent today, and which are sources
of alarm to all advocates of happy home life, of social bet-
terment, and of general culture, and to all, Christian and

18 The "Art of Love

Pagan alike, who look forward to a high destiny for man-
kind.

This paradox has been shown to some extent in my former
works, but will be made more clear as this work progresses.
For our present purpose it is sufficient to state that there
is a real art of love to be learned by all who would be strong
and progressive men and women, true, pure, happy, married
lovers.

Despite the old theological idea that the love life was all
instinctive, that love thoughts must be unspoken and love
acts unseen, the merest tyro or the most accomplished Don
Juan at large will admit that good men and women are uni-
versally, until taught by study and experience, utterly desti-
tute of all but the most superficial knowledge of how to love.

But such knowledge is as necessary for the wife as for the
courtesan. It is more necessary if the wife is to triumph
ultimately and the prostitute vanish.

Where shall one go to seek knowledge of the mechanical,
the physical, the natural, the psychic procedures that are
involved in the different stages of a consummated love?

Before automobiles were in vogue, when I needed a horse,
I invariably went to the oldest, the largest, the most astute
horsedealer available. Why not in our beginnings in the
art of love go to those who were not ashamed of this, who
followed this as a religious rite, who frankly made the funda-
mental process of life one of the three main things in life,
who studied it seriously and exhaustively, who talked about
it freely and simply and fearlessly, who recognized sense
pleasure, sexual pleasure, as inevitable, desirable, a joyful
factor of human life, smiled upon by the gods?

The Kama Sutra, or aphorisms of love, was written by
Vatsyayana some sixteen hundred years ago. This book is
a summary of all the important parts of the Hindu literature
on the art of love previous to that time. He quotes from at
least ten different authorities on this subject, some of whom
wrote several centuries before he did.

It is safe to say that before the Christian era rules for
the conduct of lovers were written out in perfectly simple

The Kama Sutra 19

language that could be understood by all. These rules have
been lost, ignored, withdrawn from circulation, to such an
extent that only a few know of their existence. Years ago
I read part of the Kama Sutra in German, so I knew of its
existence; but, needing it for my present purpose, I was on
the lookout for it through dealers in rare books for a year,
and finally paid sixty-five dollars for a copy, though it is a
little book of less than two hundred pages which ordinarily
should sell for a dollar and a half. If it were so sold to the
general public today, in spite of the nonsensical remedies
advised, in spite of the serious descriptions of love charms
and philtres, even taking into consideration its exaggerated
idea of the value of some of the arts of love, and what might
be construed as some encouragement to prostitution and
perversion, I have not the slightest doubt that it would pre-
vent endless prostitution, divorce, venereal disease, neurosis,
and unhappiness, and probably do more to promote mar-
riage and happy home life than all the advice of scientists,
altruists, and preachers has done.

I am going to quote rather fully from the "Kama Sutra,"
in order that the professions may compare its teachings with
what I have said formerly and what I say in the present
book. It will be seen, I think, that the art of love thus
described, but kept practically from all eyes^ is very like the
art of love which I urge after long years of study of the suf-
ferings, disharmonies, and tragedies in my own married life
and in the lives of thousands of others, as the only way to
make marriage a happy, alluring, vitalizing, permanent
state for men and women.

Yet at the present time not one married pair in ten knows
enough of these things to be enthusiastic supporters of
matrimony; and the few who do are those who in later life
have stumbled on proper sexual living, after years of the
tragedy of complete or partial ignorance.

Of course right now a few are being given necessary
instructions by parent, friend, or physician, whose knowledge
is adequate and whose shame and prudery have been mas-
tered enough to allow them to speak.

20 Ttie Art of Love

Let us remember in considering the ^^Kama Sutra'' that
it was the work of deep religious import, written by a reli-
gious student.

The author says concerning it and himself:

"After reading and considering the works of Babhravya
and other ancient authors, and thinking over the meaning
of the rules given by them, this treatise was composed,
according to the precepts of the Holy Writ, for the benefit
of the world, by Vatsyayana, while leading the life of a
religious student at Benares, and wholly engaged in the
contemplation of the Deity. This work is not to be used
merely as an instrument for satisfying our desires. A per-
son acquainted with the true principles of this science, who
preserves his Dharma (virtue or religious merit), his Artha
(worldly wealth) and his Kama (pleasure or sensual gratifi-
cation), and who has regard to the customs of the people, is
sure to obtain the mastery over his senses. In short, an intel-
ligent and knowing person, attending to Dharma and Artha
and also to Kama, without becoming the slave of his pas-
sions, will obtain success in everything that he may do."
Page 9.

Man, the period of whose life is one hundred years, should
practice Dharma, Artha, and Kama at different times and
in such a manner that they may harmonize together and not
clash in any way. He should acquire learning in his child-
hood, in his youth and middle age he should attend to Artha
and Kama, and in his old age he should perform Dharma,
and thus seek to gain Moksha, i. e., release from further
transmigration. Or, on account of the uncertainty of life,
he may practice them at times when they are enjoined to
be practiced. But one thing is to be noted, he should lead
the h'fe of a religious student until he finishes his education.

Dharma is obedience to the command of the Shastra or
Holy Writ of the Hindus to do certain things, such as the
performance of sacrifices, which are not generally done,
because they do not belong to this world, and produce no
visible effect; and not to do other things, such as eating
meat, which is often done because it belongs to this world,
and has visible effects.

The Kama Sutra 21

Dharma should be learnt from the Shruti (Holy Writ)
and from those conversant with it.

Artha is the acquisition of arts, land, gold, cattle, wealth,
equipages and friends. It is, further, the protection of
what is acquired, and the increase of what is protected.

Artha should be learnt from the king's officers, and from
merchants who may be versed in the ways of commerce.

Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the
five sensees of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting and smelling,
assisted by the mmd together with the soul. The ingredient
in this is a peculiar contact between the organ of sense and
its object, and the consciousness of pleasure which arises
from that contact is called Kama.

Kama is to be learnt from the "Kama Sutra" (aphorisms
on love) and from the practice of citizens.

When all the three, viz., Dharma, Artha and Kama, come
together, the former is better than the one which follows it,
i. e., Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than
Kama. But Artha should always be first practiced by the
king, for the livelihood of man is to be obtained from it only.
Again, Kama being the occupation of public women, they
should prefer it to the other two, and these are exceptions
to the general rule.

Objection

Some learned men say that as Dharma is connected with
things not belonging to this world, it is appropriately treated
of in a book; and so also is Artha, because it is practiced
only by the application of proper means, and a knowledge of
those means can only be obtained by study and from books.
But Kama being a thing which is practiced even by the
brute creation, and which is to be found everywhere, does
not want any work on the subject.

Answer

This is not so. Sexual intercourse being a thing depend-
ent on man and woman requires the application of proper
means by them, and those me;\ns are to be learnt from the
Kama Shastra. The non-application of proper means,

ftft The Art of Lave

which we see in the brute creation, is caused by their being
unrestrained, and by the females among them only being fit
for sexual intercourse at certain seasons and no more, and
by their intercourse not being preceded by thought of any
kind.

Of Sexual Union,

Kinds of sexual union according to-~

(a) Dimensions.

(b) Force of desire or passion.

Kinds of Union

Man is divided into three classes, viz., the hare man, the
bull man, and the horse man, according to the size of his
lingam.

Woman, also, according to the depth of her yoni, is either
a female deer, a mare, or a female elephant.

There are thus three equal unions between persons of cor-
responding dimensions, and there are six unequal unions,
when the dimensions do not correspond, or nine in all, as the
following table shows:

Men

Equal

Women

Men

Unequal

Women

Hare

Deer

Hare

Mare

BuU
Horse

Mare
Elephant

Hare

Bull
Bull
Horse

Elephant
Deer
Elephant
Deer

Horse

Mare

In these unequal unions, when the male exceeds the female
in point of size, his union with a woman who is immediately
next to him in size is called high union, and is of two kinds;
while his union with the woman most remote from him in size
is called the highest union, and is of one kind only. On the
other hand, when the female exceeds the male in point of
size, her union with a man immediately next to her in size is
called low union, and is of two kinds; while her union with
a man most remote from her in size is called the lowest union,
and is of one kind only.

The Kama Sutra

In other words, the horse and mare, the bull and deer,
form the high union, while the horse and deer form the high-
est union. On the female side, the elephant and bull, the
mare and hare, form low unions, while the elephant and the
hare make the lowest unions.

There are, then, nine kinds of union according to dimen-
sions. Amongst all these, equal unions are the best, those
of a superlative degree, the highest and the lowest, are the
worst, and the rest are middling, and with them the high are
better than the low. (High unions are said to be better than
low ones, for in the former it is possible for the male to sat-
isfy his own passions without injuring the female, while in
the latter it is difficult for the female to be satisfied by any
means.)

There are also nine kinds of union according to the force
of passion or carnal desire, as follows :

Men

WoTnen

Men

Women

Small

Middling

Small

Intense

Middling

Small

Middling

Intense

Small

Intense

Middling

A man is called a man of small passion whose desire at the
time of sexual union is not great, whose semen is scanty, and
who cannot bear the warm embraces of the female.

Those who differ from this temperament are called men
of middling passion, while those of intense passion are full
of desire.

In the same way, women are supposed to have the three
degrees of feeling as spcified above.

Lastly, according to time there are three kinds of men
and women, viz., the short time, the moderate time, and the
long time, and of these, as in the previous statements, there
are nine kinds of union.

But on this last head there is a difference of opinion about
the female which should be stated.

Auddalika says "Females do not emit as males do. The

J84 " The Art of Love

males simply remove their desire, while the females, from
their consciousness of desire, feel a certain kind of pleasure,
which gives them satisfaction, but it is impossible for them to
tell you what kind of pleasure they feel. The fact from
which this becomes evident is that males, when engaged in
coition, cease of themselves after emission, and are satisfied,
but it is not so with females."

This opinion is, however, objected to on the gi*ounds that
if a male be long-timed^ the female loves him the more^ but
if he be short'timed^ she is dissatisfied with him. And this
circumstance, some say, would prove that the female emits
also.

But this opinion does not hold good, for it takes a long
time to allay a woman's desire^ and during this time she is
enjoying great pleasure, it is quite natural that she should
wish for its continuation. And on this subject there is a
verse as follows:

**By union with men the lust, desire or passion of woman
is satisfied, and the pleasure derived from the consciousness
of it is called their satisfaction."

The followers of Babhravya, however, say that the semen
of women continues to fall from the beginning of the sexual
union to its end, and it is right that it should be so, for if
they had no semen there would be no embryo.

To this there is an objection. In the beginning of coition
the passion of the woman is middling, and she cannot bear
the vigorous thrusts of her lover, but by degrees her passion
increases until she ceases to think about her body, and then
finally she wishes to stop from further coition.

This objection, however, does not hold good, for even in
ordinary things which revolve with great force, such as a
porter's wheel, or a top, we find that the motion at first is
slow, but by degrees it becomes very rapid. In the same way
the passion of the woman having gradually increased, she
has a desire to discontinue coition, when all the semen has
fallen away. And there is a verse with regard to this as
follows :

"The fall of the semen of the man takes place only at the
end of coition, while the semen of the woman falls continu-

The Kama Sutra %6

ally, and after the semen of both has all fallen away then
they wish for the discontinuance of coition.'*

Lastly, Vatsyayana is of opinion that the semen of the
female falls in the same way as that of the male.

Now someone may ask here: If men and women are
beings of the same kind, and are engaged in bringing about
the same result, why should they have different works to do?

Vatsya says that this is so because the ways of working
as well as the consciousness of pleasure in men and women
are different. The difference in the ways of working, by.
which the men are the actors, and women are the persons
acted upon, is owing to the nature of the male and female,
otherwise the actor would be sometimes the person acted
upon, and vice-versa. And from this difference in the ways
of working follows the difference in the consciousness oj
pleasure, for a man thinks, "This woman is united with me,"
and a woman thinks, "I am united with this man."

It may be said that if the ways of working in men and
women are different, why should there not be a difference,
even in the pleasure they feel, and which is the result of those
ways ?

But this objection is groundless, for the person acting and
the person acted upon being of different kinds, there is a
reason for the difference in their ways of working; but there
is no reason for any difference in the pleasure they feel,
because they both naturally derive pleasure from the act they
perform.

On this again some may say that when different persons are
engaged in doing the same work, we find that they accom-
plish the same end or purpose; while, on the contrary, in
the case of men and women we find that each of them accom-
plishes his or her own separately, and this is inconsistent.
But this is a mistake, for we find that sometimes two things
are done at the same time, as for instance in the fighting of
rams, both the rams receive the shock at the same time on
their heads. Again, in throwing one wood apple against
another, and also in a fight or struggle of wrestlers. If it
be said that in these cases the things employed are of the
same kind, it is answered that in the case of men and

86 The Art of Love

women, the nature of the two persons is the same. And as
the difference in their ways of working arises from the differ-
ence of their conformation only, it follows that men experi-
ence the same kind of pleasure as women.

There is also a verse on this subject as follows: "Men
and women being of the same nature, feel the same kind of
pleasure, and therefore a man should marry such a woman
as will love him ever afterwards." *

The pleasure of men and women being thus proved to be
of the same kind, it follows that in regard to time, there are
nine kinds of sexual intercourse, in the same way as there are
nine kinds according to the force of passion.

There being thus nine kinds of union with regard to dimen-
sions, force of passion, and time, respectively, by making
combinations of them, innumerable kinds of union would be
produced. Therefore^ in each particular kind of sexual union
men should u^e su^ch means as they think suitable for the
occasion.

At the first time of sexual union the passion of the male is
intense, and his time is short, but in subsequent unions on
the same day the reverse of this is the case. With the
female, however, it is the contrary, for at the first time her
passion is weak, and then her time long, but on subsequent
occasions on the same day her passion is intense and her time
short until her passion is satisfied.

The Work of Man

Whatever is done by a man for giving pleasure to a
woman is called the work of a man, and is as follows:

While the woman is lying on his bed, and is, as it were,
abstracted by this conversation, he should loosen the knot of
her undergarments, and when she begins to dispute with him,
he should overwhelm her with kisses. Then when his lingam

*Note of the trarulator. This paragraph should be particularly noted,
for it specially applies to married men and their wives. So many men
utterly ignore the feelings of the woman, and never pay the slightest
attention to the passion of the latter. To understand the subject
thoroughly, it is absolutely necessary to study it, and then a person will
know that a* dough is prepared for baking^ so much a woman be pra-
^red for sexual intercourse, if she is to derive satisfaction from it.

The Kama Sutra 27

is erect he should touch her with his hands in various places,
and gently manipulate various parts of the body. If the
woman is bashful, and if it is the first time that they have
come together, the man should place his hands between her
thighs, which she would probably keep close together, and if
she is a very young girl, he should first get his hands upon
her breasts, which she would probably cover with her own
hands, and under her armpits and on her neck. If, how-
ever, she is a seasoned woman, he should do whatever is
agreeable either to him or to her, and whatever is fitting for
the occasion. After this he should take hold of her hair, and
hold her chin in his fingers for the purpose of kissing her.
On this, if she is a young girl, she will become bashful and
close her eyes. Anyhow, he should gather from the action of
the woman what things would be pleasing to her during con-
gress.

Here Suvamanabha says that while a man is doing to the
woman what he likes best during congress, he should always
make a point of pressing those parts of her body on which
she turns her eyes.

The signs of the enjoyment and satisfaction of the woman
are as follows : her body relaxes, she closes her eyes, she puts
aside all bashfulness, and shows increased willingness to
unite the two organs as closely together as possible. On the
other hand, the signs of her want of enjoyment and of failing
to be satisfied are as follows: she shakes her hands, she does
not let the man get up, feels dejected, bites the man, kicks
him, and continues to go on moving after the man has fin-
ished. In such cases the man should rub the yoni of the
woman with his hands and fingers (as the elephant rubs any-
thing with his trunk) before engaging in congress until it is
softened, and after that is done he should proceed to put his
lingam into her.

Woman Acting the Part of a Man

When a woman sees that her lover is fatigued by constant
congress, without having his desire satisfied, she should, with
his permission, lay him down upon his back, and give hun

«8 The Art of Love

assistance by acting his part She may also do this to satisfy
the curiosity of her lover, or her own desire of novelty.

There are two ways of doing this ; the first is when during
congress she turns round and gets on the top of her lover, in
such a manner as to continue the congress, without obstruct-
ing the pleasure of it; and the other is when she acts the
man's part from the beginning. At such a time, with flowers
in her hair hanging loose, and her smiles broken by hard
breathing, she should press upon her lover's bosom with her
own breasts, and lowering her head frequently should do in
return the same actions which he used to do before, returning
his blows and chaffing him, should say, ^^I was laid down by
you, and fatigued with hard congress, I shall now therefore
lay you down in return." She should then again manifest
her own bashfulness, her fatigue, and her desire of stopping
congress.

How to Begin and How to End the Congress

In the pleasure-room, decorated with flowers, and fragrant
with perfumes, attended by his friends and servants, the
citizen should receive the woman, who will come bathed
and dress, and will invite her to take refreshment and to
drink freely. He should then seat her on his left side, and
holding her hair, and touching also the end and knot and end
of her garment, he should gently embrace her with his right
arm. They should then carry on an amusing conversation
on various subjects, and may also talk suggestively of things
which would be considered as coarse, or not to be mentioned
generally in society. They may then sing, either with or
without gesticulations, and play on musical instruments, talk
about the arts, and persuade each other to drink. At last
when the woman is overcome with love and desire, the citizen
should dismiss the people that may be with him, giving them
flowers, ointment, and betel leaves, and then when the two
are left alone, they should proceed as has been already
described in the previous chapters.

Such is the beginning of sexual union. At the end of the
congress, the lovers, with modesty, and not looking at each
other, should go separately to the washing-room. After this>

The Kama Sutra 29

sitting in their own places, they should eat some betel leaves,
and iJie citizen should apply with his own hand to the body
of the woman some pure sandal wood ointment, or ointment
of some other kind. He should then embrace her with his
left arm, send with agreeable words should cause her to drink
from a cup held in his own hand, or he may give her water to
drink. They can then eat sweetmeats, or anything else,
according to their liking, and may drink fresh juice, soup,
gruel, extracts of meat, and may drink fresh juice, soup,
the extract of the juice of the citron tree mixed with sugar,
or anything that may be liked in different countries, and
known to be sweet, soft, and pure. The lovers may also sit
on the terrace of the palace or house, and enjoy the moon-
light, and carry on agreeable conversation. At this time,
too, while the woman lies in his lap, with her face towards
the moon, the citizen should show her the different planets,
the morning star, the polar star, and the seven Rishis, or
Great Bear.

This is the end of sexual union.

Courtship and Marriage

A girl should be taken as a wife, as also given in marriage,
when fortune, signs, omens, and the words of others are
favorable, for, says Ghotakamukha, a man should not marry
at any time he likes. In the same way a girl who is called
the name of one of the twenty-seven stars, or by the name of
a tree, or of a river is considered worthless, as also a girl
whose name ends in "r" or "1." But some authors say that
prosperity is gained only by marrying that girl to whom one
becomes attached, and that therefore no other girls but the
one who is loved should be married bv anvonc.

When a girl becomes marriageable her parents should
dress her smartly, and should place her where she can be
easily seen by all. Every afternoon, having dressed her and
decorated her in a becoming manner, they should send her
with her female companions to sports, sacrifices, and mar-
riage ceremonies, and thus show her to advantage in society,
because she is a kind of m*^ rchandise. They should also
receive with kind words and signs of friendliness those of an

30 The Art of Love

auspicious appearance who may come accompanied by their
friends and relations for the purpose of marrying their
daughter, and under some pretext or other having first
dressed her becomingly, should then present her to them.
After this they should await the pleasure of fortune, and
with this object should appoint a future day on which a
determination could be come to with regard to their daugh-
ter's marriage. On this occasion when the persons have
come, the parents of the girl should ask them to bathe and
dine, and should say, "Everything will take place at the
proper time," and should not then comply with the request,
but should settle the matter later.

When a girl is thus acquired either according to the cus-
tom of the country, or according to his own desire, the man
should marry her in accordance with the precepts of the
Holy Writ, according to one of the four kinds of marriage.

Thus ends marriage.

There are some verses on the subject as follows:

Amusement in society, such as completing verses begun
by others, marriages, and auspicious ceremonies, should be
carried on neither with superiors, nor inferiors, but with
equals. That should be known as a high connection when
a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her and her rela-
tions aftem^ards like a servant, and such a connection is
censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproach-
able connection, where a man, together with his relations,
lords it over his wife, is called a low connection by the wise.
But when both the man and the woman afford mutual pleas^
ure to each other, and where the relatives on both sides pay
respect to one another, such is called a connection in the
proper sense of the word. Therefore a man should contact
neither a high connection by which he is obliged to bow
down aftenvards to his kinsmen, nor a low connection, which
is universally reprehended by all.

A poor man possessed of good qualities, a man bom of a
low family possessed of mediocre qualities, a neighbor pos-
sessed of wealth, and one under the control of his father,
mother or brothers, should not marry without endeavoring
*^o gain over the girl from her childhood to love and esteem

The Kama Sutra SI

them. Thus a boy separated from his parents, and living
in a house of his uncle, should try to gain over the daughter
of his uncle, or some other girl, even though she be previ-
ously betrothed to another. And this way of gaining over
a girl, says Ghotakamukha, is unexceptionable, because
Dharma can be accomplished by means of it, as well as by
any other way of marriage.

When a boy has thus begun to woo the girl he loves, he
should spend his time with her and amuse her with various
games and diversions fitted for their age and acquaintance-
ship, such as picking and collecting flowers, making garlands
of flowers, playing the parts of members of a fictitious fam-
ily, cooking food, playing with dice, playing with cards, the
game of odd and even, the game of finding out the middle
finger, the game of six pebbles, and such other games as may;
be prevalent in the country, and agreeable to the disposition
of the girl. In addition to this, he should carry on various
amusing games played by several persons together, such a9
hide and seek, playing with seeds, hiding things in several
small heaps of wheat and looking for them, blind-man's buff,
gymnastic exercises and other games of the same sort in com-
pany with the girl, her friends and female attendants. The
man should also show great kindness to any woman whom
the girl thinks fit to be trusted and should also make new
acquaintances, but above all should attach to himself by
kindness and little services the daughter of the girPs nurse,
for if she be gained over, even though she comes to know of
his design, she does not cause any obstruction, but is some-
times even able to eff^ect a union between him and the girl.
And though she knows the true character of the man, she
always talks of his many excellent qualities to the parents
and relations of the girl, even though she may be desired to
do so by him.

In the next place he should get her to meet him in some
place privately, and should then tell her that the reason of
his giving presents to her in secret was the fear that the
parents of both of them might be displeased, and then he
may add that the things which he had given her had been
much desired by other people. When her love begins to show:

32 . The Art of Love

signs of Increasing he should relate to her agreeable stories if
she expressees a wish to hear such narratives. Or if she takes
delight in legerdemain, he should amaze her by perfonning
various tricks of jugglery; or if she feels a great curiosity to
Bee a performance of the various arts, he should show his
own skill in them. When she is delighted with singing he
«hould entertain her with music, and on certain days, and at
the time of going together to moonlight fairs and festivals,
and at the time of her return after being absent from home,
he should present her with bouquets of flowers, and with
chaplets for the head and with ear ornaments and rings, for
these are the proper occasions on which such things should
be presented.

He should also teach the daughter of the girl's nurse all
the sixty-four means of pleasure practised by men, and under
this pretext should also inform her of his great skill in the
art of sexual enjoyment. All this time he should wear a fine
dress, and make as good an appearance as possible, for
young women love men who live with them, and who are hand-
some, good looking and well dressed. As for the saying that
though women may fall in love, they still make no effort
themselves to gain over tlie objects of their affections ,that is
only a matter of idle talk.

Now a girl always shows her love by outward signs and
actions such as the following: — She never looks the man in
the face, and becomes abashed when she is looked at by him ;
under some pretext or other she shows her limbs to him;
she looks secretly at him though he has gone away from her
side; hangs down her head when she is asked some question
by him, and answers in indistinct words and unfinished sen-
tences, delights to be in his company for a long time, speaks
to her attendants in a peculiar tone with the hope of attract-
ing his attention toward her when she is at a distance from
him, does not wish to go from the place where he is, under
some pretext or other she makes him look at different things,
narrates to him tales and stories very slowly so that she may
continue conversing with him for a long time, kisses and
embraces him before a child sitting in her laps, draws orna-
mental marks on the foreheads of her female servants, per-

The Kama Sutra S3

forms sportive and graceful movements when her attendants
speak jestingly to her in the presence of her lover, confides in
her lover's friends, and respects and obeys them, shows kind-
ness to his servants, converses with them, and engages them
to do her work as if she were their mistress, and listens
attentively to them when they tell stories about her lover to
somebody else, enters his house when induced to do so by the
daughter of her nurse, and by her assistance manages to
converse and play with him, avoids being seen by her lover
when she is not dressed and decorated, gives him by the hand
of her female friend her ear ornament, ring, or garland of
flowers that he may have asked to see, always wears anything
that he may have presented to her, becomes dejected when
any other bridegroom is mentioned by her parents, and doea
not mix with those who may be of his party, or who may
support his claims.

There are also some verses on the subject as follows : —
A man, who has seen and perceived the feeling of the girl
towards him, and who has noticed the outward signs and
movements by which these feelings are expressed, should do
ever^'thing in his power to effect an union with her. He
should gain over a young girl by childlike sports, a damsel
come of age by his skill in the arts, and a girl that loves him
by having recourse to persons in whom she confides.

Creating Confidence in the Girl

For the first three days after marriage, the girl and her
husband should sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleas-
ures, and eat their food without seasoning it either with
alkali or salt. For the next seven days they should bathe
amidst the sounds of auspicious musical instruments, should
decorate themselves, dine together, and pay attention to their
relations as well as to those who may have come to witness
their marriage. This is applicable to persons of all castes.
On the night of the tenth day the man should begin in a
lonely place with soft words, and thus create confidence in
the girl. Some authors say that for the purpose of win-
ning her over he should not speak to her for three days, but
the followers of Babhravya are of the opinion that if the

34 The Art of Love "

man does not speak with her for three days, the girl may
be discouraged by seeing him spiritless like a pillar, and,
becoming dejected, she may begin to despise him as an
eunuch. Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win
her over, and to create confidence in her, but should abstain
at first from sexual pleasure. Women being of a tender
nature^ want tender beginnings^ and when they are forcibly
approached by men with whom they are but slightly
acquainted, they sometimes suddenly become haters of sex-
ual connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex.
The man should therefore approach the girl according to her
liking, and should make use of those devices by which he may
be able to establish himself more and more into her confi-'
dence. These devices are as follows: —

He should embrace her first of all in the way she likes
most, because it does not last for a long time.

He should embrace her with the upper part of his body,
because that is easier and simpler. If the girl is grown up,
or if the man has known her for some time, he may embrace
her by the light of a lamp, but if he is not well acquainted
with her, or if she is a young girl, he should then embrace
her in darkness.

When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a
tambula or screw of betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth,
and if she will not take it, he should induce her to do so bv
conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her
feet, for it is an universal rule that however bashful or angry
a woman may be, she never disregards a man's kneeling at
her feet. At the time of giving this tambula he should kiss
her mouth softly and gracefully without making any sound.
When she is gained over in this respect he should then make
her t^lk, and so that she mav be induced to talk he should
ask her questions about things of which he knows or pre-
tends to know nothing, and which can be answered in a few
words. If she does not speak to him, he should not frighten
her, but should ask her the same thing again and again in
a conciliatory manner. If she does not then speak he should
urge her to give a reply, because as Ghotakamukha says, all
girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not them-

The Kama Sutra 36

selves sometimes say a single word. When she is thus impor-
tuned, the girl should give replies by shakes of the head, but
if she had quarrelled with the man she should not even do
that. When she is asked by the man whether she wishes for
him, and whether she likes him, she should remain silent for a
long time, and when at last importuned to reply, should give
him a favorable answer by a nod of her head. If the man is
previously acquainted with the girl he should converse with
her by means of a female friend, who may be favorable to
him, and in the confidence of botli, and carry on the conver-
sation on both sides. On such an occasion the girl should
smile with her head bent down, and if the female friend say
more on her part than what she was desired to do, she should
chide her and dispute with her. The female friend should
say in jest even what she is not desired to say by the girl,
and add, she says so, on which the girl should say indis-
tinctly and prettily. Oh, no, I did not say so, and she should
then smile and throw an occasional glance towards the man.

If the girl is familiar with the man, she should place near
him, without saying anything, the tambula, the ointment,
or the garland that he may have asked for, or she may tie
them up in his upper garment. While she is engaged in
this, the man should touch her young breasts in the sounding
way of pressing with the nails, and if she prevents him doing
this he should say to her, I will not do it again if you will
embrace me, and should in this way cause her to embrace
him. While he is being embraced by her he should pass his
hand repeatedly over and about her body. Bye and bye
he should place her in his lap, and try more and more to
gain her consent, and if she will not yield to him he should
frighten her by saying, I shall impress marks of my teeth
and nails on your lips and breasts, and then make similar
marks on my own body, and shall tell my friends that you
did them. What will you say then? In this and in other
ways, as fear and confidence are created in the minds of chil-
dren, so should the man gain her over to his wishes.

On the second and third nights, after her confidence has
increased still more, he should feel the whole of her body Tcith
his hands, and kiss her all over; he should also place his hands

86 The Art of Love

upon her thighs and shampoo them^ and if he sticceed in this
he shotdd then shampoo the joints of her thighs. If she tries
to prevent him doing this he should say to her, What harm
is there in doing it? and should persuade her to let him do it.
After gaining this point he should touch her private parts,
should loosen her girdle and the knot of her dress, and turn-
ing up her lower garment should shampoo the joints of her
naked thighs. Under various pretences he should do all
these things, but he should not at that time begin actual
congress. After this he should teach her the sixty-four arts,
should tell her how much he loves her, and describe to her
the hopes which he had formerly entertained regarding her.
He should also promise to be faithful to her in the future,
and should dispel all her fears with respect to rival women,
and, at last, having overcome her bashfulness, he should
begin to enjoy her in a way so as not to frighten her. So
much about creating confidence in the girl; and there are,
moreover, some versees on the subject as follows : —

A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl should
try and gain her over so that she may love him and place
her confidence in him. A man does not succeed either hy
implicitly following the inclination of a girl, or by wholly
opposing her, and he should therefore adopt a middle course.
He who knows how to make himself beloved by woman, as
well as to increase their honour and create confidence in
them, this man becomes an object of their love. But he
who neglects a girl thinking she is too bashful, is despised
by her as a beast ignorant of the working of the female mind.
Moreover, a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not under-
stand the hearts of girls becomes nervous, uneasy, and
dejected, and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken
advantage of her; and then, when her love is not understood
or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes either
a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she
has recourse to other men.

THE WOEKS OF AEISTOTLE

I have another book entitled "The Works of Aristotle, The
Famous Philosopher, in Four Parts," purporting to contain;

The Kama Sutra 87

**(1) His Complete Masterpiece; displaying the secrets
of Nature in the Generation of Man. To which is added,
The Family Physician, being approved remedies for the sev-
eral distempers incident to the human body.

(2) His Experienced Midwife; absolutely necessary for
Surgeons, Mid wives. Nurses and child-bearing Women.

(3) His Book of Problems, containing various Questions
and Answers, relative to the State of Mans Body.

(4) His Last Legacy; unfolding the Secrets of Nature
respecting the Generation of Man.''

Tlie new edition which I have was published in the year
1831.

Of course this book was not written by Aristotle, but cer-
tain parts of it were. Certainly it was his spirit of pains-
taking study of natural phenomena and of reasoning on the
derived facts which inspired the author and other physicians,
for he was evidently a physician, to study these primal phe-
nomena of human life and to teach man to apply art where
his a priori reasoning could not fill the void left by forgot-
ten instincts.

I suppose that even in that day it was necessary for the
real author to be anonymous, or he might have been ostra-
cized or imprisoned for daring to investigate the secrets of
nature concerning reproduction. So the whole book was
ascribed to Aristotle. As in the "Kama Sutra," notwith-
standing that much of the book is nonsense to us ^modems,"
so much of this whole matter of the relations of men an3
women is so palpable — so perfectly obvious — that he was
able to formulate rules for proper procedure and for correct
marital living, when science was in its infancy, almost as
complete as we can today. But this book also was ignored
or forbidden. It seems worth while to quote from this author
who, in spite of his poetical turn of mind, shown in the
rhymes with which he ended nearly every chapter, evidently
wrote in all seriousness of what experience had shown to be
the proper conduct of men and women in marriage.

"0/ The instruments of Generation in Men^ xcith particvr-
lar description thereof.

Though the instruments or parts of generation in all crea-

38 The Art of Love

tures, with respect to their outward form, are not perhaps
the most comely; yet in compensation of that, nature has
put upon them a more abundant, and far greater honor than
other parts, in ordaining them to be the means by which
every species of being is continued from one generation to
another. And therefore though a man or woman were,
through the bounty of nature, endowed with angelic coun-
tenances, and the most exact symmetry and proportion of
parts that concurred together to the making up of the most
perfect beauty, yet, if they were defective in the instruments
of generation, they would not for all their beauty be accept-
able to either of the other sex because they would be thereby
rendered incapable of satisfying the natural propensions
which everyone finds in himself. And therefore, since it is
our duty to be acquainted with ourselves, and to search out
the wonders of God in nature, I need not make any apology
for anatomizing the secret parts of generation."

He describes minutely the male and female organs of gen-
eration, and though his anatomy is not always accurate, his
description of the functions of different parts would rjval,
in accuracy, such descriptions in most books of the present
day.

For instance, he says :

"The next thing is the clitoris, which is a sinewy and hard
part of the womb, replete with spongy and black matter
within, in the same manner as the side ligaments of the yard
suffers erection and falling in the same manner, and both stir
up lust and give delight in copulation, for without this the
fair sex neither desire nuptial embraces nor have pleasure in
them, nor conceive by them; and according to the greatness
or smallness of this part, they are more or less fond of men's
embraces ; so it may properly be styled the seat of lust,
Blowing the coals of these amorous fires,
Which youth and beauty to be quenched requires."

The author believes in monogamy, as will be seen from

the following:

"Though the Architect of the world has been pleased to
frame us of different sexes, and for the propagation and

The Kama Sutra S9

continuation of mankind, has indulged us in the mutual
embraces of each other, the desire whereof, by a powerful
secret instinct, is become natural to us, yet he would leave
them to the law of the Creator, who has ordained that every
man shall have his own wife ; and, though since man, by sin-
ning against his Creator, hath fallen from his primitive pur-
ity, and has multiplied wives and concubines, by which the
first institution is violated, and the greatest affront given to
the Divine Law-giver; for the holy Jesus hath told us, that
in the beginning marriage was of one man and one woman;
so that as these conjugal delights cannot be enjoyed but in
a married state, so neither, in that state can they lawfully
be participated of, with more than one wife. And it is the
breaking of this order that has filled the world with con-
fusion, and debauchery; has brought diseases on the body,
consumption on the estates, and eternal ruin to the soul, if
not repented of. Let all those therefore of either sex, that
have a desire to enjoy the delights of mutual embraces, take
care that they do it in a married state, with their own wives
and husbands, or else it will become a curse to them instead
of a blessing.'*

The following two sections show a very thorough and com-
prehensive knowledge of sexual physiology:

**At what age Young Men and Virgins are capable of car^
nal copulation; and why they so much desire it.

"I shall in the present section make it my business to show
at what age young men and virgins are capable of the mar-
riage bed, which because so many desire before they attain
to it, will likewise be necessary to show the cause of their
impetuous desires.

"The inclination of virgins to marriage is to be known by
many symptoms; for when they arrive at ripe age, which is
about fourteen or fifteen, their natural purgations begin to
flow; and then the blood, which no longer serves for the
increase of their bodies, does by its abounding, stir up their
minds to venery; to which also external causes may incite
them. For their spirits are brisk and inflamed when they
arrive at this age, and their bodies are often more heated by
their eating sharp and salt thingn: and by spices, by which

40 The Art of Love

their desire of venereal embraces becomes very great, and at
fiome critical junctures, almost insupportable. The use of
tliose so much desired enjoyments being denied to virgins, is
often followed by very dangerous, and sometimes dismal con-
sequences, precipitating them into those follies that may
bring an indelible stain on their families, or bring on them-
selves the Green sickness, or other diseases. But when they
^re married and those desires satisfied by their husbands,
these distempers vanish, and their beauty returns more gay
and lively than before. And this strong inclination of theirs
may be known by their eager gazing at men, and affecting
their company, which sufficiently demonstrates that nature
excites them to desire coition. Nor is this the case with
young virgins only, but the same may be observed in young
widows, who cannot be satisfied with that due benevolence
.which they were wont to receive from their husbands.

"At fourteen years of age commonly, the menses begins to
flow in virgins; at which time they are capable of conceiv-
ing and therefore fit for marriage, though it would be much
better for themselves and their children if they would not
marry till eighteen or twenty ; if they are healthy, of strong
body, and use themselves to temperance, they may continue
bearing till upwards of fifty, though generally leave off
between forty and fifty: for the menses flow longer in some
than in others. But when they cease, they cease bearing,
and therefore Sarah hearing Isaac after it had ceased to be
with her according to the custom of women, may well be
termed miraculous.

"A word of advice to both sexes : or. Directions respecting
the act of Coition or carnal copulation.

"Though there are some that desire not to have children,
and yet are very fond of nocturnal embraces to whom these
directions will be no way acceptable, because it may proba-
bly produce these effects which they had rather be without;
yet I doubt not but that the generality of both sexes, when
in the married state, have such a desire to produce the fair
image of themselves, that nothing can be more welcome to
them than those directions that may make their mutual
embraces most effectual: and therefore let none think it

The Kama Sutra 41

strange that we pretend to give directions for the promoting
of that which nature itself teacheth all to perform; since ^ti$
no solecism for art to be a handmaid to nature, and to assist
in her noblest operations. Neither is the bare performing
of that act which we here direct to, but the performing it
so as to make it conducive unto the work of generation. And
since this act is the foundation of generation, and without
which it cannot be, some care ought to be taken, and conser
quentl J some advice given how to perform it well ; and therein
I am sure the proverb is on our side, which tells us that what
is once done well, is twice done. — But yet what we shall
advance on this nice subject, shall be offered with such cau-
tion, as not to give offence to the chastest ear, nor put the
fair sex to the trouble of blushing. — What I shall offer
will consist of two parts. First, something previous to it;
and secondly, something consequential to it.

"For the first, when married persons design to follow the
propcnsions of nature, for the production of the fair image
of themselves, let everything that looks like care a/nd business
he banished from their thoughts, for all such things are
enemies to Venus; and let their animal and vital spirits be
powerfully exhilarated by some brisk and generous restora-
tives; and let them, to invigorate their fancies, survey the
lovely beauties of each other, and bear the bright ideas of
them in their minds; and if it happens, that instead of beauty
there is anything that looks like imperfection or deformity
(for nature is not alike bountiful to all) let them be covered
over with a veil of darkness and oblivion. And since the
utmost intention of desire is required in this act, it may not
be amiss for the bridegroom for the more eager heightening
of his joy, to delineate the scene of their approaching happi-
ness to his fair languishing bride in some such amorous rap-
ture as this,

"Now, my fair bride, now will I storm the mint
Of love and joy, and rifle all that's in't.
Now my infranchis'd hand on every side
Shall 'oer thy naked polished ivory, slide.
Freely shall my longing eyes behold.
Thy bared snow and thy undrained gold;

48 The Art of Love

Nor curtain now though of transparent lawn.
Shall be before thy virgin treasure drawn,
I will enjoy thee now, my fairest, come.
And fly with me to love's elysium,
My rudder with thy bold hand, like a try'd
And skillful pilot thou shalt steer, and guide.
My bark in love's dark channel, where it shall
Dance, as the bounding waves do rise and fall.
Whilst my tall pinnace in the Cyprian straits.
Rides safe at anchor and unlades the freight.

"Having by these and other amorous acts (which love can
better dictate than my pen) wound up your fancies to the
highest order and desires.

"Perform those rights nature and love requires,
'Till you have quenched each other's am'rous fires."

The following quotations are from Aristotle's "History
of Animals."

Book VII, Chapter V., 2. "The human female and the
mare copulate after conception more than any other crea-
ture."

Book VII, Chapter IV., 1. "Those who, before parturi-
tion, have sexual intercourse, suffer less in the process."

Book VI, Chapter XXII., 1. "Next to the human sub-
ject the horse of both sexes is the most lascivious of all
animals."

Book VII.,I Chapter 1, 3. "About the same period (age
14) also the breasts of females enlarge ... 4. They also
want special care at this period, for their sexual desires are
very strong at the commencement, so that if they now take
care to avoid every excitement, except such as the change of
their body requires without using venery, they generally
remain temperate in after years. For girls who indulge in
venery when young, generally grow up intemperate; and so
do males if they are unguarded either one way or both
ways ;"

Chapter II, 3. "It frequently happens that from the want
of sexual intercourse, or from youth and the period of life,
or from long abstinence, the uterus descends and the cata-

The Kama Sutra 43

menia occur several times in a month, until they conceive;"
Book X. (Many think this book not written by Aris-
totle) Chapter II., 1. "And it is evident that women pro-
ject their semen forward, from what happens when they have
lascivious dreams; for this part of them requires attention,
being moistened as though they had sexual intercourse," . . .
Chapter III., 1. "These ought to be the symptoms of the
uterus itself after purification. First of all, that the woman
should dream of sexual intercourse, and project her seminal
fluid readily, as if a man were lying with her; and if this
symptom occur frequently, it is better. And when she has
arisen, sometimes she should require the same treatment as
if she had been with a man, sometimes she sliould be dry; but
this dryness should not be immediate ; but after awaking she
should be fluid sooner or later, as much as lialf a short day.
The humidity should be of the same kind as if she had been
with a man. For all this shows that the uterus is in a fit
state to receive what is given it, and that the cotyledons are
drawn up and will retain what they have received, and be
unwilling to part with it. . . . 5. It sometimes happens
that women who have lascivious dreams, or men of strong
passions, are robust not from strength but from health.
This takes place when a large quantity of seminal fluid has
been collected near the place from whence they emit it. If
this makes its escape, they are in no ways debilitated ; for
they are not relaxed by the loss of a portion, if sufficient
remains behind, or if that which was emitted was useless,
nor if it was emitted easily, as if they parted .with super-
fluous matter. For which reason such persons are not robust
from strength but from dullness."

Chapter V., 1. "For if the man is quick, and the woman
slow, in the emission of semen, (and many women are com-
paratively slow), this will prevent conception; for which
cause they do not produce children by sexual union with
each other. They do so, however, when they happen to be
concurrent with each other: for if the woman is desirous, and
prepared for the intercourse, and is inclined for it, but the
man is suff^ering previous pain, and of a cold disposition, it
is then also necessary that they be concurrent."

44 The Art of Love

Chapter VI., 2. "And when women have lascivious dreams,
the same affections of weakness and debility often occur, as
if they had been lying with a male. It is plain, therefore,
that if they appear to have emitted a seminal fluid in their
dreams, they will then conjecture that after their dream the
same place will become moist, and they will be obliged to
bestow the same attention upon themselves as if they had had
sexual intercourse."

Chapter VII., 1. "We must inquire whether women speak
the truth, when they say that after a lascivious dream they
find themselves dry; for it is plain that the uterus draws
upward."

There are reasons for introducing the foregoing quota-
tions from Aristotle's "History of Animals" and from the
part usually incorporated in that book, variously attributed
to him or a near contemporary. For a long time past there
has been some, even now there are occasional objectors, to
intercourse during pregnancy, on hygienic or religious
grounds. The first quotation shows that in Aristotle's time,
this was a well-known and uncensured custom.

The next quotation records an observation that I have
found several times in the literature; and though it may not
be universally true, the evidence is convincing that it is so
in some cases. I have been informed by some of the most
reliable and most intelligent mothers that they were con-
fident that satisfactory intercourse just before, or even after
the beginning of labor had reduced markedly their pains of
childbirth, their basis of judging being that in those preg-
nancies where intercourse had been infrequent or entfrely
refrained from in the last months their sufferings had been
more severe than when there had been no abstinence from
the usual sexual relations. Here is one definite record of a
woman who has given birth to seven children, weighing in
order of birth 91/2, 81/2, 9y2, 11, 121/2, 9y2, 8V2 lbs. respec-
tively. Less than three hours before the birth of the fifth
child, and about an hour after labor pains had begun, she
and her husband had perfectly satisfactory intercourse, it
being a sort of spontaneous affair, partly his inspiration,
partly her suggestion. Notwithstanding the fact that this

The Kama Sutra 45

child weighed at birth 121/^ lbs., more than the heaviest
of the others, this labor was by far the easiest of the seven.

So many people have for so long disparaged sex and
thought it shameful, and women have so long concealed their
real nature because, in such a state of public opinion they
felt it incumbent upon them to do so, that, as a result, dur-
ing later centuries a large school has arisen, well repre-
sented in literature, whose teachings are that man is an ani-
mal of brute, ungovernable passions, and that woman is
cold, passive, angelic, averse to sex embraces, yielding grudg-
ingly to her husband sexually, when she loves him for his
other qualities. In general, woman is, according to the mod-
em feminist, a sex slave of man.

Aristotle does not distinguish between the sexes when he
says that "man is more lascivious than any other animal."
(The translator might have used many more suitable words
than "lascivious," but let that go.) He asserts that human
females regularly admit the males during pregnancy, that
men and women have frequent desire, that girls at puberty
need special care, since their desires then are very strong,
and that sexual abstinence sometimes brings disastrous
results to women. Also the book, which if not Aristotle's own
gives the common knowledge of the time, mentions frequently
the erotic dreams of women. All this would seem to show
that the ancients as well as those of us modems who have
studied intensivelv the nature of woman knew as well as we
know that no normal woman is inherently cold or passion-
less, and that the whole cult of sexless women had its origin
in a state of mind, a public conscience brought about by
those olders teachers who assumed that God created man
with a sex nature essentially corrupt. This doctrine has
been preached and believed for long; but today many preach-
ers and most other people havie learned better.

The quotations call attention also repeatedly to a physio-
logical fact and necessity, viz., that before and during
proper intercourse the woman's parts should be thoroughly
bathed in pre-coital and coital fluid. Ignorance of this one
physiological necessity has ruined many homes and made
countless marriages difficult.

46 The Art of Love

ARABIAN NIGHTS

I have quoted passages from the ^'Kama Sutra" of Vat-
syayana, the Hindoo theological student, from Aristotle, the
philosopher, from the anonymous physician who ascribes,
inaccurately, much of his advice to Aristotle; and now I
quote one short passage from the unexpurgated edition of the
"Arabian Nights," which is the work of a lay author.

From all these sources, theological, philosophical, medi-
cal, and lay, we get a very accurate description of the
psychic attitudes, as well as the adaptations and manipula-
tions which are as cogent in an art of love for moderns as
they were for the "Ars Amatoria" of Ovid and the authors
quoted.

Translations of the Latin are scarce and not readily
accessible, and the other works are largely suppressed. As
I have repeatedly said, had our foolish tabus and notions
not made these works inaccessible the necessary information
concerning the art of love written two thousand years ago
and many times since would have made this book entirely
superfluous.

In "Mental Hygiene," as recently as Oct., 1920, Dr. H.
W. Frink, a prominent psycho-pathologist, says in sub-
stance that there is but one book (Long's "Sane Sex Life and
Sane Sex Living"), and that a very recent one with some
faults, which in any way attempts to cover this ground. I
agree with him heartily, for I also recognized when I wrote
an introduction for that book, that while it was small, not
free from error nor broad enough in scope, still it was unique
in being the only book that frankly attempted to cover the
ground at all, that the advice given was honest, generally
correct, and always wholesome, and that such a book was
needed by our vast army of married novices more than any-
thing else in the world.

"Arabian Nights," Vol. X., Richard F. Burton, Carson-
Harper Co., Denver, Col., 1900.
In the story of Ma'aruf, the cobbler, and his wife, Fatima,
after Ma'aruf had disappeared from home and has married

The Kama Sutra 47

the princess, we find this description of the eariy part of the
wedding night.

The princess is speaking: "As for me, trouble not thy-
self about me, for I will have patience with thee till thy bag-
gage shall come, and as for my women, have no care for
them. Rise, doff thy clothes and take thy pleasure; and
when the baggage cometh we shall get the jewels and the rest.
So he arose and putting off his clothes sat down on the bed
and sought love-liesse and they fell to toying with each
other. He laid his hand on her knees and she sat down in
his lap and thrust her lips like a tidbit of meat into his
mouth; and that hour was such as maketh a man to forget
his father and his mother. So he clasped her in his arms
and strained her fast to his breast and sucked her lip, till
the honey dew ran out into his mouth; and he laid his hand
under her left armpit, whereupon his vitals and her vitals
yearned for coition. Then he clapped her between the
breast and his hand slipped down between her thighs and
she girded him with her legs, whereupon he made of the two
parts proof amain and crying out, O sire of the chin-veils
twain; So there befell the mystery concerning which there
is no inquiry; and she cried the cry that must needs be
cried.''

COMMENTS

In the translator's text of the "Kama Sutra" there are
no italics. These love aphorisms are, however, such a quin-
tessence of the psychology and physiology of sex relations
that they might well be all italicized. While everything
quoted is important, there are certain parts of the ancient
Oriental teachings which I wish the reader to specially
notice, and these I have placed in italics. These teachings
have had little prevalence and no sympathy in the Occi-
dental world. Few have known of their existence. None
would have dared twenty years ago to teach them. Those
who understood the way of a man and a woman were usually
the Don Juans and the Cleopatras. The few married peo-
ple who had discovered that perfect love was artistic and

48 The Art of Love

mechanistic as well as idealistic were ashamed to communi-
cate this knowledge to their children or anyone else.

Comparing my quotations from the "Kama Sutra/' par-
ticularly the italicized parts, one will find almost entire
agreement with present scientific knowledge. Certain things
were not accurately known in Vatsyayana's time, and his
discussion of them may seem simple or irrelevant. Civiliza-
tion has changed human nature in some details, has intro-
duced more perversions and perversities. Particularly has
the great psychic development of man in the last two thou-
sand years made it necessary to dwell more on the psychology
of love, hence my additions and embellishments. Making an
exception of these things, pne will see that I might about as
well have copied Vatsyayana and made no comment; but
most of what I have written was learned from my own
attempts to attain marital felicity, from talks with patients
and friends about their own secret sex lives, before I ever
heard of Vatsyayana or read any of his book or any other
book that explained these things. My later reading of this
and other Oriental writers, and, during the last fifteen years,
the works of pioneers in Sexology in Europe and America,
like Bloch, Forel, Moll, Malchow, Sturgis, Lydston, and
•others, has confirmed many findings of my own and led me
to teach these things wherever and whenever it seemed appro-
priate.

But how could these truths be disseminated among moral,
upright, self-respecting, progressive men and women when
the books of these men were sold surreptitiously and read
in secret and kept under lock and key ? Well do I remember
obtaining the book of one of the above authors about
fifteen years ago. The volume came carefully sealod, and
on the cover was a notice, saying, "The greatest care should
be used in showing this book to anyone, and no member of
the laity should be allowed to read it.*' To tell the truth, at
that time, though I had then been studying these matters
for fifteen years, and though my wife and I had gotten to
a pretty good understanding of each other, and though we
had helped some others in these matters, I was half ashamed
to have the book in my possession. I kept it locked up,

The Kama Sutra 49

and blushed to read it to myself or my wife. Still, there
was nothing in the book but the calmest and sanest plain
talk about the sex relations of married people, a hesitating
approach to a few of the things which Vatsyayana set forth
sixteen hundred years ago, and which I am trying here to
rehabilitate in a way suited to twentieth century conditions.

I know that many men and women already understand
the value of Vatsyayana's sayings and my modem version
of them, and that they are pure and wholesome details of
all true married love. I also know that there are many
who will find here, just as I did in the book alluded to,
corroboration of their own discoveries, which had led to arts
practiced shamefacedly until reason and the judgment of
others removed the shame.

I particularly request that those to whom these things are
new, and hence very shocking, do not ignore or condemn
them, but think about these things just as they would
about anything else, ask questions when and where they
dare to, read some of the modern general and special works
on sex, and see if all they find does not point in one direction.
See if Vatsyayana has not said about what the ten great-
est authorities on sex love and human nature had said be-
fore him. See if the anonymous writer did not say, and
quote Aristotle to back his sayings, about the same thing.
See if Sturgis, the author of the book I recently referred to,
did not say about the same as they, and see if I do not
say about the same as he. Now I know that I, and I have
no doubt that they, each and all proved these doctrines by
their own and hundreds of other experiences, before they
dared promulgate them. No one can throw this discussion
aside as idle or salacious, unnecessary or inopportune.
Evereyone who has eyes to see, ears to hear, or intelligence
to comprehend, must conceive that ignorance and fear of
the sex sides of our lives have brought unspeakable miseries
and unthinkable debauchery on civilized man.

After the concession, no one can deny that a thorough
knowledge of sex is a prime requisite of a happier humanity
and a cleaner social life. I voice no egoism and fear no con-
tradiction when I say that in this book, which embodies

BO The Art of Love

not alone my findings, but those of all ages who have
studied man, whatever the unexplored fields, whatever is
over- or under-emphasized, whatever essentials are omitted
or non-essentials introduced will be found at least the germ
of truth concerning the sexual life of men and women.
The sooner this claim of right is conceded, the sooner stu-
dents and writers and thinkers and men and women can
get to work, paring down and elaborating and modifying
what has already been said, the sooner can better ways
than ours be worked out of presenting these facts to
children, young people and married people in the most ap-
pealing, least offending, and most universal way.

Chapter ii
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE

^ It will be noticed that in the quotations from the "Kama
Butra" and other ancient books which treat of the art of
love, and it will be found in all old treatises on this subject,
that the mechanical and physical adjustments necessary to
a perfect union of the sexes are described fully and with
substantial accuracy.

In these books no direct reference is made to the psy-
chology of love, and for the best of reasons. So far as
we know, the psychology of love played a small part in
the sex life of our animal forbears; likewise psychology
was not known in name and was of comparatively small
moment in the love life of primitive men.

The cave man was not far removed, in his reactions to
his environment, from the animals which preceded liim.
From then to now there has been a gradual development
of the psychic life ; and it has finally come to have a bearing,
more important than the physical, in many human activities.

Recent writers have recognized that this slowly acquired
psychic element is of such far-reaching importance in the
love life of modern man that no discussion of sex has any
value without it.

Many volumes would be required to discuss the psychol-
ogy of love in anv adequate way. Hall's "Adolescence,**
Ellis's studies, and Bloch's "Sexual Life of Our Times"
discuss especially the normal aspects of sex psychlogy, while
Krafft-Ebing, Tamowsky, and Moll are concerned more
especially with the pathological side. Freud, Jung, Lid-
fiton, Forel, Ellen, Key, Grete Meisel-Hess, Gallichan, and
hundreds of others beside myself, have attempted to deal
with some special phase of the subject.

51 .

68 The Art of Love

I have tried to confine myself to the concrete presentation
of psychic love life as we find it in present-day people, and
to suggest the applications necessary for normal adolescent
development, and for the fullest rounding out of tHe lives
of adults, married and single.

Necessarily, for the present purpose, the subject will be
Btill further restricted; and I shall try to show that a dis-
cussion today of our knowledge of the material, mechanical,
physical arts of love can help very little toward correct
Bex living without first understanding and applying the
psychology of love, which, though acquired at a later stage
in our development, has attained such a place that it must
be an absolutely necessary forerunner and a constant
concomitant of any perfect physical mating.

The psychology of love, instead of being of gradual de-
velopment, like psychology in most lines of human progress,
has had numerous setbacks; and its present development has
resulted largely from inhibitions. Such being the case, there
are many contradictions to our present code of theoretical
ethics, atid to correct biological living in the sex thoughts
and actions of many people, especially those of the highest
culture and idealism.

With proper study and careful elucidation, inhibitions
serve a most useful purpose in our eflTorts toward self-
preservation, perpetuation, and progress; but inhibitions
resulting from single experiences or from several when they
are reacted to unqualifiedly without correlation with other
experiences, or when judged by theoretical, a priori reason-
ing, to the exclusion of inductive, a posteriori reasoning,
often lead us into dangerous errors, and work on the prin-
ciple of the boomerang.

For instance, let us take the old saying, "The burnt
child dreads the fire.'* So he does, and so, should nothing
intervene to correct his first impressions, after placing
his hand on a red hot stove, he would continue to fear
more and more the feeling of warmth or the sight of flames,
and, in our latitude, would ultimately freeze. What really
happens is that he Jeams from experience and the teaching

The Psychology of Love 68

of elders that he can approach a stove and get the saving
benefit of warmth without coming in contact with it.

If we had no previous knowledge of swimming, and stopped
in our experience with the sight of the drowning of one
equally ignorant, fear of the water would prevent all of
us from learning to swim, and much loss of life would result
from such ignorance.

This is precisely what has occurred in sex psychology.
Our religious and medical teachers drew back in terror at
their first contact with some of these problems; and their
hasty deductions are serving as guides for us at the present
day.

In all ordinary branches of human knowledge we ac-
cumulate, tabulate, and compare experiences, and hand tfiis
body of collective knowledge down to children and children's
children. But the sex instinct, while so tremendous and
necessary a force that it has compelled innumerable solu-
tions and while the conclusions arrived at by the more
sane and candid have been identical, has had no general
discussion ; and no common conclusions have been arrived at.

No one has dared to express his ideas; but all have been
quoting the reactions of the first teachers, namely, that sex
was a hot stove, that it would burn and maim and destroy,
and that it had no other function. It was thought that no
investigation was necessary or permissible, since it was
taught that the maker of the stove had himself ordained
that it was but a necessary evil in an otherwise under-
standable and well-ordered universe.

Not all sex inhibitions are of this order. Some, in spite
of tabu and restraint, are known to be wise, as the result
of common obser\'ation, e. g., no one could fail to note
that in-breeding and incestuous unions often resulted in
deterioration. Hence was built up an inhibition which caused
an aversion to consanguineous marriages and an attitude of
disgust and loathing toward incest. (This is but a partial
truth; and it is known that in-breeding in itself is not
calamitous. The deterioration results from the doubling
of the imperfections of the near related, which often become

54 The Art of Love

predominant over the doubled good qualities. If the bad
points in heredity were eliminated, consanguineous mating
would result in most rapid improvement of the stirp^)

But we are not going to deal with inhibitions which have
had in general a salutary effect. It is more to the point
to discuss a few of the psychic reactions which occur in most
men and women as a result of inhibitions derived from
limited experience or unjustifiable conclusions.

Though formerly touched upon to some extent, repetition
seems desirable, while there is so little true understanding of
the reasons for sexual attractions and aversions.

An inhibition against all psychic approval and whole-
hearted participation in normal sexual relations was im-
planted for all time when, establishing their desiderata by
arguments derived from inference or contrast, the older
dogmatists asserted that strict asceticism was the most
nearly perfect manner of human living; and concessions
to this, necessitated by force of instinct or for race preserva-
tion were venial sins, to be sure, but sins just the same.

Most people of good morals and high culture are still
influenced by this inhibition and think that, married or
single, the nearer they can inhibit all sex emotion, and
thereby approximate the life of the ascetic, the nearer
they approach the ideal of living.

Early teachers taught that no sex thought or action was
permissible outside marriage. Auto-erotism, or the heinous
sin, or the secret vice, was considered the "unpardonable
sin," morally and physically ruinous. Fornication and pros-
titution were undesirable but lesser evils, since these sins
were considered venial. Some held that marriage should be a
slightly modified celibacy, though it was at times assumed
to give full license in the sexual relation.

Naturally, with everything sexual considered low, bestial,
unorthodox, by the church, and with a common belief that
all pleasure of any kind was sinful, there was little chance
for good people to enter the married state with the thought
that sex relations were anything but harmful and depraved
or that sexual pleasure wets anything but immoral and irre-
ligious.

The Psychology of Love 66

The similarity between the feelings, the emission, and the
temporary after-state of languor and quiescence following
both auto-erotism and the normal sexual act has led mil-
lions of men to reason from analogy that, since all the
world agreed that the physical effects of the expulsion of
semen in masturbation were destructive, the same disasters
must follow if semen were expended in connubial relations
except on rarest occasions. The idea still prevails that
grave dangers attend the escape of the sex surplus in invol-
untary, normal night emissions.

While men ordinarily feared the disastrous physical con-
sequences, women, more moral in their intuitions, argued
that, since all sex expression was a concession to the lower
nature, and auto-erotism was universally considered unfor-
givably vile, from moral and religious standpoints, they
had become vile if, as was the rule, they had yielded to
them before marriage. This rendered them, they thought,
unworthy to take pleasure with their husbands, provided
this were ever right, which was very improbable, in view
of the fact that all sex thoughts and acts were vile.

We have said enough to show that young men and women
formerly entered and most of them now enter the married
state painfully self-conscious and fearfully ashamed of their
adolescent sex imaginings and of harmless auto-erotic ex-
periences, as well as of any graver sex aberrations or pro-
miscuities which have entered their lives. They are resolved
to keep to themselves their boyhood and girlhood experi-
ences. Such initial secretiveness is a great blow to the
intimate companionship and absolute good fellowship that
should be a starting point in all successful marriages. They
are resolved on both sides, and more especially on the
woman's, to think as little as possible about the sex side
of life, and, however strong their feelings, to express no
desire for sexual contact.

Most good couples start married life thinking it a sac-
rilege to expose themselves to each other. Many husbands
will hesitate, and most wives will blush at a kiss except it be
on hand, cheek, or lips. In some inscrutable way most women
think that they have learned that the sexual embrace is

S6 The 'Art of Love

classical or orthodox only when they are face to face, with
the man above and the woman beneath. To many of them
it is a shock to learn after ten or fifteen years that any
other position which is mutually pleasing is just as correct.

They are actually sometimes ashamed or afraid to as-
sume any other posture. It has been necessary to talk
long and earnestly to some couples and bring indubitable
evidence to prove that other positions were permissible when
they seemed necessary or desirable.

One would smile were it not for the tragedy of it at the
account of two couples who very recently, compelled by
troubles resulting from lack of sex adjustment, sought ad-
vice. One couple asserted that without any preliminaries
whatever they had always had intercourse with the man lying
on the woman, her legs being pressed tightly together, his
being separated. The other couple varied from this position
only to the extent that the husband kept his legs close to-
gether and the wife hers wide apart. In each case no other
position was thought permissible, the act was always stereo-
typed and rapidly accomplished; and all these parties were
ashamed to discuss these relations with themselves or any-
one else. As a result of this psychic inhibition the women
had no complete satisfaction, and the men, without analyzing
the matter, knew that something was radically wrong. Yet
each couple thought their way to be the only permissible or
decent way of having sexual intercourse.

It was only necessary to first remove these inhibitions by
suitable explanations and then to sketch out a few simple
formulae of the art of love to make their mutual adjustment
perfect and their new-found happiness complete. Wrong
impressions would cause many a young wife to feel ashamed
and insulted if her husband should attempt to kiss or titillate
her nipples, to feel her natees, or to fondle her clitoris or
nymphae. In reality she is not in much danger, since a
young man who has been chaste before marriage is ordinarily
so handicapped by ignorance and inhibitions that he does
not know that his wife has some of these organs ; and if he
does, his too exalted notion of the aesthetic, his own self-

The Psychology of Love 67

consciousness, and his reverence for her person would for-
bid him to touch them.

It is proverbial that perverts oi- the exhibition type fre-
quent the neighborhood of colleges for women, perverts
whose perversions have usually been established as the result
of natural desires turned morbid in a man whose environment
has conduced to habit formation and whose knowledge of
elementary sex facts has been prevented by his own self-con-
sciousness and secretiveness, developed as the direct result
of the prudery of his elders. As a result of this proximity
to perversion, the untaught minds of unprepared maidens
are often filled with loathing of all masculinity, and their
imaginations are fired with natural but undreamt-of long-
ings for natural attributes of that same masculinity, which
lead to contempt and loathing of their own inner selves.

Let us consider the inhibitions and attractions set up by
these exposures in the minds of unsophisticated girls. As
an almost unavoidable reaction, the girl is initially terrified,
horrified, filled with loathing and disgust at the unexpected
sight of organs of whose existence she has never dared to
dream. It is but a step to transfer this loathing to all mem-
bers of the male sex; but, however great the effort, it is
impossible for the girl, in the absence of sympathetic ex-
planations and assurances of parent or teacher or doctor,
to banish the memory of these sights; and she must, per-
force, revolve them in her mind and embellish them with
imaginations. In the end she imagines with delight that she
is pursued and captured by the vagabonds who have ex-
posed themselves. The self-disgust of the girl is then com-
plete.

When she marries she will pose as*innocent of sex feel-
ings and experience, and will avoid all confidences with the
husband which might lead to what she thinks is her shame-
ful story. She may retain these memories in her conscious-
ness, and simulate outward unresponsiveness, while inwardly
burning with what she believes to be unchaste desires ; or she
may crowd these things into the background, where they
become the unconscious inspiration of hysteria or morbidity.

S8 The Art of Love '

It may not prove amiss to describe a case, and a practical
way of dealing with it. Meeting, through a mutual friend,
a young woman whose marriage was but a week distant, I
blunderingly asked her if her educational preparation for
the changes which married life involved was satisfactory.
She instantly replied that she was entirely unprepared, but
that she had sought information from three married women-
friends, whose fragmentary and contradictory confidences
had yielded no information, and that, in despair, she had
asked her family physician if he knew of any book that
would help her, to which he had replied that he knew of
none to recommend, and that she had better let matters
take their course, a course which all will agree, after reading
what follows, must have proved disastrous.

This girl was over thirty, and had taught ten years since
graduating from college; so at first I gave her my books
to read. After half a day's reading of a part of the first
book, she said she had a long list of questions to ask me
when she had finished. After three days, in which she com-
pleted the reading of all the books, she said that her ques-
tions were practically all answered, but that she wished to
tell me her storv. Here it is, as near as I can remember
it, for I had no opportunity to take notes. When a young
girl she had learned to practice auto-erotism. She never
resorted to the practice frequently, but her mother fright-
ened her nearly to death about it; and from the age of
fifteen on, she made desperate efforts to give it up en-
tirely. She had intervals of success and failure. There were
two years when she was practically free from it, during
which time she was in a state of extreme nervousness.

At the time of her engagement at twenty-five, she felt
forced to resort to auto-erotism about twice a week. She
had to increase this to about four times a week when her
lover was around. Her engagement was long; and much
of the time they were separated. For the first four years
of her engagement she fought her impulses, and so con-
quered them that during the last three years she had hardly
ever gotten voluntary relief; but during this period, when-
ever her lover visited her, frequently or infrequently, and

The Psychology of Love 69

took her in his arms and kissed her, she had an instanta-
neous, overwhelming, sexual thrill and orgasm.

During her college days she was one day walking on a
lonely road with a college mate. Suddenly a man of rough
appearance sprang over a stone wall by the roadside, seized
her,, and attempted to throw her to the ground. She strug-
gled and screamed, the other girl screamed and a car ap-
peared down the road. The man released her, or in some
way she made her escape. She and the other girl were so
ashamed of this experience that they had only spoken of it
once to each other; and she had never mentioned it to
anyone else, but had thought much about it. A few weeks
after this she was sitting near the window in a partly filled
day-coach on a railroad train. A man came in and took the
seat beside her. Before she realized what he was doing,
he took out his erect penis and held it as if for her inspection.
She could not help seeing it but instantly turned her head
away. She was frightened, disgusted, and in a panic as
to what to do. She did not dare get up and leave; she
was ashamed to speak to the conductor or anyone else; so
she sat still with her eyes averted, yet knowing that he con-
tinued exposed for a long time. She had felt humiliated
by this experience and had told no one of it till now. She
had made every effort to forget it, but the picture had often
come to her mind. For a long time she felt that all men
must be vile. After a time, in spite of herself, erotic feel-
ings occurred coincidently with memory pictures and
thoughts of these experiences. As is usual in such cases,
she could not escape delightful fancies of being pursued and
violated, and alluring visions of male organs. From this
time she began to have, especially at her menstrual periods,
involuntary crying-spells and other hysterical attacks. She
suffered from insomnia at times. She grew arbitrary in man-
ner and cynical in thought.

Her intended husband belonged to one of the learned pro-
fessions ; and they had talked sex matters over somewhat,
in a detached way. His view was that sex relations were
desirable, and that tliey should be fairly frequent, and mu-
tually satisfying. Her view was just the opposite, due to

60 The Art of Love

her mother's frightening her, to the two experiences above
recorded, and to the statements of a lady-doctor who told
her class in college that sex relations should be only for
procreation, and under no circumstances oftener than once a
month. She was in the keenest mental anguish as to what
she might do on the wedding night. She knew that she loved
her man dearly; but she felt sure that she should go into
hysterics at any sexual approach. I agreed with her that
a hysterical attack was a sure prospect, under the condi-
tions. We discussed these matters. She told me at once,
after reading the books, that her former position had been
wrong and that her fiancee's had been right. She said that
without the insight into sex matters which the books had
given her she should have always resisted and resented her
husband's sexual advances, though she now knew that her
own nature might properly leap gladly to meet his desires.
The desire had been there before, but she had thought it
wrong, and would have fought it to the bitter end.

But she was still in terror at the thought of the concrete
working out of their sex relations, having, as she had,
her background of terror, shame, self-reproach and disgust
concerning the whole subject, overshadowing a timid, yearn-
ing desire for the man she loved.

I told her that the perversions of the sex life which she
had witnessed were fairly common, and that they usually
resulted from the combination of strong instinct and inade-
quate sex knowledge. I told her that her own vivid imagin-
ings, for which she had condemned herself, were nothing to
be ashamed of, that they were an inevitable psychological
sequence, a normal woman's nature responding in shame and
secret to natural stimuli. It became clear to her that had
these matters been talked over intelligently with father,
mother, friend, or doctor soon after their occurrence, they
would have made no permanent impression on her. I sug-
gested that she read more modem sex books and encourage
her husband to do this if he had not already done so. I
advised her to take her husband into her confidence as
soon after marriage as possible, at least before sexual rela-
tions had been attempted, and, sitting in his lap or lying in

The Psychology of Love 61

his arms, to tell her complete story, at least to make plain
to him that she had been subjected to some rude sexual
shocks which had made her nerves unstable and had warped
her judgment. I suggested that she ask him to be patient if
she became hysterical, contrary, or cold, that this was not
her real nature, that she now understood herself, that she
loved him just as he did her and that she would meet him
half way as soon as she could forget the conflicts of the
past and get used to him. I made it clear to her that, after
her reading and our talk, there was little danger of her
becoming hysterical, but strong probability that she would
have desire for him and respond to him from the first.

Going back fifteen years to another case, where a man
whose wife had begun divorce proceedings consulted me to
see if the proceeding might not be stayed; in a word, the
divorce proceedings originated from the fact that when
this wife was twelve years old she was one day hunting
hen's eggs in her uncle's barn. This lascivious old uncle,
made lascivious, like many another uncle, by an unresponsive
wife, caught this girl at a disadvantage while she was
reaching into a barrel for eggs, and fondled her genitals.

One may call it a far cry from this to a divorce, but it is
the simplest thing imaginable. This girl, though shocked,
was at the time too young to be greatly shocked by her
uncle's act, though this naturally produced sensations which
led to regular masturbation. The memory of this incident,
combined with her mother's declarations, that everything
sexual was low and vulgar, led to her thinking herself too
vile to associate with decent people. At other times she
revelled in imaginary situations and erotic feelings which her
uncle's act had set in motion. She alternated between
periods of self-abasement and periods of vivid sexual imagin-
ings. These alternate statees continued after she fell in
love. On one day she readily agreed to marry the man, and
was buoyant and happy, the next day she refused point
blank, in the midst of hysterical tears. They were married
on one of her favorable days ; but the same conflict continued
after marriage. At one time she responded joyously to
all his advances, even suggested that he try various aids to

62 TJie Art of Love

her excitement, including cunnilingus. At another she
spumed him as the most depraved of men, and complained
to her neighbors of his various manipulations, forgetting to
inform him that she had inspired them.

Finally her self-denunciation, dating back to the early
experience and teachings, converted into denunciation of her
husband, triumphed over her instinctive desires and she,
partially alienated, applied for divorce. The application,
however, was withdrawn after certain explanations.

I might fill several volumes with accounts of similar cases
where reactions to some shocking situation, nurtured in the
secrecy of our ignorant culture, resulted in inhibitions of
the normal and natural and produced conflicts between in-
stincts and ideals. For instance, I call to mind six cases
where a girl's own father had played with her clitoris or
proposed intercourse, three cases similar to the above,
where a girl had been tampered with while reaching into
a barrel for eggSy fifteen cases of girls shocked by exhibition-
ists, eight who had accidentally seen men masturbating,
four who as children had sucked the penes of boy play-
mates, six who had practised cunnilingus with other girls,
and I have no idea how many who at the age of from twelve
to sixteen had had or had attempted intercourse with boys of
their own age or boys that were older. The psychology of
such varieties of unconventional or unnatural sexual ex-
periences as have been enumerated, and numerous others not
enumerated is very similar; and the resulting inhibitions
and conflicts are much the same as in the two cases described.

Even cases of ordinary auto-erotism, experiences which
are passed through by nine hundred and ninety-nine out of
every thousand of the men and women in the United States,
when left in ignorance and filled with fears from the older
sex teaching, have developed strong inhibitions against joy-
ful participation in the legitimate relations of normal mar-
ried life.

Young men develop similar false notions ; but greater free-
dom of discussion and wider experience more generally mod-
ifv these notions before harm is done. Still, some men con-
tinue to think that, since a woman of the street has, or pre-

The Psychology of Love 63

tends to have, sexual desire, honest wives should be pas-
sionless. Others fear that frequent emission of semen in
intercourse will weaken them, reasoning from the false teach-
ing that all emission of semen induced by auto-erotism is
ruinous. Many are inhibited by memories of their past
lives, even when their self-condemnation has no reasonable
foundation, from those confidences which would inspire the
reciprocal confidences necessary to understanding and hap-
piness.

If a sufficient explanation of the managing of these psychic
anomalies has not already been given, this whole matter may
be reduced to a very few words. Sympathy, education, defi-
nite enlightenment, are all that is necessary. People must
be told that many of these things, thought to be low and
sinful, are not so at all. They must be convinced that
everyone passes through some of these experiences. They
must be made to understand that previous to the age of
accountability, there is little or no responsibility. They
must be shown that errors and sins may be outgrown and
forgiven.

CHAPTER m

THE ART OF LOVE

"Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of
evil doers, . . . The whole head is sick, and the whole heart
faint. . . . Except the Lord of Hosts had left unto us a very
small remnant, we should have been as Sodom, and we should
have been like unto Gomorrah ....

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though
your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though
they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. . . .

"If ye be wUling and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the
land; but if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the
sword/' Isaiah I, 4^ 5, 9, 18^ 19^ 20.

Isaiah was a man of vision, a prophet of the Lord who
could interpret the doings of the people of Judah in their
departure from their traditions of religion, morals, and
common humanity, as an index of the purgings, chastenings,
devastations, which should bring back the remnant of the
chosen people to an attitude of reverence to God and to
a spirit of love and service to fellow-man.

Today we, the Gentile to whom Paul turned, in a similar
discouragement in a later dispensation, because of the un-
heeding ears of the chosen people, need no prophet, so
far as our duty to ourselves and fellow-men is concerned.

Thousands of scientists and altruists have shown us
that the root of most of our social evils lies in lack of
knowledge of a universal instinct and in a wrong attitude
toward this sacred fundamental of all life.

Not only do we know that the principal diseases of
society are divorce, prostitution, venereal disease, unhappi-
ncss, neurosis, and inefficiency ; but we know that the etiology
of these diseasees lies in a wrong use of the sex life.

The Art of Love 66

Various remedies have been suggested. The old one of
ignoring, starving, considering shameful and disgraceful
everything that pertains to sex, is now discredited and in
disrepute, since these diseases have grown rapidly worse
under the application of this remedy, until now they hang
over us like an impending avalanche.

Our unwillingness to teach truth to the young, our wrong
conception of the status of woman, our ignorance of the
full meaning of marriage, of the proper adjustment of the
sexual relations which marriage involves, have wrought such
devastating results on the happiness and morals of human-
ity that there are those, a serious and earnest few, who
would abolish the institution of marriage, the progenitor
and safeguard of the home, start again with unrestrained
men and women, and let sex and love work their own unaided
way toward better or worse things.

If marriages were to be continued as a ceremonial, coer-
cive of the bodies and self-respect of men and women, with-
out full knowledge of the physiological and psychical adap-
tations which this state involves, theirs might be the better
way.

But we who had dared to tread in forbidden paths, we
who believe that human life should mean happiness and com-
fort and uplift and progress for all, and injustice and suffer-
ing for none, have evidence to prove that universal knowledge
of our sex natures, wise and mutually beneficial use of our
sex functions, are the sure remedies for the great social
evils.

The statistics already gathered from all parts of the world
are so overwhelming; facts are so readily obtainable by the
open-minded and the unprudish; there is such general agree-
ment among the world's best students and thinkers along
these lines that it is idle to argue the point.

The evidence is so convincing from the happy lives of
happy people who have been of signal service to humanity,
that it is no longer necessary, with the pessimism of Isaiah,
to say, "Lord, how long?" but, with the most confident op-
timism to attempt to spread the knowledge which alone can
make happy lives of service universal.

66 The Art of Love

Before entering upon a concrete investigation of the art
of love so far as I know it myself or can learn it from the
talks and writings of others, it may be well to mention that
great numbers of books have been published recently, many
of them in the present year, by serious students of sex in
all parts of the civilized world. Without exception these
books advise general study and explanation of this subject,
while some of them go more or less into these details which
I purpose to take up rather comprehensively in the follow-
ing pages. A partial list of books, valuable for supplement-
ary reading, will be found at the end of this book.

I propose to talk as plainly as anyone can talk about the
most intimate experiences of husbands and wives. Well,
and why not? Such plain talk would have been in good
form at several periods in the world's history. At other
periods it would have been the acme of indelicacy. In
modern times, up to the last decade, this whole matter was
considered an indecent topic. Within a very few years
people in general have come to understand that this is an
all-important subject and that there is nothing improper
or indecent about it. Still, the old traditions are so strong
that the few who know hesitate to speak, and the many
who would learn hesitate to listen; but talk and listen we
must if we are to continue to dwell as a race that shall
persist and progress in a world where Nature has been
harnessed to do man's bidding and where material comforts
and idealistic conceptions approach the zenith.

Let the reader bear in mind as he reads, should he feel
shocked or uncertain, that the things which are said here
have been said to thousands, and will in the next few years
be said to millions of the most refined, cultured, and virtu-
ous of both sexes, and that no present knowledge or future
discovery can possibly be of such value in promoting human
happiness, efficiency, and ethics as a thorough understanding
of the art of love.

We have talked with doctors, lawyers, ministers, with
teachers from the lowest grades to university presidents, with
writers, thinkers, and altruists, who are concerned with every
phase of human well-being. In these talks we have forgotten

The Art of Love 67

all about the sex tabu, and that sex was anything other
than a universal human attribute, potential for immeasurable
good or infinite harm. We have realized that harm has been
in the ascendant, but that good was imminent as soon as
we learned the what, the where, and the when. We have
forgotten for the time sex distinctions, and have impersonally
investigated sex, that we might in the end more sanely ad-
just our individual sex lives to our environments, for the
health and happiness of ourselves and others.

This preamble is preluded as a backfire against the in-
stinctive shrinking from this delicate subject of those whose
eyes, formerly accustomed to the dark, now are blinded
by the light of day. It has often been remarked to me
that authors who attempt to deal with those. intimate sexual
relations of men and women, which I here propose to de-
scribe, are too bald, too flippant, too material, in their
treatment of the subject. Yet, happening to know some of
these authors, I am sure that their minds were clean, their
morals were sound, their purposes were admirable, their
deductions were correct, and that such allegations as the
above were entirely unjust. Here's hoping that I, though
no better qualified than the}^ may say some of these things
so simply, straight-forwardly and convincingly that the
reader may gain useful information rather than waste his
time in an over-critical attitude. Rest assured that I shall
say nothing that I would not say and have not said many
times, looking straight into the unblinking eyes and unblush-
ing faces of men and women as unimpeachably virtuous and
as fastidiously correct as any of those who, in searching for
truth, read this hook.

In discussing the art of love, what was said in the previous
chapter must be remembered, viz., that the ps3'chology of love
must go before and along with the art. The mental chains
must be loosed, the spirit must be free and ready to enter
fully and without reserve into physical adaptations, con-
formations, manipulations, before the best results can be ex-
pected in any attempt to perfect the physical side of love.

In "Sex and Life" I gave a brief review of some of the
details of the physical sex act between husband and wives.

68 The Art of Love

Here, though I cannot hope to cover all situations, since in-
dividual pre-marital experience is protean, and individual
inheritance is multiform, I shall try to expand my former
resume into fuller details of situations more numerous and
varied.

Frequently men and women complain of a discrepancy in
the size of the genital organs. A woman complains that
her husband's penis is so large that intercourse is always
painful. A man complains that his wife's vagina, especially
after she has borne children, is so large that the act gives
him little pleasure. Any such anomalies rarely exist in
reality. If the woman thinks her husband's organs too
large it is usually because he has never wooed her sufficiently.
As a rule, if this same man will, by any or all of the pre-
liminary arts hereinafter described, be sure that his wife's
passion at the beginning of intercourse equals or exceeds his
own, and that her genitalia are thoroughly lubricated by a
profuse natural secretion that has been induced by his
preliminary excitations, there will be no difficulty. Indeed,
the larger his organ, the more gratifying he will be to his
wife.

Some difficulty may attend the rupturing of the hymen in
the bride, and occur in intercourse during the early months
of marriage. But when the wife has been _led to desire
intercourse greatly, and the husband is gentle and deliberate
in attempting to make an entry, ordinarily all difficulties
are readily overcome. On rare occasions a thick hymen
needs to be incised by the physician. This causes practically
no pain, requires no anaesthetic, and ought to cause no more
loss of self-respect than having a tooth filled.

If the husband, on the other hand, complains that his
wife's vagina is over-large, it is generally a condition more
apparent than real; and, as in the former instance, it will
be due to his own ignorance of proper technique in the
majority of cases.

Of course if his own organs are insignificant, or if his wife
has some pelvic trouble causing relaxation, or has sustained
a perineal tear at child-birth, which has gone unrepaired,
there is a real difficulty, which treatment or surgical opera-

The Art of Love 69

tion will usually correct; but as a general rule the fancied
discrepancy in size will cease to exist after the husband
learns to approach his wife sexually only at such times
as she, induced by kisses and ardent caresses, has been
made eager for such approach.

If these few suggestions are acted upon, it is practically
impossible, except in rare cases of anatomical abnormality,
to find a man whose generative organs are too large for
satisfactory mutual intercourse with a woman having the
smallest organs, or to find a man whose organs are too small
to give complete satisfaction to t|ie woman whose organs
are largest.

Brief mention may be made of two cases, one coming to
my attention many years ago, and one recently, which show
that what is often considered a disparity in the size of
the organs is really nothing but a deficiency in technique.

A tall, well developed man married a woman small in
stature. Though height and weight are hardly ever a suffi-
cient criterion for judging, it happened in this case that his
penis was very large and her vagina was very small. For
several months he never made complete entry, and she suf-
fered much pain whenever he made the attempt. At such
times he had orgasms after a certain amount of contact
and pressure, while she became very much excited, but had
no orgasm. Finally they discovered that if he lay on his
right side and back, and she also on her right side and back,
upon him and with her back toward him, and with her left
leg raised above his, he could gain entrance after a time by
gentle and persistent pressure. This position was varied
by facing each other, he on his right side and she on her left
side. It was always difficult to gain entrance, even after
she had had several children.

These people were ideal lovers, but absolutely ignorant of
the art of love, except as they learned it for themselves. He
never learned that it was desirable or necessary for the
woman to be locally bathed in pre-coital mucus before
attempting intercourse. He made no attempts to induce
this, while she was so afraid of his hurting her that she had
no pleasure, and there was no moisture until their organs

70 The Art of Love

had been together for some time. Then she began to have
desire, and after they had been together a long time desire
became intense, but she never had complete orgasm during
intercourse. He never made improvement upon his original
method of entering her small, dry vagina with his tremen-
dously large, dry penis.

She herself told me, years after her husband's death, that
she felt certain that there never would have been any diffi-
culty if they had understood the necessity of a preliminary
stage, and her husband had courted her until she had a
sufficient flow of mucus before he attempted intercourse.

While this seems perfectly reasonable to anyone, to "make
asssurance doubly sure" it may be noted that after years of
widowhood, during which she had suffered agonies from
repressed desire, she consulted me to obtain relief from an
extremely neurotic condition. She disclosed the fact that
she had resorted to auto-erotism by titillation of the clitoris
only on the rarest occasions under stress of unbearable
desire, and with deepest shame after every act of this nature.
I advised more frequent resort to auto-erotic relief, and
convinced her that she need have no feelings of shame or loss
of self-respect on account of this methods of relief. She
immediately improved; and, while she got much relief, did
not attain a perfectly satisfactory orgasm and relaxation
from manipulating the clitoris. I then advised her to use
some instrument of a size and length suitable to give com-
plete satisfaction. She constructed an apparatus consid-
erably larger and longer than the ordinary penis, by means
of which she obtained perfect satisfaction once or twice a
week as was necessary. She employed this device only near
the conclusion of her auto-erotic experiences.

Briefly describing the recent case: a man whose organs
were unusually large, and whose passions were unusually
intense, married a delicate girl who had the usual knowledge
in sex matters which the New England girl of the better class
ordinarily has, in other words, no knowledge at all, and
worse yet, for she had a fear of acquiring any information.

This man was coarse-grained, never resorted to courting
or any preliminaries, but insisted on intercourse every day

The Art of Love 71

and usually oftener. He was hurried and rough at the first
intercourse, and gave her great pain and brought on severe
hemorrhage when he ruptured the hymen. Nevertheless, he
demanded intercourse several times a day at that period.
Later, after learning that she had erosions, prolapse, leu-
corrhoea, constant pain, and that he gave her no pleasure,
he showed some shame and remorse at his conduct; but,
ignorant of what to do, and driven by his fierce passions, he
kept demanding intercourse, in spite of her pain, repulsion,
and local disease.

After this had continued seven or eight years, and she had
reached a desperate condition both nervously and physi-
cally, a married man who lived near them began showing her
much kindness in many ways, and sought her company on
many occasions. She saw that he loved her, though for a
long time he said nothing about it; and he never suggested
anything improper until her husband had in a similar way
become so involved with his wife that it was known to every-
body that their relations were improper. He then urged her
to go away with him, and she finally consented. After this
both parties got divorces ; and now all are happy, each man
having married the other man's wife. No one of these four
people except the husband of the first woman has ever been
promiscuous sexually, unless divorce and re-marriage be con-
sidered promiscuity. The man referred to became so when
his wife was so ill that sexual relations were next to impos-
sible. Since his marriage to the other man's wife he has been
a perfectly model husband, and she is delighted with him.
This woman, by the way, is of a strong, robust type; and
the second man, who, we will remember, went away with the
first woman, though a robust, full-blooded man, with more
than ordinary sexual desire and ability, had, according to
her accounts, never half satisfied her. Now, with the first
man, with his more than daily attentions, she is happy and
content.

The first woman, after a period of serious nervous depres-
sion, and after some local gynecological treatment, became
perfectly well, causing wonder to all who knew her. She
has desire and orgasm whenever her new husband proposes

72 The Art of Love

sexual intercourse, which is several times a week. It is his
invariable custom, before intercourse, to kiss and caress her,
and then to titillate her nipples and clitoris until there is a
profuse secretion of pre-coital fluid. She loves him devot-
edly, responds very quickly, and never has the slightest pain
in intercourse.

The reason for mentioning this case in this connection is
that this woman has always thought that the principal cause
of the difficulty with her first husband resulted from the
abnormal size of his penis. It is true that he was consid-
ered larger in this respect than the second husband; but
it must also be remembered that he never made the slightest
attempt to prepare her for intercourse, while her second
husband's attention to these details is beyond all criticism.

Now, I have not examined this woman; but she was ex-
amined, and had tampon treatments of the cervix through
a speculum, which did not hurt or inconvenience her. She
also had several miscarriages at the third or fourth month.
All physicians would probably agree with what she herself
now believes, viz., that her first husband, in spite of his
handicap of an unusually large penis, need never have hurt
her, except possibly on rupturing the hymen and during the
first weeks of marriage, nor have made himself repugnant to
her, but would have insured her continued health and happi-
ness if he had understood and tactfully applied the funda-
mental principles of the art of love.

She asserts that she did love him at first, and that she was
sorry that she could not respond to his desires in kind, also
sorry that she had to treat him as she did after his abuse
made his very presence noxious. Even now she wishes him
all happiness, and is very charitable toward him, as she
realizes that his mistreatment of her was largely, if not
entirely, due to ignorance, and that her own ignorance at
the time was as great as his.

The thoughtful reader may draw other lessons from this
case. Though the two people of sensual, or physical, type
are now mated, and the two of higher ideals are together, it
is by no means impossible, provided all had been properly

The Art of Love 78

educated sexually, that each couple might have been happj
in their first marriage.

Of course there are incompatibilities that cannot be cor-
rected, and diflferences in temperament that cannot be
adjusted. Such things should be guarded against as much
as possible before marriage. But in spite of all precautions,
divorce is sometimes justifiable and necessary. Perhaps thi^
case is a borderline case, and there might be arguments for
divorce and re-marriage anyway; but it is my contention
that though these people might not have been so happy in
their first marriages as in their second, they might still have
been reasonably happy, and might have avoided the years of
humiliation, suflfering, and regret, during which two of them
suffered acutely, and all in some degree. Not only might
they have averaged more satisfactory lives if their first
marriages had not gone wrong, but their conventional ex-
ample might have been of great service to other people whose
standards were wavering.

With conditions as they were I think we must all agree
that their solution of their domestic problems was best, for
themselves and for society.

A Typical Case of Newlyweds Who Were Ignorant of the

Art of Love

While the first of the two last-mentioned couples might
be cited as a typical case where both man and woman were
ignorant, it illustrates only the comparatively insignificant
number of cases in which the husband is coarse, sensual and
exacting. There is, however, an almost countless number of
well-mated, loving couples where the woman, though ignorant
and afraid, would be responsive if rightly approached, and
where the man, also ignorant and driven by the dominating
passions of the wedding night, would compel himself to be
considerate and proper in his approaches if he understood
that his own and his wife's future happiness and well-being
depended on this.

Before going into full details of the art of love, it may be

74 The Art of Love

well to cite such a case, now blissfully happy in each other's
society, after having lived together over a quarter of a cen-
tury.

This man had never loved any other woman, and had
never had intercourse before marriage. He had practised
as the least objectionable means of relief for unconquerable
desire, though this was always considered a ground for
severe self-condemnation. His young wife was at once the
personality of his ideals and the first and last object
of his passionate desire. Without any instruction in sexual
matters, he instinctively felt that marriage should be a part-
nership in all joys and sorrows, and that the wife should
participate in sex life equally with the husband.

She had experienced no other love affair and was deeply in
love with him. She also had never had sexual relations, but
likewise had practised auto-erotism moderately for many
years, having been taught early and having had psychic
sexual shocks which prejudiced her against sexual things
in general and so influenced her psychic sex life that an
unusual and persistent sex imagery had resulted. She also
had received absolutely no sex instruction.

The young man, for a reason of his own, and not knowing
that, as a general rule, such a course was advisable, had
resolved to have no intercourse the first night.

The young woman, with no knowledge of physiology, had
made up her mind, as they were not in good financial con-
dition, that they should abstain from intercourse entirely
fer some years, not dreaming that this would involve any
serious restraint on the part of the husband, since she
realized no sexual urge and thought she wanted only her
husband's presence.

They lay awake in each other's arms all the first night,
talking over these matters. They kissed and embraced like
ordinary lovers, but he made no attempts at special caresses,
though his desire was extreme and his erect penis was pressed
against her the greater part of the night. She was neither
disturbed by this nor solicitous on account of his sufferings,
since she supposed that this erect condition was the natural

The Art of Love 76

and permanent state of the organ. He told her that it
would be impossible for him to live with lier and sleep with
her and "contain" indefinitely. She finally understood and
acquiesced in his proposition that they attempt intercourse
in the near future. This night was one of undreamed-of
happiness, in spite of her timidity and his suffering.

They made their first attempt the next afternoon. He,
remembering the instruction he had derived from drummers'
yams, told her of the hymen and that he would try not to
hurt her in breaking it. He made the attempt as gently
as it was possible for him to do in his state of almost uncon-
trollable desire, and had an orgasm almost instantly after
beginning to exert pressure. He was utterly disgusted with
himself at his failure, but almost immediately tried again,
as he had lost neither desire nor erection ; and after a few
moments the hymen gave way, causing considerable pain and
some hemorrhage; and he almost immediately had another
orgasm. She timidly enjoyed the contact with him, but had
no erotic feeling. At this juncture a knock on the door
interrupted proceedings, and a hasty toilet was made pre-
paratory to the admission af a caller.

For several days the bride had some local tenderness, but
not enough to prevent intercourse, wliich was solicited, but
never demanded, by the groom several times each night. The
bride at times had considerable erotic feeling, and usually
enjoyed his presence, but after a few weeks slie thought his
approaches altogether too frequent. He also was much
disappointed not to have her respond fully as he had imag-
ined that she would. In order to accomplish his ideal of
having the intercourse perfectly mutual, he began to
restrain himself, hoping that by so doing she would, after a
time, show some sign of desiring him. When she failed to do
this, he began, in addition to abstaining several days, to
repeat the act two, three, or four times, with only a minute
or two after each successive orgasm, hoping in that way
to carry the excitement, which she usually had in some
degree, to a climax. This object was not attained until
after some months, when, by mutual agreement, after they
had abstained nearly a week, he repeated the act seven times

76 The Art of Love

with almost no interruption. Coincidentally with his last
orgasm in this series she had the first orgasm since her mar-
riage. During these months there had been no preparation
of the wife except the instinctive embraces, kisses, and gen-
eral caresses common to most young couples who, though
ignorant of technique, truly love each other.

This method was continued, but was improved upon after
the still tremblingly diffident wife placed his hands on her
breasts. The husband, though woefully ignorant, was not
particularly stupid. He reasoned that if so much were
agreeable, more and similar things would be delightful.
From that time on he began to hold and kiss his bride's
breasts and gently manipulate her nipples as a preliminary
to intercourse. Some months later, in the course of these
preliminaries she placed one of his hands on her genitals.
His reasoning powers again helped him, and he investigated
until he found the clitoris, an organ the existence of which
he already knew without dreaming of its function. There-
after it was his custom to manipulate this organ gently pre-
ceding intercourse and at the conclusion of the other pre-
liminaries above alluded to. She had been led to render this
assistance to him because in her former practice of auto-
erotism it had been her custom to first excite her nipples and
then her clitoris. Though she had told her husband shortly
after her marriage all her former auto-erotic experiences, in
response to his similar disclosures, she had told him nothing
about the method.

During the first few years of their married life, her
orgasms gradually increased in number from three or four
the first year to ten or twelve the fourth year. From that
time on there was a gradual increase until, after twenty-
five years, it was not unusual for her to have orgasm sev-
eral nights in successsion; and this was the rule during her
pregnancies. A general average would be three or four
times a week.

The husband practised repression and intercourse without
emission so that he as a rule was able to postpone complete
intercourse until she could be made desirous of it by resort-
ing to the aforesaid preliminaries, though his virility was

The Art of Love 77

such that at her original suggestion he at times repeated the
act on his own account one or more times immediately or
during the same night after she had had an orgasm. This
was always agreeable to her, and she generally had some
erotic feeling; but only on the rarest occasions did she
desire or have a second orgasm herself.

In the earlier years of their wedded life this wife often
reproached her husband for his excessive desires, and often
intimated that all he cared about her was for the physical
relation; but after fifteen or twenty years she took it all
back and said she was ashamed to have made such allega-
tions. She conceded that he loved her just as she did him,
and that their love for each other was a psychic and physi-
cal relation of the most ideal nature.

These people have never had an illness since their mar-
riage in their early twenties ; they have a large family of per-
fectly healthy children; and they and the children have been
unusually busy at many kinds of mental and physical labor.

A Typical Case of Newlyweds Who Understood the Art of

Love

If all couples could gradually attain to a happy solution
of the sex relation, like the couple above described, perhaps
there would be no great need of a treatise on the art of
love. Still, in this case, knowledge would have saved much
mental and physical suffering, which persisted at intervals
during several years. But not all are thus constituted; and
the vast majority of couples who begin somewhat as they
did, or under more adverse circumstances, become irritated,
annoyed, and gradually alienated from each other until their
sexual affiliation is little or nothing; and then they both
become neurotic, or one (or both) becomes infatuated with
someone of the opposite sex, or they frankly give up the
ghost and seek temporary diversion and relaxation in free
love or promiscuous relations.

So, perhaps, it is, after all, worth while to talk about and
write about the art of love. I have discussed this subject
with many young men and women before marriage and told
them what little I knew. Here is an account, very similar

78 The Art of Love

to forty that I might give, of a couple who had such instruc-
tion. Tliis couple have been married nearly four years. I
gave them my first book, "Rational Sex Ethics,'* to read,
and supplemented this with several conversations concern-
ing the proper conduct of sexual matters after they were
married.

This couple were married soon after we entered the world
war; and the husband was in camp for some time, visiting his
wife at intervals, and was then more than a year overseas.
The account of their early relations is given by the wife, and
after his return by the husband.

"You are aware that my husband had no practical knowl-
edge of the marriage relation before our marriage. I think
that he intended to go back to camp after his wedding with-
out any sexual relations whatever; and he *f ought the good
fight' from about one o'clock until somewhere around six in
the morning. I do not know if he derived any satisfaction.
I know I did not. It was very painful for me, and I had a
peculiar feeling as if I were choking. Then I cried. About
two hours later we were more successful, but not for me.
The following night he had to leave for camp on an early
train, and we therefore did not undress. However, to my
complete surprise, he was excited enough to desire inter-
course; and as I was desirous too, this happened, and I had
complete satisfaction for the first time. The intense emo-
tion, being more than I had ever imagined, broke me down

completely, and poor J thought I was ill. Before that

I had never any desire for sexual relations of any kind,
although I have a voluptuous nature and was always
intensely attracted by the opposite sex. Since my marriage
it seems that sometimes I cannot control myself.

"In this connection, J seems to think that any great

desire shown on his part makes our love appear low and
degraded. He wants our love to be set apart from his
desires; but I say that this cannot be; for, with the true love
of man for woman, there is nothing low or degrading in ful-
filling the natural desires of this same love, desires which are
part of us, like the desire for beautiful music, etc. Am I
right or wrong.'*

The Art of Love 79

"The second time J came from camp, two weeks

after, it was my menstruation period and, although it was
very hard for us both, myself especially at this time, we
agreed that nothing should happen, and nothing did. About
ten days later he had four days' leave. During this period
we had intercourse at least twice each night, with intervals
of a few hours between. We were both very ignorant; but
with a little thought and concentration we were successful
twice in getting complete satisfaction together, which was
the result we wanted."

There were similar results on their two or three subse-
quent meetings before the husband's departure for overseas.

Previous to his marriage this man had suffered much from
repression. During his absence overseas he felt forced to
resort to auto-erotism from three to five times a week. He
has had sex relation with no woman but his wife before or
since his marriage. After his return and the resumption
of their relations, he takes up the account as follows :

"Sexually, we seem to be almost perfectly mated. About
three times she has failed to have an orgasm when I had
mine. Once I made up the deficiency after a lapse of a few
minutes, though I had none the second time. The failures
have been due to my starting too soon or not soon enough;
but she has found no fault. We were together a day and a
night before I was mustered out, and had successful inter-
course night and morning. I was discharged three days
later; and for three successive days we had complete inter-
course night and morning. Then she began to menstruate.
During the four days of her menstruation my desire was
such that on two nights she afforded me manual relief and
on two nights I refrained. For the next thirty-five days,
there were six days without intercourse. Twice she relieved
me manually. Several times intercourse has been twice a
day, so that intercourse occurred thirty-four times in the
thirty-five days, always mutual except for the three times
mentioned. I wonder how normal this sounds. The absti-
nence is interesting. We would both agree to it, mostly to
prove to each other what we could do ; but we both admitted
that it required much effort. I feel though that the dis-

80 The Art of Love

play of affection on these occasions was more genuine. Once
or twice it has involved fits of crying on both sides. We each
love so intensely, and can't find means of expressing it all.
Intercourse does not do it completely, even though we are
both perfectly satisfied physically. I think that this occa-
sional abstinence is more successful, though a great physical
strain. We usually lie together from one to three hours
before anything definite on the subject of intercourse is
suggested or attempted. I am in almost every instance the
aggressor. We discuss everything with perfect freedom now.

L had expressed a preference for me in bed with her

with no clothing on, and I have complied. On occasion she
has voluntarily taken off her own. Still, neither of us will
completely expose ourselves, though we are familiar with
each other's differences. Neither of us finds the other bold
or disgusting. If anything I am the prude. Contact with
her always gives me an erection; and it stays sometimes for
hours. Intercourse does not allay it, though I should not be
interested more than twice in a half hour or three times in a
night. Not that it is weakening, for I always feel stronger
a minute or so after it. I have run the usual two miles imme-
diately after it in better time than I ever did before. I no
longer walk up a flight of stairs. I spring up, three flights,
two, three, and four steps at a time; I am so happy and
ambitious, and I seem to walk on air all the time.'*

A later record covering from the third to the seventh
month of the wife's pregnancy is summarized as follows. In
a hundred and twenty days there was intercourse eighty-four
times. On three occasions only did the wife fail of complete
orgasm. On thirty-nine days there was no intercourse.
During one week's absence the husband resorted to auto-
erotism twice and had one nocturnal emission. During this
four months' period the wife relieved him six times manually.

Quoting from the husband's account, he says: "No signs
that this is doing either of us anything but good. Our
pleasure seems more each time. I am still the more virile,
but can control myself if she wishes it. I am wondering how
this all sounds, and when to discontinue. She does not think
my weight does her any harm, but is not sure. I keep most

The Art of Love 81

of it off her, on my own arms. The prospect of her mother-
hood keeps us both thrilled, and we want to be careful and
sure. We are both very happy and have no word of dis-
sension now that we are alone together."

Stopping now and then to illustrate, as I have just done,
certain points brought out in this discussion, will doubtless
interfere with its continuity; but there is no way for me to
put all these matters in perfect sequence and perfect per-
spective without a tremendous amount of study on volumes
of old notes, much classification, and tedious planning — -
labors for which I frankly have neither time nor disposition.
After all, I have a constantly changing perspective, which
is inevitable, since new material comes daily to my notice. It
may hold the reader's attention better and tax his credulity
less to know that most of my illustrations are such as come
to me now from day to day rather than the transcriptions
of musty memories or selections from old notes.

The "Kama Sutra", it will be remembered, emphasized, to
begin with, 1st: differences in size of organs, giving three
main classes. £nd: differences in force of desire, or passion,
giving three different degrees. 8rd: differences in time, giv-
ing three variations in the time required for intercourse,

I have already discussed the differences in size of organs.
Next let us devote a short space to

Differences in Force of Desire or Passion

It cannot be questioned that there are marked differences
in individuals of the same sex and in individuals of different
sexes in the force of desire or passion. Here again the
psychology of sex has a tremendous influence on the physiol-
ogy. No individual is qualified to determine his own natural
sex urge or need until the traditional fears and tabus have
been abolished and he is ready to consider calmly and sanely
and without shame the phenomena of the sexual life.

Protracted fear and shame will, after a time, so work as
sublimation activities that a normal, well-sexed person of
either sex may appear to be practically impotent, although
the same shame and fear of sex usually act as distinct sex

82 The Art of Love

stimulants during the first months or years in which they
are operative. Therefore, before men or women take account
of stock as to the relative force or frequency of their sex
desires they must dispose of all false fears and examine their
real selves.

A man may be so constituted that he has strong sexual
desire every day or twice daily, whatever his occupation or
ideals, and have this a perfectly normal condition. Indeed,
1 have given examples of rare exceptions where desire per-
sisted and gratification was accomplished, in one case auto-
erotically, in the other by natural intercourse, five or more
times a day for many years. Both these men were hard
workers and always in perfect health, and in external
appearance and conduct no different from ordinary men ; but
such are rare cases, as are also those I have noted of men
who, when there was no provocation, would continue a month
or more with sexual excitement; and even when married
to normal women whose frequent desires they were conscious
of found intercourse distasteful or a burden if indulged in
oftener than once a month. The last condition is presum-
ably pathological, since men of this sexual type are usually
spare, weak, spineless, and apprehensive. I have found very
few who did not exhibit marked improvement in general
health and increase in sexual urge after education in sex
matters and regular habits of physiological sex living.

By far the greater number of men living under normal con-
ditions of stress and strain, in love with wives who love them
and are responsive, have strong sex desires which may be
safely gratified when the partner welcomes tliis (quoting
from my book, "Sex and Life") five or six times a week if
under thirty-five, two to four times a week between thirty-
five and fifty-five, and once or twice a week between fifty-
five and seventy-five. Beyond that age I have known men
to continue to indulge for several years at a rate of about
once a week, also several who continued to indulge irregu-
larly on an average of once in two or three weeks up to the
age of ninety.

Following is an extract from a history in my possession :
Mr. and Mrs. had been happily married fifty-five years,

The Art of Love 88

were still lovers. They had three sons, all married, and
twelve grand-children, all in perfect health; and they them-
selves had always been perfectly well. Mrs. ascribed

their many years of perfect happiness together to complete
sex adjustment. They had intercourse two or three times a
week, which she always enjoyed as much as her husband.
She had a shock at the age of seventy-eight and was ill sev-
eral weeks. One morning, though conscious, she was very
weak, and had a subnormal temperature. The Dr. said
she could not live twenty-four hours. She selected the dress
she wished to be buried in. The husband was heart-broken.
The following morning her temperature was normal and
she was improved in every way. It was then learned that
she and her husband had had intercourse during the night.
She continued to gain, and died two years later at the age
of eighty, outliving her husband, who died one year after
the event recorded, at the age of seventy-six.

Woman should take her cue from man, when she finds out
what her husband's real sex nature is. She should endeavor
not to tax him too severely, either by repression or by over-
exercise. I put this obligation on the woman, since it is too
obvious to discuss and too well-known to be denied tliat
a woman is not harmed by intercourse of any frequency,
but is almost invariably benefitted if it is moderately fre-
quent, providing she desires it and derives complete satisfac-
tion each time.

But should the man whose natural aptitude for inter-
course is twice a week persist for 3'ears in indulging twice or
three times that amount, or one whose natural rhythm is
five times a week indulge regularly eight or ten times to
gratify artificially stimulated passion or a sexually active
wife, it would undoubtedly reduce his mental and physical
eflSciency and perhaps lead to impotence and other bad
effects. The wife who is charv of her sexual favors should
also remember that if she restricts a man whose natural
rhythm is three to five times a week to once a fortnight or
once a month he will be as surely injured (and probably
more seriously, by such over-repression) as the man wlio
has made excessive use of his sexual powers. Neurosis, insta-

84 The Art of Love

bility, irascibility, relative impotence, are common symp-
toms of excessive repression. Women also vary in sex desire
and capability; and it is harder to determine the real sex
nature of women than that of men. Their psychic inhibi-
tions are greater and harder to overcome. It is a fact that
comparatively few women have a tendency to spontaneous
sex excitement except after long periods of repression; so
that, in the absence of an intelligent husband, who knows
the art of courting his wife and of preparing her for inter-
course, the wife's real nature may never be known.

There are many women, perhaps one-fourth of all women
(these figures must not be taken in an exact sense, but only
as an estimate), who have spontaneous excitement fre-
quently, and who can always respond immediately when their
husbands exhibit desire for them. A few properly belonging
to this class, perhaps one in fifteen, will not only always have
a complete orgasm when their husbands do, but may have
from one to eight orgasms in rapid succession in the course
of half an hour. I repeat my former statements to the ef-
fect that such women are perfectly normal, and that they
should be fully gratified wheneve they have intercourse. It
is far better that such women suffer from infrequency of
relations than from partial satisfaction.

The large majority of women, perhaps two-thirds of all
women, seem to desire and long for, when not afraid or
ashamed of their desires and longings, and to require for
their best health and efficiency, intercourse once or twice a
week, with some extras before, after, or during the men-
strual period.

Some one may criticise my knowledge on this last state-
ment, and my judgment when I say that I have frequently
advised couples to have intercourse during the wife's menses,
when it had become apparent that she had her greatest desire
for it at this time, and when after trial it was found that
this wonderfully reduced the pain and the nervous symptoms
of that period.

I cannot be exact; but I think I have had at least twenty
cases of this variety; and though most of the men and some
of the women were skeptical at first, when I advised moder-

The Art of Love 85

ate intercourse during that period, all are happier, all have
been apparently benefitted, and now both men and women
alike regard my intuitions, shaped by their answers to my
questions, as little short of divination.

I give a summarized record of the experiences of one
couple for five months of the present year. I have known
this couple all their lives. In short, one of them weighed two
and one-half pounds when my professional services were
first required. I learned some years ago, and befor^ the
birth of their children, that this woman was very nervous
and that she suffered intense pain during her menstrual
period; also that she had normal sexual desire with mod-
erate frequency, but that she failed at times to attain an
orgasm in intercourse. I prescribed moderate intercourse
during menstruation, with the happy result that pain and
nervousness at this time completely disappeared. This
couple are both in perfect health, and their union is unblem-
ished by bickerings or heart-aches.

Record. — March. During twenty-five days of this month
intercourse occurred eleven times. The wife had orgasm in
intercourse five times; and on one occasion when excitement
was intense and prolonged, after intercourse in which she
failed of this, she induced it herself by manual methods.
During the six days of her menstrual period, they had per-
fectly satisfactory mutual orgasms in intercourse once each
day for the first three days.

April. This month they had intercourse twelve times in
twenty-four days. She had orgasm in intercourse six times,
and on one occasion brouglit this on afterward, as in the
previous month. During the six days of menstruation, they
had intercourse on the second, third and fourth days. She
had enjoyment but no orgasm on the second, intense enjoy-
ment but orgasms had to be self-efFected on the third, and
perfectly satisfactory orgasm in intercourse on the fourth.

May. Intercourse eleven times in twenty-five days. Five
times out of the eleven the wife had orgasm, and again this
was accomplished once auto-erotically afterward. On the
second, third, and fourth days of the six-day menstrual
period they had intercourse with mutual orgasm on the sec-

86 The Art of Love

ond, not complete on the third, and prolonged excitement,
which she terminated auto-erotically after intercourse on the
fourth.

June. Intercourse six times in twenty-four days. The
wife liad four orgasms in the natural way and one self-
induced aften^ard. The menses, as usual, lasted six days,
and they had intercourse on the first, second, and fourth
days with perfectly satisfactory, mutual orgasms each time,

July. Intercourse occurred thirteen times in twenty-five
days, during which the wife had orgasm eight times without
the slightest difficulty. The menses lasted six days, as usual,
with intercourse on the third, fourth, and sixth days. On
the third day she had two complete and satisfying orgasms
during one intercourse, this being the first experience of the
kind she had ever had. On the fourth and sixth days she
enjoyed the intercourse and had moderate excitement, but
had no orgasm and felt no deprivation on either occasion.

Again taking up our main theme: There is a small frac-
tion of women left who have really very little spontaneous
desire, and who do not respond readily to any of the known
devices of any already discovered ars amandi.

It may be said that I make this class too small; but I am
quite sure that I do not, though on the surface it may
appear so.

The reason why many appear in this class who do not
really belong there is that in our present society there are
very many women, usually under thirty, (who would be
classed by Marie Stopes and others as undeveloped) who
after that age, gradually become responsive to their hus-
band's advances. These same women were, during the first
five to eight years of marriage, unresponsive and claimed
not to enjoy sexual relations.

No doubt there are a few whose development is really
slow; but the vast majorit^^ of these women become respon-
sive after their husbands begin to learn how to approach
them, and after they themselves begin to learn, from their
observations, their talks with normal married women, their
reading of honest estimates, of the purity, desirability, and
necessity of sexual love in marriage.

The Art of Love 87

I have known many women who were apparently cold pre-
vious to a certain time in their lives. This may have been at
twenty, thirty, forty, or even fifty years. The assimilation
of proper sex knowledge by them, and the acquirement of a
practical art of love by their husbands, in the absence of
other apparent reasons, appear to explain a gradual or
rapid response to the sex overtures of their husbands. So
far as I have been able to observe, the age of the woman has
nothing to do with it.

Again, there are many women of all ages who are occa-
sionally responsive, who admit spontaneous desire on rare
occasions, who remain at this stage merely because parents,
teachers, and traditions have kept them enshrouded by the
old sex tabus. Their husbands also have been fed on the
same pabulum and know no ars amandk

The two last groups all, or nearly all, belong in the sec-
ond and larger class of women, as is readily demonstrated
by the readiness with which they develop the characteristics
of that class immediately they and their husbands become
converted to rational sex ideas.

Some years ago I quoted the statement of a distinguished
psychiatrist who said that sixty percent of American women
were cold. His opinions were not different from those of
many others of that time, though it is impossible to conceive
of how such opinions could have been formed, unless litera-
ture was quoted to the entire exclusion of exact observation.
I then said that not one-sixth of one percent of American
women were really cold and entirely unresponsive. Since
that time my observations have been more than doubled ; and
there is not a scintilla of evidence to show that my fraction
was too small.

Although exact figures in these matters cannot be
obtained, and this will always be, to some extent, a matter
of opinion, I think, since I have not yet added to the two
women I had then discovered, who were classed as inherently
and permanently frigid, that my figure then was too large,
and that a really cold and utterly unresponsive woman is a
rara avis.

After recording the differences in the force of desire and

88 The Art of Love "

passion in individuals of the same sex, and those inherent in
the two sexes, the question naturally arises, what is to be
done about it? We have already spoken of removing the
psychic checks, or inhibitions to a normal sexual experi-
ence; but before proceeding to specific remedies, it may be
well to give brief mention of a condition, fairly common in
nervous American men, which is partially the result of
psychic inhibitions, but which is also determined, to some
extent by physical, pathological factors. This condition is
known medically as ejaculatio praecox. Many men, as a
rule those who are easily excited sexually, are chagrined to
find that almost at the first contact of intercourse, or imme-
diately after intromission, they have an orgasm. This
orgasm may be satisfactory to them, so far as complete-
ness and sensations go, or it may be incomplete and attended
with very little sensation. In any case, it is extremely
humiliating to the husband, and it is invariably injurious to
the wife; for it leaves her without any normal sexual satis-
faction, occurring, as it does, oftentimes before her desire
13 aroused at all, and always before she has attained an
orgasm. She is thus left in a restless, unsatisfied, irritable
state, which variously leads to insomnia, chronic bad tem-
per, hysterical conditions, and other neuroses, as well as to
frequent local physical disorders, resulting from chronic
engorgement of the pelvic organs.

Any list of the causes of precipitate ejaculation would be
incomplete, but a list of some of the principal ones may be of
value.

1. Purely psychic, such as fears of inability to perform
the act properly, fears of injury to potency from auto-
erotism or former excess in intercourse, lack of sympathy
between the partners, etc.

2. Excessive repression, as in the case of a man (whose
wife is apparently cold and unresponsive, and who reproaches
him for his sexual inclinations and objects to the whole pro-
cedure), who has postponed intercourse and kept his desires
in subjection until he has nearly reached the limit of his
endurance. Of course, in such a case the sight of his wife in

The Art of Love 89

negligefe, or the thought of intercourse with her instantly
brings on a state of ahnost irresistible desire, after which
the slightest touch or caress may induce a precipitate
orgasm.

8. Overwork, anxiety, worry, or any precarious state of
general health, all operate to lower nerve tone and diminish
normal control. Often in these cases desire also is much
lessened; but whether desire is of usual or lessened fre-
quency, when it does come, and intercourse is attempted, the
lowered ability to control allows a precipitate orgasm.

4. Various anatomical peculiarities or malformations or
local pathological conditions may be responsible for this
anomaly, for instance, a tight prepuce, a constricting band
in some part of the prepuce, adhesion to the glans, a too
short fraenum, an inflamed glans or bulbous urethritis, pos-
terior urethritis, prostatitis or seminal vesiculitis.

6. This condition may in some cases be a perfectly nor-
mal manifestation, analogous to those occasional instances
of women who have been described as so susceptible that they
have orgasm almost at the beginning of intercourse and have,
before satisfaction is complete, in the course of half an hour,
from two to eight orgasms in rapid succession.

6. This is also observed at times when a man who realizes
that he does not fully satisfy his wife keeps repeating his
attempts to do so. His anxiety concerning his inability, the
incomplete orgasm which results from his knowledge of his
inability and from her lack of co-operation, and the oft
repeated orgasm, all these factors together, (or any one
of them), sometimes lead to increasing precipitancy in his
orgasm.

7. A very frequent cause is coitus interruptus^ or with-
drawal, and at times also reservatus. When there is much
concentration on this event before the withdrawal, this
psychic distraction, combined with the necessarily incom-
plete orgasm, leads at times to diminished enjoyment and
finally to precipitancy in ejaculation. I have known cases of
men who, fearing to impregnate their wives, or falsely fear-
ing that the loss of semen would be injurious to themselves,

90 The Art of Love

liave practiced reservatiis, or intercourse without orgasm,
for long periods with the end results of lessened desire,
imperfect erection, and precipitate orgasm.

The treatment of this condition when it arises from physi-
cal causes is by local medication, massage of prostate, sur-
gical, or various remedies and regimen ; and a good physician
or a genito-urinary surgeon should be consulted.

Such remedies as I have to suggest for this trouble, when
it is the result of psychic causes, or those ordinarily unrec-
ognized, I can best give when describing the conduct of the
act of intercourse.

Differences in Time

It IS only necessary to speak of the differences in the time
required for intercourse, or of frequency in desire, to insure
complete uniformity; for it is obvious that remedies for
these natural differences must be much the same as those
for differences in the strength of desire and passion.

The general idea one gets from study of the relative
strength of desire and passion in men and women is that
few couples are prepared at marriage to live in complete
sexual harmony and in comfortable physiological adjust-
ment; and they never will be prepared until each party to
the contract has learned the normal sexual rhythm of the
other, and they have both agreed to necessary compromises
and they have both entered whole-heartedly into a thorough
study and a judicious use of the art of love.

The Love Longings and Sex Necessities of Women

Perhaps no preamble is necessary to a somewhat detailed
description of the most obvious preliminaries to that love act
between men and women, concerning which so little is said
in polite society, yet concerning which, in polite and impo-
lite society, so much is thought and imagined by all indi-
viduals throughout the forceful and ambitious, the joyful
and virile years of life, the act by which, on every honey-
moon a man is either made selfish, brutal and ashamed; and
a woman is humiliated, violated, and desecrated, or the most

The Art of Love 91

wonderful and beautiful of all earthly relations is cemented,
hallowed, sanctified. Those marriages made complete by the
perfect consummation of this act furnish us the only perfect
foreglimpse of a future heavenly transcendence into supra-
material personalities which the thinking man and the ideal-
izing woman can perceive as the ultimate destination of the
intangible, illusive, incomprehensible, dominant soul, or
something, which pervades and electrifies the mundane mate-
rial of which it is supposed to be the ethereal archetype.
Can any man or any woman tell me any other way than
by the analogies derived from the perfect union of one man
and one woman that this longed-for realization of the faith
of the ages can be so surely predicated, so unanswerably
divined? Why should this whole subject of love and mar-
riage, when permeated with the seed of illimitable possi-
bility, be so often a burlesque or a travesty of all that is
ideal? What explanation can be given other than that of
our amazing oversight and blundering ignorance of vital
things to account for Satyr-like, venerealized, unsatiated
man, made originally in God's own image, now too low in the
pit to even look on high, where, yjure and spotless, mother-
longing, husband-craving woman suffers in her isolation
torment even worse than that of her once heaven-appointed,
now low- fallen mate? What other explanation is there for
the fact that many a woman sufferer also, driven by primi-
tive instincts, abandons her vestal vigils to descend to the
lower levels where man is so largely fettered?

But why, in Heaven's name, if this condition of single men
and women (which you may call a lurid ])icture, but which
I assert to be an actual fact) must continue to serve as the
hostage which we give, the blood money which we pay for
civilization, why, I repeat, muct those men and women for
whom this sacrifice is made, who, inspired by highest ideals,
marry for love in the heyday of their youth and aspiration
and strength and beauty, live in misery, heartbreak and
un hap pin ess?

Not of arms nor of the man do I sing, for the man is
strong and has other interests, but of the woman, often shut
within four walls, where she might not repine if her dreams

92 The Art of Love

were realized, but cheapened, saddened, heart-sick, with
constant longing for lover's kisses and smiles of affection ;
and all the while if she is a normal woman, she is ashamed of
the very normality of her nature, losing self-respect because
of the inexpressible physical discomfort of natural desire
which becomees irrepressible after long aggravation without
satisfaction.

The following illustration is one that may be essentially
duplicated scores of times in any town of moderate size, and
thousands of times in any large city. This may furnish food
for thought to those who imagine that I have been romanc-
ing. A brief excerpt of the histories of a man and wife
whom I have advised several times during the last year will
explain the situation.

The man practiced auto-erotism a little in his early teens ;
he was much frightened about this and was taught to sup-
press sex as something disgraceful and unbecoming. He
became convinced that all sentiment was irreligious, and
that all expenditures of semen was a severe drain on his
vital forces. At twenty-two he married for a wife a normal
undeveloped girl of eighteen who had had no experience with
auto-erotism and little erotic feeling, but who did have fond
illusions of love, affection, a man, a home, and babies.

He loved her as ardently as it was possible for a man to
love who was not especially virile, and who had such a back-
ground of fear and repression as has been described. Hav-
ing no knowledge of the art of love and no desire to culti-
vate it, he had sexual relations with her, without preparation,
three or four times a week for the first few weeks. The fre-
quency gradually diminished, and for a time after her first
baby was bom it occurred once or twice a month. After
they had been married three years there were often inter-
vals of several months when there were no sexual relations.
After she had borne three children she lost the youngest
baby ; and, in her grief, she desired another to take its place.
By the time the husband had become so marooned in his
asceticism that he had little sympathy with her motherly
instincts, yet felt it a duty to try to gratify her. Though
he had been a fairly robust man at the time of his marriage^

The Art of Love 93

he had, for no accountable reason, been sliding rapidly down
hill, and had become thin, unemotional, tired of life. In his
rare attempts at intercourse he had a precipitate orgasm
after obtaining, with difficulty, a partial erection. He con-
tinued for some time to make these imperfect attempts at
intercourse every two or three weeks. In this manner he
merely tantalized his wife; for her desires, which had gradu-
ally increased with the years, had by this time become almost
unbearable; but he neither succeeded in bringing her to the
point of orgasm, nor in impregnating her.

By day she suffered from almost constant desire, and at
night she cried regularly for hours, while he peacefully slept,
with his back to her, and without a kiss or caress on going
to sleep or on waking, to relieve the monotony. There was
nothing to show that they were man and wife, aside from the
perfunctory, feeble, unintelligent attempts at intercourse on
such occasions as her mother longings and physical sufferings
touched some unextinguished spark of manhood in him; or
possibly it was fear or jealous emotion that stinted him, since
she had now come to have occasional hysterical outbursts,
when she would say that she wanted love and must have it;
and if he would not or could not give it she woud leave him ;
and the implication was that she would go with some other
man.

Such was the condition when she consulted me. I will not
go far into details as to treatment, since, though a great
change has been wrought, it is not yet by any means com-
plete. The treatment, like the generality of my treatment
in such cases, involved little but an attempt to give common-
sense advice; and of course is involved talking with both
parties. The attempt was made to awaken in him a sense
of his responsibility to his wife, to appeal to his pride by
bringing him to realize that it was inevitable that, under his
present program, she would either become a permanent
neurotic or do as she had threatened to do, leave him, per-
haps, in company with some other man.

Under such stimuli his flickering lamp of love began to
bum with steadier flame. She was made to understand that
his coldness and indifference did not necessarily mean that

94 The Art of Love

he did not care for her, but that his condition was largely
the fault of his forebears and early associates, who had filled
his head with such foolish, ascetic notions. She was advised
to "possess her soul in patience," and while waiting for his
rejuvenescence to obtain auto-erotically such relief as was
necessary to relieve the insomnia and allay the tormenting
physical desires which were threatening to transform her
into a confirmed neurotic.

She heeded this advice, and tried both clitoridean stimula-
tion and the classic method of Lucea ; but, while she obtained
marked relief in this way, she was unable to get a complete
and satisfactory orgasm by eitlier method. Both husband
and wife were instructed in the art of love. She was told to
employ such seductive arts as she possessed, and to attempt
to stimulate him manually. She was advised, whenever the
organs, whose functions had become nearly extinct from dis-
use, showed signs of returning to vigor, to make special note of
it and to praise him for his manly qualities. He, in turn, was
told that in stimulating her nipples and clitoris he would not
only bring her excitement to a high pitch, but that while
doing this the contemplation of her increasing excitement
would prove the strongest stimulation to the rehabilitation
of his own attenuated virility. At first his attitude was
skeptical rather than enthusiastic; and his statement that
life was not worth living was not very encouraging. Still,
at last he realized his wife's sufferings, and that they had
come about through his own inadequacy; and he made a
more determined effort.

Nearly a year has elapsed; and the baby which she so
much desired has already arrived, and she is happy. She
has days, increasing in frequency, when she is supremely
happy, when, she says, her husband really appears to love
her, when he will talk with her, look her in the eye, and kiss
her affectionately. He is also able to obtain readily a per-
fectly satisfactory erection, and can delay orgasm ten or
fifteen minutes after beginning intercourse. They indulge
two or three times a week, and she gets considerable satis-
faction each time; but though she is able to arrive at the
very verge of the orgasm, and has recently done so as many

The Art of Love 95

as four times in one intercourse, she has as yet had but one
perfect orgasm. It is possible that the reason for this is
some constitutional fault of her own; but the probable rea-
son is that her husband is still so phlegmatic, so lacking in
spontaneity and versatility, that at the desired moment he
fails to execute the necessary increase in amplitude and
vigor of his part of the sexual embrace with proper enthu-
siasm.

This man has improved very much in health and appear-
ance, and has gained in weight under the new regime. It is
probable that these people will ultimately be perfectly
adjusted and happy.

This case, which I use as a sample of mal-adjustment, is
an extreme one ; and exact duplicates of it are not very com-
man; but I have been seeing every week for the last twenty
years couples in the early stages of lack of affiliation whose
sufferings were intense, and who were as clearly headed for
the same goal. Eight cases out of ten are so simple that I
have often said to the parties that I felt ashamed to look
into their faces, and charge them a fee for a little friendly
advice. Nevertheless, it must be clear to all that without
some such advice they must ultimately strike the rocks which
so many have struck and which our friends above were fast
approaching.

I do not propose the proper sex instruction of young peo-
ple before marriage and a working knowledge and applica-
tion of the art of love after that event without first know-
ing beyond a peradventure, as the result of the application of
such knowledge to thousands of lives, that it is more than
a casual remedy, that it is a real specific.

Preliminary to Preparation

A long study of the difficulties which nearly all married
people pass through before arriving at a state of perfect
psychic and physical harmony, and an intimate knowledge
of the numerous maladjustments of really well-mated cou-
ples, lead to a brief statement of conditions necessary as
a preliminary to preparation for the act of intercourse.

96 The Art of Love

1st. There must be freedom from psychic inhibition, i. e.,
both the man and wife should so understand sex as to be
free from shame in regard to their sexual feelings for each
other, and as regards their bodies and sexual organs. Their
nude forms shoud be to each the most aesthetic works of
art, the unspeakably beautiful tenements in which reside the
mind and soul of that other personality which, standing
out clear and distinct from all others, drew them together
as inseparable mates. Then, from the artistic contempla-
tion of their physical charms, on the wedding night or in
the early days of the honeymoon, there should spring into
being, as a result of the ineffable psychic erethism of their
spiritual communion, together with the anticipatory delights
of the kisses and caresses of the days of courtship, like Venus
from the sea, an overwhelming longing, or love, or passion,
for each other's bodies. This should not be, and is not, con-
trary to the usual notion, as a rule, primarily a desire for
selfish gratification. It should be a desire on the part of
each to express to the fullest, and to the other's complete
comprehension the love which they have been trying all along
to express by inadequate speech, by timid glances, and by
superficial and incomplete caresses.

As a result of a definite knowledge of the real, unwhite-
washed, inner lives of many men and many women, I say that,
though some are carried off their feet temporarily by the
whirlwind of long repressed passions to a selfish enjoyment
which takes little thought of the mate, practically every
woman who marries her husband for love looks upon the sex-
ual act as that complete surrender by which she can show her
fullest love and give her husband greatest pleasure; and
no matter what the consequences to herself, she is willing to
keep her own desires in the background, looking upon his
happiness as the all-important consideration. Likewise, all
true men, and there are a host of them, feel the same way,
and would, if they knew how, and it were necessary, ignore
the sacrifice, and feel it their chief delight to stifle their own
desires and refrain from a climax of passion which seems
irresistible if in so doing they could insure to their wives the

The Art of Love 97

sensations which they themselves experience and the climax
which they themselves crave.

In speaking of this as the right and fitting and most per-
fect way for men and women to mate, I would not utterly
disparage that other way, fairly common, where the first
and paramount experience appears to be a mutual sense
attraction. In fact, such couples find little difficulty in
arriving at complete sexual adjustment in the early days of
matrimony ; and many of them, when the senses are satisfied,
and when the passions cloy, begin to find the exhaustless
riches of each other's souls and to look on these new-found
delights with affection and capture, just as did those whose
souls were first joined when they beheld the physical perfec-
tions of each other's bodies.

2nd. After fear, shame, prudery, false modesty, etc., have
been set aside, it is highly desirable that both parties remem-
ber that all through their wooing there has been the feel-
ing that the fullest love could not be expressed adequately in
words, but only by sacrifices. We ignore much that the poets
and novelists tell us about this, but it is well worth consider-
ing as a reality.

Every man wants to do some daring deed of sacrifice for
his lady; every woman desires to undergo some penance, to
accomplish some act of complete renunciation, for her man.

Here is the opportunity for both to carry out such noble
resolutions or aspirations, in the self-effacing preliminaries
to their mutual love life; but to the unselfish and to the
selfish alike let me positively assert that in this case virtue
is its own reward; such self-sacrifice has its compensations,
and the one who tries for the complete psychic and somatic
satisfaction of his mate finds in the attempted sacrifice of
intelligent love the greatest joy that man or woman can
attain to in this earth. The man should keep in mind the
idea that self-restrain is his greatest contribution, and
the woman the idea that active response is her greatest ad-
dition to her husband'9 happiness and their mutual joy.

8rd. All the world should be excluded. The early days
of marriage are no time for visits with family or friends, nor

98 The Art of Love

for business or worry. The young people should be by them-
selves in a world of their own until they fully understand
each other and are at least partially adjusted.

4th. Great patience should be exercised on the part of
both, and a receptive attitude in which one lives and loves
and learns and postpones final judgments. While with some
couples adjustment is almost instantaneous, with many
others, even with those whose knowledge is complete and
whose efforts are mutual, it may take months or years. This
is true because the many individual differences which I have
described or shall describe necessitate time and study of the
art of love, and much experiment before sexual affiliation
can be complete.

Ordinarily the preliminaries to intercourse and the con-
duct of it should follow certain well-recognized principles,
v/hich take cognizance of the aggressiveness of the male and
of his imperious, quickly aroused, rapidly culminating pas-
sions, and of the quiescent, slowly aroused nature of the
female, whose passions are usually brought to concert pitch
only by much courting and many tender caresses, while they
remain at or near this point for some time before a perfect
culmination can be effected.

In "Sex and Life," in the chapter entitled, "The Art of
Love," I gave a brief resume of the usual procedures prelimi-
nary to and during the love act for the ordinary couple.
Rather than to write a similar description I shall quote a few
pages from that chapter which, though not altogether satis-
factory, and involving some repetitions, I doubt if I could
Improve upon.

After that I propose to take up some of the cases which
require special attention and unusual methods.

Young husband, it is well for you to know some sex facts
about a woman. She craves always, from puberty to senil-
ity, hand-clasps, soft looks, embraces, kisses, love and appre-
ciation. Courtship must be continuous after marriage if
slie is to be happy and her husband is to be transfigured.
Courting after marriage should be like courting before mar-

The Art of Love 99

riage, only it should be raised to the hundredth power. There
occurs a line in Sullivan's opera, "Pinafore," which gives a
cue to young husbands for their conduct toward their wives,
"Carefully, on tiptoe stealing, breathing softly as we may."
Don't say much; but slowly and carefully feel your way.
Your hands were made to use; your wife's rounded form, her
protuberances and depressions were largely made for hands
and lips. The final act of love's drama, with the man and
wife in mutual orgasm, in Love's embrace, alone and with-
out preliminaries, is like a banquet served on bare boards,
without the accompaniment of light, heat, china, linen, sil-
ver, or conversation.

Kiss without shame, for she desires it, your wife's lips,
tongue, neck; and, as Shakespeare says, "If these founds be
dry, stray lower where the pleasant fountain lie." There
is good instruction to young married people in good litera-
ture, but it is often unknown or ignored. Kiss her nipples,
arms, and abdomen. Hold tenderly and manipulate softly
her breasts, and delicately, when she yields nestingly, caress
her nipples. If she has already become a normal woman
through proper sex teaching, you will not need to be told
that she loves you more for all these caresses, and desires to
have you go still farther. If her mind has not been freed
from the ancient notion that a married woman should be cold
and unresponsive toward her husband, gentleness and care
and explanation will lead her to be properly responsive in
time. Always remember this truth, that no woman lives who
is so glacial that she will not respond to the tactful insist-
ence of the riglit man. If you are sure that you are the right
man at the time of marriage and do your part tenderly and
faithfully, you need have no fears for the outcome.

The wife who has enioyed as much of love's drama as I
have described then desires still greater intimacy. At the
time of marriage she may be uncertain as to just what she
docs desire: but tl>e wife who has found herself, whose sex
nature has become awakened, almost invariably craves, after
these first intimacies, her husband's hand on her privates for
a little time before she wishes the male organ itself. As a

100 The Art of Love

rule the husband should gently manipulate her clitoris with
his finger until her parts are thoroughly bathed in moisture
and her excitement is supreme.

There is so much ignorance concerning this procedure and
so much understanding and suffering resulting from this
ignorance (within a month I have had to explain this point
to six couples, all of whom have been married over ten
years) that I am going to explain more fully in regard to
this.

The clitoris is the organ, in a woman, which would have
been a penis had she developed into a man instead of a
woman. It has the same possibilities of erection and sensa-
tion. It is often the only part of a woman's sexual organs
in which there are distinctly sexual sensations before mar-
riage; and, unless there are delightful sensations aroused in
this organ to begin with, the young wife, or any wife, for
that matter, seldom has these sensations in her internal
sexual organs. The woman may have an orgasm or sexual
climax from manipulation of the clitoris alone, but this
orgasm is not so complete, satisfying or natural as when the
sensations begin in the external and are gradually carried
over to the internal organs and have their culmination there.*
This little organ is usually not larger than a bean, and it
may be difficult to locate unless it is excited and erect. It
is situated just above the opening of the vagina, where the
labia minora, or internal lips, come together and cover the
clitoris as with a hood, just above the opening. It is not
only desirable that this organ be thoroughly excited before
beginning intercourse, but it is usually necessary that this
organ should be in contact with the upper surface of the
penis during intercourse. The fact that this organ is situ-
ated a little above the vaginal opening in some women ren-
ders it necessary for the husband to know its exact location
and conduct himself accordingly. It is a good rule that
husband and wife in intercourse so tilt their hips that the
upper part of the vagina and the structures just above it
are always in firm contact with the penis. Some few women
will not allow their husbands to touch this organ, variously
claiming that it is painful, unnatural or disgusting. I think

The Art of Love 101

that about forty such cases have come under my attention.
So far I have not found a case that was not due either to a
feeh'ng of shame that lingered in the woman's mind from
memories of masturbating by playing with this organ when
she was a girl or remnants of old feelings of horror and
fright which she had when, sometime during her ignorant
and innocent girlhood, some old or middle-aged man, coming
upon her without warning, sneakingly reached beneath her
skirts and touched, accidentally or intentionally, this little
organ.

After the clitoris is thoroughly excited, and not till then,
should the husband gently or forcibly, as his wife desires,
press his penis into her vagina. From now on it would seem
that the completion of intercourse was a very simple pro-
cedure; but this not at all the case, for tliere are very
many methods or positions, all equally healthful and
proper, any one of which is usually perfectly satisfactory to
the husband, but only one of which (or at most two) is
likely to prove at all satisfactory to the wife. The husband
should not rest easy, nor should his wife allow him to, until
they have discovered the methods and positions which give
her greatest pleasure and completest orgasm. A few of the
most important points may be briefly mentioned. The
majority of women declare that before they can have an
orgasm the penis must touch a certain place. Now, this cer-
tain place is the end of the womb, which protrudes into the
vagina. This is cylindrical, an inch or two in diameter, and
slightly cupped at the lower end and can usually be reached
with the finger. Since the womb is usually tipped slightly
upward or back to one side or the other, this end of the
womb, or cervix, points in different directions in different
women. It will be a matter of experimentation for each indi-
vidual couple to determine the position required in order
that the glands, or head, of the penis shall touch, when there
is deepest penetration, the external os of the cervix uteri,
or the lower end of the womb, of the wife.

Some of the positions which have to be resorted to, any of
which are perfectly healthful and legitimate, if necessary
for the attainment of mutual pleasure and orgasm, are as

102 The Art of Love

follows: the Imsband above, either upon his elbows and
knees or lying flat, his legs either outside his wife's or between
them, or both around either one of hers; the wife above,
assuming any of the positions which were mentioned with the
husband above; lying on either side, facing each other, with
legs in any comfortable position, or lying on either side
with the wife's back to her husband; or with the husband
lying on his back and the wife sitting upon him and facing
him or the reverse. Other positions are in use, but these
are the most common. The position is immaterial if the
satisfaction of both parties is complete. I wish to empha-
size this because I have frequently found that many couples
who have lived long years together, during which the wife
had never been completely satisfied, have adhered strictly to
the one so-called classical position (the husband above and
astride), and have thought that any other position was
immodest, injurious, or in some unexplainable way unor-
thodox.

I make brief mention of a few points commonly over-
looked. The husband should always endeavor to have his
wife experience a complete orgasm. The wife should always
be perfectly frank in telling her husband whether or not she
has done so if by any chance, he is unable to determine this
from her appearance and actions. If, as sometimes hap-
pens, he is unable to defer his own orgasm till she is ready,
and he is unable to repeat the act immediately, and she,
after the termination of intercourse, continues in a state of
unsatisfied desire, he should not hesitate to relieve her by
manipulating the clitoris until she has an orgasm, or by
bringing this about with his finger in the vagina. Sometimes
the wife can accomplish this better herself, in which case she
should be encouraged to do so. Very often a perfectly nor-
mal w^oman (sexually) has no desire on a particular hour,
day or week, and her husband's attempts at stimulation pro-
duce nothing but pain and irritation. He should not long
persist in these attempts under these circumstances. If his
repression had been prolonged, and his excitement did not
readily subside, it would be perfectly proper for him to
satisfy himself without bringing his wife to the climax if

The Art of Love 103

she agreed to this and it was not unpleasant for her; or in
the latter case it would be perfectly proper for her to relieve
him bj masturbation in any such emergency.

If a man has difficulty in postponing his orgasm until his
wife is ready, and their habit is to have intercourse with the
wife beneath, and the man above, reversing the position, with
the woman above, and allowing her to conduct the act in her
own fashion, making in and out motions as she desires, while
the husband lies perfectly still, will often make it possible
for him to delay his orgasm until the proper time.

The in and out motions of intercourse should be made
from the hips, and by tilting the pelvis, and not by lifting
the whole body. I have known men who had been long mar-
ried to be very awkward about this. Many women, from
ignorance or modesty, always fail to perform properly their
part of the sexual act, so far as the movements are con-
cerned. Both parties should press forward at the same time
and draw back at the same time. The wife should follow
her inclinations as to the force, distance, or rapidity of the
in and out motion, and the husband should take his cue
from her and do exactly as she does, except when one party
is nearer the orgasm than the other. In such case it is
proper for that one to lie supine while the other party con-
tinues the movements until he or she has caught up.

In every way both parties should make an effort to please
and strive not to offend either sense or spirit. It is even
necessary to mention to some women that they should use
plenty of soap and water every day, under their arms and
about their private parts; for while natural odors are very
pleasing and most seductive for many men, stales ones are
not so for anyone. Delicate artificial perfumes influence
many men and some women.

The eye is a positive factor in the experience of all mar-
ried lovers. The sight of delicate lingerie worn decorously
delights many husbands, but all husbands (and without
doubt all wives, sooner or later) have times when they desire
to see their mates in "birthday" raiment only.

A man cumbered by a very long fore-skin should scrupu-
lously remove daily any accumulation from beneath it. A

104 The Art of Love

smooth face or a well-trimmed beard will find favor when a
roughened cheek will invite indifference or repulsion.

Before I depart too far from the subject, let me empha-
size that, while men almost invariably love to look upon the
unadorned charms of their wives, many wives, especially the
young and unsophisticated, are positively shocked by the
sight of an undraped husband, though such a form may be
more perfect than any produced by the art or skill of Prax-
iteles.

Perfect drawing-room manners are a desirable accomplish-
ment, tactful bed-room etiquette is art supreme.

It will be noticed from the foregoing brief description that
the ordinary, proper, necessary, orthodox, unblushed-about,
thoroughly to be enjoyed preparation for intercourse
involves embracing, kissing, nude contact, delights of the
eyes, titillation of nipples, of clitoris, of nymphae, of
urethra, and vagina, pressure of penis against various parts
of the wife's body, and especially against her clitoris. In
all these proceedings the husband naturally takes the initia-
tive, and should be welcomed in this by the wife and seconded
by her as far as possible. She should not fear to tell her
husband which of these procedures are delightful and which
are unpleasing; and he should be governed accordingly. She
should not only co-operate with him in his efforts to make
her desire for intercourse imperious and irresistible, but, as
I have indicated, should caress and encourage him the
while. She should understand that it is extremely difficult
for the ordinary, vigorous, newly married man, no matter
how considerate or self-effacing or refined or moral or reli-
gious or upright or transcendently perfect in every way he
may be, to restrain himself on the first day or days of his
marriage, following the strenuous efforts at repression which
have for some time undoubtedly preceded this greatest emo-
tional event in his life.

If from her observation it appears that the effort required
on his part is too great to control his desires during the
period when her own desires are nascent and she is still fear-
ing intercourse or does not strongly desire it, she should offer

The Art of Love 105

to relieve him. Under such conditions, gentle friction of his
penis by her hand will usually bring his orgasm almost
instantaneously. She need have no fear that he will not be
ready again as soon as she is, if not sooner.

If any excuse or extenuation for this suggestion is needed,
it will be found in the facts recorded concerning the first
attempts at intercourse of the large majority of married
people who have given their histories. Often the man has
no idea that any delay is necessary. In such a case he makes
almost instant attempts at intercourse as soon as he gets
his wife into the privacy of the bridal chamber. In case he
does try to delay till she is willing or unafraid he frequently
finds himself in such pain from pressure of semen, and so
tormented by desire that he gives up his attempts to delay
and resorts to intercourse. In cases like the above the man
generally has emission almost as soon as his penis touches
his wife's external genitals. If not then, it occurs just before
or just after he ruptures the hymen. It can be readily
imderstood that he gives his wife no pleasure by such a per-
formance, but as a rule frightens her and often causes her
great pain by his uncontrolled violence. His fiasco also
makes him ashamed of what he considers his lack of control
and his incompetency; and tliis may be the psychic founda-
tion for a permanent habit of precipitate orgasm. There is
every reason for reducing the husband's tension enough
before the first intercourse to permit of deliberate, gentle
pressure while entering, and to allow controlled movements
for some time after entering, before his orgasm becomes
imperative. If the husband has good control and is dis-
posed to wait and make the first intercourse, or for that mat-
ter any subsequent intercourse mutual, it will in many
instances help him greatly to carry out such a resolution if
his wife, while he is stimulating her various erogenous zones,
holds his penis in her hand and from time to time make
gentle pressure or friction, as he may desire.

The love act may well be performed diflFerently at differ-
ent times. The wife may be brought to such a state of
excitement that she desires the full weight, crushing clasp.

106 The Art of Love

and fierce thrusts of her husband. In such a case she may
have a violent orgasm almost instantly after the introduc-
tion of his penis into her vagina.

Such a method is perfectly permissible when both parties
keep their heads enough to prevent any such impact as
would injure the delicate structures of the wife or allow of
the rare accident of a ruptured penis, which has been known
to occur when this has struck with considerable force against
the parts adjacent to the vagina rather than in the vagina
itself.

Ordinarily it is safer and more enjoyable to insert the
penis in the vagina as soon as the wife becomes thoroughly
lubricated with the precoital flow and when her inability to
keep still and her tendency to caress her husband become
prominent, or when she tells him that she is ready. It is
well to remember that the longer the preliminaries the
shorter will be the intercourse; and the shorter the prelimi-
naries the longer the intercourse.

In some cases the wife's breasts or clitoris, or any other
or all the localities mentioned do not respond to stimuli.
This may be due to inhibitions holding over from childhood
experiences. In such cases she should consult a physician or
a psychologist who has had special training in this line; but
in some cases this is mere individual idiosyncracy. Some
other part, which experiment will reveal, may be her sensi-
tive zone. I remember reading in the literature somewhere
of a woman who was brought to the highest pitch of desire
by softly stroking her left cheek. Several husbands have
told me that their wives were rapidly made ready for inter-
course by holding their nates in both hands and successively
pressing, stroking and kneading them. By the way, this
procedure is often a powerful stimulant for a man whose
desire is feeble and who obtains erection slowly. I have the
record of a woman whose breasts were utterly destitute of
sensation, but who became almost insane with desire when
her husband clasped his bare arms around her bare shoul-
ders, also one who derived great satisfaction when her hus-
band rubbed her back and shoulders, or scratched them.

The Art of Love 107

This was intensely gratifying for a few minutes, and then
became disagreeable and painful.

The sight of her husband's erect penis will drive one
woman wild with desire, while the next may be intensely dis-
gusted at such an exposition. Likewise, handling the hus-
band's penis stimulates some women almost to the point of
orgasm, while indignation at such a request would forestall
in others all desire.

Kissing, especially the long drawn out kiss, where the
parties alternate in sucking under lip or tongue, is the most
perfect way to prepare some women for intercourse; others
are revolved by anything but superficial kisses. In short,
I know of a woman who will not allow her husband to kiss her
at all. No doubt this condition is patliologic.il, for she loves
him dearly. However, as she is too intellectual, not rational,
to be taught, and so superior that she docs not need to
think of these matters, she is likely to go on in this way until
her husband's fears of impotence are realized or she becomes
a permanent neurotic.

Some women who have come to realize the legitimate pleas-
ures and necessary obligations of true wifehood, but whose
years of strict subjection to sex under a too puritanical
regime have rendered them almost cold, will find that cer-
tain erotic or suggestive literature, like Fielding or Shakes-
pears, or possibly such modern diminutives as Glyn or
Hichens, put them in a proper mood for intercourse. To
such women such literature is a blessing; but to those whose
natures are already fully developed, especially those who
have no husbands, such literature usually proves to be an
immitigated curse. Good, clean, frank, romantic love
stories, like those of Scott, Blackmore, Barrie, Crawford,
Johnston, Canfield, Locke, King, Rinehart, are the greatest
blessinffs for the leisure hours of any wife or any husband.
Reading them together doubles the blessing.

A warm bath is one of the simplest and surest ways for
many a woman to y)ut herself in the best condition and surest
mood for love's embraces.

Verbum sat saptenti; it is unnecessary and it would be

108 The Art of Love

too voluminous for me to name to intelligent people the
infinite variety of adjuncts to perfect marital living* Pains-
taking study will reveal the unusual methods required by
peculiar people as preliminaries to perfect marital felicity.

Yet it is necessary to impress very clearly on the minds of
all that procedures which may at first be extremely repug-
nant to a woman or a man as the result of some childhood
experience or false teaching, may, after explanation and
custom, become highly enjoyable.

It is also necessary to impress on every man and every
woman that almost anything, not only what I have named
and more, but many, even, of the so-called perversions, may
be considered perfectly natural and justifiable in a given
case. Most perversities and perversions are acquired before
years of accountability. People who do not acquire such
are usually exposed and perhaps attracted to one or more
of these. Such tendencies may often be eradicated by
psychoanalysis, by psychological analysis, or by ordinary
explanation; but the obliteration of tendencies established
during the sights seen or acts participated in during the
developmental stage of sexuality may be at times impossible.
When such a difficulty arises, and such an act, though
unusual, is a mere harmless preliminary, to which wife or
husband becomes readily reconciled and adjusted, it is
neither a perversity nor a perversion and nothing to be wor-
ried about. This is an important matter and will be more
fully discussed in the chapter dealing with perversions. Suf^
fice it to say here that it is difficult to name any love act,
mutually agreeable and helpful to husband and wife, which
can rightly be termed a perversion, though the same act
under other circumstances and pursued as the sole end and
aim of the individual's sexual life might be such unques-
tionably.

The Act of Intercourse

Some may think it superfluous to describe minutely the
sexual act proper; but since there are as many ways of
accomplishing this as there are hairs in our heads, and at
most but two or three ways whereby the ordinary couple

The Art of Love 109

arrive at perfect mutuality, Trhile these particular methods
may be neither agreeable nor satisfying to any other couple,
it seems best to devote some time to those methods which
experience has shown to be most commonly resorted to by
those most perfectly mated.

Not very much has been written about this in recent years ;
but those who do touch on this subject commonly divide the
act and its preliminaries and sequences into certain definite
stages. In particular. Long, who gives the best modem
instruction which I know anything about, makes such defi-
nite distinctions. I do not insist on this; and it will be
noticed that in my rambling way I draw no definite line of
demarcation between the different stages. One leads up to
the other, and each merges into some other. Of course the
orgasm is the culmination of the whole matter; and though
it is the point of utter abandon and an instant of indescrib-
able sensory pleasure, beyond any other possible experience
of man or woman, it is nevertheless involuntary and tran-
sient. Some consider the long drawn out, intimate courtship
of the preliminary stages the most desirable and enjoyable
part of intercourse, while others find in the peace of body
and communion of soul with soul which comes after the
orgasm the summation of all the beatitudes of love's fulfill-
ment. Since all the diff^erent stages blend or merge into one
another, any classification must be imperfect and may be
confusing. We have repeatedly emphasized long prepara-
tion to allay the young wife's timidity and fear and to secure
the outpouring of the mucus from the glands of Bartholin
which makes easy and pleasant the introduction of the hus-
band's erect penis.

During sexual excitement the glands of Cowper and
Littre in the male urethra and the glands of Bartholin in
the female vulva secrete a viscid, transparent mucus, almost
identical chemically with saliva, which usually becomes more
abundant if the excitement is prolonged and intensified.
In the male the amount of this secretion is generally in sig-
nificant. It is called urethrorrhea ex libidine. In the female
it is generally abundant, and it is called pre-coital fluid or
mucus. Coitus should never be attempted until the excite-

110 The Art of Love

ment of tlie female is so intense that the vulva are bathed in
tliis secretion. There are a few women in whom this flow
is very scanty or tardy in appearance, only being poured
forth in any quantity just at the time of orgasm. In rare
instances this secretion gushes out several hours after inter-
course. In case this secretion is scanty or absent preceding
intercourse, when all proper preliminaries have been
employed, one may use saliva (which, as I have just said,
is almost identical with it) to lubricate the parts; or some
mucillaginous substance, like gum tragacanth soaked in
water and thinned to the consistency of saliva. When it is
ascertained that the woman is deficient in the natural secre-
tion, these substitutes should be used not only before
attempting intercourse, but during the preparatory stimu-
lation before the act.

Oily substances should not be used. They are so diflFer-
ent from the natural secretions, and so generally disagree-
able to both man and wife that they make matters worse
rather than better.

Again, it should be mentioned that the hymen must be
ruptured by firm, gentle pressure; and if much pain is
induced, or force required, a physician should be consul ted.
The husband should know that while an unbroken hymen is
fairly good proof of virginity, it is not absolute, since many
women indulge in sexual practices with men which arc the
equivalent of intercourse without interfering with the hymen.
On the other hand, he should remember that absence of the
hymen is no discredit to his bride and should cause no sus-
picion, as this membrane is frequently absent or rudimentary
or has been ruptured accidentally in some innocent way. He
should be grateful rather than disturbed if this offers no
resistance to his progress.

At every intercourse, and especially the first, there should
be great deliberation on the part of the husband unless the
rapidly culminating passion of the wife renders this unde-
sirable or unnecessary.

Unless there is special objection the first position tried
should be the following: the wife lying on her back with

The Art of Love 111

legs drawn up and separated, the husband above and between,
with part or all of his weight on knees and elbows. After
his penis has been carefully pressed into her vagina it is
generally best for them to remain still for a little time, dur-
ing which the husband's weight may be upon his wife if she
so desires.

It ought to be superfluous to say that the couple should
look into each other's eyes and kiss each other repeatedly at
such times; but it is not, since couples long years married
have told me that they were ashamed to look into each other's
eyes during intercourse, and that timidity restrained them
from kissing, or violence of passion made them forget it on
these occasions.

If at the beginning of intercourse the wife is not as far
advanced toward the orgasm as her husband, he should stroke
or caress her back and thighs, and play with or kiss or
gently suck her nipples.

Movements

When each has attained to about the same degree of
excitement and both desire motion, they should make in and
out movements together. She should draw back when he
does and press forward with him. The amplitude of these
movements may vary from half an inch to the withdrawal
of his penis as far as possible without entire separation. The
wife especially should make circular and sidewise movements,
for this usually contributes to her pleasure.

In the great majority of cases, even when they start
together, the husband will approach the orgasm more
quickly than the wife. When he does not do so, and they
approach the crisis together, they should go on together,
with long, vigorous strokes, of increasing rapidity, to the
mutual orgasm; but in case she is not ready for this, the
husband should stop all movement before he reaches the
danger point and, lying still, allow his desire to partially
subside. This may be more readily acccomplished if he
diverts his thoughts for a little time to other subjects, having
special care not to divert his wife's thoughts from her pres-

112 The Art of Love

ent occupation. She should be encouraged to make such
movements as she desires, to increase her own excitement,
provided that this does not bring on his orgasm too quickly.

It is very frequently necessary, when the man is short-
timed and his wife is long, for him to withdraw altogether
and allow his passions to subside in a measure while he con-
tinues to excite her by those preliminaries which she finds
most acceptable. When she is finally far enough advanced
she should inform him; and after re-introduction of his
penis they should continue for a time the in and out move-
ments; then, if necessary, he should withdraw again and
repeat his efforts at stimulating her, proceeding together to
mutual orgasm whenever she is ready for it.

Long gives an aphorism which should be remembered in
this connection. "Let love rule and direct; banish all self-
ishness; let the husband keep his head and the wife utterly
lose hers."

Some have said that such delay on the husband's part
may prove injurious, while the majority of men, especially
those who suffer from precipitate ejaculation, will say that
this is impossible. The contrary of the latter statement may
be proved by the testimony of hundreds of men who, like
the writer, have pursued some method involving delay, for
more than a quarter of a century. The entire innocuousness
of this method may be reasonably predicated also from an
investigation of these same men, who, aside from being in the
desirable condition of happy marital living, are, without
exception, in better health than any similar group of hus-
bands who, from fears of consequences or fancied inability to
delay, make the sexual act of brief duration.

Of course I do not pretend that the diminished self-assur-
ance and the impaired health of the hasty husband are
entirely the direct results of his haste; but I do think that
some of these results come indirectly through the domestic
discords, jealousies, suspicions, and neuroses which are
always in store for the man whose wife is not only deprived
of sexual satisfaction but is further irritated by the knowl-
edge that her husband will not devote his time or effort to
her pleasure which he regularly requires her to devote to his.

The Art of Love 113

Remedies for Precipitate Orgasm

This is the place to speak of those remedies for precipitate
ejaculation which do not come directly within the province
of the genito-urinarj surgeon. When this condition is the
result of fear of the results of former auto-erotism or.
excesses, the ordinary husband ought to be able, after read-
ing Long's "Sane Sex Lige," Brill's pamphlet on "Masturba-
tion,** Menzies' "Auto-erotic Phenomena of Adolescence," or
my own writings, to cure himself by auto-suggestion of any
such fears.

It is the rarest thing to find a man who is really incom-
petent. It is very common to find one who thinks himself
so. If he forgets all about these things and devotes himself
unreservedly to loving his wife and enjoying himself, and
lays no stress on a few failures, he will generally come out
all right. In any case a little medical advice is all that is
necessary.

Early complete confidence between man and wife soon
removes lack of sympathy as a factor in precipitate orgasm.

Most healthy men after long repression cannot avoid a
precipitate orgasm at the first intercourse. One need have
no fear on this account; and when the wife understands this
natural condition she will be quite willing, either mechani-
cally or by intercourse, in which she does not expect to derive
satisfaction, to give him one or more orgasms until his ten-
sion is so reduced that he can begin the act over again with
the ability to delay until she also has an orgasm.

Most men who are suffering from repression can repeat
the act two or three times within an hour. In such a case
it is often advisable to carry preliminary stimulation only
far enough to produce a sufficient flow and moderate desire
on the wife's part. Then the husband may have orgasm as
soon as he wishes after beginning intercourse, after which he
may rest in his wife's arms and continue to stimulate her
until he has another erection, then proceed in such a manner
that she has her first orgasm with his second, or with his
third or fourth, if he is unusually virile.

114 The Art of Love

Wlien overwork, anxiety, worry, etc., are causes of too
early ejaculation, the couple should reserve special seasons
for dropping everything and taking complete rest. Then
when the husband is cheerful and the wife uncritical, or vice
versa, they should playfully and leisurely pursue their efForts
toward mutual satisfaction, efforts which will surely be
crowned with success if they take rest enough and take time
enough for play and are sufficiently persistent.

If this condition is nothing but a sign of excessive virility,
combined with only moderate control, enough has been said
to indicate the way to perfect adjustment after this condi-
tion has once been diagnosed.

If the wife is not responsive, she needs only to understand
that the blame for her husband's precipitancy rests not on
hira but on her. She will usually become responsive soon
after she learns the desirability of this, provided that, at the
same time, her husband begins to use proper methods in pre-
paring her.

When reservatus is the cause of precipitancy this prac-
tice should be suspended for some time or discarded alto-
gether.

When coitus interruptus or withdrawal is a cause this also
Fhould be given up; but this not always feasible, since defi-
nite instruction in methods of prevention is not available.
Other forms of prevention are sometimes offensive to the
aesthetic sense of wife or husband; or in some way they
may interfere with the complete pleasure of one or both.
Very often, too, women fear the reliability of methods which
are safer, perhaps much safer, than this one; and their con-
stant dread of results prevents the complete participation,
the letting themselves go which is necessary to their full
sexual enjoyment.

In another book I mentioned a modified form of with-
drawal, a compromise method which I have known to be used
in some cases, and from which I had never obsen'^ed any bad
results to either party. Since that time I have found a con-
siderable number of happy couples who have employed this
method, after having had sufficient originality to discover
it for themselves. I have also advised it in selected cases.

The Art of Love 116

The evidence on this matter is by no means complete^ but I
have never yet been able to trace any disturbing symptom
to this method, though I have interestedly kept track of such
couples, and they are all, up to date, healthy as well as
happy.

All neurologists agree that the chief danger of anxiety-
neurosis or other neuroses arising from coitus interruptus is
due to two things. First: the psychic effort necessary for
the man, during the act of intercourse to so shape his course
that he can satisfy his wife before his own orgasm, and
then withdraw just as his own orgasm is beginning and be-
fore it has really commenced, is very absorbing. One whose
mind is concentrated on these things is unable to enjoy the
intercourse at any stage, as he has always before him the
fiasco which awaits him unless he times everything to the
fraction of a second. Neither is he altogether his own mas-
ter in this matter, because, should his orgasm be near when
his wife's begins, her greater excitement and increased
motion may bring on his and cause his withdrawal before
hers is complete. This is not only unsatisfactory to both
but injurious to the wife.

Second: the man's orgasm after coitus interruptus varies
in incompleteness according to the timing of his withdrawal,
but it is never complete. An absolutely necessary condition
to a perfect orgasm in either a man or a woman is more or
less friction during llie whole duration of the orgasm, and
usually for a moment or two afterward. Nearly every
neurologist declares that coitus interruptus is harmless and
healthful for the woman if she has a complete orgasm before
her husband's withdrawal.

Briefly describing the method referred to: it requires the
fullest co-operation on the part of both husband and wife.
First, she is so stimulated in the preliminary stage that she
has orasm shortly after they come together, or at any
rate well ahead of his approach to the orgasm. After this
she will desire to lie perfectly still for a few minutes. Then
.she will almost invariably desire a short continuation of
the in and out movements. Later there is no discomfort,
but a certain amount of pleasure for her in continuing the

116 The Art of Love

movements. Their movements are now kept up at the hus-
band's direction until he approaches the orgasm. He does
not need to persist to the very verge of this as in ordinary
withdrawal; for when he indicates the necessity for her
assistance, his wife grasps his penis as he withdraws it and
gives it such friction as he desires until his orgasm is com*
plete.

Probably the most satisfactory positions for this method
are to begin the intercourse and continue until the wife has
orgasm in the position which I have already described. Then
after she has rested sufficiently the husband should turn
upon his back, and she should come over upon him astride
one or the other of his legs, with hers doubled up, or between
or astride both of hers. She now becomes equally active with
him in the movements of intercourse until he gives her warn-
ing, when she immediately lies over on one side and gives his
penis sufficient friction with her hand while he catches the
semen in a cloth or appropriate receptacle.

This procedure might be at first repugnant to some women,
though the only reason for undertaking it is their protec-
tion; but it is not so to those who have described it to me,
nor to those to whom I have suggested it. Rather, it is
said to add much to the wife's sexual enjoyment. First, she
has a perfect orgasm herself; second, a short period of in-
tercourse after a brief rest, something almost universally
desired by normal women ; third, she is happy after her own
perfect enjoyment to help make her husband's complete;
and her mind is easy, thinking that this modified method can
rarely if ever have unfavorable effects on her husband's
health. I have known women so stimulated by this pro-
cedure, and women whose natures were essentially cold, at
that, who, in spite of their recent complete satisfaction, were
ready, without preliminaries, for an immediate repetition of
the act.

This method is far superior to ordinary withdrawal or
to that form in which the husband completes the act for
himself by the friction of his own hand.

If this method is followed the orgasms are not synchron-
ous, but are, in a sense, mutual. It is perhaps needless to

The Art of Love 117

say that this method is invariably far more gratifying to the
man than any other external makeshift.

On the whole, since certain modifications are often neces-
sary under present conditions of civilization, this has much
to commend it, especially for those couples who insist on
practicing coitus interruptus, or whose use of artificial ap-
pliances deprives one or the other of complete satisfaction.

Positions

Under this heading the general statement may first be
made that there is no classical position, no one position more
ethical than others; and there is not necessarily any humili-
ating position, nor one that should cause either party to
blush or lose self-respect. Any position that helps the
wife to obtain complete orgasm and satisfaction, when the
same is easy for the husband, any one that enhances or more
fully completes the satisfaction of the husband, when such
satisfaction is readily obtained by the wife, any position
which increases the enjoyment and makes the act more com-
plete, which hurts or harms neither, is justifiable, commend-
able, and highly desirable.

The two positions which I have already described, with
their minor variations (viz., 1st, the husband above and
astride of one or both of his wife's legs, or between them,
or, 2nd, the woman above, similarly astride or between) are
probably the ones most satisfactory in the majority of
cases. The first is by far the one in most common use, not
necessarily because it is most satisfactory, but because it is
frequently resorted to from ignorance of other positions or
from the feeling that others are unnatural, injurious, or
improper.

Third: a very desirable position for some people, espe-
cially when the husband is tall and the wife is short, or
when his organs are unusually large, is that in which the
man lies partially on one side while the wife lies with her
back to him, in his arms. If he is lying on his right side,
her left leg will be on his, and her right leg slightly doubled
and somewhat separated from the left. After the introduc-
tion of the penis into the vagina, which is easily accomplished

IW The Art of Love

if the wife separates the vulva, or lips, with her hands, they
may continue to lie on the side where they began, or tuni
so that the wife is above him, lying flat, or she may sit up
upon him, or they may turn over so tliat each is Ij^ing on
the right side. At any desirable stage in this position, they
may make in and out movements together, or the husband
may lie supine while she makes any sort of motion that she
desires.

It often gives the woman great pleasure to sit up on her
husband as just described. At the moment of orgasm she
sometimes desires to crowd herself down on him with great
force while he simultaneously elevates his hips as far as pos-
sible. Another wife, though greatly excited during this pro-
cedure, will desire to turn over and lie upon the husband,
facing him (second position) or have him come over above,
facing her (first position) for a minute or two before
orgasm occurs. Also when in the second position, the woman
above and astride, she will at times desire to sit up almost
straight at the moment of orgasm. This is facilitated if
the couple are on a narrow couch, which allows her feet to
touch the floor on either side. The man also at times enjoys
the reverse of this position, when he is above and astride.
Several very demure and unusually reserved wives have de-
clared that this sitting-up position at the time of orgasm
gave them pleasure indescribable, caused hysterical laughter
or crying, and induced temporarily, a delirious aggressive-
ness in their love for their husbands. This need cause no
alarm, since the nearer a wife arrives to such a state at
the acme of the love act, the saner and better balanced she is
all the rest of the time.

Fourth: frequently, during the latter part of pregnancy
it is advisable on the wife's account, and occasionally it is
more enjoyable for her or her husband, as a regular pro-
cedure, for the wife to assume the knee-chest position, or
facing the bed, on her elbows and knees, with her husband
above and behind her. In this position, also called the quad-
rupedal position, the husband may easily reach around and
fondle her breasts, either when upon the bed as described
or when she is standing slightly stooped, with him behind

The Art of Love 119

and below. As slight variations of this position, the wife
may lie face down over a table of the right height, or she
may lie on her back with her hips at the edge of such a table
and her legs over his shoulders, with him facing her. Several
good wives are known to me who never obtain an orgasm
except when some modification of this position is resorted to«

Fifth: sometimes a husband finds it very transporting
(this word of Fielding's is doubly apropos) to sit on a nar-
row chair or couch while his wife sits astride and facing
him. In such a vis a vis they are particularly well adaptd]
for embracing and kissing ; and when the orgasm approaches
they may remain in this position or the husband, if he be
strong and his wife not too portly, may rise to his feet,
raising his wife with his hands beneath her hips, while her
legs are about his hips and her arms are clasped about his
neck (vide above, "transporting" — in two senses). While
this is often particularly delightful to the man, and much
more than agreeable to his wife, it is doubtful if many women
can obtain an orgasm in this way. In case this is impossible,
this procedure should be reserved for those blissful seasons
when the husband has ministered unto his wife's desires to
her utmost satisfaction and has not yet arrived in close
proximity to his own orgasm. Should she, in such an even*
tuality, after a brief rest, wish to show her appreciation by
giving him the extra pleasure which frequently results from
variety, it is to be recommended that she suggest something
of this kind and, tripping lightly, unimpeded by draperies,
lead the way to chair or couch. She may be assured that
such little acts of affection, intimacy, and love are nothing
to blush for, but that there is the highest scientific and moral
warrant for them.

The above may seem flippant. Lest it be thought so I
hasten to say that I have no intent to be jocular or facetious
— if anything disgusts me it is such an attempt in a book of
this kind. Remembering, then, that I positively disclaim
any such purpose, let me say that there is every reason for
all husbands and wives to be agreeable and pleasant and
considerate and loving at all times. Especially should it be
their eifort during sexual play and the sexual act, to bring

120 The Art of Love

each other to the acme of visual, auditory, olfactory, and
touch delights before the orgasm or climax is reached. The
wife almost invariably delights in some of the caresses and
prelinunary excitations which I have alluded to. We have
said comparatively little about the husband; but the enjoy-
ment of the most reserved and most dignified benedict is won-
derfully enhanced and he becomes incoherent in his thanks
and in his memories when a wife, loving, virtuous, and chase,
though of chill and unemotional exterior, gives herself up
for the time to extraaganzas of position and expression,
especially at a time when he knows from her confession and
acts that he has given her unusual delight.

If the patient, sweet pure, refined, reserved wife would
go to the designing woman or to the demi-mondaine, as the
proverbial sluggard was supposed to go to the proverbial
ant, and learn her methods, she would, in many instances,
retain or regain her husband's undiluted and undivided love.

I used to wonder why husbands, inherently moral, loving
their wives undoubtedly, left them now and then, like Pepys,
for some transient, clandestine association with some trans-
parent incompetent with daring eyes, arch manner and
inviting person ; also why men of apparently good moral in-
stincts and sound principle swallowed their disgust and
abandanced their principles to consort with prostitutes. I
think I have the reason. The transparent incompetent is
suffering for love and cannot help being extravagant in seek-
ing love's favors and in fulfilling love's offices. The pros-
titute must understand masculine psychology or her business
fails. He pays for love, and she, though perfunctorily and
with pretended enthusiasm, does what she knows he craves,
the very thing he innocently desires at home, namely, that
his wife should show her delight in his love and her confidence
in him by giving herself utterly to him and expressing her
surrender in burning looks, in extravagant speech, in dar-
ing expositions and in endless variety of seductive attitudes.

In other words, some of the forms of expression of the
most exalted and refined love are identical with some of those
of the most sordid and sensual. When the most idealistic
wives have evidence and assurance of the undivided love of

The Art of Love 121

the most idealistic husbands, there are not only practical
but moral and religious reasons for throwing off their reserve
and borrowing from the ballet if they would preserve the
love of their husbands undivided indefinitely.

Variety! That's it! One would not forever enthuse over
the same opera or the same play or the same book, though
each is the best and the most permanently satisfying in its
way and the essence of each is a permanent treasure. The
soul of the book, opera, or play may be compared to the
soul of a man or a woman. Once loved it is always loved;
but we demand the soul of the book, play, opera, man, or
woman in different phases, guises, or garbs.

We always love the same book, the same play, the same
woman, James to the contrary notwithstanding; but we de-
sire endless variety, new songs to the operas, new characters
in the plays, new romances in the book; but Solomon was
right, there is nothing new under the sun, and we get the
same content and desire the same content, after all. We
desire the same personalities in men and women, differently
adorned, differently expressed. The old, old story of love
is kept ever new by multiform expressions, b}^ the possibility
of variety, not only in the purely psychic realm, but in the
sexual act and its approaches. We have seen that the pos-
sibilities of variety here are innumerable.

The secret of keeping a husband on the qui vive, or a
wife, for that matter, lies in not taking everything for
granted as soon as we arc married, in never getting into ruts
of self-complacency or action, in always striving to progress
to new and dizzier heights, not only economically, intel-
lectually, and morally, but also in perfecting a repertory of
unending variety of technique in the art of love.

Some authors have described as many as ninety-eight
different positions ; but perhaps what I have said about them
is sufficient for an outline, with the understanding that,
should none of those mentioned prove adequate in any given
case, honest investigation and experimentation by couples
incompletely adjusted should be persisted in until the com-
plete affiliation which only comes with proper adaptation is
attained.

122 The Art of Lave

Post Coitam

After completion of mutual orgasm many consider the
matter ended; but this should be by no means the case.
When separation of the parts at this time is considered
necessary for contraceptive reasons the couple should still
continue, until sleep ensues or other occupation interrupts,
tender embraces, loving kisses and affectionate converse.
When separation is not necessary at the time of the orgasm
all these concluding experiences of intercourse should be par-
ticipated in before the organs are separated.

It is very important to remember that the conversations
during the period immediately following satisfactory coitus
are preeminently the content of halcyon moments. There is
no time when self-revealment is so easy or so imperative, no
time when one tells his mates of his individual joys, hopes,
aspirations, successes, sorrows, and reverses; and such con-
fession is good for the soul, and it was, even before Freud
and some others said so.

It is not only that self-revealment at this time is wonder-
fully salutary for the revealer; but few if any earthly ex-
periences approximate the transcendent delight of the one
who contemplates the holy of holies, the treasures which the
unlocked, widely open portals of the nearest and dearest
personality fully reveal.

There should be no attempted restraint of a tendency
amounting almost to garrulity of men and women of silent
habits to talk at such times.

Except on rarest occasions and under urgent necessity
no woman should resort to douches after intercourse.
Neither should a husband be occupied with necessary
mechanical adjustments which could as well be attended to
later.

Mmor Considerations
Some authors have laid much stress on the so-called free
time to be taken advantage of by those who have good rea-
son for family limitation.

The Art of Love 188

It is true that ovulation and menstruation usually coin-
cide, in a measure, and the egg leaves the uterus generally
within ten or twelve days after menstruation has ceased.
The free time should be the time intervening between twelve
days after one menstruation and two days before the next.
But these matters are not definitely understood, and there
are many sources of error. Some women retain the egg in
tube or uterus longer than others. In some women ovulation
has no definite relation to menstruation. No one knows
exactly how long spermatozoa may remain alive in vagina
or uterus. If this method of controlling conception be
adopted, as Long suggests, it is likely to reduce the chances
of conception, and it will in some cases prove effective; but
after having learned the experience of many couples in thi»
particular I feel constrained to remark that those who adopt
this method exclusively and trust in it implicitly are likely
to follow it five or six years and then, with five or six chil-
dren and the economic and health questions staring them in
the face, begin to look for more effective measures.

A serious objection to this method in cases where it is
effective is that at most there are but few days of free time
in the month, and these are consecutive. All intercourse for
the month must be compressed within these few days, which
is undesirable for the man and very bad for the woman,
since few women can be found who experience any satisfac-
tion in intercourse after the first two or three times when
it is repeated several times daily for several consecutive days.
Twelve times a month, or three times a week, is the normal
amount of intercourse for the average couple. Following
this method intercourse must occur twelve times in a week
or less, which is certainly too frequent; or, the total for the
month must be reduced, which is also liable to prove dis-
turbing. So far as I have been able to learn, the married
people most happy and contented and in the best health are
those who have sexual relations in moderation, with no long
periods of abstinence. A week of excess followed by three
weeks of abstinence may keep them out of the sanitarium or
the divorce court; but they are not likely to be celebrated
for efficiency, endurance, or good temper. Another very

124 The Art of Love

serious objection to this method is that the so-called free
time occurs during the past of the month when every woman
has least desire. I think that the rule is invariable that
women have their strongest sexual cravings just before, dur-
ing, or after menstruation, when, under this regime, all
intercourse is tabooed.

Makeshifts like mutual masturbation I should encourage
and consider desirable under certain special circumstances;
but as a regular procedure during the long interval of
abstinence when this method is followed, they are to be
discouraged.

Fear of Pregnancy

In this connection it may be well to mention that the fear
of an undesired pregnancy is the chief obstruction to the
perfect affiliation of many couples. I have discussed this
in previous books, and must here content myself with the
briefest statement.

All married people who have reasonable prospect of
healthy offspring should anticipate a family of children a*
the greatest privilege, and undertake the raising of such li
family as their chief contribution to racial progress. It ii
generally best to postpone pregnancy for a year or two after
marriage.

It should never be necessary to postpone marriage be-
cause the young people in love and eager to marry are not
able at once to undergo the expense of children.

Families should differ in size according to health and
economic conditions; and each pair should be entitled to
decide when they should have children and how many they
should have.

Childless couples (when fertile and sound) are a menace
to civilization ; and their early supreme selfishness acts to
destroy the ends they had anticipated, and they finally be-
come dissatisfied and anti-social.

On the other hand, families with too many children for
the father to sup])ort or for the mother to bear, are a menace
almost as great. Such families nurture immorality and
crime; they drain the public resources; and they rob both

The Art of Love 125

father and mother of all the rights of life and the joys of
living.

Realizing such results to be inevitable, many women worry
endlessly, fearing that each intercourse will mark the begin-
ning of an unsought pregnancy. With such a constant
menace they can never relax sufficiently to joyfully welcome
their husbands and perfectly accomplish their part in the
sexual act. Some women go as far even as to believe that
if they refrain from orgasm they will not conceive. Such
a belief is of course incorrect; and conception may occur
whether or not the woman has any pleasure in intercourse.
Still, it is undoubtedly true that her complete satisfaction
renders conception more probable, and that the offspring of
such a union are better balanced generally.

The illegality, under present disgraceful laws, of the dis-
semination of proper contraceptive information to those who
need it, makes it incumbent on each individual couple to
repudiate unjustifiable law, which is no doubt also uncon-
stitutional, and seek comfort, health, and efficiency for them-
selves, and choose between poverty and handicap on the one
hand and proper food and sufficient early training on the
other, for their children. It seems as if every doctor and
humanitarian must advise people faced with this contingency
to seek until they obtain some form of adequate protection
which interferes neither with health nor with perfectly satis-
factory, mutual sexual relations. There are unquestionably
such adequate fonns of protection ; and adequate or inade-
quate ones are used by most married, fertile men and women
of the intellectual classes through portions of their married
lives, it makes little difference whether such a family is Jew,
Gentile, Catholic^ black or white. Christian or pagan, bond
or free.

Intercourse for Both Social and Procreative Ends

I merelv mention here, for this also I have discussed be-
fore, the belief, confined principally to a few of the fanatical
or grossly ignorant, that intercourse should be for procrea-
tion only. I fear no worth-while criticism if I assert dog-
matically that sexual intercourse has a two-fold significance,

126 The Art of Love

a social and a procreative. Without the former, health and
happiness would rapidly disappear, and we should become
unfitted for the latter, the procreative function. No normal
couple can follow literally the doctrine of intercourse for
procreation only and be fit to train their children to hold
the place of trustworthy and useful elements in the com-
munity.

CHAPTER lY

THE ART OF LOVE FOR THE UNMARRIED

No comprehensive treatment of the art of love is think-
able in our present civilized society without some reference
to the unmarried of both sexes. When the minority of
healthy adults is enjoying the privileges of the married state,
which is in every way the most desirable condition that has
for any length of time or by any considerable group been
conceived of, or that can with our present knowledge be
conceived of, for human beings, as individuals or as members
of any social group, it behooves us to do more than bewail
the fact that we have a "great unmarried," or cast a slur
upon this class whose existence and sufferings social condi-
tions have rendered inevitable. We have tried to suggest
changes in ideals. Education and economic conditions would
tend to reduce or obliterate this class, but for the time being
some attention is necessary to this social element which is
with us, and which must continue with us for a long time
to come.

Especially let us remember the thousands, yes, the hun-
dreds of thousands of women in our own country, and the
millions of women whose hearts have been made desolate and
the millions besides whose lives can never be completed by
marriage in lands across the sea. It is the tragedy of the
incompleteness of the lives of countless women which is the
underlying motive of the modified marriage and free love
propaganda urged, to some extent, by Ellis, and more
strongly by Ellen Key and Grete Meisel-Hess, and enter-
tained or urged by some of our own best women — particu-
larly by those who have suffered from the exactions which
society has made upon the individuals or those social work-
ers who are most in touch with the sufferings of others.

127

128 The Art of Love

We must not disregard entirely the single men, for while
we regard with aversion these unmarried men, so preemi-
nently possessed of porsine proclivities that they will not
marry for the welfare and happiness of some woman and for
the welfare of society, neglecting their own greatest asset
for happiness, health and development by this denial, but
who pillage the dearest of all human possessions by patron-
izing the institution of prostitution or by seeking clandestine
ilicit relations, who eke out a vicarious community life as
social onlookers and non-contributors, who parasitically
suck the paps whose milk belongs to others by "songing"
intermittently on the homes of their married friends, seeking
in this shameful or shameless way the feminine society and
intimacy that every real man must have — going further,
often by seducing by subtle arts the wives of the friends who
have welcomed them to their homes — we know full well that
bachelors are not all of this class ; and we must make excep-
tion of the young man who must pursue his studies till, at
least, there is a prospect of their completion before marriage.
We must also except those of circumscribed and busy lives
who have actually had no opportunity to come in contact
with the right girl. We must exclude those who have loved
and lost and who cannot love again, and the few ultra-
fastidious nature for whom the finding of a suitable com-
plementary personality seems almost an impossibility.

The class made up of those whom we have excluded is still
a very large one, and is entitled the same consideration
accorded the class of unmarried women. Now no one of
either sex who is relatively normal can go through life with-
out some psychic attachment to other human beings — love
in some spiritualized form. Neither can one go through life
without some auto-erotic or homo- or hetero-sexual experi-
ence — sex expression with conscious sensational accompani-
ment.

Both the spiritual and erotic love life may be repressed
largely into the subconscious ; and if the sex nature be weak
and the environment favorable, a dwarfed and unhappy
j)crsonality may result. If there is ordinary virility or
nubility, the love life ultimately shows through, either as

The Art of Love for the Unmarried . 129

hysteria or other neurosis, or in promiscuous habits. At
times, especially in those individuals who combine a not ex-
cessive virility with a high degree of culture and idealistic
notions, the love life may be practically all sublimated as
some form of art, altruism or religion; but here, sooner or
later, the same results commonly occur as in direct repres-
sion. Love and passion vs. ethics and religion may cause
in some strong natures where repression is inadequate and
sublimation partially unavailing, a life-long conflict between
instinctive desires and conventional idealizations. Such
suffering souls alternate between contemplation of a love as
pure as Dante's for Beatrice and the uttermost torments
of his damned.

For me, nothing can cause greater question of the order
of the cosmos, nor elicit greater pity for suffering humanity,
than the oft-witnessed tragedy of unmated or mismated men
and women. Some justice should be accorded them, some
program other than platitudinous exhortations to mother
and children of others or spread out their loves over all
mankind.

What program? Despite the arguments of Ellis, Meisel-
Hess, Ellen Key, and others, who have sensed like myself
the unspeakable loneliness and supreme endurance test of
the permanently unmated, for the unconventional partial
reliefs which the transient unions of some form of free love
might bring, I can but adhere to the established conventions
as better, not only for the fortunate mated ones, but the
unfortunate unmated as well. In this way only it seems
possible for man to keep what he has or progress to any
higher destiny.

Not to stop here for argument but merely to state a point
of view, it would seem that short time free or promiscuous
matings of any sort, while no doubt resulting in more gen-
eral physical relief for a greater number than at present,
would tend to abolish the slowly developed psychic element
of love which has come to be its chiefest blessing; and man,
at least in his present stage of education and civilization,
would shortly lapse into primitive types.

Again, how could such a regime provide against the in-

180 The Art of Lwe

numerable tragedies and heart-aches which must ensue when
matings perfectly consummated are broken at will on the spur
of the moment for other loves equally fleeting? Would not
a sword of Damocles hang over every lover's bed? Would
love, respect, service and sacrifice continue, or would the
sex life resolve itself into a series of transient, selfish,
physical gratifications for the strong and compelling, and
result in neglect and suffering and humiliation for the weak
and yielding? Would the omnipresent uncertainty, the fre-
quent physical deprivation, the impossibilty of permanent
satisfaction of the soul hunger for love, which is, after the
body hunger for food, the greatest need of us humans,
be at all adequately compensated for by such little oases in
the desert of physical desire as would be supplied; and, if
such compensation could be considered a good reason for
the abolition of conventions, would the neglect and humilia-
tion which such a course must eventually entail be ever justi-
fiable?

If the reader thinks with me that such remedies are not
adequate, he must also in all fairness agree with me that
some conventional partial remedy shall be provided for the
undeniable sufferings of the unavoidably single who are
possessed of love and longing and desire in the same degree
as those who are happily married.

In looking over remedies we find that prostitution has
been considered such, but such a solution can never be rea-
sonably urged nor permanently adopted; for prostitution,
besides being unconventional, and presupposing the unjust
double standard for men and women, entails the serious
menace of venereal disease and encourages universal depar-
ture from the monogamic standards which have brought a
high degree of civilization to all and inexpressible happiness
to some.

Sublimation has been dwelt on by many as a remedy for
the unmarried, and I have advocated it in all its available
varieties and in all possible degrees. Nevertheless, it is in
many, if not in most cases, inadequate.

We are finally forced to the abrupt statement which can
not be successfully contradicted. Every normal individual

The Art of Love for the Unmarried 131

of either sex must have some love life of his own in oriJer
to attain to anything like his due of comfort, health and
happiness, and to properly fulfill his destiny. This love life
must have both a psychic and a physical side. A doctrine
of absolute asceticism for the ordinary man or woman is
unsupportable. Blotting out all of love fantasy and
idealism is unthinkable.

After excluding impossible and anti-social remedies, like
prostitution and free love, after accepting the legitimate
partial remedy of sublimation for what it is worth as far
as it will serve, there is a tremendous residuum of uncom-
pleted lives, lived under insupportable conditions, for whom
a temporary or partial remedy would be a boon, for whom
"half a loaf" would be better than "no bread."

Though no remedy has been openly suggested, so far as I
know, except in certain hints which I have formerly given,
such a partial remedy is used under necessity by many of
our single men whose ideals are highest and by women whose
morals are purest, though the ones who have resorted to this
have heretofore, almost without exception, condemned them-
selves as moral lepers, or have been in terror of the sup-
posed injurious results of so doing.

If one stops to think calmly and sanely, going carefully
into all of the facts from first to last, it becomes luminously
apparent that there is absolutely no remedy for those who
believe in the conventions and are yet outside the pale of
them except this hitherto unsponsored one of which I am
about to speak, nothing else which in converting unsupport-
able and unjustifiable repressions into tolerable, even com-
fortable and idealistic living for the individual, does no hann
to any other individual nor to society as a whole, while this,
like any other remedy, in benefiting the individual benefits
all other individuals.

The logic of this has been forced in upon the intelligence
of countless sufferers who have resorted to this remedy in
shame and fear and trembling, since it was in direct oppo-
sition to the teachings of the earlv church and older medi-
cine, and had become, long before our day, something
abhorred by the public conscience of the whole civilized

182 The Art of Love

world. But older teachers were prone to teach errors; older
religionists often preached false doctrines; and older ones
in authority administered unjust punishment.

We have outgrown the narrowness of view which tolerated
beliefs were different from our own. We have probed too
enlightened, too human and tolerant, to obtain sport by
feeding to wild beasts in the arena those whose individual
beliefs were different from our own. We have probled too
far the secrets of the universal to harbor now a superstition
that would make our preservation depend on the "burning
of witches." We have now hospitals for the sick, asylums
for the orphan, and societies for preventing the sufferings of
animals.

Hitherto the intolerance of the happily married toward
the unavoidably single has been perfectly analogous to the
intolerance of a Neronian paganism toward a new-bom
Christian idealism. It should shame us to remember that
we, in smug, cultured, twentieth century intolerance, are the
later fruits of the survival of that same Christian idealism.

We are growing in tolerance and altruism, and the war
has added much to our growth. We are becoming less and
less concerned with the fate of our individual opinions or
the future of our own individual souls. There is less sepa-
rating of the sheep from the goats. We are more interested
to have our thoughts contribute in some way to the common
good and to have all bodies and souls reach beatitude.

Even my former hesitating sponsorship of auto-erotism
for the unavoidably single, those whose repression was unde-
sirable or unjustifiable in youth or age, and where there was
no recognized conventional outlet, has been received by more
than tolerance. I have the unqualified assurance of thou-
sands of those whose intuitions arc as unerring, whose minds
arc as keen and as cultured, whose ethics are as unassailable
as any to be found in this country, that they agree with me
that no other possible legitimate way is to be found out of
the dilemma which civilization is now in. I knew in advance
that this indorsement must come sooner or later, for I did
not voice my belief until I had already found that thousands
of the best men and women had resorted to this, in spite of

The Art of Love for the Unmarried 133

the thought that, according to old ideas, their conduct
merited self-condemnation and public opprobrium.

I did not speak boldly of this remedy until I had reasoned
with these people and shown them, as best I could, that tTieir
solution of life's problem was not a cause of shame or re-
proach, but was commendable; nor did I speak until I had
seen literally thousands of lives made bright and radiant
from adopting a system of living which involved in it a
relief that made life insupportable, a relief formerly thought
shameful and self-destructive, and now proven beyond cavil
ethical and beneficial.

Perhaps before proceeding, I should explain my own
utterances, and my own position more fully in regard to
auto-erotism. The greater part of "Rational Sex Ethics*'
was written in 1907. Long before this I had come to recog-
nize that a strict adherence, or an honest attempt to con-
form, to our marriage conventions, that a long interval
between puberty and marriage, that a large part of the
population permanently deprived of marriage, necessitated
a recognized place for auto-erotism as a makeshift or means
of temporary relief.

I was entirely convinced then, as now, that it was never
or in only the rarest instances, physically injurious, and
that it was in very many cases beneficial. But even when
that book was published in 1916, I hesitated to assert any
ethical dogmas of my own as opposed to a public conscience
born in the minds of all and reared under the dogmatic
ethics which had been in vogue twenty centuries, and which
had well-nigh universal approbation. I was loath to pro-
claim mvself an alien to what had l)een considered correct
ethics. 1 desired to endorse what was universally right and
true. I thought I knew what this was; but I was then still
too much, myself, under the shadow and authority of the
old ideas, the established way of thinking, to speak with no
uncertain voice. I "throw a sop" to established notions, and
spoke of auto-erotism as ordinarily harmless physically,
often justifiable, and never, in the stress of desire, to be con-
sidered worse than the lesser of two evils. In the next
volume my statements were more liberal, and in the next,

134 The Art of Love

"Sex and Life," still more so. In "Rational Sex Ethics,"
Book II, page 226, will be found this statement: "Really
there is but one legitimate remedy after the hackneyed par-
tial remedies already named fail, and they often fail. . . .
Now, I unhesitatingly say that sufficient auto-erotism for
moderate comfort and good health is the only remedy. . . .
It is plainly the only recourse consistent with morality and
health, after the remedies alluded to have proved unavailing,
and they certainly are often unavailing." In "Sex and
Life," page 235-6, "If I am correct, masturbation, as a
necessity, is not low, degrading, nor bestial, as none of life's
necessities can be, unless all are." Page 882-3, "Be thank-
ful rather than otherwise if your sex nature is so strong
that there is justification and necessity for the occasional
relief of that part of your womanly nature which our wise
artificial conventions make it necessary, for the time being,
for you to keep, as much as is consistent with health and
comfort, in the background."

I now wish to make a statement, at once explicit, candid,
and unequivocal. Some medical men and others of experi-
ence believe there is no sex necessity. Many others believe
there is such a necessity. We all know that there are indi-
vidual differences in libido. There may be a necessity for
some and not for others. So far as my own experience goes,
I believe there is such a necessity for all normal people of
average sex development. So far as I have talked with
physicians, scientists and other cultured people, the large
majority believe there is a sex necessity; a small minority
believe there is not. So far as I can reason from the life
experience of thousands of both sexes whose ideals are of
the highest, there is a virtual if not a real sex necessity,
since these people have, with so few exceptions that the
exceptions may be considered abnormal, yielded to the pres-
sure of sex, in spite of the most strenuous efforts at repres-
sion, believing that each lapse was a moral stigma or the
forerunner of physical disaster.

If then, there is a sex necessity, virtual or real; if mono-
gamic relations in marriage are still to be our ideal; if it
is true that free love and promiscuity are unethical and in-

The Art of Love for the Unmarried 186

jnrious; if it is not disputed that a large part, perhaps half,
of our population, is sound and virile but unmarried; why
then, auto-erotism is just as necessary, just as moral for
the unmarried as is intercourse for the married. While it
may not have all the beneficial results in the unmarried that
intercourse produces in the married, nevertheless, it does
give poise and health and optimism; and there is no other
legitimate form of sex expression for this class which does
these things.

Then, so far as sexual intercourse is beneficial, ethical,
justifiable, salutary for married people, is auto-erotism of
like use and in like repute for those who through no fault
of their own are not married and mated. Such auto-erotism
as is justifiable in the unmarried should be, like such sexual
intercourse as is permissible in the married, not merely a
mechanical relief of sex tension.

We have seen that the love act between mates is largely
psychic, that it partakes of memories of what has gone
before, and of anticipations for the future, that it involves
caresses and words and thoughts of endearment, that it
brings a man and a woman to the highest possible plane of
physical ecstasy and exaltation of soul.

Necessary auto-erotism should be as near like this as
possible. I say should be, not on my own initiative, but as
only one of many who have discussed these matters and
thought of them prayerfully and carefully.

Every human being must have, to a greater or less degree,
an inner life of the imagination. This inner life of the
imagination is or should be more prominent in the unmarried
man or woman. We all do and we all should anticipate the
joys of mating before we mate.

Those who have read "Sex and Life" will remember the
faithful delineation of the subjective erotic life of the one
who wrote the sexual autobiography. He allowed his
imagination to play around the girls whom he knew well or
around casual acquaintances. Some women have told me of
singling out definite men for imaginary sexual companions.
This method, if given a strictly Biblical interpretation,
might possibly be considered as "lusting after" one in one's

186 The Art of Love

heart. But certainly some imaginary situations must ac-
company auto-erotic love, which is certainly capable of
many refinements and much of the aesthetic. To quote from
the mother's letter, p. 293, "Sex and Life," "This thing is
capable of having good taste applied to it just as are all
other functions in life." It cannot be other than wholly
material unless there is an imagined mate.

I have formerly stated and this statement also was based
on the confidences of many men and of many women, that
this imaginary mate should be an idealization and not a real
person, and that all the caresses and approaches of the love
act should be gone through in turn as imaginations, and
the final physical touches should be the culmination of this.
The physical part for the male needs no description; but
while the female who has never been married usually attains
a complete orgasm by titillations of the nipples and clitoris,
one who has been married and sexually developed needs to
remember that to accomplish this properly she will need,
when nearing the orgasm, to use some implement similar in
Hize and shape to the male organ.

When this act is necessary, and every individual must be
his own judge here, there should be no shame or loss of
self-respect before or after it. There should be no effort to
hasten through it as though it were a disagreeable duty.
7'here should be neither haste nor unreasonable delay. It
should take from ten minutes to an hour for its completion.
There should be, in retrospection, an act of intercourse with
one's former mate, or in anticipation with one's ideal future
mate. Time enough should be taken so that, by aid of the
imagination, and slight manipulations, the excitement may
become intense before there is any attempt to produce the
orgasm. The act should be resorted to only when the person
knows that there is ample justification. Then it should be
enjoyed like normal intercourse to the uttermost. After its
completion there should be a feeling of lassitude, satisfaction
and contentment, as after normal intercourse.

I will close this chapter with a bit of history and a brief
quotation from letters. This case is chosen from many

The Art of Love for the Unmarried 137

similar cases of worthy women whose verbal or written words
are almost identical, for the reason that this case came to
my attention a day or two after I had written this chapter,
and the letters were received before I finished the book.

A woman in the forties has been forced to give up her
occupation as the result of a serious neurotic condition
which did not yield to treatment. In one interview she
frankly told me her whole history, of which I give only the
essentials.

She had never experienced any sex feeling before the age
of sixteen, when a married man of nearly fifty proposed
intercourse. She indignantly refused; but her curiosity
about the act was aroused, and she grew curious about the
male organs. Soon a young man paid her attentions, and
in due time they were engaged. Erotic feelings developed
naturally under the stimulus of this intimacy. Finally the
young man proposed intercourse and sought to enforce his
demands by many kisses and caresses. She became more
and more excited, and finally consented, expecting the mar-
riage to occur at once. The marriage, however, was delayed,
and the young man abandoned her. She felt herself forever
ruined and degraded, and went into a decline. It was not
expected that she would recover. Then a physician was
employed, under whose treatment she improved; but he was
unscrupulous and told her that she would never fully recover
until she had intercourse. After much urging he prevailed
upon her to have intercourse with him. This occurred once
only, but she conceived as the result, and after several
months had a miscarriage.

From that time to the present she has felt ashamed and
humiliated; but though her erotic desires have been insis-
tent, she has never allowed familiarities from any man. On
three separate occasions she had been forced to leave posi-
tions because her employers had solicited her to intercourse
and had used every insidious form of stimulation to accom-
plish their designs. Although no one of them succeeded in
attaining this object, they each were successful in producing
a tumult of erotic feelings; and she, feeling that she must

138 The Art of Love

inevitably succumb if she stayed, gave up each position in
turn, and sought another.

As a child, she had been told by her mother that mastur-
bation or any handling of herself would surely lead to idiocy
or to something equally bad. She never dared to touch her
clitoris to relieve the tormenting desires that beset her. She
had erotic dreams occasionally, culminating in orgasm,
which afforded her some slight relief; but many times she
had such dreams, from which she woke to find herself
manipulating her clitoris. In terror she immediately de-
sisted, and she never brought on the orgasm at such times;
but she usually lay awake the rest of the night suffering
greatly from sexual desire. Of late years she had conquered
these desires, to some extent, but she still sufi^ered from them
excessively during and near menstrual periods. The prin-
cipal symptoms at the time of consultation were, marked
insomnia, constant headaches, severe pain over one eye the
greater part of the time and profound depression and dis-
couragement, all of which symptoms were aggravated at
the time of menstruation, and there was then the added
symptom of hysterical weeping.

She was told that her condition was bound to grow worse
under continued repression, that there was no legitimate
method of relief except by auto-erotism, and that moderate
indulgence in this could produce no possible physical harm,
and that without moderate resort to this she would not be
likely to recover sufficently for any man to want to marry
her.

As to the moral aspects of this, she was told that suf-
ficient auto-erotism to make her desires tolerable, and to
calm her nervous system, was perfectly justifiable, and just
as moral for her as was natural intercourse for her married
leister. She was told that this was perfectly compatible with
the ideals she was striving for and that it should in no wise
lessen her self-respect.

Since she had had intercourse when young, as above re-
lated, she was told that titillation of the clitoris would not be
likely to bring complete relief; and she was advised to use

The Art of Love for the Unmarried 139

some suitable implement in the vagina after preliminary
stimulation of the nipples and clitoris.

The results are shown in the following:

"I feel much better mentally. ... I am going to do as
you told me in everything if I haven't controlled myself so
long that I can't. ... I began to menstruate Friday, and
this is the first time for three years that I have not felt ter-
ribly excited all over for a week before menstruation. I
am trying hard not to worry. I am feeling much better to-
day. I tried what you told me, was a long time getting
excited, and then it only lasted a few minutes. The follow-
ing night it lasted longer, and had orgasms, but didn't feel
perfectly satisfied, and I think, as you said, that I must use
something. I slept better the second night than I have for
a long time, and felt more rested in the morning.

"My mother asked me so many questions that I told her
what you said and she never said a word until the next day.
Then she said that you were right. I never was so sur-
prised.

"I told an unmarried sister about this. She has had to
relieve herself many times and was much relieved to know
that it was all right. ...

"I must tell you how much better I am. I have had only
one of those severe headaches since I saw vou ; and that was
right after I came home. I sleep and eat better, in fact,
feel better than I ever did in mv life, and I have more self-
control; and it is a relief not to feel like crying over every-
thing. I don't have as much desire as I used to. During
the first week after menstruation it is sometimes every night
for a few nights, then not again until the next period. But
there is notliing here to excite ine. Possibly the desire would
be stronger if I were in different circumstances. I have used
a large paraffiiie candle with good results. I am reading
more now, as you suggested : and it helped me. You can't
think what a relief and blessing it is to be rid of that cruel
pain in my eyes. It was simply killing me, and now I have
a chance to get a little strength; and I am not nearly so
nervous before my periods.

140 The Art of Love

*^A11 these blessings I owe to you. How I wish every boy
and girl could know these things before their lives are ruined
by some hideous mistake.

"I am studying your books so I will be better fitted to
help if there is an opportunity; and there seem to be many^
even in my small circle of friends."

CHAPTER V

THE ONEIDA COMMUNITY AND ITS DOCTRINE

OF MALE CONTINENCE

Paet I

A certain doctor has written several lectures on sex, and
he teaches his peculiar views to many people. Of course he
is entitled to his views and to express them as much as I
or anyone else until harm is done; but it seems to me that
he theorizes upon pretty dangerous ground and does not
submit convincing proof. Following are a few quotations
from his :

"Especially was the lack of harmony in the marriage
relation something demanding solution. Some endeavored
to teach total abstinence of all sexual expression excepting
wlien procreation was desired. I have no argument to pre-
sent against this plan excepting the plain statement that it
DOES NOT WORK. When a man and woman truly LOVE
they will both desire sex expression, unless one is deficient
in sexual strength. True affection desires true and full ex-
pression of affection. So long as no means were understood
for a complete love union which did not include the emission
of a man's semen, our loving mates were afraid of us, and
we cannot have Fear and Love as bedfellows and have Love
remain. More and more it was made evident that nearly
all women were raped after marriage and impregnated
against their wishes. Men, good and true, did not stop to
analyze their own motives and honestly supposed that they
were acting according to the dictates of Love, when they
insisted upon intercourse, as a part of an abnormal, selfish
and brutal habit, when no desire was present for impregna-
tion. This is the 'physical necessity' myth held by many

141

1*« The Art of Love ,

doctors and is based solely upon the demands of the brute
side of man. This problem many a loving man desired to
solve. There was an urgent need of adjustment between
the Brute-man and the Real Man of gentleness, purity, wide
vision and loving heart. While the laws HE had established
gave him the ^right' to insist upon intercourse as soon as
he ^married' a certain woman, he knew deep down in his
heart that such a *right' merely made this woman his sex
slave. Instead of that, he really desired a FREE woman,
as comrade and loving mate. Now in sex communion, the
old, hasty and spasmodic way of intercourse, in which the
wife is frequently the passive party and is only asked to
*8ubmit' is replaced by a method which allows reciprocal ex-
pression which is verily the supreme moment of love's expres-
sion for BOTH. It is this MUTUAL satisfaction which I
have explained so fully. Men now find that it is a delight
to prolong the love union and soon discover that a mutual
delight is given and received, under complete control, and
the final, delirious crisis is NOT reached."

He quotes a believer who says: "Approaching the love
union, expressions of endearment and affection including
ALL parts of the body, allowing all five senses to revel in
fullness, accompanied by the full nude contact, is followed
by the quiet and gentle union of the female and male organs.
During a lengthy period of perfect control the whole being
of each is submerged in the other, and an exquisite exalta-
tion experienced. This is followed by a quiet motion, en-
tirely under the control of the will, so that at no time the
wonderful thrills will induce an emission. This may be con-
tinued until BOTH are satisfied. Perfect control comes by
patience and determination and the reward is happy, united
lives and each attain to their higher selves."

Then the author resumes: "At first, some men say that
this self-control is beyond them, but not a single instance
has been reported of a faithful trial without success. The
mind may be made to control all parts if held aloof from all
baser ideas. Lust in the mind drives inevitably toward Lust
in action. It is after this, that we may truly say that we
are free from Lust and have begun to live upon the Love

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 148

plane, with absolute purity of body and souL ... If I had
an enemy — which I am thankful to say I have not — I would
advise Marriage as a punishment. To the Treasure House
of Love, Love holds the only key. To make marriage any-
thing but legalized whoredom, we must recognize the fact
that Love CAN be separated from Lust. Without boasting
1 can say tfiat for nearly twenty years I have eliminated
lust and at the end of that time I find myself with even more
sexual power than at the start, and far more than is pos-
sessed by men twenty, thirty, and even forty years younger.
This is not an isolated instance. Those who follow my teach-
ing report they 'are growing every year.' Physically there
is nothing that will renew 'youth' like s. c. But the most
beautiful part is that man and woman may now meet in per-
fect purity of the soul. . . . You are to remember that
Sex Communion gives ALL that makes sexual intercourse
desired by any NORMAL man or woman, while it leaves out
all which imperils the chastity of woman and her undesired
impregnation and always avoids the depletion of man of
that fluid which makes him a Man rather than the eunuch.
. . . Every woman who understands and sympathizes with
her mate in his endeavor to gain a perfect self-control,
can do a great deal to control her emotions and modify her
movements in order to make a reciprocal and prolonged
communion possible. Everything is to be mutual. Both are
to remember that every touch should receive a response.
Every feeling is to be a mutual feeling. If the woman is not
fully responsive, her mate is to take all the time necessary
to awaken her sex power. . . . Those who have studied the
subject with the greatest care are of the opinion that nearly
25 percent of American w^omen are undeveloped in sex.
When intercourse is used the class will NEVER understand
the joy of the love union, because of the haste of the act of
intercourse. Now the man may take all the time needed to
awaken her sex forces. In nearly all women a loving caress
of lips to breasts will produce desire for the internal
caresses. The full nude contact of Diana is always to be
preferred as to give and receive the bodily magnetism which
is beautiful. When this alone is all that is desired you may

144 The Art of Love

use the delightful embraces of Diana and enjoy it to the
utmost. With many this is the magic key which brings the
desire of woman to unlock her Door of Love. Woman then
learns to love ALL parts of her beloved. A man who is
clean and pure enough to kiss has no organ not worthy of
kisses. A man never truly loves a woman until he loves
thighs as well as shoulders, legs as well as arms, and belly as
well as bosom. Every curve and hollow will hold dainty
cups of blessing to the pure love of a pure woman.

"And what do women say about sex communion? With
one single exception the reply has always been that the most
beautiful, restful, joyous and inspiring part of any love
union came BEFORE the emission.

"Man is not to get any false idea that it is going to be
difficult to reduce his erection without an emission. Nothing
is easier IF he takes plenty of time. And he is to remember
that the more time he gives to the act of communion, the
more his mate will share it with him. On the other hand, if
the woman is especially passionate she may be called upon
to exercise her will power to protect her mate from emis-
sions. One very passionate woman writes that she always
avoids the orgasm herself because she feels that by so doing
she makes communion a great deal easier for her mate. This
matter of the orgasm in women is one that differs most
widely. One woman intensely passionate in disposition is
thrown into nausea and vomiting by her orgasm and always
wishes to avoid this crisis. Another will have eight orgasms
and enjoy every one without reaction. Many women will
enjoy communion with all their heart and soul and never
reach their orgasm. Therefore, I give women no rule hut
that of personal experience and the fact that they must
always he in accord with their mates. Some will reach their
orgasm in a very few minutes and others equally passionate
wfH require a long period for communion. The rule that IS
universal is that each will give freely to the other of all they
possess and that neither will knowingly do a single thing to
prevent a full expression. Sex communion, therefore, is a
method which has nothing to interfere with nor prevent full
expression of BOTH, but rather is a means whereby we may

The Oneida Commimity and Its Doctrine 145

guide our crafts where sanity, purity, moderation, beauty
and a mutual love will remain forever. To be able to con-
tinue the reciprocal movements of communion for an indefi-
nite time without arriving at the orgasm with the man, with
its waste of vitality, is a matter of education and will only
come after continued endeavor, but the truth of every state-
ment as presented will soon be proven and two people who
honestly WILL do their very best will be rewarded by find-
ing sex control easier each time and the final reward is an
increase of love, added sex vigor instead of impotency and
inflowing health, joy, beauty, and strength of brain, body
and soul.

"At the very beginning I would recommend that the body
movements be VERY limited. If man begins after years of
sexual intercourse, or when depleted by masturbation, the
love organs will have become very sensitive, quite abnormally
sensitive and they seem to expect that they are going to be
called to go on and on with the former program of inter-
course and his orgasm will approach very quickly. I have
had cases where it took place immediately upon insertion or
even before it was well inside the vagina. This is combined
with the impossibility of having a normal erection anci be-
comes a very serious disease — Psychology Impotency —
with many men, where they have practiced self-abuse, had
intercourse pretty freely, or where they have been sparated
from the opposite sex for a long time, and can be cured and
cured only by sex communion with a woman who is extremely
considerate. One splendid report comes from a man who
was entirely impotent — no erection — and in two months he
was able to give and receive communion for an hour at a time
with control. ... It is wise at the beginning to allow the
parts to remain perfectly quiet after insertion, or only insert
only partially at first and remain still until all the special
nervous excitement subsides. This will vary in time with
different men anywhere from a few seconds to several min-
utes. Then, when there is a feeling that the surplus excita-
tion has disappeared and there is a condition of perfect
confidence, the mutual embrace is to be made of a little more
energetic, pausing just an instant at frequent intervals to

146 The Art of Love

note at just what point each one is in reference to the
orgasm. It is this pause after the insertion that prevents
all premature and disappointing nervous ^mistakes* by men.
. . . In a large proportion of cases, if the woman has been
given the proper *lover's approach* with fondling of bosoms,
there has already appeared the preparatory fluid discharged
from her vagina. . . . Then the slow up and in movements,
not withdrawing more than an inch, slowly increasing to
the point where the thrills are constant but not too close
to the orgasm. If there is the least doubt as to control,
pause frequently. The old notion that the man ^couldn't
stop* and 'it's all over in a minute* are absolutely false as
was the idea that the erection would not disappear without
the emission. Time and time again one may approach so
near the orgasm, that a single vigorous movement would pre-
cipitate the emission, but all the time we will pause when
necessary and all the time the man will enjoy perfect control
with more and more confidence in himself and be receiving
and giving more sexual happiness per minute for from twenty
to sixty minutes, than was ever possible before, for him or
his mate, for the instant of intercourse. And then, after
BOTH are satisfied the aftermath is so sweet. Instead of
the exhaustion of emission the penis will not be withdrawn
for quite a time; in fact it is recommended that it remain
until the hardness has disappeared, and it drops away natu-
rally. ... As already stated, if there is any remedy for
the 'cold woman* communion presents the sure cure. We
find women of all temperaments, from those who will 'go on
in a minute* to those who have never been conscious of anv
sex desire at all and both will be 'cured* by s. c. because both
are abnormal. The cold woman usually recognizes that she
is undersexed and laments the fact. Sexual intercourse
gives her nothing to awaken her dormant nature. What is
she to do? The only 'cure* is that her mate be taught s. c.
The hurried act of intercourse leaves a 'cold* woman worn
and disgusted and colder still, because the act is completed
long before she has had the necessary time to arrive at any
condition of appreciation and participation. The 'hasty*
woman learns by s. c. that she must control herself in order

The Oneida Commwnity and Its Doctrine Wt

to get in perfect harmony with her mate. . . . Sexual ex-
pression IS needed — that we all concede — but sexual inter-
course, NEVER excepting for the one purpose of impreg-
nation. . . .

"Dr. Robinson, of New York, is one of the few and the
ONLY man of any national prominence who criticises sex
communion, because, as he states it: "The testicles natu-
rally secrete semen and it is unnatural for them not to dis-
charge it.' There is the sole argument in the world against
s. c. My reply is that it is also natural for the lachrynal
glands to secrete tears, but that is no reason why I must
shed them every day and I know that I shall not be made
incapable of tears because I do not cry but very seldom
. . . and lastly, as physical and mental control becomes
more perfect and daily more easy and as it is learned that all
possible delights of the sexual embrace can be given and
received without the loss of a single drop of semen there will
be an instant ending of the bringing into the world of chil-
dren 'cursed before birth.'

I next give brief quotations from "Male Continence," ^
"Diana," "Karezza," and another pamphlet. These quota-
tions need not be extended, since some or all of these books
or pamphlets are readily obtainable, and all are based on
the doctrine of the Oneida Community as expounded in
"Male Continence," bv John Humphrev Novcs. The chief
variations from his original doctrines are that "Diana"
advocates that the relations of the sexes in love or marriage
be confined largely to touch and sight of the nude fonn, and
that "Karezza," by actual statement, and "Zugassent's Dis-
coverv" by inference advocate that both the male and the
female refrain from orgasm.

1 "Male Continence/' John Humphrey Noyes, Oneida, N. Y., 1877.
First published, 187:?. All editions now out of print.

"Diana,*' Henry M. Parkhnrst. First published, 1880. Reprint, 1916.
from "Civic Fonim." National Public Sentiment Educational Society,
448 Broadway, Albany, X. Y.

"Karezza,'* Alice 15. Stockham, M.D., formerly Stockham Publishing
Co., Chicago, 1896, now R. F. Fenno & Co., 18 K.*17th Street, New York.

"Tlie Strike of a Sex and Zupassent's Discovery," Geo. N. Miller, for-
merly Stockham Publishinjf Co., Chicago, 1905. First edition, 1890.
G. W. Dillingham, Pub. May now be obtained of R. F. Fenno & Co.

148 The Art of Love

J. H. Noyes, founder of the Oneida Community, wrote a
j)ani})hlet in which he described his discovery of male con-
tinence, gave a description of the method and discussed
various other matters pertaining to the religious beliefs and
secular doings of this people.

This pamphlet is out of print; but some of the subject
matter is very important, since from this man and from
this Community came all of the allied views, or identical ones,
regarding the conduct of the sex relations which have been
brought forward from time to time and which all have had
more or less supporters, who, in the majority of cases, came
from the more intelligent part of the community.

Noyes narratces his discovery as follows: "I was married
in 1838, and lived in the usual routine of matrimony till
1846. It was during this period of eight years that I studied
the subject of sexual intercourse in connection with my
matrimonial experience, and discovered the principle of male
continence. And the discovery was occasioned and even
forced upon me by very sorrowful experience. In the course
of six years my wife went through the agonies of five births.
Four of them were premature. Only one child lived. This
experience was what directed my studies and kept me study-
ing. After our last disappointment I pledged my word to
my wife that I would never again expose her to such fruit-
less suffering. I made up my mind to live apart from her,
rather than break this promise. This was the situation in
the summer of 1844. At that time I conceived the idea that
the sexual organs have a social function which is distinct
from the propagative function ; and that these functions may
be separated practically. I experimented on this idea, and
found that the self-control which it required was not diffi-
cult; that my enjoyment was increased; that my wife's
experience was very satisfactory, as it had never been before ;
that we had escaped the horrors and the fear of involun-
tary propagation. This was a great deliverance. It made
a happy household. I communicated my discovery to a
friend. His experience and that of his household were the
same. In the course of the next two vears I studied all the
essential details and bearings of the discovery. In 1846 we

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 14i9

commenced Community life at Putney, Vt. In 1848, soon
after our removal to Oneida, I published the new theory in a
pamphlet which had a small circulation for a few years, but
is now out of print. This is the only true account of my
discovery of Male Continence. ... In regard to the injuri-
ous effects of Male Continence, which have been anticipated
and often predicted, the Community has to report in general
that they have not been realized.

"For example : it is seriously believed by many that nature
requires a periodical and somewhat frequent discharge of
the seed, and that the retention of it is liable to be injurious.
Even if this were true, it would be no argument against Male
Continence, but rather an argument in favor of masturba-
tion ; for it is obvious that before marriage men have no
lawful method of discharge but masturbation ; and after
marriage it is foolish and cruel to expend one's seed on a
wife merely for the sake of getting rid of it, as it would be
to fire a gun at one's best friend merely for the sake of un-
loading it. If a blunderbuss must be emptied, and the charge
cannot be drawn, it is better to fire into the air than to will
somebody with it. But it is not true that the seed is an
excrement like the urine, that requires periodical and fre-
quent discharge. Nature has provided other ways of dis-
posing of it. In fact it has an imminent value, and is in its
best function while retained. It is the presence of the seed,
and not the discharge of it, that makes tlie bull superior
to the ox. The Community has had no trouble from reten-
tion of seed ; but, on the other hand, has nearly exterminated
masturbation and involuntary emissions bv the reflex influ-
ence of Male Continence. Masturbation is a disreputable
branch of the same seed-wasting business that is carried on
more decently in ordinary matrimonial intercourse, and is
evidently destined to pass away with it. . . .

"We begin by analyzing the act of sexual intercourse.
It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Its beginning and
most elementary form is the simple presence of the male
organ in the female. Then usually follows a series of recip-
rocal motions . Finally this exorcise brings on a nervous
action or ejaculatory crisis which expels the seed. . . . Now

150 The Art of Lov0,

we insist that this whole process, up to the very moment of
emission, is voluntarily entirely under the control of the moral
faculty, and can be stopped at any point. In other words,
the presence and the motions can be stopped at will, and it
is only the final crisis of emission that is automatic or un-
controllable. Suppose, then, that a man, in lawful inter-
course, with woman, choosing for good reasons not to beget
a child or to disable himself, should stop at the primary
stage and content himself with simple presence continued as
long as agreeable? Would there be any harm? It cannot be
injurious to refrain from voluntary excitement. Would it
do no good? I appeal to the memory of every man who has
had good sexual experience to say whether, on the whole, the
sweetest and noblest period of intercourse with woman is not
that first moment of simple presence and spiritual effusion,
before the muscular exercise begins.

"But we may go further. Suppose the man chooses for
good reasons, as before, to enjoy not only the simple pres-
ence ^ but also the reciprocal motion^ and yet to stop short
of the final crisis. Again I ask. Would there be any harm?
Or would it do no good? I suppose physiologists might say,
and I would acknowledge, that the excitement by motion
might be carried so far that a voluntary suppression of the
commencing crisis would be injurious. But what if a man,
knowing his own power and limits, should not even approach
the crisis, and yet be able to enjoy the presence and the
motion ad libitum? If you say that this is impossible, I
answer that I know it is possible — nay, that it is easy.

"I will admit, however, that it may be impossible to some,
while it is possible to others. Paul intimates that some can-
not ^contain.' Men of certain temperaments and conditions
are afflicted with involuntary emissions on very trivial excite-
ment and in their vsloep. But I insist that these are excep-
tional morbid cases that should be disciplined and improved ;
and that, in the normal condition, men are entirely competent
to choose in sexual intercourse whether they will stop at
any point in the voluntary stages of it, and so make simply
an act of communion, or go through to the involuntary
stage, and make it an act of propagation. . . •

The Oneida Commtmity and Its Doctrine 151

"This method is healthy. In the first place, it secures
woman from the curses of involuntary and undesirable pro-
creation ; and secondly, it stops the drain of life on the part
of the man. This last advantage cannot be predicated of
Owen's method nor of any otlier that merely prevents the
propagative effects of the emission of the seed, and not the
emission itself. ...

"Closely connected with the popular fallacy concerning
the seed (already quoted), is the suggestion of certain medi-
cal men that the practice of Male Continence would lead to
seminal degeneracy and impotence. The experience of the
Community has signally refuted this suggestion in the most
efi^ectual way."

Already enough has been said, perhaps, concerning the
psychological effects of the various offshoots of the male
continence doctrine. It may be well to mention again that
the idealization of sex by Dr. Stockham in "Karezza," and
the doctrine that sex contact and a certain amount of pleas-
ure were moral and proper, providing the crisis was not
reached by either party unless procreation was desired,
undoubtedly relieved the minds of many who had formerly
thought that all sex thoughts and feelings were immoral or
irreligious.

Quotations from **Karezza^*

"Understanding this law, that all is from God, and there-
fore good, no base or ignoble thoughts can ever enter the
mind. ... A profound reverence for all nature's mysteries
and unfathomable secrets is developed; a conservation of
energies is accomplished; while through the baptizing con-
secration of thought, the generative organs are redeemed
from the desecration of the past, and their powers and func-
tions justly and wisely appropriated. . . . It is taught that
love is a fulfillment of the law. Sexual love is the highest
expression of love on the earth-plane, and sexual union is
a symbol of this love. . . . The ordinary hasty, spasmodic
method of cohabitation, for which there has been no previous
preparation, and in which the wife is a passive party is alike
unsatisfactory to husband and wife, and is at the same time

162 The Art of Love

deleterious to both the physical and spiritual man. . . .
Karezza consummates marriage in such a manner that
through the power of will, and loving thoughts, the final
crisis is not reached, but a complete control by both husband
and wife is maintained throughout the entire relation. The
law of Karezza dictates thoughtful preparation, probably
for days previous in which there should be a course of train-
ing that exalts the spiritual and subordinates the physical,
in which affection leads to increased loving attentions and
kindly acts. Approaching the event, expressions of endear-
ment and affection, accompanying general bodily contact,
are followed by the complete but quiet union of the male and
female organs. During a lengthy period of perfect control,
the whole being of each is submerged in the other, and an
exquisite exaltation experienced. This may be followed by a
quiet motion, entirely under full subordination of the will,
no that at no time the thrill of passion for either party will
go beyond a pleasurable exchange. Unless procreation is
desired, the final propagative orgasm is entirely avoided.**

*' Diana** and Alphism

Medical and psychological readers will probably conclude
that the whole doctrine of "Diana and Alphism was grounded
on one man's fetichism"; and very likely this is true.

Nevertheless, many people were influenced by it; and it
lias some followers still. Unquestionably the method has a
certain value as one of the preliminaries to the complete
nonnal sexual act. Hence the following quotations :

Alphism and Dianism Defined. To avoid misapprehen-
sion, tlicse two theories should be clearly defined, and the
(fistinction between them explained. The doctrine of Alphism
is confined to one principle, the law of abstmence except for
procreation. Those who believe in this doctrine may be
divided into different classes. Some believe in it as a matter
of duty, to be enforced by precept and self-denial, and some
believe in it as a matter of right, requiring no self-denial. In
this latter is included the doctrine of Diana, which may be
defined to be the law of sdrual satisfaction from sexual con-

The Oneida Comrwwnity and Its Doctrine 163

tact. In other words, Dianism is Alphism as the result of
sexual equilibration. This doctrine is founded upon the
theory of dual functions; but that theory is not an essential
part of it. Any person who carries out the principle of
abstinence except for procreation, whatever his motives or
ideas connected with it, is a practical Alphite. And any
Alphite who seeks sexual companionship of greater or less
intimacy, for the purpose of sexual equilibration as an aid
to abstinence, is a practical Dianite.

Practical Suggestions, When one party only accepts the
law of Alphism, receiving new light after marriage, it neied
not introduce into the family an element of discord. The
wife, for instance, may not feel justified in adopting a course
tending to induce her husband to seek from others the satis-
faction she denies him, and yet may make such efforts to give
him galvanic satisfaction, and thus to restore sexual equilib-
rium in the normal way, that he will become less inclined to
amorous excess.

The Effect of Sexual Contact, It is an observed fact that
sexual contact incites to activity the affectional action of the
sexual organs, with their connected sensibilities extending
over the whole frame, and by their exercise satisfies them,
without calling into action the special generative function of
the sexual organs. And it is also an observed fact that the
repression of this affectional activity naturally creates a
desire for the exercise of the other; so that the true remedy
for sexual intemperance is the full satisfaction of the affec-
tional mode of activity by frequent and free sexual contact.

Modes of Gratification, Sexual satisfaction may be de-
rived from personal presence, conversation, a clasp of the
hand, kissing, caressing, embracing, personal contact with
or without the intervention of dress, internal contact, mutual
friction, or the experiencing of the orgasm ; in greater inten-
sity and with greater rapidity in the order here stated.

Should Sleep Together, In order to preserve the sexual
polarity from becoming excessive, it is important that hus-
band and wife should usually sleep together, with such degree
of nude contact as may be adapted to each individual case.

Excelsior. Although, as a general rule, the greatest

164. The Art of Love

amount of physical pleasure will result from the strict ob-
servance of tlie law of Alphisni, how far this may be modified
by individual cases, is for the parties most interested to
decide for themselves. So few have acquired the habit, which
requires cultivation, of enjoying the sexual currents from
nude embraces, or sexual contact, that the strict observance
will usually involve self-denial; and it may be that if the
principle were established, an occasional violation of it in
practice would be of little more consequence than the viola-
tion of the physiological principles, that food should be
taken at regular hours, and sleep during the hours of the
night. The main difference is this : that we must eat and we
must sleep, at short intervals of time, but there is never a
necessity for violating the law of Alphism; it is a more im-
portant matter, and the consequences are therefore likely
to be more serious. But still it is a matter wholly within
the judgment of the parties ; who have as much right, so long
as they observe a reasonable degree of temperance, to indulge
their wishes, at a loss to themselves, in this respect, as in
regard to the hours for eating and sleeping, or as to what
they shall eat, or what they shall drink. Yet the influence of
even unconscious parental example is so great as to make it
desirable for parents to exercise a great deal of self-denial in
overcoming bad habits, for their children's sake, even when
the results will not seriously affect themselves. The most
important point is the establishment of the principle, so
that no man shall resort to masturbation or to prostitution,
from the mistaken idea that he is benefiting his health in
getting rid of a surplus secretion which cannot remain in
the system without physical detriment; so that there shall
be a constant effort on the part of both husband and wife
for increased temperance; so that wives shall not refuse
their husbands sexual contact lest it should lead to sexual
intemperance, from ignorance of the fact that the course
they are pursuing has a direct tendency to inflame passional

desire.

Ntide Contact. The free exchange of sexual currents is so
unusual that comparatively few can appreciate or enjoy it;

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 156

but if it is indulged in up to the boder of antipathy, the
capacity for such enjoyment will increase. It is better to
err in excess than in defect in carrying out a principle where
the common error is all the other way. The cultivation of
the habits which will tend to the affectional action of the
sexual batteries should include the mental effect of the sight
of the nude form, as well as the effect of physical contact.
When the twain become one flesh, they should no longer
cherish reserve from each other. People do not know what
they lose by seeing the nude only in paintings and statuary.
A picture of a fall of snow, of a tree waving in the wind, or
of a foaming cataract, may be beautiful ; but how much more
beautiful is nature herself, when the falling snow, the waving
branches, the dashing waters, are in actual motion, making a
picture which no art can portray.

Sexual Polarity. The affectional action of the sexual bat-
teries produces a sexual polarity, which we may call positive
in the male and negative in the female. In sexual companion-
ship or contact there is a radiation or conduction which re-
duces the polarity and restores the equilibrium, thus tending
to prevent the action of the sexual batteries from taking a
generative form. While the polarity exists there is attraction
or sympathy ; when the polarity is satisfied, this is followed
by equilibrium, or apathy. If the close contact is continued,
there results an identity of polarization, which causes repul-
sion, or antipathy. The antipathy seems to be more forcible
than the attraction, as physical pain is generally more vio-
lent than physical pleasure. If people will keep their dis-
tance, and avoid a forced identity of polarization, they can
be on good terms, when the same people, thrown into closer
relations, will feel an unconquerable antipathy.

During Pregnancy. It can hardly be questioned that a
wife during pregnancy and lactation ought to be exempt
from intrusion. She needs her husband's care and love, his
caresses and embraces, but if she can have tliese she does not
need and does not naturallv desire intercommunication.
Since men and women are adapted to each other, here is one
indication that man does not naturally need relief from sur-

166 The Art of Lovf

plus spermatic secretion as frequently as once a year. If he
feels such a need, it must be from erroneous habits, which he
should seek to correct.

Recapitulation, The fundamental theory of Diana is
that tlie sexual secretions have two functions, their genera-
tive function, and their nffcctional function; and that except
when parentage is desired, the sexual force should be turned
into the affectional channel. The manifestation of the affec-
tional function is by sexual contact, which may take such
form, from mere companionship to ph3'sical nude contact, as
mutual attraction may prompt; causing sexual equilibration
and thus sexual satisfaction. The form of such manifesta-
tion will be largely influenced by the mind, and largely by the
force of habit; wherefore the gradual bringing of the mind
into harmony with these principles, and the gradual forma-
tion of habits consistent herewith, will make more and more
evident their beneficial operation. These fundamental prin-
ciples cannot be overturned by mere negative testimony. If
we have positive evidence that they are true, as applied to
a single individual, and if it can be shown that their general
adoption would put an end to> acknowledge evils, such evi-
dence will outweigh any number of failures.

Quotations from **The Karezza Method*^

"The Karezza Method, or Magnetation, the Art of Con-
nubial Love, the Lover as the Artist of Touch," is the pre-
tentious name of a pamphlet "privately printed for the
author and his friends." There is nothing essentially new in
this pamphlet. The author merely combines the male con-
tinence ideas of J. H. Noyes with the female continence idea
of Dr. Stockham; and instead of applying these ideas as
was done by the Oneida Community in a regulated form of
communal marriage, or applying thorn in ordinary marriage
as Dr. Stockham advocated, he would apparently disregard
any form of regulation, and choose partners at will for the
jointly controlled free love-union which he advocates.

The author is extremely naive, stating with positiveness
that he knows facts to be true which were scientifically dem-

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 167

onstrated half a century ago, and with equal confidence
contradicts science and experience.

See the following: "And there is the question of the
woman's orgasm. It is held by quite a good many men, some
women, and many physicians say the same, that a woman
also needs the orgasm, and that if she does not have it her
health suffers. It is also commonly claimed that the woman's
orgasm is essential in conception for the best results.

"With these contentions I disagree. I consider the female
orgasm an acquired habit and not natural.

"The male needs the orgasm to expel the sperm, but the
female has no analogous need — her orgasm has nothing to
do with expelling the germ.

"In all the animal embraces I have been able to witness,
while the orgasm of the male was evident, I could see no evi-
dence of a female orgasm. If the female orgasm is not neces-
say and does not occur below woman, why should it be
necessary to occur in woman?

" 'To give her pleasure,' is the answer, and a good one, but
I hold that if she will have Karezza, she can have a finer,
sweeter pleasure without it.

"My objection to the female orgasm in Karezza (for it is
to be noted that in the original 'male continence' the woman
had the orgasm if she wanted it) are three-fold :

"That self-control is more difficult for the man where the
woman thus indulges herself.

"That after her orgasm the woman is less magnetic,
enthused and delighted as a partner, enjoys the Karezza
less, and quite often soon becomes indifferent, depressed
or irritable.

"That indulgence in tlie orgasm on either side cultivates
the merely sexual at the expense of the affectional, the
romantic, the spiritual.

"As I know that a woman who has known the perfect
orgasm may deliberately abandon its practice completely
in favor of Karezza, on the ground of its being less satisfy-
ing than Karezza minus all orgasm, and as I know that
women who have never in all their lives had an orgasm may
be beautifully satisfied and blissfully ha})py as well as

158 The Art of Love

healthy in Karezza without it, and tliis more and more as
the 3'ears go on, I feel that I have good grounds for saying
that I believe the orgasm in the woman is entirely unneces-
sary and artificial and that she is better off without it.

"The ordinary male orgasmal embrace seldom satisfies the
woman. It is too brief and animal for her. And if she is
not satisfied in sex, of course she suffers. But if she can have
the orgasm with it, that gives her a kind of satisfaction,
and that is why the orgasm seems beneficial to her, and her
physician seeing the benefit endorses the act. But the same
woman could be better satisfied in the non-orgasmal embrace
of perfect and prolonged Karezza, and then the orgasm
would seem to be needless — that is my position.

"My objections to the female orgasm in conception are as
follows: When a woman has an orgasm she has a discharge
of vital-force and is left demagnetized, as a man is after an
orgasm. I believe she demagnetizes the germ in so doing
and that in this state it is less fit for impregnation than if
there had been no orgasm — but this may be mere theory.

"I believe, too, that the ideal way in the procreative era-
brace is for the man to waive all attempt at pleasure or to
prolong the embrace, but to have his orgasm as quickly and
forcefully as possible, directing all his magnetism into the
seed and drawing nothing of her vital- force from the woman,
but leaving it all for the child, and then to come immediately
away and entirely withdraw from the room. The woman
to have an orgasm, and to remain after the act quiet and
recumbent for an hour or more. This also is theory, but
at least I can say that where my advice was asked and fol-
lowed pregnancy occurred where before was sterility. And
this I know, that a woman can conceive without having an
orgasm. There is every probability, I would say, consider-
ing the sexual lives of the average, that the majority of
women conceive without it. I believe that she conceives more
easily and surely without it, for it is reasonable to infer
that the spasmodic niotions and abdominal contractions of
the orgasm would tend to expel the sperm and then leave the
parts negative and flaccid, instead of avid and receptive."

It is unnecessary to quote more fully from this pamphlet.

The Oneida Commwnity and Its Doctrine 169

If one did so it could be readily seen that this author weaves
a web of poetic fancy around the whole sex relation of men
and women. He makes this entirely unconventional. He
makes the summu bonum of it all the intercourse without
orgasm on the part of either the man or the woman; yet
he declares that men will inevitably have orgasms and have
to withdraw at intervals varying from once in four days to
once a month, according to the individual. He also says
that women have times when "waves of intense craving"
sweep over them, and at such times their desires are likely
to "exceed in fiery force that of an ordinary man." He men-
tions the difficulty which a man has in controlling his own
orgasm when the woman has one; and this seems to be his
principal reason for her refraining from it.

Altogether, though this pamphlet is better written than
the lectures from which I quoted at the beginning of this
chapter, it adds nothing scientific to the discussion, and has
nothing to commend it to the attention of the serious student
of sex.

Comments on Male Continence^ Sex Communion^ **Karezza^

**Zuga^senVs Discovery,** dc.

I have quoted more extensively from the author of "Sex
Communion," since his private lectures may not be easily
procured, and also for the reason that he, though his Eng-
lish, which I have endeavored to quote accurately, is not
esoteric, has given a frank and detailed if not a scientific
presentation of the aims of the method, as well as the inti-
mate details of its application.

The gist of his propaganda for sex reform is: he discov-
ered twenty years ago sex conmiunion, ordinarily abbre-
viated to s. c, which is about the same as male continence
(m. c), which was the practice of the Oneida Community
(O. C.) ; but he did not become aware of \he existence of the
O. C. nor of the doctrines of m. c. as gi\^n in the pamphlets
and books above quoted (which long antedated his "discov-
ery") until a year ago or so.

He believes that boys and girls up to the age of marriage
should mingle freely together even indulge in love-play in a

160 The Art of Love

Tiude state, and practice s. c, which he describes as joining
the sexual organs for any period desired, provided that the
purpose of the parties is pure and the male has no orgasm
or emission. One would judge that he believes that matings
should be permanent, in some degree, though he neither insisbi
on this nor on conventional marriage, but thinks that mutual
love is a sufficient reason for mating. Any bond which this
mating involves he permits to be dissolved at the will of iUhe
parties. In marriage or mating the practice of s. c, or inter-
course without orgasm on the part of the male, is the ideal
6tate except when the parties both wish children. He thinks,
«ince the Kaffirs in Africa, whose young people, before the
advent of civilized man, followed the practices wfaicti he
advocates and had no venereal disease, prostitution, abor-
tions, etc., that the same practices among adolescents in
civilized society without result as favorably. He promulgated
this method at first, since he conceived it to be the only pure
and safe method for the prevention of conception; but later
he discovered what he thinks are other great advantages of
this method. He says that if the man retains his semen it
preserves his potency, and the man so doing remains virile
to a far more advanced age than the man who has inter-
course with orgasm. He says that s. c. is better for the
woman and more enjoyed by her than ordinary intercourse.
Since the s« c. is ordinarily prolonged until the woman has
had one or more orgasms, and since ordinary intercourse is
often completed for the man before the woman has orgasm,
there is no question but that this statement is correct in many
cases. Still, he fails to perceive that when ordinary inter-
course is prolonged by a considerate husband until his wife
lias orgasm, it is just as satisfactory for her, probably more
so than sex communion. He asserts that men and women are
animal, on a level with the brutes, when they have ordinary
intercourse, but that two people of opposite sex, married or
iiot, are perfectly pure and conform to the highest ideals if
they love each other and have s. c. together, so long as the
man does not expel his semen, while the woman may have
orgasm at will.

His definition of a virgin is one who has not had complete

The Oneida Commwnity and Its Doctrine 161

intercourse, though she may have had sex communion with-
out limit. I suppose, though he nowhere makes the point
clear, that the virgin, like any other woman, may or may not
have orgasm, provided her partner does not.

It does not seem possible that many people could treat this
philosophy seriously; but there are some profound thinkers
who have entertained some similar free-love doctrines. I
have already registered my opposition to all free-love doc-
trines in an earlier book, and I think I there gave sufficient
reasons, though I see stronger reason every day for such
opposition. Nevertheless, it may help to clear the air of the
fog which has settled over the minds of many people on
these questions to try to analyze his and similar philosophies,
all derived from the doctrine of m. c. They appeal to some
of the best people. A certain portion of their doctrine is
wise and salutary. Their avowed purpose to make better
and happier the condition of men and women, and to con-
tribute to the progress of the race is, so far as I have been
able to learn, their real purpose, and so their motives cannot
be questioned.

There is an analogy between Christian Science and similar
pseudo-scientific, quasi-religious departures of modem
thought from the extreme dogmatic idealism of the old and
the uncompromising scientific view of the new, and m. c,
8. c, etc. These latter occupy also a middle ground between
the sex tabu of ancient idealism and the bald, physiological
teachings of modem science. Older theologies considered the
soul only and ignored the body. Older medicine considered
the body only and ignored the soul. Psyche and soma, soul
and body, go together, are one entity, cannot be considered
apart, hence Christian Science as a protest against the par-
tially wrong conceptions of both religion and medicine.
Likewise, our old ideas of sex were too idealistic to allow that
anything good could come out of the physical side of sex;
and when, as evils multiplied from the neglect of the physical,
groping intelligences, as often as not entirely unscientific,
strove, by adopting m. c, s. c, etc., to make some slight
concessions to the physical, the while retaining all of the old
idealistic conception; and these methods continue as a pro*

162 The Art of Love

test Hiso against the frank physiological views, devoid of all
idealism, of some very modern scientists. In short, I recog-
nize in Christian Science and its cogeners, and in m. c. and
its derivatives the first feeble attempts of pragmatism in its
revolt from any sort of extremism. While these cults are
steps in advance, while they call attention to existing evils,
•while their often visionary doctrines instigate attempts at
rational solution, and while I myself have been ready in neu-
rological work to utilize whatever of value I found in Chris-
tian Science, and while I am now ready, in endeavoring to
outline a rational sexology, to accept for what they are
worth the ideas of the sex propagandists alluded to, and give
credit for many valuable lessons that they have taught, I
should dislike exceedingly to be considered a firm adherent of
any of their doctrines in their entirety.

The primary reason for male continence and any or all of
the variations above mentioned has been admitted by all
advocates of these methods as control of conception. Orig-
inally, when the world was young, population sparse, wars
constant, protection necessary, numerous descendants, espe-
cially male ones, were in great demand.

Did the story in the Bible of the crime of Onan spring
from this need to populate the earth, to make good the
inevitable, pre-civilized waste from war, pestilence and
famine? Very likely, and it has well served through the
intervening centuries as the foundation of the church's warn-
ing against prevention of conception under any circum-
stances.

But the time came when less children died in infancy or
childhood, less adults also died from violent or avoidable
agencies; children were given more and better care as
responsibilities of parents to children became more and more
apparent, and more time was taken per child. However,
while the dangers of living decreased for the parents, no
less children — perhaps more children — were bom, certainly
more were reared. Inevitably the time came when the duties
of parents, particularly those of the mothers, made constant
child bearing and rearing impossible if they themselves were
to live and have any individual life of their own. Then the

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 16S

ancient way of destroying at birth such children as were not
wanted was no longer considered justifiable. Consequently
some method of controlling or regulating conception must
be sought ; but the church, with the crime of Onan as a warn-
ing, made impossible the only physical method of prevention
of conception known in early times. Of necessity, voluntary
control, or continence, came to be recognized by church and
laity as the only legitimate way to keep offspring within
reasonable limits, provided there was any way ever justifi-
able in limiting offspring at all. Of course this time had to
come sooner or later, for, with the increased fecundity of
a protected life, with the increased burdens which an enlight-
ened mother-love and the social duties of civilization
demanded, came decreased ability to endure the strain of
frequent child-birth, one of the prices that civilized woman,
sheltered, softened, guarded, pays for her advancement.

Woman, like man, has lost some valuable things, though
she has gained much in her transition from primitive sav-
agery to })resent civilization. Along with the capacity for
painless child-birth, she undoubtedly lost at some time dur-
ing her progress upward much of her ability to respond
readily to the sexual caresses of the male. It is unthink-
able that slie did not originally instinctively respond to her
mate if not allure him in seasons of sexual desire, just as all
feminine animal forbears have done and contemporaries still
do, and as all normal women must do if they remain normal.

As the civilizing process went on, and the psychic side
was pre-eminently developed, the church's mandate to sexual
abstinence was heard ; and woman, to a large extent, because
she thought sjie ought to, became physically frigid; and
man, who was striving with some success toward a monogamic
way of living, was set back some centuries.

No informed person will now dispute that modem woman
has, somewhere about her, and perfectly legitimately, the
same sex desires and necessities as has modern man. Neither
will such an one dispute the absolute necessity of modem
woman's having sex expressions reciprocal to those of her
modern mate. She is beginning to gi'ope for and get back
this lost-a-while element in her nature; but at the time when

164 The Art of Love

those who were advanced thinkers, for their times introduced
male continence and its similars^ with the object of bringing
a woman^s chrld-bearing within reason, it was becoming evi-
dent that coldness in woman meant for neurosis and temper
in herself and for surliness and uncbastity in her mate.
Though unpremeditated by the authors, the long-drawn-out
preliminaries and excitations of these methods were a virtual
return to nature, as far as the woman waa concerned^ g;rati-
fying her natural demands for courtship ; and in spite of the
deeply imbedded notions that all sex life was evil, she,, mtsus*
pectingly revolting from the too drastic suppression of a too
transcendental idcalism,^ began to instinctively respond and
to blossom into the truest and most perfect woxDanthood of
the present*

Her mate saw the change in her and knew the delight of
being the delight of his loved one. Is it any wonder that the
unscientific author whom I have quoted so fulfy at the be-
ginning of the chapter, and all others who have experimented
with similar methods, and all the women experimented upon,
should rhapsodize over modifications of the sexoal relation
which were such an advance on the methods immediately pre-
cedingy which had been nothing more than a passionful
woman frozen over with the superficial ice of churches man-
date and convention serving as the unresponsive receptacle
of man's love and passion, which had now become, because
of woman^s frigidity, but which denied the possibility of
mutuality, little more than lust and selfish gratification on
his part?

In further discussing the reasons for and against male
continence and similar doctrines and their limitations, dan-
gers and advantages, I can hardly do better than quote por-
tions of my recent correspondence with a woman physician
of high attainments and scientific method. This physician
has a most intimate knowledge of the inside workings of the
Oneida Community ; and it is largely through her that I have
become much better informed concerning their former beliefs
and practices.

As a result of my studies and some little knoweldge of
physiology I was led to make the following somewhat

The Oenida Commumty and Its Doctrine 165

guarded statement in ^'Rational Sex Ethics,** page 216:
"Long preliminaries, prolongation or repetition are jbM^
within wide limits, innocuous for the ordinary man and
should, one and all, be evoked to attain this end. Intercourse
without emission, when it is found that tlie wife cannot
become sufficiently enthused, is, at times, the means of some
relief to the man and a happy day for both, though this
procedure, carried to such an extent as in tlie Oneida Com-
munity or as recommended in *Zugassent's Discovery* or
*Karezza,^ must be ultimately pernicious to any virile man or
woman if it be long carried out in good faith.'*

Part II

Dear Dn Hobie:

I liave just been reading your introduction to Dr. H. W*
Long's book, "Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living," and note
that you mention the possibility of our learning something
of tlie art of love from the Hindoos.

This taken in conjunction witli the reference to coitus
reservation in the ninth chapter of Long's book and in Vol.
VI of Havelock Ellis' "Studies in the Psychology of Sex,*'
page 554, make me wish to inquire if in your studies you have
found any reference to coitus reservatus in medical literature
previous to 1844, wlien John Humphrey Noyes made the
discovery of what he calls "Male Continence.^*

EHis says: "Noijres believed that *male continence* had
never oreviously been a definitely recognized practice based
on theory, though there might have been occasional approxi-
mation to it. This is probably true if the coitus is reser^
vatus In the full sense, with complete absence of emission.^*

I am aware that it has been rediscovered several times
since that date (1844), at least twice by physicians.

Do you know where a fuller description of this method
and its physiology can be found In medical literature? I
have one of the original pamphlets In which J. H. Noyes
described his method, but he was not a physician. In case
this pamphlet sliould be revised by a physician, could it be
sent through the mails to phsicians?

166 The Art of Love

Dr. Alice B. Stockham's book "Karezza" has a quotation
from this pamphlet from pp. 120 to 127, and the entire
book deals with the subject. Aside from Ellis and Long I
find few medical authorities who treat of the subject at all.

I shall greatly appreciate any information which you may
give me on this subject.

Sincerely,

, M. D.

Jan. IS, '«0.
My Dear Dr.:

I hope you will pardon me for neglecting your letter so
long. The truth is, I am fairly swamped with work and
correspondence and am at the same time trying to finish
another book. Book and correspondence have both had to
be set aside lately.

I have read Ellis, also "Karezza,** ^^Zugassent's Discov-
ery" and "Strike of a Sex." I read at one time considerable
Oriental literature, like the "Koran," the "Dabistan" and
some of "Kama Sutra," to which Howard refers in the little
reprint which I enclose, and which please return. I have
no remembrance of the mention of coitus reservatus (in the
sense referred to by you) prior to 1844.

I also have been interested to find more about this in the
literature, and especially the results of the practices by the
Oneida Community and other sects, and have wondered how
extensively this has ever been followed as a bona fide prac-
tice. I have known of a number of couples who have tried
this out faithfully, and invariably there has followed weak-
ened potency or impotency in the man ; and it is well known
that women who persist in intercourse without orgasm, even
in cases where there is apparent frigidity and no desire,
ultimately become hysterical or otherwise neurotic, and
many of them suffer intolerably from sexual desire. This
practice as an occasional expedient, when the man is of
lowered potency, is all right, and it allows him to satisfy his
wife without harm to himself; and when a wife finds that she
can have no orgasm at a particular time it often works well
for the husband also to refrain ; but when this practice is

The Oneida Commimity and Its Doctrine 167

habitual, desire becomes omnipresent after a time, and if not
relieved suitably, at least occasionally, this practice becomes
the most aggravating of any kind of absolute continence.
Absolute continence continued for a long time by a robust
man tends to impotence, especially in those men who do not
have emissions with moderate frequency. In the woman it
tends to hysteria or sexual hyper-aesthesia. I have just
such a couple now under observation and treatment.

I have referred to this matter briefly in my published
books, and mention it in the one I am now writing; but I
state opinions merely, since I have not extended information
concerning this.

We tried this ourselves at one time faithfully, and I
became satisfied that the control which they claim is real-
ized after a time is the control of exhaustion; and the man
finally becoming impotent still fancies that he exerts con-
trol when there is nothing to control. Summing up, I should
say, harmless, pleasant, valuable occasionally, but utterly
demoralizing and dstructive to health and finer feelings if
persisted in,

I suppose it would be risky to send such pamphlets
through the mails, though practically anything concerning
birth-control by refraining from intercourse or by incom-
plete intercourse has been winked at, while Mrs. Sanger and
others who advocate sane and healthful methods are prose-
cuted.

You might be interested in what I am just writing on the
art of love for the laity. If so I well send you a copy which
you may keep for a few days. In turn I should appreciate
any information on this topic.

Respectfully, ^

Dear Dr. Robie:

I was much pleased to receive your letter with enclosures
yesterday. The Howard pamphlet was the first I have seen
mentioning the Hindo teachings, and I read it with much
interest.

After writing you I found your reference to coitus reser-
vatus in your "Further Investigations,'* and noted that you

168 The Art of Love .

did not especially favor the practice. Perhaps the metho3
used may have been at fault, as your observations seem
nearly the reverse of mine and of the experience of the
Oneida Community, as you will see by the pamphlet **Male
Continence'* by J. H. Noyes, which I sent you yesterday
(p. 21). The "intentional impregnations'* referred to have
to do with their experiment in Scientific Propagation or
Btirpiculture. During the early years of the Community the
birth-rate averaged but two per year until, in 1869, they
entered into the Stirpicultural experiment under the direc-
tion of their Stirpicultural committee, when the birth-rate
increased to between six and seven births per year, so that,
in the following ten years, sixty-two children were bom —
four were still-bom. Of the fifty-eight living births, fifty-
two are living to-day, the oldest being fifty years old and the
youngest forty. That is, 10.4 percent have died in the
forty-fifty year period, while 12.4 percent of babies die
in New York City before the first birthday is reached, and
the rate for the country at large is greater still.

The complex marriage-system, which was a part of the
religion of the Community, and which enabled them to exer-
cise a certain selection of parents, was abandoned In defer-
ence to public opinion in 1879; and the monogamic system
of marriage has been faithfully adhered to since.

In 1880 the Communistic form of society was abandoned,
and a joint stock company formed under the name, Oneida
Community Limited, which is still carrying on businesses, in
which many of these Stirpicultural children are now leaders
and managers. Many of the Stirpicultural children married
outside the group, and some have drifted away. But of the
eighteen (9 couples) who married within the group, there
has been an average of slightly over three children per mar-
riage; that is, twenty-eight children between the ages of
two and twenty-two years, and so far there has been neither
a still-birth nor a death — 100% living.

I have been unable to find any book which gives the physiol-
ogy of reservatus in its different stages, as it should be 3one.
Nor can I find a scientific account of what becomes of the

The Oneida Commwmty and Its Doctrine 169

undischarged semen, nor an outline of what precautions are
necessary to make the method safe and healthful.

There is a Dr. who claims to have inde-
pendently discovered a system of reservatus about twenty-
one years ago. He calls his system "sex communion," and
says that his lectures "are for the double purpose of teach-
ing sex communion and of showing that man does not need
an orgasm at any time excepting for procreation.'* He
seems sincere in his belief, but I do not believe that most men^
during the period of greatest vitality, would agree with
him. In teaching this method as an art, I believe its limita-
tions as well as its benefits should be pointed out.

To me, the question resolves itself into one of normal sex
rhythm or cycle which may be divided into four stages : —

a. Stage of physiological impotence following emission,
intentional or during sleep, varies in length from half an
hour to several days.

b. Stage in which there is some potentiality toward the
other sex, but which may be satisfied by simply caressing or
some modification of "Diana."

c. Stage of full potentiality toward other sex. In ordi-
nary married life, this potentiality is soon lost because of
coitus interruptus or completus. Where reservatus is prac-
ticed, however, this potentiality may be retained for some
time, during which there may be several controlled meetings
which should prove very satisfying if care is taken to remain
together quietly for a few minutes before separating, to
enable the normal circulation to be restored. There should
be no exhaustion whatever and no reaction or depression fol-
lowing, but instead, a realization of power and victory, a
sense of well-being and renewal of life and vigor. This stage
lasts from a day or two to a week or more. Toward the end
of this part of the cycle, the desire for emission may become
more and more insistent and, if denied, may lead to more or
less congestion of the parts, which, if persisted in, might in
turn prove harmful. Normally, I believe that the best
results are experienced by not inhibiting the desire for
emission too long, but the approach of :

170 The Art of Love

d. Stage in which emission is realized, should be consid*
ered as perfectly normal, and provided for in the most sci-
entific manner which is mutually agreeable and harmless to
both.

By inquiring of some of the old members of the Oneida
Community, I find that there was no ascetic standard of
denial, but an occasional failure was condoned. The men
were instructed to watch for danger signals, and if unable
to control, to withdraw, ending the interview. They were
also cautioned to avoid accidents by keeping well away from
the danger point. Those who were weak in this way, and
liable to frequent failure in control, were not favored as
partners by the younger women and were obliged to associ-
ate mostly with the older women who had passed the turn of
life; as were also inexperienced young men and new
members.

I should say that the woman's cycle, where reservatus
was the chief method of sex expression, would be similar to
the man's with the added factor of her period, before, after
or during which, her responsiveness is usually increased.
Many find it easier to consummate at this time than at any
time between periods. Her crisis, causing less reaction, and
her loss being of a less vital nature than the man's may
fiafely be indulged more frequently than his, where this is
desired, or where congestion is not relieved without. The
consequence of undesired pregnancy would not have to be
considered. Another factor, acting on both, would be the
amount of sex-force that was being sublimated in other direc-
tions and not requiring expression as sex.

I should greatly appreciate seeing what you are writing
on the art of love, as you suggest, and would be glad to be
of assistance in looking up references, etc., if you wish it.

Sincerely,

M. D.

Mar. «, '20.
Dear Dr.

I am more ashamed than ever to have neglected your let-
ter, which explained so thoroughly some problems which I
had wished to solve. I must plead a lot of medical work.

The Oneida Commu/nity and Its Doctrine 171

neglected correspondence, and the finishing up of the book I
mention, "Sex and Life."

The facts you have given me about the O, C. are very
apropos at this time, since I have consented to write another
book, perhaps to be called "The Art of Love." Anyway, I
intend to cover much more fully the ground that X. has
gone over; and, though I know it will be extremely difficult,
I am going to try to improve on his manner of presentation
and endeavor to speak of these perfectly natural, necessary,
blissful, healthful matters in such a way that, were I saying
these things directly to the most ultra-refined and super-
sensitive woman, I could look her squarely in the eye and
not have her avert her gaze, blush, or be in the least discon-
certed or offended, nor feel at all disconcerted myself. It is
quite a proposition. Do you suppose I can do it?

As to the male continence: you say that my observations
are the reverse of yours and contrary to the experience of
the O. C. ; but I cannot see where there is necessarily much
disagreement if everything is carefully considered.

Note what I say from inference in "R. S. E.," pp. 216-16
and in "R. S. E., F. I.," p. 312, then what you say in your
letter, that there was in the O. C. no "ascetic standard of
denial," and that occasional accidents were condoned. Of
course some accidents, known to one or both the contract-
ing parties, were not reported. You can readily perceive
what a premium was placed on male continence for the time
being by the fact that the young and attractive women
smiled only on the men who were continent in their presence.
If afterward the over-loading of the testes and visculae
seminales caused unbearable pain in tests and hypo-gastric
and inguinal regions and the man relieved this by masturba-
tion he would surely not be likely to communicate this fact
to the woman nor to the authorities; but the experiment
would go merrily on, since he would be saved by his act from
any serious consequences.

Your own belief, mentioned in your letter, is identical
with my belief and my experience and the various experi-
ences which have been quoted to me. There are two things
which make them seem different. The first is a wide dif-

172 The Art of Love

ference quantitatively in virility. There Is nothing to show
that the men in the O. C. were remarkably virile. Rather
let us say they were only moderately so, or they would hardly
have submitted to the restrictions of the community. Your
observation were based on these. I have happened to know
of some unusually virile specimens who have experimented
with this practice. Hence one apparent difference in our
findings, which is only a quantitative difference, is no real
difference. Concerning the second difference: you speak,
and, most all of the sex students and advisers of the past
have spoken, as if there must be such sex repression, on the
part of the male especially, to preserve health and strength.
The fear of sex expression constantly in one's mind works
ultimately as a sublimation activity (at first the fear acts as
stimulation, later as sublimation), inducing a sort of psychic
emasculation, which really prevents, to some extent, secre-
tion of semen in the male and instinctive erotic desire in the
female. I have seen many cases of both sexes who, fearing
injury from expression, have repressed sex and, though
there resulted decreasing efficiency, after a time there was
comparatively little physical discomfort. After this fear
was banished from the minds of those who had lived under
it to the age of thirty-five or forty-five, their sex experiences
became three or four or five times as frequent as under the
former state of repression. After a few months or a few
years of this more liberal regime, it was impossible for
them to get back to the former standard of continence or
the inefficiency which has been concomitant with It.

Now, my experiments in reservatus, and those of others
I know about, came after the knowledge that a fair amount
of sex repression was not only compatible with health, vigor
and endurance, but a sine qtia nan to the highest perfection
of these. Doubtless there was greater secretion in the males
and more frequent erotic prompting in the female than If
all had had a feeling that ethics or religion or health required
the maximum of repression. Then too, all were quite agreed
that procreation should occur only when both parents
desired children. The prospective mother was to make the

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 17S

final decision; and until she was ready quite safe methods
of prevention were followed.

After all this I think you will agree that, considering all
things, we agree very well. You say that the best results
were obtained when desire for emission was not inhibited too
long, especially during a man's most virile years. Now, I
say the same identical thing; but with proper management
a man's most virile years possibly begin at eighteen or
twenty and continue till sixty or seventy. How long should
this desire for emission be inhibited? We should not agree
exactly as to that because we have observed different people
from slightly different viewpoints. I am confident that
among self-respecting people of both sexes repression has
done infinitely more harm than excess. There is a certain
point up to which repression enhances a man's virility or a
woman's nubility. If carried beyond that point it gradually
weakens and finally elminates this factor from life. Lots of
people consider their state after this elimination, or partial
elimination, one of conscious or moral control. They think
they have transcended sex when it has become weakened or
destroyed. Their final state is not one of moral agency
exerting repression, but of involuntary impotence. You and
I know that the impotent or approximately impotent man or
woman, at any age and for any cause, is a prey to neurosis
if not alienation, is more subject to all physical ills, is less
happy, is less liable to live long, is less reliable in every
way, is less creative, if at all so, and is infinitely less forceful
than one who is potent.

I think you have worked from the view-point that sex
expression kept at an irreducible minimum gives best results.
I have worked with an early belief, and I think I can say with
later knowledge, that natural expression according to all
personal equations of husbands and wives, mutual reciprocal
satisfaction, sometimes daily, usually bi- or tri-weekly, occa-
sionally weekly or bi-monthly, add to the present and per-
manent virility of the parties and consequently to the health,
length of life, usefulness, creative power, etc. I know a lot
of interesting cases of change of belief and practice in this
matter, some under observation a few months, some twenty

174 The Art of Love

to thirty years. I wish I could tell you of them, but Fd have
to write a book to do it.

My own experience is not essentially different from many
others. Briefly, my wife had the ultra-idealistic ideas of
most New England girls. Her early experiences tended to
psychologic misdirection and physical revulsion in sex mat-
ters. I believed that the man should respond only to the
woman's desire. For years there was no desire apparent
and it took time, in the absence of all instruction, to find
how to elicit this. Often when we both thought there might
be we tried and, finding there was none, I refrained from
orgasm. After two or three of these experiences at intervals
of a day or a week my sufferings would be intolerable, and
I would be forced to accept her always ready offer of accom-
modation, whether she could consummate or not. These were
miserable years of work, worry and anxiety for both of us.
If they had continued we should both have gone to the "bow-
wows," or I should have starved sex and she would have still
liad neurosis instead of sex normality. If the latter condi-
tion had supervened, it is inconceivable that, as I became
less virile, and she more neurotic, we should have become more
capable mentally and physically.

Instead, we learned gradually to affiliate; and where at
twenty-three to twenty-six she had perhaps three or four
orgasms a year, now, at fifty-three, a record for Jan., 1920,
shows sixteen a month; and where I had, with great irregu-
larity, several perhaps in a day, and then perhaps no more
for a week or a month, now, at fifty-three, the same month,
January, shows twenty at very regular intervals.

It is easily demonstrable that at the present time either
one of us is capable of twice or thrice the sustained mental
or physical effort that we were at twenty-three to twenty-
six ; but in my case, up to the age of nine years, I did not go
to school, and numerous physicians said there was no hope of
raising me; and at the time of her marriage one physician
said my wife would be insane, and a neurologist said she
would become an epileptic. In this month of January I have
written some two hundred pages of MS. for the book I men-
tioned, and she has typewritten it all at my dictation, I

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 176

have attended to a rather exacting general practice, walking
sometimes two miles through deep snow to make a call.
Some of the time I had eight women for gynecological treat-
ment with tampons and, by the way, at least four of these
women who suffered from leucorrhoea, prolapse, dragging
pains, uterine congestion, vesical derangement, etc., were in
this condition solely or principally because their husbands
were afraid that sex expression was injurious, or because
they did not understand their wives and wait for them in
intercourse. All of these women have told me within a fort-
night that they are better than they have been for many
years. They are certainly infinitely happier than they have
ever been ; and they say that their husbands are in the best
health and the best-natured they have ever been, though hav-
ing intercourse more frequently than ever before. One thin,
weazened up, prematurely old man of forty has increased his
sex experiences with his wife from once in two or there months
to two or three times a week and gaifaed eight pounds in the
six weeks in which he was making the change. Well, this is a
digression. During the month I read a number of books and
wrote fifteen or twenty such long letters as this, and many
short ones. Two of tliese took from on6 to three hours a day
of talk from me to keep them progressing. All this while,
besides type-writing and correcting MS, Mrs. R. did the
house-work for the family and we had numerous visitors
besides the regular seven in family.

Of course this, being a single instance, might not count for
much, but I could cite indefinitely similar ones, people who
were almost worthless under a regime of sex ^arvation who
were fairly capable under a more liberal order. Of course
the mutuality is a tremendous factor; but I have records of
many single women whose unsatisfied sex promptings made
them neurotic and useless until intelligent explanation and
reflection and moderate auto-erotic relief made them healthy,
happy, and useful.

Your a, b, c, stages are absolutely correct, but they are
staged for an individual of either sex who is of very low sex
potentiality, or of one very much afraid of the moral and

176 The Art of Love

physical consequences of natural sex expression. I believe
in the repression all right; I have exercised and advised it;
but one must "temper the wind to the shorn lamb." Too
much repression is more destructive than excess.

I hope you will continue your researches. There is a
great field here, the working out of the proper relations of
married people. You have run on to more literature than I
on this subject of reservatus ; but it emanates mostly in some
ways from the Noyes pamphlet on male continence, which I
l?ave read and thank you for greatly. As to what becomes
of the semen, etc., I think you will find no adequate descrip-
tion. I am going to venture an opinion on this in my next
book, and when done I will send it to you. I will be on the
lookout for any references to this subject and will inform
you if I find any.

Sincerely,

March 18, 1920.
Dear Dr. Robie,

Your recent letter and MS. were received and read with
much interest. Thank you for your careful analysis of the
situation as given in the letter, and for the opportunity to
examine the MS., which I much appreciated. There are, of
course, many points at which I do not see quite eye to eye
with you. These differences may be partly due, however, to
the great difficulties in giving absolutely accurate expression
to our thoughts on paper. For instance, I gather the
impression from your writings that you do not consider
the possibility of obtaining absolute satisfaction and detu-
mescence by means of reservatus, which has actually been
proven to be the case in many instances where a proper
technique was used, but refer to it as a "means of some relief
to the man." If separation takes place while the local
organs are still in a congested state, I will admit that very
little satisfaction is experienced, that it is of short duration,
and that the testes and ovaries may both be left in a pain-
fully congested state. This is merely refraining from orgasm
and is not a true reservatus.

The success of this method depends largely upon adapta-

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 177

tion to individual needs. There is nothing that I know of,
now in print which analyzes every phase in sufficient detail,
so that not only the woman, but both partners may receive
equal benefit and satisfaction. The more nearly sex expres-
sion can be kept on the higher, or aiFectional plane, the
more complete will be the sublimation of sex into love, and
the less impelling will be the need for complete consummation,

J. H. Noyes certainly made a great forward step when
he pointed out that the act fulfills two distinct functions, the
social and the propagative, and demonstrated how these
functions may be separated practically. He states that "a
man should content himself with the social act, except when
he intends procreation." While this high ideal may be pos-
sible of attainment in a few exceptional cases or under excep-
tional circumstances for the longer or shorter period without
harm being done, I believe that, if this extreme is carried
into practice for very long periods, most individuals would
suffer harmful results in varying degree. For this reason I
have tried to bring out some of these points by carrying
the analysis a step further than anyone else has done.

Hirsh in his "Text Book on Obstetrics,** gives an analysis
of coitus completus which includes a period of quiescence
after orgasm, before separation, to assure a more thorough
emptying of the seminal vesicles, and increase the likelihood
of impregnation, where this is desired. It also aids in reduc-
ing congestion so that a more complete feeling of satisfac-
tion supervenes than when a hasty separation is necessary,
I consider this stage of quiescences even more important in
the case of reservatus, as it enables the normal circulation to
be restored and a sense of satisfaction to supervene, nearly,
if not quite as great as when orgasm has occurred.

We have then, for ordinary intercourse, the following
stages :

1. Preparation,

2. Union,

8. Reciprocal motions, carried to the point where the
reflex centers are stimulated and volitional control is lost,

4. Orgasm, mutual where possible. (Detumescence by
orgasm).

178 The Art of Love

5. Period of quiescence before separation.

For reservatus, Long mentions only the first two, and
J. H. Noyes mentions only the second two in his pamphlet.
I think this is best described in four stages :

1. Preparation,

2. Union,

8. Reciprocal motions which are kept at all times under
control of the will. In the simplest form, this third stage may
be omitted, especially for anyone unaccustomed to the
method.

4. Period of quiescence. (Detumescence by quiescence).

Where this technique is used, there is no effort of the will
to end the interview, but the erection is so completely
reduced that the organs may even fall apart of their own
accord and surely no harmful results could follow. This is
ideal reservatus. The sex impulse is transmuted into love,
and the magnetism is diffused throughout the body, giving
new life and vigor and a sense of satisfied well-being.

As one advocate of many years* standing puts it:

"I seem to sublimate my partner into a paradise of tender
peace and romantic reverie and thrill her to a sort of soul
intoxication of magnetic bliss. This unspeakably satisfies.
The orgasm would seem to be quite the antipodes of this,
and would be a crude shock by contrast. Why wish for
*liot dogs* when the apples of Hesperides are at your lips.?
Therefore you see all mv aim is to establish this wonderful
magnetic rapport and this romantic, poetic ecstacy. The
purely sexual is almost forgotten, and is only generator of
the neeeded magnetism. It is only a sauce to the real meat,
or shall I compare it to the cook in the kitchen, forgotten
at the banquet board? The luxurious, delicious daintiness
of the bliss is almost beyond recognition even at the moment.
Words fail. We are literally angels in heaven in our inno-
cence and conscious purity and untellable mutual love — our
spiritual exaltation of sex into soil. Who would care for
an orgasm in such an emotional state of divine realization?
It would seem coarse — would bring the soul down with
clipped wings to earth — besides it would bring all to an
abrupt end — do not even think of it or mention it. That is

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 179

the mood. So, you see I could not very well analyze the

embrace in the methodical way you and Dr. do,

though that is all right." This vivid description was sent
in to Dr. Y. in answer to a questionnaire.

I do not think that reservatus should be represented as
fulfilling every need, nor that it should be the only means of
sex expression as repreesnted in "Karezza," "Male Con-
tinence," and Y.'s lectures, and I have been surprised that
not one of these advocates of the method should indicate the
possible dangers and harmful consequences, and give pre-
cautions necessary to be observed to avoid these.

You think the cases which I have observed may have been
exceptional in that the men of the O. C. were only "mod-
erately" virile. As there is no means of proving this, I will
not refute your statement, but my opinion is tliat all types
were represented in fair proportion, but that the evil effects
such as the development of increasing impotence among the
men and neuroses among the women were not observed. Rec-
ords were made by competent physicians on these very
points, at the time, which may prove the contrary.^

May it not be that your observations have also been lim-
ited in another way? Those practicing reservatus with
mutual satisfaction and success would not be in need of
council, and so would not come under observation.

1 asked an old member of tlie O. C. if tlie men were given
to masturbation as a means of relief of congestion after
reservatus and he said that he never heard of such a case.
The Puritanical standards would be against it. There were,
however, "bidettes" and sitz bath-tubs within easy access
which were doubtless of value in reducing any remaining
congestion.

We must remember that the newer attitude regarding
auto-erotism had not been developed forty and more years

2 "Report on Nervous Diseases in the Oneida Commnnity," bv Theo-
dore R. Noyes, M.D., in the AV?r York Medical Gazette, Oct. 29, 1870.
Also reprinted in the Oneida Circular, Nov. 7, 1870.

"A Gvnecolopficnl Stndv of the Oneida Communitv," hv Elv Van dc
Warker, of Syracuse, N. Y., in the American Journal of Ohstetrirn,
August, 1884. (The examinntions of the 42 women on which this study
was based, were made in November, 1877.)

180 The Art of Love

ago, nor had the newer methods of birth control been
advanced. For this reason I advocate a re-consideration of
the whole subject, with a view of giving reservatus its own
proper place as a means of sex expression.

There is a place even for "Diana.'* It may satisfy a few,
and where this is the case, I have no objections to offer. A
wider field of application, I should consider as one of the
steps in preparation for intercourse or as a substitute when
the latter was not possible or desired.

In the same way, reservatus may completely satisfy some,
and I have no quarrel with them. But its widest field of
usefulness would be in the "c" stage of the normal sexual
cycle described in my last letter. You ask how long the
desire for emission should be inhibited. With a little experi-
mentation, I believe each couple will be able to determine this
for themselves. Of course, this would vary according to cir-
cumstances, and according to the amount of normal sexual
or magnetic reserve of the individual. If this reserve is too
frequently drawn upon, there will be a sensation of reaction
or depression following, and the cycle should be lengthened
until a cycle is established wherein this reaction is not pres-
ent. Once or more times in 24 hours would not be too fre-
quent for the most virile. Once in three or four days is not
at all unusual, and meantime there may be several reservatus
meetings, and the amount of sex expression would be actually
increased over what would be possible otherwise. You are
mistaken in thinking that I consider an "irreducible minimum
of sex expression'' to give best results. You seem to con-
sider reservatus as repression, while I think of it as ej^pres-
sion of the highest order. I also consider it to be in the line
of evolution. As all progress in civilization has been by
means of the volitional part of the brain gradually taking
over more and more of the processes that were formerly
reflex or instinctive, so the sexual nature is the last to be
taken over. Evolution demands tliat this shall be done.
Fame awaits at the door of him to whom is given the task of
so educating humanity that it may come to see it in this
light.

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 181

I had hoped that you were the man to do this. Your
style is admirable for this purpose — so clear and direct —
yet scientific and confidence-inspiring. In your other books
you say that your experience with reservatus is not large
and that you express opinions merely. So it is hard for me
to understand why you make such a strong assertion that
the teachings of the Oneida Community are wrong, in the
recent MS. You probably refer to cases where reservatus is
used to the exclusion of all other methods.^ Dr. X. states
that he has never known such a case, and I certainly never
have, and the need for it has passed, with the development
of the modem methods of contraception. If the subject of
reservatus could be developed on a thoroughly scientific
basis, giving its limitations and pointing out its possible
dangers, as well as presenting the positive side with sufficient
analysis and detail to enable those interested to fully com-
prehend the method, I believe it would be the means of help-
ing husbands to a better understanding of their sex needs
and would enable them to adapt their mode of expression
to their needs.

Yes, most of the present literature on the subject emanates
either directly or indirectly from the M. C. pamphlet, as
you say, with varying comprehensions and misconstruction
of the same. There are three doctors and three lay people
who have discovered it independently since, and their opin-
ions should be of value. Dr. Y. has been teaching the
method for 20 years or more, but claims to have heard noth-
ing of the O. C. until a year or more ago.

Sincerely,

M. D.

P. S. I should say that your ideal of expressing yourself
in such a way as not to give offence to the most sensitive
natures, has been realized to a remarkable degree. Havelock
Ellis is also an adept at this, but your style is more living
and human than his.

Sincerely,

M. D.

8 That was exactly what I did do.

182 The Art of Love

Mar. «8, '«0,
Dear Dr.

As you say, it is difficult to convey on paper fine shades
of meaning. From your last letter I gather that you and I
agree almost absolutely on all major points.

My criticism of O. C, "Karezza," &c. was based on the
statements of all advocates (except you) that orgasm in the
male was never necessary except for procreation. My inves-
tigations all show, and you apparently agree with me, that
that is not physiological; and no cases have been brought
forward to show that this method has been rigorously fol-
lowed without occasional lapses. This would be necessary,
to show that tlie method was innocuous.* Furthermore, I
can give hundreds of bona fide cases where intercourse with
orgasm has been followed 20, 30, even 50 years without
diminution (other than physiological) of potency; and I
also can cite very many cases where repression or imperfect
fonns of expression have been injurious.

My whole argument is for psychic control of sex within
limits, or as much as is good in each individual case^ and
complete physiological expression when necessary.

I was surprised to have you say that complete physiologi-
cal expression might be proper one or more times in a day
in some cases, and once in three or four days in mary, and
that the m. c. or s. c. or "Karezza" had its function as
purifier, beautifier, conservator, of the sex relation between
these periods. I should agree to that absolutely.

For more than a quarter of a century I have preached
prolongation of the sex act: 1st, to accomplish the com-
plete pleasure and physiological relief of the woman ; 2nd, to
insure the pleasure and physiological relief of the man (for
his can never be complete unless his partner's is) ; 3rd, to
afford an opportunity for the love play on the physical
side, which leads up to and becomes transmuted into the

*Do we find the beacon lights of history as a rule avowed ascetics?
or are such lights normal men, leading a normal life? and are any
instances of avowed ascetics known to be really and truly such any
more than that the O. C. experiment was not all that it claimed to be?

Th€ Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 188

highest psychic interchange between two loving married
souls that mankind knows anything about.

Were my vocabulary and imagination adequate, I would
no less poetically apotheosize s. c. than the man you quoted
has done (but always within reasonable limits). I wish
there was opportunity to talk these matters over, for I am
very anxious to get at whatever there is of real value in this
method.

There is no better place for discussion of this than in the
book I am going to write, on the art of love. I realize that
in my studies, however long and interesting they may have
been, much that is important has escape me; much must
escape everyone; and we need observations by different
minds and from different angles.

A woman's intuitions are admittedly keener than a man's;
and your methods are scientific, surely, for you instantly
diagnosed the case of Y. I am also deliglited to have you
say that improvements in sex relations must come by reform-
ing monogamous unions from the inside rather than by abol-
ishing conventions and adopting the alluring but unthink-
able experiment of free love. I admire your personality
more and respect your judgment with less qualification
because you were inoculated, so to speak, physically by
free love views from their initial source in this country and
did not "take."

Women, do you know? while more moral and conventional
than men, are far more prone, after seeing and sympathizing
with the evils that have resulted from existing systems, to
accept, tentatively at least, the wild-cat schemes of regen-
eration which are also brought forward by women sufferers
under an old regime, in the hope that under the new order
woman's wrongs will be righted.

I thank you for your very flattering tribute to my form
of expression and for your confidence that I shall be satis-
fied with nothing less than a broad viewpoint.

I thank you also for your long and lucid letters and for
all the valuable information- you have given.

Sincerely,

184 The Art of Love

Apr. 8, 19«0,
Dear Dr. Robie:

... It would seem that the history and experience of
reservatus in its application to private families since 1879
should be reviewed in contradistinction to its application to
the complex family of the O. C. before that date, in which
conditions were exceptional.

You speak of my having been inoculated with "free love"
views from^the initial source in this country. I cannot feel
that the modified, restricted, and controlled freedom in love
of the old O. C. had much in common with "free love," as we
know it today. I am inclosing an extract on this point from
the "Hand Book of the O. C." of 1875, showing that their
sympathies were more nearly with marriage than with the
licentious free lovers of that day or this.

Extract from Hand Book of the Oneida Community Under

Social Principles (§ 40, 41, 4«, 48.)

FSEE LOVB

"This terrible combination of two very good ideas — free-
dom and love — was first used by the writers of the Oneida
Community about twenty-five years ago (now seventy) and
probably originated with them. It was, however, soon taken
up by a very different class of speculators, scattered about
tlie country, and has come to be the name of a form of
Socialism with which we have but little affinity. Still it is
sometimes applied to our Communities; and as we are cer-
tainly responsible for starting it into circulation, it seems
to be our duty to tell what meaning we attach to it, and in
what sense we are willing to accept it as a designation of our
social system.

"The obvious and essential difference between marriage
and licentious connections may be stated thus: Marriage is
A permanent union. Licentiousness deals in temporary
flirtation.

"In marriage, communism of property goes with com-
munism of persons. In licentiousness, love is paid for as
hired labor.

The Oneida Commwnity and Its Doctrine 185

^^Marriage makes a man responsible for the consequences
of his acts of love to a woman. In licentiousness, a man
imposes on a woman the heavy burdens of maternity, ruin-
ing perhaps her reputation and her health, and then goes on
his way without responsibility.

"Marriage provides for the maintenance and education
of children. Licentiousness ignores children as nuisances,
and leaves them to chance.

**Now, in respect to every one of these points of difference
between marriage and licentiousness, zt^e stand with mar'-
riage. Free love with us does not mean freedom to love
today and leave tomorrow; nor freedom to take a woman's
person and keep our property to ourselves; nor freedom to
freight a woman with our offspring and send her down stream
without care or help ; nor freedom to beget children and leave
them to the street and the poor house. Our Communities are
families, as distinctly bounded and separated from promis-
cuous society as ordinary households. The tie that binds us
together is as permanent and sacred, to say the least, as that
of marriage, for it is our religion. We receive no new mem-
bers (except by deception or mistake) who do not give heart
and hand to the family interest for life and forever. Com-
munity of property extends just as far as freedom of love.
Every man's care and every dollar of the common property
are pledged for the maintenance and protection of the
women and the education of the children of the Community.
Bastardy, in any disastrous sense of the word, is simply
impossible in such a social state. Whoever will take the trou-
ble to follow our track from the beginning will find no for-
saken women or children by the way. In this respect we
claim to be in advance of marriage and civilization. . . .

"We are not *Free Lovers' in any sense that makes love
less binding or responsible than it is in marriage.

"Having thus disclaimed the freedom of licentiousness, we
must now complete our definition of Free Love by also dis-
claiming some of the liberties of marriage. . . .

"The liberty of marriage, as commonly understood and
practiced, is the liberty of a man to sleep habitually with a
woman, liberty to please himself alone in his dealings with

186 The Art of Love

her, liberty to expose her to child-bearing without care or
consultation.

"The term Free Love as understood by the Oneida Com-
munity, does not mean any such freedom of sexual proceed-
ings as this. The household arrangements of our families
provide separate sleeping apartments for the sexes, and, as
far as possible and agreeable, for individuals. The theory
of sexual interchange which governs all the general measures
of the Community, is just that which in ordinary society gov-
erns the proceedings in courtship. It is the theory of the
equal rights of women and men, and the freedom of both
from habitual and legal obligations to personal fellowship.
It is the theory that love after marriage and always and for-
ever, should be what it is before marriage — a glowing attrac-
tion on both sides, and not the odious obligation of one
party, and the sensual recklessness of the other.

"Besides all this, Oneida Communists have a special theory
in regard to the act of sexual intercourse itself, which places
it under unusual restrictions. They hold that two distinct
kinds of sexual intercourse ought to be recognized ; one sim-
ply social, and the other propagative; and that the propa-
gative should only be exercised when impregnation is intended
and mutually agreed upon. Sexual intercourse without the
propagative act (except when propagation is intended) is
all that we tolerate in Free Love ; and this will sooner or later
be known to be a very different affair from that kind of sex-
ual commerce against which all criminal statutes are
directed. So far as this matter is concerned. Free Love, in
the Oneida sense of the term, is much less free in the gross,
sensual way than marriage.

"The thing which we have done, for which we are called
*Free Lovers' is simply this : We have left the simple form
of marriage and advanced to the complex stage of it. We
have no quarrel with those who deal in exclusive dual mar-
riage and faithfully observe it, but we have concluded that
for us there is a better way. The honor and faithfulness that
constitute an ideal marriage may exist between two hundred
as well as two; while the guarantees for women and children
are much greater in the Community than they can be in any

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 187

private family. The results of the complex system we may
sum up by saying, that men are rendered more courteous,
women more winning, children are better born, and both
sexes are personally free."

You must have observed how, when one generation has
been liberal with regard to any tenet, that the next, after
turning away, will go to the opposite extreme. Some such
reversion to Puritanical standards took j)lace with regard
to the social system of the O. C. after the reorganization;
and the standards became even more conventional than in the
world at large. The marriages which took place at this time
between old members were unusually happy and only one
divorce occurred among them.

There is one point in your answer that T cannot let pass
without comment. You say, "Are any instances of avowed
ascetics known to be really and truly such, any more than
that the O. C. experiment was not all that it claimed to be?"

I gather from this that you have somehow received the
impression that the O. C. advocate dand claimed to practice
m. c. exclusively, and that my former statement that there
were occasional mishaps leads you to conclude that they fell
short of this ideal, and so the "experiment was not all that
it claimed to be."

If a musician should originate a new system of piano play-
ing, would you consider the system a failure, or that it was
not all that it claimed to be, if he or his pupils should occa-
sionally strike a false note? If he should write up his sys-
tem, he would doubtless stress the points necessary for suc-
cess in technique, etc., saying very little about the possible
false notes, as everyone would know that these would be
necessary and expected part of the process of learning.

So with m. c, the points necessary for success are stressed,
and the pamphlet says very little about possible failure. But
anyone wishing further explanation could have had informa-
tion for the asking: and the O. C. issued a free paper up to
Dec. 1897, in which tliese m^itters were discussed.

The pamphlet says, p. 2z, "We will briefly report progress
up to this time." The report did not pretend to cover all

188 The Art of Love

points. I also realize that my attitude on the matter of an
occasional failure is doubtless more liberal than that of the
O. C.

We must remember the religious afflatus, the daily evening
meeting, and that short interviews were favored, in which the
men were cautioned to keep well away from the danger
point. One of the old members told me, when I questioned
him regarding some of the points which you brought up,
that it was not at all unusual for him to go for two years
without any accident. He never remembered any local con-
gestion following an interview, necessitating the use of cold
water, and was emphatic in denying that any men of whom
he knew had ever resorted to auto-erotism for relief.

We must admit that the application of these principles to
the O. C. family and to ordinary married life would needs be
somewhat different in practice.

Sincerely and gratefully,

M. D.

Apr. 16, '20.
Dear Dr:

,1 am not going to try at present to answer your letter of
Mar. 18, nor later letter, but just a point or two. I want
to get at whatever there is of value in m. c, s. c, "Diana,"
Karezza, and similar methods of reservatus. They all
apparently boil down to the same thing applied by different
people in different ways and in different degrees, i. e., they
are all love-play, sex enjoyment, sexual intercourse, between
lovers or married people which stops short (somewhere) of
the orgasm in man and sometimes also in woman.

Now you are the only one I have ever dealt with who has
an intimate knowledge of these matters who is willing to deal
with them or capable of dealing with them in a wholly sci-
entific manner. The laymen who have advocated these things
do not know all the facts of sex psychology or physiology;
and besides they have usually been people of one idea. The
medical men and women have never made any very exhaustive
studies nor kept any exact records; and all avow that pre-

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 189

vention of undesired conception was at first the sole object
of this method.

I am going to state a few facts to you according to my
present knowledge. Then you can correct any error that
appears in them, from your present knowledge. It seems to
me that then we shall have the problem where we shall know
what we have in common and shall be able to discuss the
points where we disagree and bring such evidence as each
has to support his or her own view. We shall be able also
to bring to a focus the points neither of us are clear about
and devise some way to get at the facts.

1. I've said what m. c, s. c, etc., are.

2. Also their chief original object.

3. All the advocates claim to have discovered later other
advantages.

(a) One thinks that love-play or intercourse to any extent
short of the orgasm keeps adolescents from masturbation
or excess in intercourse, prevents venereal disease, enhances
the love each for each, and is perfectly pure, no matter how
promiscuous, so long as each desires the other and there is
no orgasm. The "descensus in Averno" comes with the
orgasm.

(b) Another thinks that the frequent sight of each other,
nude, and kissing and caressing in this state satisfies all the
requirements of love except procreation, and that gradually
or rapidly passion abates, and each attains a divine afflatus,
a psychic erethism more satisfying than the completed rela-
tion. Here not only the orgasm was the dividing line between
purity and pollution to be eschewed but the mere union of
the organs was deplored.

(c) The O. C. started with the claim of perfection; and
since the law is to restrain and coerce imperfect, those
who had been reborn into perfection were amenable to no
law or convention. Their objects were beyond cavil: stirpi-
culture, race betterment, altruism, which meant happiness
and comfort for all, but which necessitate denial and asceti-
cism for the individual. Here too the necessary joining of
Plato's halves were recognized, and the only condition of man

190 The Art of Love

and woman's associating sexually was mutually love or desire
and the man's refraining from orgasm. All allow latitude
for woman in this particular.

(d) All the different advocates of all the different methods
claim that orgasm is injurious to the man. All but you claim
that absence of orgasm indefinitely is not injurious to the
man, and the more he prevents it the longer he remains virile.

All or nearly all claim that orgasm is sometimes or always
beneficial to the woman. All seem to think that love-play,
or intercourse, without the orgasm endears the lovers to
each other much more than complete intercourse, that woman
is a delighted equal in one case, a sex slave in the other; and
— wonder of wonders — all but you, I think, claim that hours
every day in nude contact, or "delights of the eyes,*' or of
sexual caressing, or of the organs joined in the sexual
embrace when conventionalized by marriage (and some do
not even require this) are perfectly pure and above reproach,
but that any caress or intercourse, no matter how short its
duration or how great its infrequency, that ends in orgasm
for the male (unless procreation is the immediate object) is
odiously vile; yet all the while the woman is not vile if she
has an orgasm at any time.

We both know perfectly well that a lot of these claims are
nothing but frantic efforts to escape from painful psychic
states resulting from the wrong mental concepts which accu-
mulated from our false teachings in regard to sex; but,
for the sake of unifonnity, I will take up these several points
briefly.

1. Needs no application. Am I correct?

2. With proper laws regarding the circulation of contra-
ceptive knowledge, or even with present accessible knowledge
(since no one who does not have present knowledge of other
methods would practice m. c. methods if he did know them)
there is no longer the slightest excuse for giving this as a
reason for m. c.

3. (a) The practices of the Kaffirs and other primitive
races, governed largely by tabu and superstition, unve-
nerealized, and without the sex stimulants of modern civiliza-
tion, being adopted by your youth on no other grounds than

The Oneida Commimity and Its Doctrhie 191

analogy would be so visionary as to hardly need discussion.
Whether masturbation and some promiscuity are worse than
general promiscuity would have to be answered in the nega-
tive without argument, since we do have venereal disease ; but,
etliically, how could universal sex communion be more pure
or safe than universal condomatic intercourse; and how
could either become law or custom without our all reverting
to that state, destitute in ideals and civilization, of the primi-
tive or submerged peoples mentioned ?

It is a fact that old canonical law made it a sin for a
woman to be reproved for, should she get rid of a foetus
before the eightieth day after impregnation; but the same
sin was punishable by death after the eightieth day.

S. c. advocates say that the act without the orgasm is
pure, but with it it is vile. Are not the two illustrations
equally sensible?

(b) Why does not the foregoing illustration apply equally
well to the "Diana" method? How can finite man differen-
tiate between the purity of "Diana," s. c, "Karezza," and
complete normal intercourse?

As a matter of fact, any of these methods that give satis-
faction or pleasure, indubitably, when the organs are
together, necessitates erection and pleasurable feeling on the
part of man at least. What is this but passion, or being as
low as the brutes, as they call it? Isn't all their search
really for the objectification of love? Isn't it all a question
of subjectivity or objectivity — auto-erotic vs. hetero-erotic ?

If that is what they are getting at, I fully agree. Love
is subjective in the young of both sexes. What pleasure or
relief there is is auto-erotic, selfish — to be sure — ^but when
any expression is necessary the only possible one consistent
with health and high ideals is auto-erotic; but when mating
comes, love should be hetero-erotic y unselfish, objective. Love
of the mate should not be for one's selfish purposes, but to
convey the greatest possible joy in all things to the mate.

What ethical difference does it make what stage is stopped
at, provided that each has the other's joy and interest at
heart and is willing to sacrifice self as need for that end?

19« The Art of Love

Uiis assertion of the O. C. was incorrect. Until perfection
dawns monogamy is necessary. No free love is justifiable,
whether under the guise of religious fanaticism, frank sen-
sualism, or imagined social betterment. You will notice in
my chapter on free love in "R. S. E." that I agree wifli you
as to the probabilities that convention would be unnecessary
in a state where education was universal and altruism of first
consequence.

The idea of absolute communism of goods is no longer held
by the O. C. I take it that the idea of communism of wives
iH no longer held. But the s. c. and ^^Diana" advocates do
liold this view, for no one can assert with a semblance of
l9gic that stopping short of the orgasm renders men and
women less promiscuous morally or physically. The only
argument must be a material one, and thus, undesired off-
spring outside present conventions are prevented. That
would be a material value or advantage at the sacrifice of
the ideal, and such could have no place in schemes which are
all advanced with the avowed purpose of perfecting human
ideals as well as to prevent hard material conditions.

But, ethically, morally, religiously, rationally, why allow
the woman to have orgasm and be good and the man to have
it and be bad? Where is the difference? It must be in the
long-defended fallacy that the male orgasm, the expulsion
of semen, is psychically and physically injurious.

Hippocrates and Galen were at loggerheads on this point,
and people have been all down the ages ; but there is now no
question but that use and abuse apply to the sexual organs
of both men and women as they do to most if not all organs
and functions. I won't attempt to argue this now; but
many observers have definitely established, and I myself
can submit an almost unending series of cases to show that
moderate, complete sexual relations of men and women under
existing conventional conditions give greatest health, longev-
ity, physical and mental ability and happiness. These com-
plete sex relations involve more or less "Karezza," s. c, m. c,
or what you wish to call it. I want to find how far this is
pleasure and profit and when it becomes an injury.

Woman is called a sex slave because man's love has hitherto

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 193

been too largely subjective. He usually, because he knew
no better and thought that woman was or ought to be frigid,
has thought only of his own pleasure, not of hers. I provide
for that, you will admit when you read all my books.

The orgasm in man has been regarded as bad by these
people, 1st because they thought it injurious to him; 2nd
because with no other method of prevention it would surely
result in undesired offspring.

A proper amount of complete intercourse with orgasm is
not detrimental but beneficial to both. Other methods of
prevention than m. c. and s. c. are infinitely better. There-
fore the results thought to be bad are not bad, and the thing
itself is not bad.

Sincerely,

May 12, 1920.
Dear Dr. R :.

... In studying the theories of the different advocates,
one thing has impressed me, and that is that when a man is
able to so adjust his sex life and experiences to his own
needs in such a way as to secure health, satisfaction and
happiness, he wishes to erect this small personal experience
into a theory of life applicable to all men, and represents it
to be the highest and best that life has to offer.

Many times a considerable ingenuity is used to arrive at a
combination which is not only in accordance with his nature
and desires, but which is also possible of attainment.

For instance, the entire fabric of Y.'s philosophy, com-
plete and fairly consistent though it is, appears to me to
rest on a fallacy which he deceives himself into thinking to
be truth. His glossary shows this basic fault. In saying
intercourse is only union with orgasm, and that a virgin is
a woman who may have experienced sex communion any
number of times, but has never received semen, he paves the
way to experience s. c. with a variety of partners without
incurring the "painful psychic state*' which would other-
wise be unavoidable. As for his own reaction after orgasm is
so intense as to be noticed for three or four days, he natu-
rally advises the avoidance of this and tells his patients
that the desire for it will gradually pass away.

194 The Art of Love

It is a long step from his philosophy to your own, but
there may be many whose natures are sufficiently like his to
be able to follow at least a part of the way, and others in
different gradations all the way to your extreme end of the
ladder, in which the orgasm seems to me to take an over-
prominent place.

Where artifical methods of contraception are used, the
morality of orgasm seems to be on an equal basis for both
sexes, or would be if these means were infallible. The ques-
tion of excess would have to be considered for each, indi-
vidually, and precautions taken to avoid this for either mem-
ber of the combination.

The tendency of discoverers and promulgators of new
theories of sex and life to try to convince all of the correct-
ness of their ideas, regardless of whether or not the theory
would be adapted to every case, may be the most effective
method of getting a hearing; but experience teaches that the
sex needs of individuals differ widely, as well as of the same
individual at different times or under different circumstances.
So we will not limit ourselves to any one set of facts or any
one theory, but will take from all sources that which appeals
to us as truth, carefully separating it from the false, and
make our contribution with earnestness and sincerity.

The most notable example of this that has come to my
notice is the theory of N. W. Chidley, given in his pamphlet,
*-The Answer," and cited on p. 164 of Vol. V of Ellis's
Studies. While our first impulse might be to ridicule the
idea, on further suggestion it might be found useful in cer-
tain selected cases, or as a temporary measure in certain
types of psychic impotence.

As to the more specific parts of your letter: —

(1) We will accept your definition of these somewhaf
novel methods of sex expression:

Diana, Karezza, m. c, s. c. and Magnetation are all
methods of reservatus applied by different people in different
ways and in different degrees. They are all love play, sex
enjoyment, sexual intercourse between lovers or married peo-
ple which stops short of the orgasm in man, and sometimes
also in woman, thus enabling them to enjoy the fullest

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 196

expression of the aifectional nature by sublimation of the
reproductive instinct.

(a) Purity, shall we say, is a quality of mind or spirit,
and is not dependent upon whether or not one has experi-
enced Diana, Karezza, m. c, s. c, or full physiological
expression ?

(b) All of these modes of expression doubtless give satis-
faction to the affectional or amative nature much as orgas-
mal expression does to the reproductive nature, and it may
be just as necessary to satisfy one as the other.

Note: With the proper understanding and application
of contraceptive methods, one must accede, orgasmal expres-
sion may become the most intense form of affectional expres-
sion, and may also "convey the greatest possible joy to the
mate." This also serves to put the orgasm of both partners
on an equal basis to be considered on its merits, i. e., on
whether or not the surplus quantity of sex force or reserve
warrants going to this extreme, and not on the unequal basis
of a small loss of vital fluid for one and a possible undesired
conception for the other.

(c) You are correct in stating that neither communism
of goods nor of wives obtains in the present O. C. L., and
has not for more than a generation ; so that it is hard for
us to realize the tremendous earnestness with which the early
members accepted the religious beliefs which were the foun-
dation of their social y)ractices. The belief that the second
coming of Christ took place in the year 70 A. D. gave them
the assurance that they were living "in the resurrection,'*
and paved the way to the acceptance of the doctrine of
"Salvation from sin." They did not claim perfection in
externals, but only in intent, and that they were able to have
and retain a clear conscience toward God.

"April 21, 1920.
*'Dear Doctor Robic :

"You have sifted things and sorted out facts in a very
masterful way in your last letter, and nearly every para-
graph invites comment, »nd if I do not see you in New York,
I will try to express some of these on paper on my return. I

196 The Art of Love

think you touched the key to the situation in your letter of
March 28th, when you said:

" 'My whole argument is for psychic control of sex within
limits, or as much as is good in each individual case, and
complete physiological expression when necessary.' This
broad statement could cover a wide variety of experience^
and if everyone knew just the proper answers to the questions
why, when and how, there would be no problem of sex. It
is plain that no one rule will apply to all. Would it not
help in the solution to make some broad general classifica-
tions of experience that would cover fairly large groups?
The barrier may be mental, as in ^Diana' and Karezza or
physical, in which case, it is either mechanical or chemical,
sometimes both. It would seem that because man has
orgasmal intercourse in common with the brute and that man
alone is capable of attaining the control of Karezza, in so
attaining it, he becomes conscious of this supremacy and
of taking his rightful place above and beyond the brute.
This puts the mental control on a spiritual plane, and thus
gives a spiritual uplift and satisfaction which is not common
to any of the other methods. This is my view, so I cannot
agree that 'other methods are infinitely better.' But I do
agree that other methods may be necessary occasionally. A
combination method would probably be found of widest
application. This leads to the conclusion that a combination
adapted to each individual case is vastly better than either
system practiced alone."

The plan of a Heavenly Association had been worked
out by Mr. Noyes years before anything was done in a prac-
tical way. In fact, as early as 18S7, he stated in a letter,
"I am holden up by the strength that is needed to sustain
not my weight only, but the weight of all who shall come
after me." In 1838 he proposed marriage on very broad
lines to a young woman who became his wife, and who was
in full sympathy with his ideas. The steps by which the
Putney and Oneida rommunities were formed are interesting
and instructive. Their different publications give quite a
history of these activities.

The Oneida CoTwrwwnity and Its Doctrine 197

Dr. Stockham tried to apply some of these principles to
ordinary society and got many of the ideas for her
"Karezza" from Mr. Noyes's m. c. pamphlet, from which she
quotes from page 120 to 127 in her book by that name. She
brings out four things of value: 1. She goes far to contro-
vert the prevailing conception that sex life is base and
degrading and to put the amative or non-creative manifesta-
tion on a high spiritual plane. 2. Demonstrates the possi-
bility of sublimation of creative instinct. S. Practical
separation of the amative function from the procreative.
Aids (a) diversion of thought, (b) restriction of motion.
4. Demonstration of supremacy of the spiritual over the
physical. She does not advocate orgasm for the wife, but
says, p. 2S: ^^Karezza so consummates marriage that
through the power of will, and loving thoughts, the crisis is
not reached, but a complete control by both husband and
wife is maintained throughout the entire relation, a con-
scious conservation of creative energy." In this she has had
some followers.

I do not see how an occasional orgasm can be injurious to
a normal healthy man, especially if he is careful not to draw
on his physical or nerve reserve. Nature will usually give
a hint as to this in the amount of reaction felt. As to the
possible injurious effects of absence of orgasm, it would
seem that each case should be considered on its own merits.
If a young man who has been accustomed to having night
losses once or twice a week, marries and practices m. c, and
finds that he has satisfactory experience and that his night
losses are very much less frequent, as two or three times
a year, that his general health is good and that there is no
local tenderness or congestion, we should not expect any
injurious effects or lessening of virility.. But if he is never
satisfied, sleeps poorly, has more frequent night losses than
before marriage, has local pain and congestion, the virility
as well as the general health might be impaired. The good
or evil effect on the woman could be investigated on similar
lines. Where the woman is left in an unsatisfied condition,
she may have a vicarious orgasm in some other part of the

198 The Art of Love

body, as of the palpebral muscles, or a fit of weeping, which
serves to relieve local congestion. Women with strong inhi-
bition§, who have never masturbated, do not realize that the
clitoris is the key to the situation.

Sincerely,

It has been a matter of curiosity as to what becomes of
the undischarged semen after intercourse without emission.
It will be noticed that the physician, whose letters I have
quoted, asks this very question.

I have read much of th^ literature on this question, but
undoubtedly not all. I have not run across any satisfactory
explanation, though it seems incredible that there should
not be one somewhere in the literature.

It is well known that during periods of sexual excitement
the secretion of semen, or at least, of some of the constitu-
ents of it, is increased. If semen enough is secreted for an
emission in sleep once or twice a week or for emissions sev-
eral times weekly in normal intercourse, under ordinary
conditions of stimulation, what becomes of that and the
added amount secreted under the extra stimulation of very
frequent sex relations without emission? There is certainly
excitement, or intercourse could not take place. The
devotees of the practice maintain that the excitement is
prolonged and that the erethism is greater than in normal
intercourse. Even during courtship night emissions are fre-
quent, and diurnal orgasms, either voluntary or involuntary,
are common in both sexes. Something must become of this
semen or it must cease to be produced. But all claim that it
is produced in its usual abundance. I am not in agreement
with the last, but will pass that point for the time and agree
that it is still produced in ordinary cases in fair quantity.

The conservationists, of whom Dr. W. S. Hall is a promi-
nent type, have a theory that much of the semen produced
by the continent is reabsorbed, and that this redounds to the
credit of the individual. Doubtless it is true that some
semen is reabsorbed, in cases especially where exposure to
sex excitement is limited and there is a strong will determined
on repression ; but it is improbable that this is rapidly reab-

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 193

sorbed, in cases of virile males under frequent sex excitement.

It is well known that during sex excitement, there is secre-
tion of nearly transparent fluid known as urethrorrhoea ex
libidine, which appears at the opening of the meatus urin-
arius. It is claimed by m. c. advocates that, during success-
fully controlled intercourse, this mucus is at all times clear,
and that it is only when there has been a partial failure of
control that any cloudiness can be detected.

In some cases there is the following experience. After a
long time of sex excitement, when the orgasm has been nearly
reached several times, there comes a time when pain in testes
subsides somewhat, and erection subsides, and the desire dis-
appears or is much lessened. In other words, it seems as
though the relief that would be expected from a partial
orgasm had come, but there is no appearance at the urethral
opening of anything more than the mucus mentioned above.

However, if, after long-continued sex excitement and fre-
quent close proximity to the orgasm, one squeezes the penis
from the bulb upward, there will be a drop or two of thick,
white, viscous fluid which resembles semen; or if one passes
a few drops of urine in a glass, the urine will be turbid.
All question as to the name and composition of this fluid
can be easily disposed of by placing some of it under the
ordinary one-sixth objective of the microscope. Sperma-
tozoa in abundance will be found (provided they can be
found after any ordinary complete ejaculation). This ex-
periment was twice repeated with like results.

In this condition there is a little leakage of semen (pro-
vided above experience is general) from th^ vesiculae sem-
inalis into the urethra, not enough ordinarily to flow from
the meatus unless the orgasm is pressed. Still, perhaps a con-
siderable quantity is lost, which may go back into the bladder
in some cases. The urethra will easily hold half a drachm,
perhaps more, and the ordinary full discharge of semen is
seldom over two drachms. Ordinarily, in healthy men, the
vesicles retain the semen until orgasm occurs ; but evidently
long provocation may cause them to relinquish enough of
their store to relieve pressure and excitement to some extent
in cases such as I have just described.

200 The Art of Love

It would be too sweeping to say that this is a universal
phenomenon; but since the experiment was conducted in
good faith, by a man without abnormality it is fair to con-
clude that the condition is common or usual. Some observa-
tion of this kind would be worth while, to determine condi-
tions in individual cases. In making this kind of an experi*^
ment a man should be very sure that at no time his approach
to the orgasm is near enough for the slightest initial con-
traction of the orgasm, for this would vitiate the whole
experiment. After the slightest contraction, whether the
excitement has been of long or short duration, there will
surely be called bona fide.

One might fear that in the event of this claim of mine
being proven, there would always be danger, while practising
m. c, that a little semen would escape into the vagina. I
do not think that this need be feared. The ordinary lubri-
cating fluid is in and back of the mouth of the urethra. The
semen escapes in very small quantities, and perhaps not more
than once or twice at these times when there is partial failure
of control, but without the contractions of a beginning
orgasm. When no contraction of the muscular prostate
occurs, nor of the compressor urinae or bulbo-cavemosus
muscles, the pressure of the vagina on the penis tends to
crowd any liquid escaping from the seminal ducts into the
urethra back toward the bladder rather than forward toward
the meatus. It will be remembered that this is reasonable
anatomically, since the caput gallinaginis probably does not
become distended to prevent semen from going backward
into the bladder until the muscular contractions of the
orgasm occur. Furthermore, the prostatic urethra, into
which the semen flows, is much larger in diameter than the
membranous urethra which lies in front of it. Consequently,
in the absence of muscular action, the contents of the pros-
tatic urethra tend to take the path of least resistance
through the larger opening into the bladder rather than
through the smaller one toward the meatus. As a matter of
experience, impregnation is a rare accident among those who
practice m. c. ; and when it does occur, it probably results

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 201

from a supposedly controlled intercourse where, neverthe-
less, there has been an incipient contraction of some of the
ejaculatory muscles.

As to the amount of semen secreted under pressure during
periods of continuous excitement, it seems to me that after
the epididymis, the vas, the seminal vesicles have become well
distended the secretion, for the time being at least, will be
reduced or suspended. Realizing that continuous pressure
impedes circulation and retards function in other localities,
it seems reasonable that over-distention in the spermatogenic
area may delay the spennatoblasts in their change to sper-
matozoa and prevent the secretion of the accompanying fluids.
Prolonged engorgement of the prostate may also prevent,
for the time being, the secretion of the prostatic fluid,
though this may increase after the engorgement subsides.

Summing up: from my study of the methods formerly in
vogue in the Oneida Community and those of the various
sects deriving their practices from them, I still believe, and
with more evidence than formerly, that male continence, car-
ried to an extreme, is very harmful. All their writings which
I formerly had access to advocated m. c. for indefinite
periods; but a complete knowledge of their literature and
traditions reveals that mistakes were often condoned and
that mistakes always occurred in all followers of these
methods. Some went for months; some went years, accord-
ing to their own statements; but mistakes occurred just the
same. These failures would be sufficient to nullify any claims
that life-long male continence was proven to be either with-
out harm or beneficial. Almost invariably the woman has
had orgasm at her own discretion, though in some instances
there has been partial denial in her case.

No one, as far as I can learn, of the believers in this
method at the present time, who has gone into the matter at
all scientificallv, claims absolute m. c. to be desirable or free
from harm. Those who have investigated the matter scien-
tifically and with a view to improving the love-life of married
people do claim, and I agree with them, that this method
does have a place as a part of the art of love.

I desire to emphasize what I have said in other books^

808 The Art of Lave

namely, that this method is especiaUy applicable in mar-
riages where the man is sexually weak or partially impotent.
Let me add that it is just as applicable where the man is
above the average in sexual strength, but where the wife U
htill farther above the average than he is, a condition which
18 very common, notwithstanding the assertions of some who,
without any knowledge of real conditions, assert that woman
is generally a sex slave.

It is also useful where the man is sexually strong and his
wife sexually weak, since such a man and wife can have the
physical comfort and psychic companionship of the love act
without his feeling that he is continually getting selfish
satisfaction at her expense. In turn she can see, by his con-
trolled intercourse that he desires to sacrifice something for
her. As a matter of experience, the very presence of the
man, the gentle, courting process before and during the con-
trolled act so stimulate her sexual nature and so increase
her respect and approbation, that before long she becomes
able to participate with him more frequently in mutual
orgasm.

Also, there can be no shadow of doubt that there are
many occasions when neither husband nor wife needs nor
desires an orgasm, but each feels a yearning for the other.
Yielding to the impulse to embrace, kiss and caress induces
enough excitement in both to make joining the sexual organs
possible and pleasant. Proceeding thus far with the sexual
act from time to time does much to cement their union and
make them permanent lovers.

Mutual orgasm is not always feasible, desirable, or neces-
sary. If too often repeated the charm is gone and the value
lessened. Yet there are certainly many times when this inti-
mate love art, though not carried to completion, may pro-
duce a physical rejuvenescence and a mental exaltation very
similar and nearly equal to that resulting from the mutually
completed relation.

Tlie relative frequency of intercourse without orgasm or,
for that matter, when one lias or both have orgasm, is some-
thing to be determined by individuals for themselves. I
cannot improve on the hints as to the frequency of m. c.

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 208

given in the correspondence which is quoted in this chapter
and in the case at the end of it. In some couples m. c. may
never be desirable or necessary. In others it will be indis-
pensable to a happy, complete love life.

I have just been given an account of the experiences of a
man and his wife who have had a large experience with the
practice of m. c. In short, they believed when they were
first married that no other form of sex association was
proper unless when procreation was desired. The facts in
this case are indirect corroboration of what I wrote in 1907
and published in 1916, viz., that this method is valuable when
a man of lowered potency is married to a strongly sexed
woman. In the case now quoted, the man is not of lowered
potency. Rather, he is considerably above the average in
sexual strength. Yet his wife is so much more strongly
sexed than he that there is the same relative difference as
that mentioned in my earlier work.

It is necessary to give a brief abstract of their histories.
Both of them had high ideals as young people, were early
instructed in sex matters, and, having been told by a relative
of the doctrine of m. c, both were favorably impressed by
it. The husband, though never having had complete inter-
course before they were married, had had, on a few occasions,
intercourse without emission with an elderly woman. This
intercourse was proffered on her part to the young man as
a prophylactic against masturbation or promiscuous rela-
tions, and was accepted on his part as a means of relief,
though to be subversive of the rights and interests of no one
and not incompatible with his or her self-respect. His
experience with auto-erotism was very limited, and he was
entirely continent for some years before marriage.

The girl was carefully raised and closely safeguarded.
Nevertheless, at the age of thirteen she met a boy a year or
so older, and there was at once a strong mutual attraction,
which so displeased the parents tliat the young people were
separated. In spite of this her intense longing for this boy
continued for five vears. She had first menstruated at
eleven, and on first meeting this boy she became conscious of
extreme sexual tension. For a year following, she was hardly

204j The Art of Love

ever free from it. She then began occasionally to have
voluptuous dreams of him, which culminated in orgasm,
which relieved the tension somewhat. Nothing of a physical
nature ever passed between them with the exception of one
kiss, and repression was constant. She never resorted to
masturbation, never having heard of such a thing. Finally
when, after several years it became apparent that marriage
with the first young man would never be acceptable to her
parents, she became partially successful in her efforts to
forget him and become somewhat attached to a young man
whom she had long known in a friendly way and who later
became her husband.

Though she was very young, she seventeen and he eight
years her senior, they planned a deliberate courtship in
which it was hoped that they would become attached to each
other, she during the process forgetting her former attach-
ment, and he forgetting a similar one for an undesirable
young woman. Their attempts were successful, and they
were married within a year.

They had no intercourse the first night, he having resolved
not to approach her on this occasion. On the following day
he had an emission almost immediately at the first sexual
contact on rupturing the hymen. Aside from this he prac-
ticed m. c. rigorously during the first three months of their
married life. During this period they were separated a good
part of the time. She suffered as formerly from extreme sex
tension, whether they were separated or not; and he had
strong sex desire whenever they were together. Whenever it
was possible they indulged in controlled intercourse several
times daily, in various positions and for varied lengths of
time. This seemed to satisfy him fairly well, and relieved
her desire somewhat.

After the third month he began to have orgasms occa-
sionally.

They had been married three and a half years before she
had an orgasm of any description. She suffered greatly
from sex desire during all this time, though their controlled
meetings reduced this somewhat for the time being, not
enough, however, to prevent her lying awake hours after

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine 205

these meetings and crying herself to sleep. Finally, after
an occasion when they had separated and he had gone to
sleep, for the first time in her life her attention was attracted
to her clitoris, which was very erect and extremely sensitive.
Responding to some instinctive prompting, she rose on her
knees in bed and manipulated the clitoris until she had an
orgasm. Though she had had many orgasms in sleep at the
conclusion of voluptuous dreams, this was the first volitional
orgasm in the waking state that she had ever experienced.
It was delightful to the point of pain and rapturous beyond
description; and it opened up exquisite vistas of mutual sex
love with her husband that had never before entered her
imagination.

From this time on, when desire was strong at the con-
clusion of intercourse, she procured an orgasm in this way.
She soon told her husband about it; and this was also his
first knowledge of the clitoris or its function. He immedi-
ately began to experiment, and soon produced in her an
orgasm by manipulation, before the completion of inter-
course. Finally they determined that on those occasions
when he permitted himself to have an orgasm they should
consummate together. Gradually they became convinced
that this, not carried to an extreme, could be neither injuri-
ous nor wrong; and they usually had a mutual orgasm once
or twice a week, guarding against conception when this was
not desired. While this was very satisfying to the husband,
he could be instantly ready at any time for intercourse with-
out orgasm. In her case the orgasm would relieve tension
only a few hours as a rule, never more than a day or two.
Often merely joining the organs for a time would satisfy
her, though neither had an orgasm. At other times desire
for the orgasm would be imperative; and he, at last under-
standing her needs, saw to it that she was completely satis-
fied on such occasions.

At present her sexual life for a week is about as follows:
First they have intercourse with mutual orgasm. Then after
twelve hours there is controlled intercourse when neither has
an orgasm. Then after another twelve, or possibly twenty-
four hours, there is intercourse again with mutual orgasm.

206 The Art of Love

For the next four or five days they have the various prelim-
inaries to intercourse and the joining of the organs for from
ten minutes to an hour in various positions two or three times
each night and occasionally once during the day. On none
of these occasions does he have an orgasm; but she usually
desires this once or twice during this four- or five-day period,
and when she does he sees that she has complete satisfaction.
While this is the usual program when they are together,
there are many braeks, due to his absences on long lecture
tours. Her public duties also frequently take her from
home. Whenever they have been separated for any consid"*
erable length of time, although they make it rule to indulge
very freely before they separate, she begins to sufl^er after
the first two or three days, and this tension increases con-
stantly until his return. In this case there is little desire
for the first ten days; and thereafter, though it is not con-
stant, there are frequent periods of extreme tension. In
short, they have both been extremely miserable during their
many necessary separations.

Recently, however, when a separation of six weeks was
pending, after being influenced by advice similar to my own
in such cases, each promised the other that, during their
separation, they would obtain by auto-erotism such relief
as seemed necessary, with the result that he practiced auto-
erotism three times duripg the period and was very com-
fortable, while she resorted to it somewhat more frequently;
and while not entirely free from tension was nearer to being
comfortable than she had been during any similar period of
seperation since her marriage twenty-six years ago.

This value of controlled intercourse is perfectly apparent
in this case. Without it it would be necessary for this woman
to suffer intolerably from self-denial which, in my judgment,
must ultimately result in a complete nervous breakdown; or
if she were kept in fairly perfect equilibrium, it would be
necessary for her husband to have intercourse with orgasm
daily, which frequency would reduce his efficiency and pro-
duce nerv^ous syptoms in him.

As it is, both these people do an almost incredible amount
of work, most of it of an exacting mental variety; and in

The Oneida Community and Its Doctrine S07

addition they do far more than their share toward the moral
and social uplift of their town.

This woman is no exception to women of her type whom
I mentioned formerly. In addition to her public and social
duties she has been the presiding genius of a perfect home,
in which she has reared five perfect specimens of young
American manhood. She is a woman of unusual strength, of
remarkable versatility, and great charm.

I have never yet seen a woman of good natural endow-
ment, of broad culture and an unusually strong sex nature
who, when happily married to a tactful man who understood
her needs and supplied them, did not stand out prominently
as an ideal home-maker and mother, but also in church, social
unlif and all good works. Invariably such women have been
unquestione specialists in some chosen field, like music,
science, sociology, or pedagogy.

I have complete records of a score of such cases. I long
since stated it as my conviction that the men of strongest
sexuality who were cultured and properly sexually adjusted
were in the forefront of all lines of human endeavor. I now
say, after considering much evidence, with equal confidence
that the woman of this type (which corresponds to the type
of male I have just mentioned) will eb the ones to lead their
sisters out of the wilderness of sex fear, prudery, and inade-
quacy which they are now passing through, and will ulti-
mately winnod out from the men what is perhaps now the
prevailing element, the selfish, the polygamous, the unvirile,
and will raise up a race of men who will be virile, faithful,
and dependable in their marital relations as well as in their
business and other social obligations.

Concltisiom

In the course of the investigations leading to the writing
of this chapter, the writer had occasion to visit Kenwood,
N. Y., a ward in the city of Oneida, where the industries of
the Oneida Community, Ltd., are located, and where the
descendants of the original Community mostly reside. He
was so impressed with the results of the experiments in indus-

208 The Art of Love

trial and social problems being carried out there, as well
as by the confirmation of certain of this expressed convic-
tions, that he cannot refrain from brief mention of his
observations, though they are not all suited to a book of this
kind.

As has been learned earlier in the chapter, the peculiar
Community marriage system was abandoned in 1879, in
deference to public opinion, and because it was thought that
the remarkable personality of the founder, J. H. Noyes,
might not continue to hold the Community to its original
ideals.

Just as the Community had fearlessly braved public
opinion in following the social and religious convictions of
its founders, so in 1879 all these peculiar ideas of Community
marriage were abandoned absolutely, and the conventional
nionogamic marriage system was whole-heartedly and
unanimously adopted.

The writer was interested to observe what effects, if any,
were demonstrable at the present time as a result of the for-
mr beliefs and practices. Here were a people who had not
been afraid of sex education. Men and women understood
all about the sex act. Control of conception was believed
in, and at least one method of control was thoroughly under-
stood. The women were held in high regard, and their sexual
neceds were recognized and provied for.

However contrary to our eblief the original ideas of the
Community may have been, this general knowledge ought to
show results in happier marriages and improved morals
under the later, monogamous system.

Of course no exact observations could be taken; but, re-
lying largely on the testimony of a very sagacious physician
and others long conversant with all the affairs of the Com-
nmnity, it appears that happy marriages are the almost
universal rule; divorce and infidelity are practically un-
known; families of three, four, or five are general; and
childless couples are anomalies.

The significant fact that these people, long taught to
disregard our marriage conventions, squarely faced about
and have lived more consistently and happily and lawfully

The Oneida Community and Its Doclrvne S09

under them than have the people of the average American
community, the only apparent reasons being that they con-
sidered the sexual life normal and natural ,and were better
informed than people, in general, in the art of love.

All this confirms the writer's conclusions, founded on a
study of the limited number of people coming within his own
field of observation.

Concluding with a word as to the social and industrial
experiment : there are no strikes ; help is plenty and efficient ;
anyone who works for the Corporation for a certain time
has to show progress, and in return gets increases in pay
at stipulated intervals, also a share of stock from time to
time, and a bonus based on the highest pay received. Dur*-
ing the war and since ,a sliding scale has been in force, to
compensate by extra wages for the high cost of commodi-
ties. Insurance policies and pensions are provided for by a
small contribution from the wage of each worker. There
is no poverty. The school buildings are strictly modem,
and the teachers are exceedingly clever. The original build-
ings of the Community have been utilized, one as a Com-
munity boarding-house, others as Clubhouses and Assembly-
halls, where all members of the Community, there being no
high and low degree, meet in all sorts of social gatherings,
and attend entertainments, lectures, and other meetings for
general improvement.

While no one is poor, no one is rich. The managers with-
out exception have refused anything (even when urged by
the workers) above a certain stipulated small salary and
moderate blocks of stock. They are content to live on this
salary and their share of profit on stock, which the most
humble worker can also share, and share increasingly after
a short time of acceptable service.

The business of the Community (several manufacturing
enterprises) is rapidly becoming more extensive and profit-
able. This unique organization should have the careful con-
sideration of sociologists and students of economic condi-
tions. It is not pretended that this method could apply
everywhere at all times, since, in order to make the experi-
ment successful, the worker must have three qualifications^

SIO The Art of Love '

or assets, which not all possesss. He must be educable; he
must be faithful ; and he must stick ; while in the community
at large, many are ineducable, some would be neither faitliful
nor constant, were the inducements even greater than the
ones which the Community affords.

Discounting all these things, this Community shows what
may be done in any large business or in any industrial com-
munity, without Unionism or Socialization. Such centers
scattered over the country would rapidly lead to others
stimulated by example to emulate these improved conditions.
This would ultimately lead to the segregation of the unfit,
who would be left to work out their own salvation, or, failing
of this, they would come in a mass under the jurisdiction of
the fit, who, for their own protection, if for no other reason,
would have to work out a self-supporting, or partially self-
supporting plan for the unendowed and the unambitious.

CHAPTER VI

AN UNSOLICITED LIFE-STORY

-9 Canada,

Feb. «4th, 19«0.
Dr. W. F. Robie,

Supt. Pine Terrace,
Baldwinville, Mass.
Dear Doctor:

While recovering from wounds in a Canadian hospital last
winter (Feb., 1919), I came across a copy of your splendid
little book entitled, "Rational Sex Ethics." It is certainly
all that its name implies, and I particularly admire your
moral courage in including in the volume your own sex his-
tory. The worth of the book is doubled by that courageous
inclusion and the sincerity of the author placed beyond
question.

I am going to take the liberty to intrude upon you a
short personal sex history, trusting that the rather unusual
sex phase which it takes up and its sincerity may in some
measure prove a sufficient reason for this unorthodox intru-
sion.

The writer is an American who enlisted in the Canadian
Army, June, 1916. I was for over twenty months "over
there,*' playing an intimate part in that grand melee. I
have been out of the army for about a year and at the pres-
ent time I am putting affairs into shape prepartory to
returning to my native state in the west, there to engage in
agriculture.

I shall first intrude a brief personal sketch and then
proceed to the biography. At the present time I am five
months past my thirty-third birthday, and look perhaps
five years younger. In height I am six feet, one inch, and

211

«12 The Art of Love

weigh one hottdrcd and eighty-two pounds stripped. At the
time I enlisted in the Canadian service I weighed one hun*
dred and ninety-five pounds, whicli is, perhaps, nearer my
normal weight. My coloring is fair, i. e., hair blonde, eye*
blue, and complexion, until permanently tanned by outdoor
exposure, pink and white. My features are regular, and I
am clean-shaven. In appearance I am a tall, broad-shoul*
dered fellow with a "bull neck" and rather excessive shoulder
development. I am stronger than the average, both in
muscular development and in physical endurance, and from
youth up have been keenly interested in sports and outdoor
activities. I early learned to box, wrestle, ride, and swim,
and have kept up my proficiency in three of these sorts to
the present time. I am not a good boxer. At the large
Eastern "Prep*' school I attended, I played both football
and baseball, captaining my eleven in my senior year. At
Harvard I continued my athletic activities, eventuaUy win-
ning my college letter in one of the major sports. I was
also generally conceded to be about the best heavyweight
wrestler in the university. Outside of a proficiency in sports
and outdoor pursuits, I have no accomplishments, i. e., do
not dance, sing, or play any musical instruments, and am
not well-versed in any of what I shall call, for want of a bet-
ter name, "parlor tricks."

Most of my life, since leaving the university, has been
cast in the rougher environments of life and, save for a
love of books, I belie in mode of life and even in personal
characteristics the education and culture which have been
mine. I have been "down among men" so much that I feel
far more at home in a flannel shirt than in the dress-suit and
life anywhere save "in the open" would be unendurable to
me.

I was bom in California, and was the third child in a
family of four, all boys. Both of my parents were native-
bom Americans of Anglo-Celtic lineage. The stock on both
sides is sound and healthy, and there is no history of gout,
cancer, tuberculosis or nervous disorders in either branch
of the family. My father died at sixty-four, the result of

An Unsolicited Life-Story 218

injuries sustained in a fall from a horse; my mother at
fiftj-two, from pneumonia; my second brother at nineteen,
of typhoid fever; and my youngest brother was killed in
France in August, 1918, while serving with the A. E. F.

I have generally been conceded to be the strongest in
the family, and, until wounded in France, have not been
laid up for more than a day at a time since I was fourteen
(when I had the measles). The earliest sexual experience
I can remember occurred when I was about six. I chanced
to be sleeping with my youngest brother's nurse, a large (at
least, to me at that time) buxom girl of seventeen, and she
amused herself by having me lie in various positions with my
nates exposed, while she patted and pinched my buttocks,
pretending to spank me. I do not remember whether this
attention (rather these attentions, as they occurred more
than once) caused me an erection, or indeed any definite
sexual feeling, but I do know that the contact of her warm,
smooth hand with my nates gave me a feeling which was
definitely pleasurable. Doubtless, the exposure of a part
of my body which I had been told should be kept covered
added to this enjoyment.

We lived on a ranch and chance sights of coupling animals
gave me a rather definite idea concerning the method of
procreation by the time I was eight or nine. At ten I was
further enlightened by my older brothers.. At twelve my
second brother and I accompanied my father abroad, and
we (my brother and I) remained abroad the following year,
being ensconced in a boarding school. In spite of the
notorious sexuality rampant in these foreign schools, I was
as innocent the day I left this school as the day I entered it.
Of course, I had learned the vulgar terms for the sexual
organs and heard a few jokes of the w, c. order, but that was
all. I did not know that such an act as masturbation
existed. The most definite sexual excitement of this year
abroad was caused by the chance sight of a mare urinatinfi.
The opening and closing of her vulva after that act caused
me an erection, and after that I was (for a time) constantly
on the lookout to see a repetition of that sight. I fancy

814 The Art of Love

that I had my wish gratified, but remember no specific in-
stance.

My return to the United States was marked by an ahnost
immediate entrance into the eastern preparatory school,
which was to be the scene of my activities for the greater
part of the next five years. I was a hearty boy and fitted
readily into the active school life, and my first six months
were free from sexuality of any kind.

When thirteen and one-half years, I learned to masturbate
and the act was learned spontaneously. I was spending the
Easter recess with an uncle and aunt in New Jersey, and
was esconced in a large room which contained many mir-
rors. One night, as I was disrobing, I chanced to see in
one of the large mirrors a portion of my body not usually
discernible. The curve of the buttocks pleased me and I
posed in various positions, with a view to better seeing this
part of my body. As I was thus engaged, I became suddenly
conscious of a pleasurable sensation which seemed to emanate
from the penis. Glancing down at that organ, I found it
enlarged and rosy and the prepuce quite retracted. A touch
gave me a pleasant thrill, whereupon I began stroking it,
surprised beyond belief at the new and agreeable sensation
I was enjoying. Soon I reached the orgasm, but of course
had no emission. The paramount feeling at the conclusion
of this act was one of surprise. I thought that I had made
a brand new discovery and that I was alone in this knowl-
edge. How long I retained this absurd belief I do not
remember, but I fancy not very long. I masturbated during
this early period once or twice a week, certainly not more
often. The act was usually accomplished at night and las-
civious mental pictures accompanied it. Occasionally ,when
opportunity presented itself, I would masturbate while
posing in various positions before mirrors, assuming those
positions which would give me a better view of my nates and
anal region. Sometimef? I would widen the anal aperture
with the fingers just before attaining the orgasm. This
indelicate act proved a powerful stimulant. I also tried
introducing objects up the anus while masturbating, but as

An Unsolicited Life-Story 215

this tended to give me less rather than more pleasure, I soon
stopped. I trust that you will pardon these rather ua-
aesthetic details, details which, in view of later events, may
be of some importance.

At fifteen, I made the first definite attempts to stop self-
abuse, but was unsuccessful in my efforts. The struggle
coming at a time when my sexual demands were increasing,
however, probably kept me from those excessive indulgences
which I might otherwise have given way to. Finding that I
could not entirely discard self-abuse, I^ regulated my actsi
and focused the rest of my attention on my muscular develop-
ment and athletic proficiency. I had not as yet begun to
grow, and I remember that my chief fear concerning mas-
turbation was that it might stunt me. The tone of the
school was exceptionally clean and most of the boys kept
their sex lives to themselves. I remember hearing of no
cases of mutual masturbation or homosexuality. This clean-
liness, together with the constant athletic activity, tended to
keep sexual thoughts in the background; so, in spite of my
growing sexuality, I probably masturbated less this year
than previously. The summer was spent in Maine, where
I led a hearty rugged life in the open, and one free from all
sexuality, if the occasional acts of masturbation are ex-
cepted.

At sixteen, I began to grow, and this year was one of
almost ceaseless athletic activity. Exercise was my fetfeh,
and I cared nothing for games not involving a great deal of
physical activity. The immediate effect of this athletic
activity was to make me even more cautious against any
over-indulgence in self-abuse than I had been the year before.
I held the belief that the loss of semen was most weakening.
To prevent masturbation, I bathed my genitals in cold
water night and morning, wore a jock-strap when I retired
(to preevent the chance handling of the organ when asleep),
gave up horse-back riding, because the buttock movements
incidental to it seemed to fire my libidoi, and studiously
fought to keep my mind free from all sexual thoughts.
When I did masturbate it was more to relieve erectiona

«16 The Art of Love

which had become painful, than to enjoy erotic pleasure. I
also discarded all of my early extravagances in connection
with this act.

A love affair with a girl which I had this year made me
feel all the more guilty when ever I gave way to my appetites.
This affair gave me the first inkling of the relationship be-
tween love and the sexual passion. This young girl lives
in my memory yet, which perhaps proves the depth and sin-
cerity of my love for her. Fer passionate affairs in later
life have proved greater than this one, and none sweeter.

At seventeen, I became a school leader. This year I
ceased to use the hand in self-abuse, but instead would attain
the orgasm by friction against some soft object, such as the
bed-clothes. I did not regard such acts as masturbation at
all (as, perhaps they were not, in the true sense of the
word), and if anyone had asked me at that time if I mastur-
bated, I should have replied "No,'* and been honest in such
reply. I remember no special sexual incident of that last
school year. I repressed my sexuality so far as such was
possible; that much I remember. My energies were devoted
to athletics and preparing for the coming exams. The
summer before I entered college I spent in California, and
had several affairs with girls. These affairs were wholly
affectional, but the fact that women had begun to take notice
of me heightened my sex consciousness and also, at times,
my libido. That summer, I indulged, for a time, in tlie silly
and objectionable practice of "picking up" girls. These
fiilly excursions, in search of love and adventure, only netted
me a few surreptitious kisses (and, indeed, such was all I
had gone after), and I soon ceased it.

I was just eighteen years old when I entered Harvard (my
birthday comes in the later part of September), but a man
in size and physical development. I stood six feet in height
and weighed one hundred eighty pounds stripped. This
height and weight, together with my school athletic record,
made me eligible football material, and the result was that I
immediately plunged into athletic activities. I shall not
touch upon my athletic career at the university, but shall
leave it with the statement that I was training a large

An Unsolicited Life-Story 217

part of my four college years. This fact directly affected
my sex life, for I was not free to indulge my passions when
desires were unpleasantly keen (as could many of the other
fellows), but had to live according to the regulations set
down for those in training.

My first act of coitus occurred directly after the first
football season ended. The act followed a night of alcoholic
excess (my first indulgence in whisky), and I remember it
chiefly for the worry which followed in its wake. The next
morning I was "heady** and fearful that I had contracted
a venereal disease. This fear remained with me for a week
or more.

During the first college year I indulged in coitus about
a dozen times all told. The act usually followed a night of
alcoholic indulgence. During my second year these incur-
sions were more frequent, but at this period, my visits to
prostitutes did not always entail coitus. Two of my room-
mates contracted "clap" in a Boston brothel within a period
of two weeks of each other, and this fact brought home to
me the dangers of venereal indulgences. It was then that I
would resort to prostitutes in order to have them masturbate
me. Such indulgences gave me no real pleasure (partly due
to the shame connected with them, and partly to the feeling
that I was probably injuring myself more than if I had
indulged in coitus), but their completion left none of the
fearsome worry which coitus always did. Several of the
prostitutes offered to practice fellatio with me, and more
than several urged me to practice cunnilingus with them,
but such perversions did not interest me. However, occj^-
sionally after excessive alcoholic indulgence, and when n./
libido was fired, perverse thoughts in connection with boys
would come into my mind. These thoughts were connected
with the buttocks of young and pleasing boys, and not the
genitals. I had an intense desire to fondle the nates of
some pubescent lad, the while he lay in some lascivious posi-
tion. Needless to say, I thrust these thoughts in the back-
ground, but they returned whenever I was erotically excited
by alcohol, and sometimes when I was only erotic by reason
of long abstinence. Needless to say that I heard aobut

218 The Art of Love

fellatio and those effiminate creatuses who practiced it, auid
that act and the people who practiced it nauseated me.

In my school days, boys had meant nothing more to me
than possible rivals or pleasant companions, but after I
had attained my full strength, there gradually came home
to me the fact that there was a certain beauty about boy-
hood. I think this came in my sophomore year at college.
M}*^ classical reading had made me cognizant of the fact that
other essentially masculine men in more vigorous ages had
felt this beauty, only in my case it was only pubescent
youths with rosy complexions who made the appeal and the
erotic zone was the nates. Anj^thing connected with nude
men or mature youths left me cold.

My last two years at the university were ones as full of
athletic activities as the first two, but as I had achieved a
sort of supremacy in several sports and my physical develop-
ment was more complete, the strain of competition was not
so great. I was a popular fellow and was looked upon as
a sort of class-leader. This latter fact probably made me
more circumspect in my conduct than I might otherwise
have been. I moulded in coitus these years regularly, mod-
erately, and always used the greatest precaution against
venereal infection. Contact with prostitutes did not fill my
affectional wants, but it seemed to satisfy my physical needs.
As I had no desire to trespass on the possible innocence of
other women, such as shop-girls, grass-widows, etc., who
passed my way, I confined my sexual attentions wholly to
prostitutes. I longed to "keep" a nustress, but America is
not France, and anyway my pocketbook would not stand
such an extravagance. While I practiced no perversions
with the prostitutes whom I consorted with, nevertheless I
deviated from the classical position in intercourse on many
occasions, approaching the woman ad posterior being my
most frequent and pleasurable deviation. The buttock
contact, incidental to this mode of intercourse, seemed to
heighten the pleasure.

The summer between my Junior and Senior years I spent
in Europe, and, of course, indulged freely in intercourse

An UnsoUcifecl Life-Story 219

without quite the same fear of infection which I had in the
States.

There is little further to say concerning my university
days. After graduation, I accepted a position as assistant
manager in a land development project in the West, and re-
ported for duty there the following October. I received the
position through my father's influence. Part of the long
summer vacation was spent in Europe, where I nearly joined
the British Army, when a flurry of wanderlust rolled over
me, and part was spent in Maine and Canada.

There is one sexual incident of this summer which stands
out in my memory. One night in INIontreal, after I had re-
turned from a three weeks' camping trip, I chanced to be
one of a group of people who had gathered to witness a street
accident. We were closely pressed togetlier, anfl the person
directly in front of me was a good-looking French Canadian
boy of about fifteen. Impelled by a wave of sexual excite-
ment induced by this close contact, I left my hand run gently
over his buttocks. He turned around and smiled shyly, and
I read in his dark eyes that this attention did not displease
him. When the crowd dispersed, I engaged him in conversa-
tion, complimenting him on his looks. I was stopping in a
small second-rate hotel (as I had just come from the woods
and was still in my camping clothes), and as the evening
was still early, I asked the lad if he would not accompany
me to my room. He hesitated a moment, and then accepted
the invitation. I had no ulterior motive when I issued this
invitation, but immediately we were in the room, the boy's
dark eyes and fresh face made another wave of lust roll
over me and I continued my attentions, playfully inquiring
if his nates looked as plump as they felt. The boy readily
satisfied my curiosity, although blushingly, but with a
pleased laugh. He was sexually excite<l and willingly placed
himself in a lascivious position, making^ buttock movements
for my benefit. We both masturbated during this procedure.
At the conclusion, I was almost overcome bv shame. I think
he also had sometliing of tliis feeling. However, when he
left, I kissed him without embarrassment, and he returned it

880 The Art of Love

in the same manner. I trust that you will forgive the inti-
mate details of this first homosexual affair.

I took up my duties in the western state at the appointed
time, and remained there for a period of two years. The
life was hard, rough, and one of almost ceaseless outdoor
activity. I fitted into the environment perfectly, and thrived
under its activities. My sexual life during this two-year
period was one of almost constant desires, which were only
relieved by occasional visits to a nearby city where I would
all but exhaust myself with prostitutes. These venereal
excursions, in spite of their drain on my system, left me
physically invigorated. I was in the hey-day of my youth,
in splendidly fit condition, and my sex nature presented
demands which were almost imperative. The continual sex
urgings annoyed me not a little at times, especially at those
times when my duties were too pressing to permit me to go
to the city, and then I would resort to masturbation for
relief. I seldom used the hand, however, attaining the
orgasm by friction against the pommel of the saddle when
riding, or by friction against some soft object, whenever a
wave of lust rolled over me.

On the wohle, I practiced self-abuse seldom, there being
nothing of an outside nature to arouse my passions, i. e., I
was not in contact with women and saw no erotic sights.
During my second year in the woods, I went to the city
more frequently (ten or twelve times during the year), and
on one of these excursions I met a young girl whom I be-
came much attached to. She was about twenty years old,
and I met her through a college friend who lived in the same
city. My later visits to the city always included visits to
her, and during the long intervals I was away, we exchanged
frequent letters. I felt again the touch of a good woman's
interest and liking for me, and only a lonely man in a
womanless environment can understand all that can mean*
I was not really in love with this girl, but I was immensely
fond of her, and this attachment tended to keep me away
from prostitutes when I was in the city, and filled the affec-
tional gap in my life during the long stretches when I was
in camp. Hers were the first regular letters I had received

An Unsolicited Life Story 221

from a woman since my mother^s death (an event which had
occurred during my Junior year at the university).

My romance with this girl was short-live(l, however. One
day she smelt liquor on my breath and soundly upbraided
me. Had she been less vehement, things might have turned
out differently, but she possessed a horror of all "masculine
vices" (as she termed drinking and smoking) and my offense
seemed an almost unpardonable one to her. Her anger sur-
prised and pained me, and a "break" followed, l^iis is my
only romance of this period in the woods.

Our work being about completed, the following fall I re-
signed my position and retume<l to my native state. I was
in my paternal home for a period of about six weeks when
I went to South America on business interests. I was there
four months and there is no specific sexual incident of that
interval. The next two years were spent in California
where I engaged in orcharding and land development projects.
This was broken into by a six weeeks' trip to Europe, and a
three months' sojourn in the Eastern part of the United
States. I shall not burden you with the sex phases of this
period, for they would be only repetitions of what has
already been told, namely, a war against self-indulgence,
coitus with prostitutes, etc. But two or three homosexual
incidents stand out. I shall run over them briefly, in order
to bring out my peculiar fetish for the natees of adolescents.

(1) One late afternoon, as I was bathing at one of the
beaches on the Atlantic seaboard, I chanced to see a boy
who was a distance from the beach, remove his trunks. There
were a few people on the beach and he was at an isolated part
of it, and removed from the view of the other bathers by a
bend in the shoreline. I was swimming beyond the breakers,
so could easily see liim. Swimming ashore, I made my way
in his direction, conscious of the most intense' feeling of
lust. When I finally reached him I found him sitting in the
sand and tojing with his genitals, which were fairly devel-
oped with a scant growth of pubic hair about them. The
boy looked up at my approach, and seeing me, became
greatly embarrassed. He was about fifteen, with fair hair
and eyes, and decidedly prepossessing. The sight of his

228 The Art of Love

erect organ put a sort of cold douche on my libido, but
when he turned around to conceal his organ, the sight of his
plump, naked nates made a wave of the most intense lust
roll over me. The evidence of my excitement could not be
concealed by the scant bathing-suit I wore and the boy was
quick to notice it. For a moment we looked at each other;
then a shy smile spread over his face. With this boy I
practiced inter-crural intercourse, having him lies in my arms
and facing the same way. The contact with the fleshy but-
tocks gave me as intense an enjoyment as I have ever known.
We were both in a fever of passion during this procedure,
kisses and blandishments passing between us. I believe the
boy obtained his orgasm by mastubration, but do not remem-
ber. I did not touch his organ. At the conclusion of the
act, we both of us took a swim, then I kissed him goodbye
and never saw him again.

(2) One night, when I was taking a short walking trip
in Northern New England, dust overtook me before I had
reached my destined town. As it was raining heavily, I
applied for accommodation at a' small farm-house. My
walking companion had left me the preceding night, and I
had small desire to trudge along in the dark and the rain
for another ten miles. The two old people who answered
my knock first said that they had no accommodations and
then added, if I had no objections to sleeping with the hired
boy, they could harbor me. I registered no objections and
forthwith was led to a small room in what appeared to be
the attic part of the house. The boy had gone on an errand
to the town, and being very tired, I disrobed and went to
bed. About nine o'clock a plump, rosy-cheeeked lad of six-
teen bearing a lamp entered the room. He set the lamp down
on the dresser and began to disrobe. I paid no attention to
this performance further than to gage by occasional glances
how long it would take him to accomplish this procedure. I
was sleepy and the light annoyed me. When he was stark
naked he blew out the lamp and got into bed, lying with his
back toward me and in a curvey position. The bed was
very narrow and, of course, I was in direct contact with his
buttocks. Immediately lascivious thoughts danced through

An Unsolicited Life-lStory 228

my mind. For a time I struggled against them, and then
cautiously allowed my hand to come in contact with his
nates. While I was thus engaged, I noticed suspicious move-
ments on his part. Soon the slight shaking of the bed and
his pantings showed me clearly what he was doing. My
excitement immediately became intense. I shall spare you
further details of this lascivious night. Suffice it to say
that I did not handle his organ nor allow him to handle
mine, but my erotic acts were concerned with the nates and
anus, acts which did not involve pederasty, however. In the
morning we were both exhausted and, needless to say, I was
heartily ashamed of myself. My sensuality had not involved
the slightest degree of love-feeling, only a wild desire to
experience in the erotic zones which appealed to me all
the sennsual pleasure which my most lascivious dreams had
pictured.

(3) The third incident was of a more innocent nature. I
was visiting an aged woman relative. She was boardin at
a small summer hotel literally filled with old ladies. I
remained there a week, and the only person there anywhere
near my own age, was a boy of fifteen. He took a great
fancy to me, chiefly because of my age and active tempera-
ment. I went about with him quite a bit, and tauht him
some of the rudiments of boxin and wrestling. Although
he was a bonny enough boy, I thought of him in no other
way than as a pleasant companion, but one night he came
into my room in complete nudity, and, assuming a position,
asked me if such was the wrestling "hold" I had taught him
that day. It was, but I had thoughts only for his form,
which seemed strangely beautiful to me. He then begged me
to show him two or three more "holds" before he went to
bed, using as the excuse my departure on the morrow.
Slipping on my wrestling trunks, I complied with his request,
and I derived a decided sensuous enjoyment from my casual
contact with his nakedness. No orgasm took place, but I
had an intense erection during the whole performance. The
bov was not conscious of my excitement.

These three homosexual incidents bring out something of
the nature of my fetish. Considering the long interval of

824 The Art of Lovi

time involved, they are not many. It will also be seen that
the opportunity for these homosexual indulgences came my
way, and were not of my deliberate seeking. One might
almost say that they were only the casual indiscretions of a
sensuous and highly sexed man, going on the assumption
that, in all probability, the vast majority of men have com-
mitted, some time in their lives, sexual perversities. But my
fetish for the nates is too apparent (as this sexual history
need to pursue further in detail any sex history. For one
year I was abroad, and for nearly two years I divided my
time between the West and North-West. In June, 1916,
and when I was twenty-nine years old, I joined the Canadian
Army. Last year I received my honorable discharge from
the service, and a short time after, married a Canadian girl.
We intend to make California our home where I am to
engage in agriculture. The war has changed me spiritually,
and, in spite of my war experiences, I feel that I am a better
man today in every way than when I entered the service.

My sex life during the interval covered in the above sen-
tences was about the same as formerly, i. e., occasional visits
to prostitutes, occasional acts of self-indulgence, and a
deal of lascivious thoughts. There were also several homo-
sexual incidents similar to the ones described, but none quite
in the same class as the second of those three incidents
detailed.

At twenty-seven, I read a sex book which gave me some
light on the sexual perversities, without, however, going into
my particular fetish. At later dates, I read other sex books,
but they were less informing, being less substantial volumes.
As my fetish for the nates absolutely excluded those of men
or mature youths, and only casually ambraced those of
women, I came to the conclusion that my sexual nature
included a latent tendency to active pederasty, and that the
interest in the buttocks and anal region had first been
induced by my early experience with the nurse and later
emphasized by the exhibitionism connected with my first
self-indulgence. The first fact, that only young boys

An Unsolicited Life-Story 226

appealed to me, undoubtedly placed me in the class of Greek
lovers, who are, I believe, usually potent with women.

I shall conclude with a few observations, and I trust that
you will pardon the presumption of a layman in thus thrust-
ing in his opinions and conclusions. But so much mystery
and secrecy surround the sex sphere, (both in its normal and
abnormal manifestations), that, perhaps, any observations
and conclusions anent it may prove worth while.

In the first place, I believe that masturbation is the least
harmful method of extra-marital indulgence. I believe it isi
a normal manifestation of the sexual nature in youth, and
I base this on its universality among the youth of both
sexes in every age and clime. I believe that a vigorous ancj
normal youth seldom indulges in masturbation to excess,
chiefly because he is too vigorous and well-balanced to give
way to such over-indulgence; I believe that those who mas-
turbate to excess are constitutional inferiors. In other
and better words, I believe that physical (and mental)
degeneration is the cause, and not the effect, of excessive
self-indulgence. Mutual masturbation (which, I believe,
is only sporadic in American schools), may lead to perverted
tendencies, but I think this is only a passing danger in those
who are inherently sound.

Of course, there is nothing to say in favor of intercourse
with prostitutes. The act, as usually practiced, is nothing
more than vaginal masturbation, and carries with it decided
dangers to health. Of ten intimate friends at Harvard who
made a practice of consorting with prostitutes, six of them
contracted "clip," one a soft chancre, and one the most
serious sexual disease. The fact that I have never con-
tracted a venereal disease is not so much due to the elaborate
precautions against infection which I have always practiced,
but to that strange, indefinite thing which men call luck.
I freely admit that I have not deserved this good fortune.
Yet, after all, in looking back on my youth, I fail to see how
I could do otherwise than I did, so far as my sexual life
was concerned. On the one hand was the Scylla of mastur-
bation with all the supposed horrors it brought in its train ;

826 The Art of Love

on the other hand was the Charybdis of indulgence with pros-
titutes and its possible venereal consequences. The sex life
of the young man does not seem to be taken into considera-
tion by those who hold that masturbation is deadly and
extra-marital coitus immoral and dangerous. Early marriage
is a solution of the sexual problem of the young man, but
how many young men these days are in a financial position
to marry young? Very few, indeed.

The Mother Grundy s who claim that it should be just as
easy for a young man to remain continent as a young girl
forget that there is not the same protection thrown around
j'oung men as there is around young girls, that the sex libido
of the two is essentially different, and that men, as a rule,
(because of financial considerations) have to marry later in
life. I should like to ask thse pseudo-moralists — What is
a young man to do with his sex life between the the ages of
eighteen, when nature demands him to mate, and thirty,
when civilization, and his pocketbook, permit him to? In
the Western European nations, where the economic situation
and stress of life is such that late marriages are the rule,
young men keep mistresses; in most of the other European
nations, early marriage is the rule. I am not arguing in
favor of indulgence in prostitution, or any form of extra-
marital coitus, by our young men, or intruding an excuse
for such of it as exists, but I do not think that our Amer-
ican moralists have looked upon the sex problem of the
young man from a rational angle. As this is essentially a
feminine country (i. e., a country where the feminine view-
point seems to prevail), perhaps this is not surprising.

I feel sure that many young men are driven into the arms
of prostitutees through fear of the consequences of self-
indulgence, and the result is disastrous to themselves and
to society, as you doctors well know. By telling the truth
concerning the effect of moderate masturbation, one does
not encourage the practice, and it helps to remove from the
sex sphere one more of the fallacies which surrounds it. The
truth never hurts, it is the lies which work the most injury.
In my days at the university, a "dose of clap" was regarded
as "no worse than a cold." I fancy that some of my friends

An Unsolicited Life-Story 227

who used to quote this absurd error know differently now.

I believe that athletic activity is the one great safeguard
against overindulgence in self-abuse; for the boy who is
keenly interested in his physical development will not readily
give way to his desires. The fact that our American boys
are keenly interested in sports, and the fact that our schools
encourage athletics, does more to discourage masturbation
than all the books ever written depicting the terrible con-
sequences of such. Plain sexual facts should be taught our
boys at an age when their understanding is ready to receive
such, and nothing but the truth should be told. The dan-
gers of consorting with prostitutes should be as clearly pic-
tured as the dangers of excessive masturbation.

Your courageous, manly book is as far removed from
Howe's monstrosity as the East is from the West; it is a
twentieth century treatise on an important subject; his
"Excessive Venery" belongs to the dark ages.

In reading over this history, I find it at best frag-
mentary, and wonder why I have written it all. It is
often hard to set down in ink one's inner thoughts and emo-
tions, especially when they are concerned with a delicate
subject. I have tried to be sincere and clear and clean in
this history, and if I have fallen short in the two latter,
perhaps my sincerity may condone such short-coming.

May God spare you long for your work and your family
is the sincere wish of the writer.

Sincerely yours,

A McA .

(Pseudonym.)

Comments on an Unsolicited Life-Story

No comments of mine can add much to the lessons taught
by the frank, straightforward, thoughtfully analytic his-
tory, given by this young man. His words do more than
can any words of mine to set forth the young man's prob-
lem and, though few realize it, the young woman's problem —
ns it rcallv it.

The vast majority of the really worth-while young people

228 The Art of Love

of the country have been through similar experiences, forced
to them by similar instincts and by similar fears and fal-
lacies; but only a few, like him, have escaped from venereal
disease, and comparatively few have kept their ideals as he
has evidently done.

What does it amount to for writers who have forgotten
their own youth, or who have disowned their own instincts,
or who are decadent specimens of manhood or womanhood,
to talk and prate about the ease of preserving the virgin
ideal of an asolutcly continent life through late adolescent
and early adult years?

This man is a fair type of college athlete, a fair type of
the artison, clerk, professional student, or robust farm lad.
The fallacious reasoning that a devotion to athletics will
bring the sex nature under easy subjection is well illustrated
in this case. Many a college athlete has told me a similar
story of how the fetich of athletics has developed a strong
physique, a strong will, a healthy sentiment; but alas! sex
accompanies all the rest; and with stronger muscles and
clearer head come stronger sex instincts.

The writer might mention his own experience. He was
never in athletics, in college, or anywhere else; yet he was
often told, in college and since then, that his powers of
endurance were unusual. He remembers well how the man
who broke the inter-collegiate record in the two-mile run in
his day used to rout him out at all times of the day or night
to run or walk, anywhere from five to twenty-five miles.
Once, tired of the runner's persistence, he asked, "Why do
you come after me all the time?'* and the ncord-breaker
replied, "Because you are the only man in college who can
keep in sight of me."

Up to the present time, he has never failed to keep in sight
of any one with whom he has started for a long walk or .a
long run. He has walked twenty-five miles between dinner
and supper, he has followed a buck deer 25 miles over
mountains covered with snow and ice. He has ridden a
bicycle a hundred and thirty-seven miles in a day on the
Vt. and N. H. roads of the olden times. He has often swum
miles on a stretch. He has mowed by hand over two acres

An Unsolicited Life-Story 229

of grass in a day, and then helped put the hay into the
barn, then walked two miles home and worked through ^the
evening. In his medical work he has often been for several
consecutive nights without sleep. Within two years he has
pitched fifteen tons of hay into a hay-press in one day. He
has spent many gruelling months in the hay-field, the sugar-
camp, as a lumber- jack, or in his study. He has never
been given to foolhardy stunts; but, as far as he has gone
in exhausting mental and physical labor, he has never been
able to create any noticeable diminution in his sex instinct
by these heroic measures. There was alwa^'s, regardless of
work or play, an insistent demand, largely denied, but kept
within bounds either by auto-erotism before marriage, or the
natural relations since.

Seldom do well-sexed hard workers yield permanently to
the claims of sex like the pampered sons of luxury; but,
nevertheless, sex does make imperious demands, which are
thought to be too strong or are too strong to be entirely
resisted. There is more or less yielding to this insistent,
constant demand; and with the thought that moderate auto-
erotism is vile, enervating and degrading, there are lapses
to occasional promiscuity or rare homo-sexual episodes, like
those in the narrative we are considering.

Read his analysis of his own case; and note that the fear
of the consequences of masturbation led hm to patronize
prostitutes.

Could he have remained absoluteW continent through
those virile years? Only the ignorant, the unvirile, or that
one who, after ecoming impotent as the result of age or
excess, has forgotten his own youth, will say so.

Which would have been better, the constant danger of
venereal disease, which our historian was one of a thousand
to escape, the constant humiliation of consorting with
women whom he had no real love for, for the sole purpose of
quenching his sex fires, the occasional homo-sexual act, still
more repulsive to his aesthetic an moral sense, or sufficient
auto-erotic relief to have kept his conscious libido within
comfortable control ?

We all know today that moderate auto-erotism as a tem-

830 The Art of Love

poray expedient has no more harmful effect than its equiv-
alent in normal marital intercourse. We all do know that
even infrequent promiscuous intercourse results in very
many cases in tlie acquiring of permanent habits of promis-
cuous sexual living.

We know that there is a real and constant danger of
venereal disease for the man who pursues such a policy; and
we know that he constantly degrades and injures his part-
ner, whether she be prostitute or clandestine accomplice.

He well shows, though he himself attributes his slight
homo-sexual tendency to inherent, inborn cravings, that this
tendency was a simple consequence of the action of the
nurse who attracted his attention to his nates and estab-
lished the association of sexual desire with these parts.

Strengthening this early experience was the later asso-
ciation of erotic feelings, caused by the sight of this part
of his own body in the mirror. Then, when the various
occasions arose for the homo-sexual incidents, his state of
sexual tension made almost inevitable the association of sex-
ual desire with the nates of young boys. With the chain of
events in his life, as recorded, it is well nigh inevitable that
repression should stimulate mental imagery of these early
situations, and that opportunity should lead to a flame from
such a spark.

Had there been no opportunity, his early association of
sexual pleasure with the nates of boys would probably have
died out, or at least have become insignificant.

Had he married early, or had he masturbated moderately
without fear of consequences, he might have had abundant
opportunity and still never have been prompted to any
homo-sexual act.

I maintain that there is nothing inherently perverse in
him, and that all the occurrences were definite reactions to
well-known laws. That a perversion did not ensue is due to
the facts that his will was strong, his instincts and aesthetics
fundamentally right, and opportunity infrequent.

He will undoubtedly have little or no trouble now in his
married life. It is possible that he may have a strong crav-

'An Unsolicited Life-Story 2S1

ing to caress or view this part of his wife's anatomy; but a
certain fondness for the same thing seems to be inherent or
readily developed in every man; and this does no harm
unless such fondness is repugnant to his wife or becomes
exclusive of all other parts of the sexual act.

Likewise, referring to case 510, the girl who voluntarily
and enthusiastically performed fellatio undoubtedly came
by this craving for an abnormal act through innocently
attempting something of this kind when she was six or eight,
with a boy of five or six. Undoubtedly at first no erotic
sensations accompanied this childish play. Later on, dur-
ing such acts, or in imagination long after they had been
abandoned, erotic feelings were associated with them; and
in this way an act which is revolting to us became desirable
to her.

Just so the French demi-monde, and many of whom have a
craving for this particular practice, undoubtedly acquired
this craving as a result of early fears of impregnation or dis-
ease, which led them to seek a less dangerous way of satis-
fying their partners than the natural one. Soon this prac-
tice, which, I am informed, is often repugnant to its devotees
at first, becomes more attractive than the natural sex act.

This same principle applies to the partner in such acts;
e.g., I know a woman who divorced her husband, very
properly, for this reason. He acquired, while patronizing
prostitutes in France, such a craving for fellatio, which he
first submitted to, and then preferred to the natural act,
that he demanded the same thing of his wife when he came
home.

I did not speak, in the chapter on the perversions, of
Sadism and Masochism. Their genesis is also like that of
the other perversions mentioned; and there may be harm-
less degrees of such craving. If a pretense of whipping or
of being whipped, or a desire to be roughly handled or
ordered about by either husband or wife is a heritage from
their early experiences with the world, it is generally a
harmless deviation, to be understood, allowed for, and com-
plied with. If a craving has been acquired which involves

Its* ' The 'Art of Love ' -^

the infliction of or submission to great pain or humiliation,
the one dominated by such a perversity is most unfortunate,
though such a condition might often be cured by psychologi-
cal analysis.

In all these things there is a lesson and a warning. The
lesson is that moderate deviations from the normal sex
process are to be held in check; and that slight deviations
that cannot be eradicated should be reasoned out between
husbands and wives and so adjusted that there is pleasure
for both and humiliation for neither.

The warning is that all children should be kept as far as
possible from exposure to situations which may establish a
craving for sex practices which are not recognized as natu-
ral or fitting. If such a tendency has appeared, every
effort should be made to keep the individual from situations
which would strengthen such a tendency; and any excessive
sexual tension, which is sure to lead to much mental imagery
concerning any sexual acts which have come within the.
individual's experience should be discouraged; and psycho-
logical aid should be sought before marriage by all those
who are not sure that their sex instincts are reasonably
normal.

No oportunity is given to thank the anonymous author
of the "Unsolicited Life Story" for his valuable contribu-
tion to the study of sex.

I appreciate deeply the motives which led him to this self-
revealment. His object, undoubtedly, was to help other
young men in their journey along this thorny path. His
own keen analysis saves me any elaborate attempt to draw
lessons from his story.

I can onlny say here, on the possible chance of his seeing
this, that I personally thank him; and that many a young
man may well do the same.

I also congratulate him that, though tried by fire, or, as
he puts it, by water, with Scylla on one side, and Charybdis
on the other, he has come through with his fundamental
instincts clean and his ideals lofty, and with his body
unharmed, though he has had many singeings, or duckings.

A brave man in the war, an earnest one in living, recom-

An Unsolicited Life-Story S88

pensing if need be by his scars in the service for any short-
comings heretofore in the battle of life, may he have found
at last, in the arms of a true wife, a safe haven for the
psychic cravings and physical longings of a mamly man for
a womanly woman!

CHAPTER Til

■ «

MORE SEX AND CASE HISTORIES

Case 318. — This case was briefly referred to in "Six and
Life," p. 148. The full account, which follows, was intended
for that volume, but by some accident was omitted.

Female, married, twenty years, three children.

At the age of five she learned that pressing herself against
the comer of a chair gave her pleasurable sensations. She
felt no shame about this, even doing it sometimes in the
presence of her mother, who never noticed it. She contin-
ued, until her marriage at twenty, at intervals to press some
object against her clitoris until she had an orgasm. She
never had any sex instruction, was married after a very
brief courtship to a man who knew no more about sex than
she did. They had no intercourse the first night, and very
seldom indulged in it, sleeping apart months at a time. On
the rare occasions when they did have intercourse he never
suggested nor attempted any preliminaries, not even kissing
her before the act. He reached orgasm quickly and imme-
ditely went to sleep. She never had a complete orgasm in
intercourse for nearly twenty years, though usually she
became somewhat excited and at times had almost unbearable
desire that kept her awake all night.

Her husband seemed cool and indiff^erent, while she longed
for love and felt that something essential was lacking in her
married life. However, she made a desperate struggle to be
bright and cheerful. She showed little temper, but felt
melancholy and irritable much of the time. Her husband
seemed critical and morose. There were days when he did
not speak to her.

Seven years after her marriage she met a man who was
living temporarily in her vicinity. He also was married,

234

More Sex and Case Histories 236

but away from his wife. He persistently sought her soci-
ety, and finally declared his love for her. She was sur-
prised and ashamed to find that she had become infatuated
with him; but she told him he must go away and never see
her again. He protested, but finally went.

She had no conscious erotic feeling for this man, but it
was five years before she got entirely over longing for his
presence. She told her husband all about this episode, at
the time, and he was very nice to her about it ; and in a way
it was incumbent on him to be so ; for at about this time he
had a similar experience with a young woman, which resulted
in his being more morose, "glum," and unconfidential than
ever with his wife when he was at home. There was no
infidelity in his case, any more than there had been in his
wife; and he finally told her of his infatuation, just as she
had told him of hers.

Some years later, the husband was away from home for
several months. For some time before his departure their
relations had been more strained than ever. They had had
no intercourse for some months. When he left he barely
kissed her on the cheek. At this time she fully intended
never to live with him again.

After her husband's departure she was unavoidably some-
what in the company of a man who soon began to show her
marked attention. Before long she discovered, to her sur-
prise and dismay, that she was becoming fond of him. For
some time their relations were kept on a merely friendly
basis. Then a time came when he, without warning, clasped
her in his arms and kissed her. She endeavored to repulse
him, told him she was married and would remain faithful to
her husband; but before the interview was over he made her
admit that she thouglit a great deal of him. As there was
no way for her to avoid him entirely, the substance of this
interview was repeated on one or more occasions. She had
no erotic feelings for him when with him, but did have at
times when she thought of him when he was absent.

Finally circumstances were such that thev were alone
together for several hours and he became very much excited
sexually, though he did not propose intercourse. At the

«36 The Art of Love

time she did not know of his condition, nor that he was
fighting desperately to control himself.

Her husband had always been so calm and contained and
undemonstrative that she did not realize that men were capa-
ble of desires difficult to control. Soon they were again
alone together. Still not realizing that there was any dan-
ger, since she had no erotic desire, she did not repulse him
when he kissed her. He then began attempting other famili-
arities, which she persistently tried to avoid. FiniJly, after
many attempts, he seized her and made desperate efforts for
more than an hour to subdue her. She had no erotic feel-
ing and resisted him throughout ; but he finally did touch her
privates with his penis and immediately had an orgasm.
This was the extent of their sexual contact, which was never
repeated. He was much ashamed and apologized humbly
the next day. She did not blame him as much as she did
herself, since she now saw clearly that it was partially her
fault that he had attempted intercourse.

Though she had been married nearly twenty years, she
now first understood the real sex nature of a man, and that
under some circumstances it might become ungovernable.
Now she entered a state of nervous depression, with self
reproaches ever uppermost in her mind. When her self-
control was nearly lost, and she thought insanity inevitable,
her husband returned and began to treat her differently
from ever before. He told her that he loved her and wanted
to live with her, and that he could not live without her,
whereupon she told him about this second infatuation in
detail, except the man's name and his attempt at inter-
course. She resolved to go on and try to do her duty as
a wife. Her husband never reproached her for her actions
and was otherwise considerate. He was more frequent in
Kexual attentions; and though she got no complete satisfac-
tion, life was, on the whole, somewhat better than it had
been.

At this juncture she consulted a physician who had had
large experience with couples similarly situated. She was
found to be in bad physical condition. The uterus wa»
enlarged and prolapsed. The cervix was eroded, and she

More Sex and Case Histories 237

suffered from profuse leucorrhoea. She had constant pain
in the pelvic region, which was greatly increased on walk-
ing; and her nervous system was in a state of collapse. She
was treated for her pelvic difficulties with medicated tam-
pons; and, her story having been learned, she and her hus-
band were instructed in the art of love. Frequent inter-
course was recommended; and they began to have inter-
course from two to four times a week. Almost immediately
she began to have an orgasm at each union. Her nervous
and physical condition improved with surprising rapidity;
she became happy, knew that she loved her husband, and
very quickly forgot her recent infatuation, though it had
taken five years to get the former, lesser one. Her peace
of mind and self-respect were rapidly restored, since her
physician convinced her that these infatuations had been
neither planned nor wilful, that hey did not indicate a
weakness of character and disposition to infidelity, but were
the almost unavoidable consequence of years of suffering and
repression, years filled with loneliness and lack of affection.
She was assured that these manifestations were but the
instinct of her woman's nature reaching out for love, and
that they never would have happened if she and her hus-
band had properly expressed their psychic love for each
other and properly consummated their physical love during
their years of married life.

Case 319. The husband of the above. A man of forty-
three years. He was taught masturbation at an early age
by older boys. At the age of thirteen he was warned con-
cerning the dangers attending this practice, and so fright-
ened at the prospect of physical injury, and so impressed
with the sinfulness of this practice that he resolved to be
continent till marriage and kept this resolve.

At twenty-three, after a very short courtship, he married
a very frail girl. He loved her but hardly knew how *"o
express it. His wife was timid, young, and reticent. She
had admired him greatly, but had not learned what love
really was during their brief courtship, when there had betn
few meetings and almost no love-making. He was reserved
and, perhaps due to his long habit of repression, and the

238 The Art of Love

belief that sex relations were unnecessary, injurious and
unworthy, resolved to be very moderate in sexual relations.
He also thought that this was neecssary because his wife
was not strong. He made no proposal of intercourse the
first night, and for several weeks after this, whenever he
attempted intercourse he had an emission before penetration.
He attempted no preliminary excitation of his wife, since he
knew nothing about such things. He supposed that his
wife got all the satisfaction a woman was expected to have,
since she took everything calmly and made no complaint.
Their life together was not very satisfactory, but he saw
no way to improve conditions. Later, he saw that she was
under some restraint and that she was not in full sympathy
with him.

As she became irritable he became morose. She was not
well after the birth of her first child; and he, in order to
still further reduce the frequency of intercourse, as he
thought necessary on account of her health, slept apart from
her several months at a time on several occasions. When-
ever he became demonstrative in affection he found self-
control harder to accomplish. So he hardly ever kissed or
caressed her. The leucorrhoea which his wife had devel-
oped disturbed his aesthetic sense at the times of their
infrequent intercourse. This, and the lack of response from
his wife tended to make his desire less and less.

When she became infatuated with another man, he could
not understand how one whom he supposed to be a happy
wife and mother could so far forget her vows as to do such
a thing. He brooded much over this until she told him of
her infatuation, when he ostensibly forgave it all, and never
reproached her, but continued to criticise in his mind.

Soon he, having no male friend in whom to confide, and
feeling the need of human sympathy regarding his domestic
relations, formed an acquaintance with a young woman who
showed an interest in him and his work. As the friendship
progressed, he confided to her his family troubles. After
frequent meetings and some correspondence, he began to
realize the mutual attraction and the danger of it; and the
aflfair was broken off, and he made a clean breast of this to

More Sex and Case Histories 289

his wife, acknowledging his fault. Domestic matters were
better for a time, but neither reposed full confidence in the
other, and they again drifted farther and farther apart
until the time of his leaving home for several months, when
he kissed her goodbye on the cheek, thinking never to live
with her again.

He knew from her letters that something was wrong; but
he craved love and sympathy and felt that he must have it
from someone ; so, before his return, he wrote her an appeal-
ing and, for him, a very loving letter. She was touched by
it and on his return told him of her last infatuation and
promised him, though she was not sure that she loved him as
she ought, that she would do her best to be a good wife
to him.

During his absence he heard and read things which con-
vinced him that he did not understand very well the con-
duct of sex relations nor a woman's sexual needs. After his
return he attempted more frequent sex relations. Still, as
there was no complete understanding, and no attempt at
preliminary excitation, he merely excited and tantalized her,
while thinking that he gave her perfect satisfaction.

This brings the narrative down to the time when the
physician was consulted. Both stories were told to the
physician ; and with mutual consent he told each the other's
story. When the husband heard the wife's he said, "She
too has been through Hell." The physician ascertained
that each loved the other, and assured each to that effect
before they had become sufficiently reacquainted to convince
each other of this desirable accompaniment of home life.

I believe the lessons taught by this case to be very valu-
able. Many couples drift apart, and one or both parties go
astray, because there has been too little expression of the
sexual emotion, without which there cannot be perfect con-
fidence nor intimate companionship. A reintroduction to
each other and some training in the art of love was all that
was necessary in order to make of them the happiest kind of
married lovers.

Perhaps it will not be amiss to briefly mention the methods
which led to their final perfect mating after having made a

840 The Art of Love

failure of marriage for twenty years. After the husband
learned that it was necessary to produce excitement in his
wife before intercourse, he first attempted titillation of the
breasts; but these did not prove at all sensitive. Next, in
addition to the ordinary caresses of courtship, he essayed
to titillate the clitoris. This produced instantaneous
results. Ten minutes of this preliminary, followed by fifteen
minutes of union almost invariably resulted in her having a
perfect orgasm. If occasionally she could not accomplish
this, two or three moments of manual manipulation by her
husband would accomplish this necessary result.

Case 500. — My mother was a school teacher before mar-
riage and came from an old New England line of ante-
cedents who were mostly school teachers and college pro-
fessors. She was in perfectly health during her whole life and
died at the age of sixty-two with mastoiditis. Three of my
mother's brothers out of a family of nine boys and three
girls died of tuberculosis. The rest of the family were per-
fectly healthly and strong, both mentally and physically.

My father came from a good old Scotch Presbyterian
family and has been in good health all his life with the
exception of a few attacks of lumbago twenty-five or thirty
years ago. He is now seventy-five years old, and, as yet, his
activity is not at all affected by age.

I am forty-five years of age and in good health, have been
married fifteen years, and have four children. I have two
sisters who have been strong and healthy from their infancy
to the present time. I was delicate until about fourteen
years of age, but have been in fair health ever since, with a
tendency toward increased vigor up to the present tme. I
have had some sex passion as far back as my earliest recol-
lection, which was about five years of age. At the age of
three, my parents moved from the East to the backwoods of
western Canada where, at that time, the country was so
sparsely settled that I and my two sisters (one two years
older and the other two years younger than myself) did
not have other children to play with. Therefore, my only
playmates were my sisters.

My mother was of the very best moral character and tried

More Sex and Case Histories 241

to give us the best training; yet it did not seem to occur
to her that anything wrong could come from allowing us as
children to sleep together, and also to bathe together, until
I was eleven and my oldest sister thirteen. At that time
she refused to allow such freedom any longer and a separate
bed was provided for me. The results of such freedom were
as follows : At the age of five my oldest sister and I played
a game of "milking the cow," I representing the cow ami
she the milkmaid. This performance produced an erection
of my penis but nothing more. The above incident was the
first recollection of anything of a sexual nature, but from
that time on my sisters and I often used to handle each
other's organs. One of my favorite practices was to
retract my foreskin and cause the organ to become erect.
At the age of five, an Indian girl of about sixteen, our only
near neighbor, gave the girls and myself some information
on sex matters in which she named both the male and female
organs, these names having been before unknown to us. She
also explained the normal sexual act, and showed and invited
us to handle her sex organs. This was our first experience
in viewing the fully developed female organs, and it there-
fore greatly aroused our curiosity. Although this girl
handled the organs of both the girls and myself, she made
no attempt at masturbation.

We, as children, saw animals copulate almost every day
during the summer months, as it was our duty to herd the
cattle. We were always very much interested in watching
these performances ; and one day, when my older sister
and I were out playing in a lonely wood, she suggested that
we play bull and cow and see if I could get my organ into
her. The suggestion appealed to me and the thought of it
produced an erection at once. She lay down on her back
and made the necessary preparations to receive me in the
natural way, after which I mounted her and tried to enter
my erect penis. Her vagina was not sufficiently lubricated
and entrance seemed impossible, but after some time of fruit-
less effort, she suggested wetting my glans penis with saliva,
which she did, and it was then entered with but little diffi-
culty. I tried the in-and-out motion, but it did not result in

242 The Art of Lave

an orgasm for either of us. I was eleven and she thirteen
when this happened, and this was the only time I had com-
plete connection with either of my sisters. Often, when in
bed at night, the girls would have me play with their organs,
which they seemed to enjoy. When I was seven years old,
my oldest sister, in bed one night, suggested that I suck her
clitoris. This I did a number of times for both of the girls,
but I finally discontinued this practice, as the odor of their
organs, not having been cleansed for the occasion, was offen-
sive to me. My oldest sister tried to persuade me to perform
the same act afterwards, as she no doubt derived much
enjoyment from it, on account of her being at that time
nine years old and much more developed sexually. These
familiarities with my oldest sister lasted until she was four-
teen and I was twelve. Then she went away from home to
school. The intimacy with the younger sister lasted until I
was thirteen and she was eleven.

When I was thirteen I spent a month with some people
where there was a boy of my own age. He was from town
and knew more about sex matters than I did. While sleep-
ing together one night he initiated me into the act of mas-
turbation, an act which before this was unknown to me.
When the orgasm came it thrilled me so that I thought I
would faint. I realized then for the first time why animals
became so excited over sexual intercourse. No semen came
for more than a year after this, and then only a few drops at
a time, which gradually increased to the normal amount.

As soon as I had learned the sensation of masturbation
and was told that it was the same sensation as that pro-
duced by intercourse with a female, I made up my mind to
try the natural sexual act with my younger sister at the first
opportunity after returning home. When I explained the
wonderful delight of my experience to her, she was willing
to try it ; so we went up into the hay loft and she made ready
for me. I shall never forget how it thrilled me when she
exposed her organs. Although I had played with them
often, the sight of them had never given me such a thrill nor
caused such a rigid erection. I mounted her and attempted
intercourse, but it would not enter. After some continued

More Sex and Case Histories S4S

and persistent effort on my part, she suddenly seemed to
be struck with a sense of shame and threw me off and refused
to allow it. I tried to plead with her but all to no effect.
That was the last time that I had the privilege of viewing
her private parts. From that time on, both sisters seemed
to develop a sense of shame and they would not allow any
further familiarity.

They grew up to be very respectable women, both active
church workers. They are now the proud mothers of very
promising sons and daughters in high school and college.

I never had any way of knowing whether my oldest sister
ever practice any form of sex gratification, for we moved to
town about the time our intimacy ceased; and then I spent
most of my time with boys, while my sisters went with the
girls. This meant that we were seldom by ourselves and,
as they developed an attitude that commanded respect, I
soon refrained entirely from even mentioning anything
regarding sex matters in their presence. One summer morn-
ing, on arising, I passed the open door of my younger sister,
and surprised her in what I afterward decided was the act
of self sexual gratification. She was at that time a big
robust girl of thirteen. As I passed her door she was lying
on her back in bed, the foot of which was towards me; she
had all the covers thrown off, with her night dress raised to
her breasts, and in this position she was vigorously mas-
saging her sexual organs with her hand. As soon as she
saw me she covered herself at once. At that time I did not
know that girls ever did or even could masturbate. This
sight threw me into a tremendous passion which lasted for
more than an hour. After it was too late I regretted that I
had not gone in to her and given her an orgasm in the natu-
ral wav, which I felt sure she must have wanted ; but I had
no idea at that time that she could experience an orgasm
without the help of a man or boy. As it appeared to me
then, the sexual act with her could have no bad result, for
I knew that she had not vet matured: and I had sufficient
knowledge on such matters by that time to know that con-
ception could only occur in a matured girl. My desire was
not only for self gratification, but I felt a strong desire to

*44 The Art of Love

introduce her to a delight which I supposed she had never
tasted.

After moving to town at the age of thirteen, I often saw
the boys masturbate; and until I married at the age of
thirty, I masturbated regularly about three times a week,
very seldom more often, and occasionally I would not indulge
for a week. (Once I gave it up for three months, and
another time for a year while I had access to a very pas-
sionate girl).

At the age of sixteen I learned of the supposed bad effects
of the habit of masturbation, by reading some of Dr. Pierce's
literature. This alarmed me very much and especially so
owing to the fact that I was always disposed of self improi e-
ment. For about ten years I constantly worried about this
habit and made most desperate efforts to give it up, but
without success. At this age (16) I had my first experience
with a prostitute. She was young and attractive and guessed
that it was my first experience. She succeeded in getting me
to acknowledge before the act was begun that I had never
been with a woman before. This seemed to throw her into a
fit of sexual passion, and she made me strip perfectly nude
and she did so herself, after which she threw me onto the bed,
and there tantalized me and herself until we were both in a
furious passion. Finally she allowed me to mount her, and
we then went through a most exciting time, during which I
had the most powerful orgasm I had ever experienced and she
had two. From that time on I went to prostitutes as often
as I could afford it, thinking it would do me no harm, but
that it would enable me to break off the habit of masturba-
tion. But it did not work out as I had expected. When I
grew older I realized that my failure in this was really my
success ; for, had I been financially able to visit these women
with sufficient frequency to enable me to discontinue the habit
I was addicted to, I no doubt would have become diseased and
forever ruined.

As it was, I had left home at the age of sixteen and
launched out to make my own way in the world. This was
in the year of 1891 when it was very hard to make a living
with conditions as they were then. I found it most difficult

More Sex and Case Histories 246

to clothe and support myself, and consequently had but
little extra money with which to purchase satisfaction for
my sexual passions. At the age of seventeen I met a very
attractive Spanish girl twenty years of age who was a
waitress in a restaurant. This girl from the first took a
particular fancy to me; but as I was young and inexperi-
enced and naturally reserved, I did not respond to her
attentions as readily as I would have done in later years.
As a result of my slowness in this respect, one of the male
waiters in the restaurant took me aside one day, and said,
"Say, kid, you are a fool. If that girl would give me the
encouragement she does you, I would be in clover." He
then went on and told me that this girl had had a young
fellow of about my age who had lived with her at her own
home as man and wife, but that she had had a falling out
witht him and that she had apparently picked me to take his
place. After receiving this inside information, I decided to
do my part and I invited her to go to a show with me. She
readily accepted the invitation, and the following night she
invited me to her home to play cards with her and her
mother. She lived with her widowed mother, a woman of
about forty-five, and with a brother of thirteen. During
the evening, she behaved towards me as though we had been
keeping company for months and were well-advanced in the
stages of love-making. But the climax to my astonishment
came when at about 10:30 she said it was time to retire,
and she invited me in the presence of her mother to go to
bed with her. I blushed and looked puzzled, for my train-
ing had been such as to cause me to believe that no girl
would ever or could ever make such a proposal to a young
man in front of her mother. Her mother then came to the
rescue, and infonnod me that it was perfectly all right. She
said that her daughter was of such a passionate nature that
it would be cruel to prohibit her from entertaining the
young man she loved. She also informed me that to sleep
with a passionate girl would be the best thing for my health.
I went to her room with her and found her to be all that her
mother had claimed: in fact I had no occasion to go to any
other woman nor to indulge in any other form of sexual

846 The Art of Love

gratfication during the one year that I lived with this girl.

While making my home there, I discovered that the mother
and the boy slept together, and the daughter informed me
that the mother was giving the boy training in sexual inter-
course. This family was not of the class from which I had
come; but aside from their sexual habits, they were respect-
able and well-behaved people. To have known them in a
social way, one would never have guessed that their home
relations were any different from those of any respectable
family. They were not at all vulgar, and would make a good
average impression anywhere.

After this I left San Francisco, where this experience
occurred; and for several years I roved about a great deal,
finally having been in almost every state in the Union.
Whenever I remained for any length of time in a place, I
planned to get acquainted and to associate with the best
class of people. I always attended church and possessed
more than an average amount of pride, and disliked low
companions ; yet in the West, where I spent the most of my
young manhood, in the larger cities it was very easy to go
in the best of society and still have a lady friend, usually a
young or middle-aged widow, who had sexual needs and with
whom I could spend some of my time without the knowledge
of my friends.

After reaching the age of twenty I realized the danger of
relations with prostitutes and took advantage of such
opportunities as were available among such women as I have
just mentioned. However, though these alliances helped
some, yet, to maintain a good reputation, it was necessary
to have a clear conscence. Consequently, I had to depend
on masturbation for sex gratification a greater part of the
time.

At the age of twenty-five, I began to take a great interest
in Physiology and in Hygiene, and read and studied every-
thing I could obtain in the line of medical books. In this
way I learned the nature of the sexual act and, always hav-
ing had a disposition to reason and prove out theories rather
than swallow them whole, I at once attacked the subject of
masturbation in this way. Although I could find nothing

More Sex and Case Histories 247

at that time except the strongest condemnation of all arti-
ficial means of sex gratification, yet my faculty of reason-
ing could not convince me that there could be any great
difference between the effect of artificial sex gratification and
the natural way. After I had arrived at this conclusion, the
strain of worry under which I had been for ten years was
relieved.

At this time I had become quite nervous, which nervous-
ness I had always believed was caused by masturbation; but
once my mind was at ease on this point, the nervous symp-
toms gradually disappeared, until in a few years there was
no trace of any symptoms of unsteady nerves. This
improvement was not due to mending my ways in regard to
the habit; for, instead of decreasing this practice, I resorted
to it altogether, in order that I might more conscientiously
live up to the social standing which I maintained. It always
troubled me more or less to be having relations with women
while posing in the best society and being a regular church
attendant.

At the age of twenty-nine I met a girl of eighteen who
came from a very excellent family. We kept company with
each other for one year and then married. My first knowl-
edge of the fact that a woman could produce an orgasm
while awake without any friction on the sex organs was
when I once, before marriage, held my wife-to-be in my arms
firmly, pressing her against my body, and passionately kiss-
ing her at the same time. As her orgasm occurred, it was
evidently so intense that she could not control her nerves,
and she betrayed herself by a quivering motion of her body
and slight movements of the lower parts. I ventured to ask
her if I had caused her to experience what I supposed she
had, and she blushingly confessed. I could but humbly ask
her pardon and assure her that to cause her any such experi-
ence was not my intention, and that I never knew that such
a thing was possible.

On our wedding night sexual intercourse was accomplished
twice, each act resulting in a satisfactory orgasm for both
of us. The success of this first experience was, no doubt, due
to the fact that more than an hour was spent in prepara-

«48 The Art of Love

tion. This preparation began with a session of passionate
kisses, then gradually progressing toward handling the
breasts, and then to feeling her female organs, while she sat
on my lap with her clothes on. After I had evidence that
hhe was highly excited, I began undressing her, and to m^*
surprise she made very little resistance. Therefore I can-
tinued until I had laid her on the bed in the glare of the
electric light, perfectly nude. She was of a naturally mod-
est disposition, and would never have allowed such an exhi-
bition of her charms the first night had I not first got her into
such a state of sexual excitement as to cause her to almost
lose her sense of modesty. L then undressed as quickly as
possible and joined her on the bed in tlie same condition.
She even allowed a thorough inspection of her sexual organs
before intercourse. This was something I greatly desired,
for I realized that it was my last opportunity to look on the
organs of a virgin. Although she had never had intercourse
before, I did not have as much difficulty in performing the
act as I had expected; however, it took about five minutes
to effect the complete penetration. This gave her slight
pain, but she assured me that, after the connection was
made, there was only the most delightful feeling. She was
rather awkward in performing her part of the act at first,
but learned rapidly.

For the first month we had intercourse every night, which
resulted in her impregnation; for she did not menstruate
after our marriage until several months after the birtli of
our first child. As soon as she knew that she was pregnant,
she lost all desire for connection, and protested vigorously
against it. At that time I supposed that that was the atti-
tude of most women when in that condition; and I then
lielieved, as I do now, that no woman should be forced to do
this act when it was repugnant to her. We then ceased to
copulate until about one month after the child was bom,
during which time I made a desperate effort to contain
myself, but, as usual, failed, and again resorted to mastur-
bation. After her first month of honeymoon desire was satis-
fied, she never seemed to require as much sexual gratification
as I did; so, rather than mar the love tliat existed between

More Sex and Case Histories 249

us by continually pestering her for intercourse when it did
not seem possible to excite her, I satisfied myself with what
I could get, and made the most of it at such times. But for
my further needs, I employed the old method of my single
days, masturbation.

During the whole of my sexual experience I had a desire,
when sexually excited, to bring my lips in contact with the
female vulva. I knew that that method of procedure was
practiced by some classes of adult persons, but I was at a
loss to know whether this was a natural act or a perversion.
When a child on the farm, I had often seen male animals
lick the female organs, and this led me to believe that it
might be natural and that my desire was only that which was
experienced by every healthy mam This was a subject con-
cerning which I could not go to any of my friends for advice,
and it therefore remained for years an undecided matter as
far as I was concerned. I did not wish to place myself on
the level of a low debased character, for my ambition was to
always maintain a good reputation. However, about eight
years after our marriage, while in bed one night in the act
of preparing my wife for intercourse, I ventured to inform
her that I had many times felt that, if a woman's organs
were washed out thoroughly clean so that there would be
no odor, to kiss them would be a great pleasure. I had
almost expected that she would be shocked at this confes-
sion, but to my surprise she looked at it in an entirely differ-
ent light, and said that if I wised to try it, she would be
perfectly willing. On my assurance that it would be a great
favor, she got up, went to the bath-room, and washed the
parts thoroughly, inside and out. She returned to bed, where
I was waiting for what I considered would be a rare treat.
Then she lay on her back and drew her knees up almost to
her breasts and spread her legs in order to bring her organs
as high and as easily accessible as possible. I then placed
myself on the bed below her, lying on my stomach, and in
this position I parted the hair and lips, and with my lips
I encircled the clitoris which was throbbing with desire. I
then began a very gentle sucking of the clitoris, which I con-
tinued for a few minutes, and licked it with my tongue

850 The Art of Love

in the same gentle manner until my wife groaned with delight
and informed me that it was the most pleasurable feeling
that she had ever experienced. She regretted very much that
it was not possible to couple this performance with the natu-
ral act. We continued the act for half an hour, at times
stopping for a minute, for the purpose of preventing her
from getting too near the point of orgasm. For variation,
I also let my tongue play along the inside lips, first one side
and then the other, and also dragged the tongue along the
bottom of the vestibule from the vagina to the clitoris.
Another form of this play which appealed to my wife was to
draw in the clitoris with as much of the adjacent lips as
my mouth would hold, or, in other words, I would take a
mouthful of the delicate parts, including the clitoris, and
hold them perfectly still with a strong suction for a minute.
This would give such a sense of pleasure that her intense
feeling could be detected by a slight quivering of the whole
body, and sometimes by a vigorous movement of he hips.
In this act she always helped more or less by a movement
of her hips, which she could regulate to heir own satis-
faction, for my body was not upon her and she was perfectly
free. After a half hour of this intense excitement, she
informed me that she could stand it no longer, and she
insisted on an orgasm. Then I mounted her, and with one
furious plune, I inserted my almost bursting penis into her
vagina, which was virtually flowing with lubricating fluid.
Only a few furious motions on her part as well as mine
served to bring for both of us at identically the same instant
the most pleasurable orgasm we had ever experienced,
ever, after that, did I hesitate to suggest this act, and
never was it refused when she felt any sexual need.

Still I was uncertain as to whether it was right or not
until I recently found a medical work which indorsed this
method of female excitation. Later I read a book written
by a well-known medical authority in which he described this
act and claimed that it was often practiced by girls in young
ladies' nunneries, in female prisons, and in harems. His
comments on this practice were that, when practiced between
females to the complete gratification of the passion, this

More Sex and Case Histories 261

was not harmful, and that the worst that could be said of it
was that it might, if practiced to excess, come to be preferred
to natural intercourse with a man, in course of time. Since
I have learned how some of the leading medical authorities
look upon this act, my conscience has ceased to be in any
way distrubed over it. I can say that this one method has
added a great deal of pleasure and happiness to our mar-
riage relations.

Now comes the question: What effect has all this sexual
experience had upon me? This is difficult to answer, and
conclusions can only be arrived at by looking myself over
at the present time in order to detect any apparent weak-
ness if there is any. I have no way of deciding what I might
have been had I lived otherwise.

The following will speak for itself:

I began life as a rather delicate child and remained so
until about fourteen years of age. At about the age of
twelve my parents were afraid that I would go into con-
sumption. I began to improve in liealth at thirteen or four-
teen and never had much trouble during 3'oung manhood,
with the exception of nervousness, which developed at about
twenty-five (this being the period during which I was much
disturbed l)v the belief that masturbation would ruin me).
However, this gradually disappeared. I have had four or
five cases of sickness since the age of maturity, but these
were only temporary, and my general health has gradually
improved since my boyhood. Today, at the age of forty-five,
I am in excellent health, and look somewhat younger than the
average man at that age, regardless of the fact that from
the ages of tliirty-two to forty-two I constantly overworked.
Pliysically, I have color and as good a complexion as I have
had at any time during my whole life.

As to mv mental condition, it was always easy for me to
learn while in school, although I had but little public school
education. I started scliool at the age of eight and left at
fifteen, after which I made my own living away from home.
During my yoimg manhood, T took up and mastered several
lines of study, all of which I learned very rapidly, although

«5« The Art of Love

8ome of these courses were pursued with great difficulty.
These studiees did not interfere with positions which I held.
During my whole career I was very ambitious and aimed
to be second to none wherever I was employed. I mastered
all the linees of the wood-working trade and finished in the
building trades as an architect. I then took up different
lines of metal work, and succeeded in establishing myself in
mechanical engineering. I then went into business on a shoe-
string, so to speak; and now, after twelve years in business,
I control a manufacturing plant, the product from which is
sold in nearly all civilized parts of the world.

What I have accomplished has been done single-handed,
and I have always been too independent to accept assistance
from any friend or relative since I was fifteen years old.
Now, at the age of forty-five, I have sufficient ambition left
to be making plans to take up a medical course. I still
find it as easy to learn as ever, and my memory, which has
always been excellent, is still keen.

With regard to my sexual power, it has not begun to wane,
but, on the contrary, it is stronger than it has been at any
time during my whole life. Up to the age of thirty I could
not indulge in sex gratifications more often than four or five
times a week without noticing bad effects, while at the present
time I can indulge twice a day regularly for months at a
time without any apparent bad results. I might add that
this excessive record can be made during the spring and
summer months but not during the winter. In the sexual act
I have greater control over myself than I have had at any
time during my whole life. In intercourse I have little diffi-
culty in meeting my wife in the climax, whether she be slow or
fast.

My present state of good health leads me to feel different,
with regard to the effects of masturbation, than I did in
former years, for I believe that my experience proves the
theory advanced by the older school of medical writers that
the bad results from masturbation, as they are pictured,
are greatly exaggerated by them, and that they are greatly
in error. They claim that the habit weakens and destroys
the passion. In my case my passion has increased. They

More Sex anvd Case Histories 268

claim that it causes man to lose his desire for women, but this
is not true in my case; for I have always been, and am still,
very fond of the gentle sex. I am always much attracted by
women and am very fond of their company. They claim that
it weakens the brain and body, but I am stronger, mentally
and physically, than ever. They claim that it kills ambition,
but this does not bear out in my case. I may be an exception,
but I do not think so. I believe that moderate artificial sex
gratification is less injurious to the nervous system than
constant sexual torment, which I believe produces an unrest
and nervous strain.

I do not think that young people should be frightened
about such things, but that they should be told the truth.
My judgment is that sex gratification for those under the
age of puberty cannot be of any value or harm, unless the
subject has developed a passion which is, as with more
matured persons, tormenting. I am firmly convinced that
artificial gratification, as a relief for an aggravating pas-
sion, will certainly prove beneficial instead of harmful.

Case 505. Female, age 34, good health, married fifteen
years, four children, all healthy. She came from a line of
ancestors with good character, her grandfather on father's
side being a Methodist minister, her mother's people also
being very pious and well esteemed. Relatives all of average
health and long-lived. Father was of an adventurous dis-
position and lost bis life in the Klondike. Mother now fifty,
and although well preserved is of a nervous disposition. She
has been a widow for twenty-two vears. Mother's only sister
well preserved at age of fifty-six, after having sixteen healthy
children. This lady has two brothers, and twetny-six, the
other thirty-one, both in good health. She has been in good
health always, never having had any sickness excepting
influenza, from which she recovered without any after-eflFects
excepting impregnation, which occurred during an irresisti-
ble fit of sexual passion during the course of this disease.
She is of a nervous disposition, is bright and has always
been able to learn very easily, but has a poor memory,
which seems to he characteristic of her mother's family. Her
first recollections of sex experience are of when she was

«64 The Art of Lave

about eight and an older girl gave her and her brother three
years younger some sex information; but she does not think
she was masturbated at that time. Her next recollections of
sex experiences are with a girl of her own age. At this time
her mother was employed in a dress-making shop ; and it was
the girPs duty to do certain housework on returning from
school. She usually had the girl above referred to, who was
her next-door neighbor, help her. On these occasions this
girl and she used to get together on the bed in mutual grati-
fication of their passions. Their method of indulgence was
mutual licking of the clitoris, also by so arranging them-
selvees on the bed as to bring their private organs together,
after which with a firm pressure with the organs in contac t
they would begin a movement of their hips which caused
sufficient friction of the sensitive tissues to produce an
orgasm. She thinks that this intimacy lasted for about a
year, after which the other girl moved away. Their indul-
gence was about two or three timees a week. At their last
meeting neither of them had yet reached puberty. Shortly
after this experience she tried several times to have sexual
intercourse with her brother, who was only nine or ten years
old. Thir attempts always failed, as they would imagine
they heard someone coming when he was about to effect an
entrance.

Once at the age of fourteen, shortly after her first mens-
truation, a neighbor boy of eighteen came to the house when
she was alone and tried to get her to go into the wood-shed
and have intercourse, but she was afraid to do so, although
the suggestion caused her to become very passionate. She
remembers of being passionate ever since her exprience with
the girl, but does not know her condition previous to that,
or whether she ever experienced an orgasm before the age of
twelve. After the age of puberty she developed a sense of
modesty and felt that sex acts were wrong. Therefor she
only indulged in masturbation when the passion was strong,
usually when taking a bath. The excitement was brought on
when bathing her private parts, as she always used her fin-
gers instead of a sponge or washcloth, as they were not so
rought, and consequently not so irritating to the tender parts.

More Sex and Case Histories 266

She soaped her fingers and worked them around between the
lips and the clitoris so as to thoroughly clean every part.
By the time she had everything clean and sweet, as she terms
it, her passions were so aroused that she could not resist the
temptation to continue the manipulation. This tickling of
the parts gave her great pleasure and she would continue it
until she was in a tremendous state of passion. Then she
would take any available instrument, usually a hairbrush
handle, and insert it into the vagina, when she would work
it back and forth until the orgasm was effected.

For some time she kept a short piece of broom handle hid
away in the bathroom for this purpose. She claimed that
the broom handle caused the greatest pleasure on account of
its more perfect fit. During these acts, when operating the
instrument in the vagina, she claims to have enjoyed it most
when instituting at the same time a movement of her hips,
as if reaching for the male organ. The orgasm was some-
times so intense that it was with difficulty that she could
refrain from screaming or groaning; but these exclamations
of joy had to be repressed, as they would arouse the sus-
picions of her mother, who was usually in the next room.
During the act of masturbation thoughts of the young
man she most admired came. She always wished to prolong
the act so as to get the greatest amount of enjoyment, but
found this difficult, as she soon became so anxious for tlie
orgasm. She often required two or three orgasms in suc-
cession to quiet her passions. This rather even course of
procedure kept up till she began to keep company with her
future husband at the age of eighteen. During her one year
of courtship, especially during the last four months, the
engagement period, her passion was greatly increased. Often
after her fiance had held her on his lap, indulging her in pas-
sionate kisses previous to bidding her goodnight, she would
be left in such a state of excitement that after a time she
could only quiet herself by masturbating three or four times
in successsion. She claims that even this excsssive indulgence
did not seem to have any noticeably bad effect. She always
experienced a feeling of relief and went off into a sound
sleep, from which she rose in the morning perfectly refreshed.

256 The Art of Lovi

She never worried about the harmful results of the practice
because she had never read anything along that line; and
although she had heard of the act as injurious, the informa*
tion did not come from a source which she considered reliable,
and so it had little effect.

At the age of sixteen she belonged to a Sunday-school class
taught by a man. All the girls were very fond of this man
on account of the great interest he took in them. They used
to make a practice of calling on him at his office when they
happened to be downtown. On the occasions of these visits
he entertained them in his private office ; and with this young
lady as well as with some of the others he at times became
quite intimate. Once he took her on his lap and kissed hre,
but she did not think much of this, as she supposed he was
simply trying to supply a fatherly love, which she had not
had tlie privilege of enjoying since losing her father at the
age of eleven. The next time she visited him he did the same
thing ; but this time he talked to her in a very nice way about
sex matters, and progressed so far as to get his hand on her
private organs. This produced passion, but in an instant
she came to herself and broke away from him. After leav-
ing his office she decided not to visit him again. She had
reason to believe that he accomplished his object with one
of the other girls of his class; and another girl who was a
particular chum of hers said he had been familiar with her
but did not acknowledge how far he had gone.

She married at nineteen, and had intercourse twice the first
night, which resulted in a satisfactory orgasm both times;
but she did not experience the intense pleasure which came
later, after all embarrassment had worn off. During the
following months she and her husband indulged every night,
using every position they could think of. She did not mens-
truate after her marriage, as she became pregnant at once.
As soon as she knew she was pregnant she lost all desire for
intercourse; and it was not indulged in again until about six
weeks after the child was bom.

WTien the child was four months old, her husband took a
position five hundred miles from home; and she went to live
with her mother until he was sure of remaining in the new

More Sex and Case Histories S57

position. It was four months before she joined him, during
which time she often became very passionate. She tried to
control herself, but often had to resort to masturbation.

Four months after her husband's departure he came down
with appendicitis and was taken to a hospital for an opera-
tion. She joined him at once on hearing of this, living with
some friends while he was in the hospital.

While he was convalescing she rented an apartment and
furnished it ready to begin housekeeping as soon as he was
able to leave the hospital. As the time for their coming
together neared, she became very passionate, for her
thoughts dwelt on the sexual pleasure she expected him to
give her.

However, her disappointment was as great as her antici-
pation had been, for on their meeting she found that, due
to his long illness, he was impotent. She tried every way
possible to cause him to have an erection, but all to no effect.

She caressed and loved him every night as they lay in bed,
and expressed her intense desire for intercourse. On the
fourth night he responded enough to fondle her, which made
her hopeful; but still there was no erection, though he did
manipulate her organs, which caused her great excitement;
and she encouraged him to continue it, as there seemed to be
no hope of getting an erection. She helped along by a
movement of her hips and soon had an orgasm, which greatly
relieved her but did not entirely satisfy. She wanted him
to continue this and give her two or three orgasms, but was
afraid he would think she was getting base and sensual. She
encouraged him to repeat the act each night for about two
weeks, shortly after which his power began to return, and.
natural intercourse was re-established.

A year and a half later she became pregnant again; and
this time her passions remained normal for the first two
months. About six weeks after the beginning of this preg-
nancy her husband was forced to leave California, where
they then lived, on a business trip East, and was unable to
return until one month before the child was due to arrive.

Almost as soon as she and her husband were separated her
sexual passions became very violent and continued so until

»58 The Art of Love

tlie child was bom. She refrained from masturbatlDg for
fear it would be detrimental to the child, until she was nearly
frantic.

She explained her condition to a young married friend^
who told her that she herself was in the same condition when
she was pregnant, and that the child would be marked if her
craving was not satisfied. She also wrote and explained the
case to her husband; and he advised her to masturbate, as it
could not possibly do as much harm as the constant craving
for sexual gratification. He also told her that he did not
think it would do her any harm. After reading the letter
containing this advice she went to bed with the determina*
tion to completely satisfy the craving if it took all night.
She was in a higli state of excitement, and began the opera-
tion with tlie insertion of a slim, round bottle; and after a
few minutes of vigorous manipulating she had a severe
orgasm which caused her to tremble so as to shake the whole
bed. This was not enough to quiet her long pent up pas-
sions; so she began a gentle handling of the external parts,
allowing the bottle to remain in the vagina. After ten min-
utes or so she was again so excited that she seized the pro-
jecting end of the bottle and made violent in and out move-
ments with it which resulted in a second orgasm. She then
felt somewhat quieted and lay perfectly motionless for about
fifteen minutes. She withdrew the bottle and again began
feeling the parts, which by now were flooded with the lubri-
cating fluid. Spreading her limbs as wide apart as possible
so as to open wide the vulva, she drew her finger up between
the lips tickling the clitoris a little each time it came up.
This produced intense passion; she soon inserted the bottle
again, and this time worked it in the vagina for twenty min-
utes or more before she would allow herself the climax. This
she finally brought on with a rush, resulting in the most
intense orgasm of the three, which seemed to satisfy her. She
felt ready for sleep and slept until five in the morning, when
she woke in a state of sexual excitement which she allayed
by gentle manipulation and the bottle, causing an orgasm in
fifteen or twenty minutes. During the remainder of her bus-

More Sex and Case Histories 259

band's absence her hand and the bottle were freely used ; and
she obtained both relief and pleasure.

During the entire period of this pregnancy she was in the
best of health, and she experienced much less discomfort
than during her previous pregnancy.

Her husband returned when she was eight months along
and found her of a tremendous size, even though she was
naturally plump. Early in the day of his arrival she received
a wire saying that he would be home at 7 P. M. The anciti-
pation caused her passions to rise, and this increased till
they met that night in the longed-for embrace. On retiring
to their room she hastily undressed and threw herself upon
the bed in a perfectly nude condition. Such a sight, which
was a most welcome one to her husband after his long
absence, produced the effect on him which she had intended.
He could hardly get his clothes off fast enough; but when
he had disrobed he threw himself on the bed in the same con-
dition as she, perfectly nude. He took one of her breasts in
one hand and her private organs in the other while he gave
her a few long, passionate kisses. Atferwards he sucked the
breasts for a few minutes, then turned his attention to the
vulva, spreading the lips apart and examining thoroughly,
then playing with and gently stroking the parts till the lubri-
cating fluid flowed freely. This love play caused him such tre-
mendous passion that he could continue it only a few min-
utes, after whicli he placed himself crosswise of the bed, just
below her and underneath her raised knees. Thus lying on
his side he entered his now almost bursting organ into the
vagina to the extreme depth. Then the natural movement
began, which she claims gave her the most intense enjoyment
she had ever experienced. The act did not last long, as both
were so excited that it was impossible to prolong it. Even
yet, after eleven years have passed, she still considers this
particular act as the one which stands out above all others
for intense pleasure.

This pregnancy ran two weeks longer than expected; so
she had six weeks with her husband after his return before
the birth of the child. During this time they met frequently

260 The Art of Love

in the sexual embrace without, apparently, anything but the
best results. Sometimes the act was performed while she
stood on her hands and knees, and her husband came on her
from behind, in the quadruped position. In this position his
body lay upon her back, while his arms encircled her body
and he manipulated her breasts with his hands, which added
greatly to her sexual excitement.

After the child was bom she decided to have no more chil-
dren; and so measures were taken to prevent conception.
For the most part withdrawal was practiced, which seemed
to be the safest; but it was not altogether satisfactory, as it
sometimes left her unsatisfied. However, on such occasions
her husband always brought on her orgasm with his hand by
a gentle manipulation of the clitoris.

They were very fond of practicing the prolonged act so
much recommended by physicians, as the husband had excel-
lent control and could prolong the act for an hour or more
without difficulty, his method being to work the organ back
and forth in a very stow motion until their passions had
attained a very high pitch, then to lie motionless for a few
moments, then begin again. When this had been continued
as long as desired the climax would be brought on with a
rush, and she always wanted the last stroke to be made with
a furious plunge and then held still with the greatest pos-
sible pressure, whle the thrill shot through every nerve in
her body. Meanwhile she made a circular movement with her
hips, evidently to get a vigorous orgasm of the clitoris as
well as the internal orgasm.

She claims that the excitation of the clitoris produces a
different orgasm from that produced by internal friction.
She also claims that before marriage she could get the most
enjoyment only when coupling internal friction with friction
of the clitoris. She believes that girls who satisfy themselves
entirely by friction of the clitoris, which she understands to
be the popular method, miss a great part of the possible
en j oyment.

About four years after the birth of her second child, when
in bed one night preparing for intercourse, her husband men-
tioned to her that he had often thought that if a woman's

More Sex and Case Histories 261

privates were perfectly clean there would be great enjoyment
in sucking the clitoris. This suggestion at once recalled her
youthful indulgence with the girl and threw her into a tre-
mendous passion. She volunteered to cleanse her parts and
try the experience.

Her husband did not know until after this experiment was
over that she had ever before had any such experience. He
had never dared to suggest it before, thinking it would shock
and disgust her. The result was exactly the contrary, as it
filled he nvith passion and met with her ready approval.
She soon had her vulva thoroughly washed so that there was
not the slightest odor so common to the female organs.
Returning to the bed she placed herself in position on her
back with knees drawn up to her breasts and legs wide
apart, making the private organs as high as possible and
perfectly accessible. She then assisted her husband by
spreading the lips with her fingers while he encircled the cli-
toris and adjacent parts till he had a mouthful, then held
them perfectly still with a strong suction, while she sighed
with joy. The act was continued by a variation of oral exci-
tations, such as licking the clitoris with the tongue, also
drawing the tongue up between the lips, and along the inside
of each lip. After this manipulation had excited her almost
to the point of madness, her Jiusband came over on her and
plunged his throbbing organ into her vagina, which then
required but a few strokes to send the thrill she so much
desired quivering through her whole body.

Seven years have passed since that night; but she still
looks for the exquisite pleasure about twice a month. This,
which slie considers the extreme of sexual pleasure, always
takes place on Saturday nights, after she has had her bath
and is thoroughly clean.

This ladv is now in better health than ever before in her
life. She is full of enthusiasm. She has since before her
marriage been a leader in Christian Endeavor and missionary
work.

Case 510. I am a male, twenty-six 3'ears of age, with
blonde hair and blue eyes. I have attended schools all my
life. My family history is negative, except for the fact that

«6« The Art of Love

my maternal uncle was a very irritable man and died of
bromism at forty-five, from taking great quantities of
Bromo-Seltzer.

When four or five years of age a precocious lad of about
the same age came to my home and we played with each
other's organs, but no erotic results are remembered. My
mother came upon us suddenly, sent the boy home and me
to bed, and threatened to tell my father if anything of that
nature happened again. I never played with this boy again.
Mother meant entirely well and told me that God would not
love me, because the sin I had committed was very wrong,
and she told me how much father would be displeased.

While spending some weeks at the farm of my grand-
mother, I compared "smutty words" with another boy and
each tried to outdo the other in coining them. I forgot all
about the boy and do not even remember his name.

I was sent to a kindergarten in the city where a delightful
girl was my teacher. I fancy that she was rather young
and when I went to the toilet, I could not button my trousers.
I created quite an excitement and demanded that she come
and "button me up." She thought that I had been very bed
and she made me sit with the girls. It must have been that
I had my choice as to who was to be my seat mate, because
I picked out a dark-haired girl with whom to sit. She treated
me very kindly and I became madly in love with her. When
her mother came to take her home, I insisted on going with
them and I did. I think that I walked home with her for
five or six years after this and we became very dear chums.
She was sent to another school and our daily walks had to
cease.

When I was thirteen years of age, I picked an acquaint-
anceship with the son of a French doctor, and one day while
at this boy's home, he and the son of a scavenger taught me
the process of auto-erotism. I had an emission, but this
pained me considerably.

There was at home an old edition of Fox's **Book of
Martyrs" which contained wonderfully drawn wood cuts of
the process of torture that the early saints had inflicted upon
them and I recall very vividly my excitement at looking at

More Sex and Case Historiei S6d

these pictures. My aunt thought that I was going to be a
preacher, and she fostered my perusal of this book. These
experiences took place very early and they are among my
earliest remembrances.

Another boy of the neighborhood, with whom I was very
friendly, and I, when about six or seven, constructed the
most vivid pictures of tortures upon little girls of our ac-
quaintance, and especially upon one whom we considered to
be a tattle-tale. We went so far one day as to procure an
old grate, and we decided that we would roast her a la St.
Laurence. We also procured ropes and build a fire in the
woods, but the girl did not come out to play. We were
chagrined at this, but decided that we would do it when we
got the chance.

There was big grove near my home and we two boys
used to go there and play with ourselves, and I fancy that
fellatio was performed. I remember distinctly our investi-
gating each other in the act of defecation. We would be-
labor each other with sticks on our bare nates. We initiated
smaller boys into the mysteries of beating and we had much
"fun" in getting a new boy to whip, which we did with a
gusto. We never played with the girls in this way.

This boy had a very beautiful sister whom ray brother
was running around with at the time, and we often wondered
what they did when they strolled through the woods in the
twilight. I asked my brother about it and got a drubbing.
I threatened to tell father about it and the walks stopped.

Then this boy decided that we should know the difference
between a girl and a boy, and I went up into the woods and
came upon a little girl who had a paralyzed arm and leg
from poliomyelitis. I asked her about it, and she began
to cry and when I had about made up my mind to investi-
gate for myself, her wails became so loud that I ran away.
I told the boy about this experience and the next day we
went into the woods together and we found a group of girls
picking violets. I enticed one to a more secret nook, and
while I watched, he threw her down, and as she kicked and
screamed I put my hands on her moms. We spied a man
coming and I gave the girl a terrific scratch and we ran

264 The Art of Love

as fast as we could. I saw tliis girl many times after this,
but she never seemed to recognize me.

Our parties in the woods continued during the summer
months for several years, but we never got a girl into our
clutches and we were never able to torture one.

When I had learned masturbation in the manner described
above, I became an adept and practiced it many times a day.
My brother, who slept with me, noticed it and gave me a
raking for it and threatened to tell father. I never liked
my brother as I should after this. We were always having
terrific quarrels, and although both father and mother tried
to find the reason, they never succeeded. During these later
years I found that my brother was against me, because I
had stopped his tete-a-tetes with the sister of my friend,
and I disliked him for orating about my auto-erotism, when
I knew perfectly well that he was doing it himself and would
not admit it. It has only been during the past few years
when we were grown to be men that any friendliness at all
has existed between us.

I told the French lad about torture, and we decided to try
it on a rather loose girl who was in our class at school.
She came to his house one afternoon and we were ready for
her. After some rather coarse conversation, he slipped up
in back of her and threw her and I tlirew a towel around her
throat. She did not resist a particle, and we had her clothes
raised and were taking down her drawers, when the mother of
the French boy entered tlie house. We quickly put the room
to rights and the girl assisted and when the mother came
upstairs, we were studying geography as quietly as if noth-
ing had happened. At this house I became very interested in
a picture of the pregnant uterus which we found in a cop3»
of Gould's Dictionary, and we often masturbated while look-
ing at it.

I masturbated constantly, but although I was never bril-
liant, I always kept up with my work. About this time I
became very friendly with several girls in the class who were
not noted for their chastity, and much lewd talk occurred.
One day paper tape measures were handed to us by a store-
keeper, and the girls, while in the dressing room, measured

More Sex and Case Histories S65

their legs, beginning at the ankles and working well up tp
the groin. The boys looked on and thought it great fun.
Tliese same girls were often in the company of several of my
friends, but I was always out of the parties. One day, dur-
ing a series of captain-ball games, which were held in the
school yard, these girls decided to climb to the top of a
rather high brick wall which bounded the yard on one side.
I was quite interested in this procedure, and all the boys
who were present helped them to get up there. One girl
got stuck when about half way up, and I took her foot in
my hand to boost her further, and, of course, had an oppor-
tunity of looking up her clothes. I recall very vividly the
excitement this caused me. We boys paraded around the
wall and looked up many times during the course of the
game, and when I reached home, I drew picturees of the girls'
underclothing and masturbated. Every opportunity I had
after this to see a girPs underclothing, I revelled in. I even
stole a pair of drawers from a clothesline in the back yard
of one of the prettiest girPs homes, and I was greatly elated.
Needless to say, I masturbated with these in my hand, and
perhaps I put them on. But imagine my chagrin when I
heard the mother of the pretty girl tell my mother that some-*
one had stolen the drawers of the colored hired girl.

I went to High School and got into all kinds of scrapes,
which were purely boyish mischief, and I caused father a
great deal of trouble in having him come and straighten out
things with the head-master. Although all the boys, or
nearly all of them, were having their affairs with girls, I
was so busy as editor of the school paper that I had no time
for such foolishness. Then I was appointed secretary to
the Professor of English, and I spent many hours in his
office. It was there that I saw my first erotic literature. I
read Fielding, Dekker, Beaumont, Fletcher and Middleton,
The professor also had me work on a paper which he was
to read before a body of educators, on the erotic in litera-
ture, and the best means to expurgate certain books in order
to render them suitable for school use. I became very inter-
ested in this work, and read many a book in order to save
him the time, and then I wrote a synopsis of the erotic

966 The Art of Love

episodes that occurred therein. The professor of French
lent me a great many books and novels to read because of
my proficiency in that language, and on reading them I
found that they were all rotten. It was during this time
that I read Balzac's "Physiologic du Manage" and the
"Contess Droll." It was not long before I told my English
professor that I thought nothing clean had been written,
and he told me that what had been written was merely the
descriptions of the normal human passions, and that by the
time I became a man and married, I would find that my own
experiences were pretty rotten. I have proven this to be
the case.

I had been in High School about a year when a new family
moved into the house next door to ours. There was a sweet
little rose-cheeked girl there and I decided that I liked her.
This at first sight. I learned to know her very soon, and I
won her confidence in a surprisingly short time. The woman
who cared for her was her stepmother, and she beat her
and her sister and brother very often for the slightest mis-
conduct. The brother was perhaps eighteen and the sister
twenty, but they had their punishment regularly. The
woman was very nice to my mother and they became very
friendly, although mother disliked the way she talked. She
was tlie foulest mouthed woman I have ever seen or heard of.
I fancy that in the ages gone by she was a Cockney fishwife.
Mother was rather afraid of her, because she thought that if
ahc did not treat the woman nice, she would make up some
lies about her (mother) and would spread them throughout
the neighborhood.

One day this little girl came to the fence which separated
the yards of our liomes, and was crying. She told me, after
much solicitation on my part, that the woman had just
beaten her. Slic showed several black and blue welts on her
arms. I was very sorry for her and told her so, and I became
Infatuated with lier. We had many opportunities to talk
things over, and her story of this stepmother's cruelty to
hoT husband's children was the most pitiable thing I have
over heard. For some unknown reason, I persisted in having
the details of the punishment, and I noticed erotic symptoms

More Sex and Case Histories 267

when the girl told me that not long before the woman had
made her strip naked before her brother, and she beat her
with a broom handle until the girl fainted. The brother
seemed to be absolutely helpless at first, but he finally began
to thrash the woman. She then turned on him, knocked
him downstairs, and he broke his arm. After that the beat-
ings had been more numerous. I was at the house one day
when the girl had broken a dish, and her stepmother told
her to go upstairs and strip and that she would come up to
her presently. I realized what was going to happen, and I
pleaded with her to leave her alone, but this only increased
the woman's wrath, and I was told to leave the house and
never show my face inside it again. After the beating the
doctor was summoned. These occurrences seemed to draw me
nearer to the girl, and after her convalescence I kissed her,
and we believed we were engage. All that summer while
I was in the country at the farm, I had dear little letters
from her, and we corresponded very frequently.

It was during this summer that I met my chum, and we
used to spend the night in each other's homes. We slept
together and we pledged our friendship every night. We
slept with each other's penes in our Imnds, and the friendship
we made at that time was never wavered one iota.

A girl of about my age and who was known to be the
worst girl in the countryside, came to our neighborhood and
we were left together for a time. I did not know enough to
realize what she was after, and when the thought did come
to me to try and feel her legs, she said, "You go and fool

with X (my city girl), because I won't you." I was

enraged at the inference and I pitched her out of the house.

We boys went swimming every day, and we had quite a
time comparing penes, and imagining ourselves in intercourse
with the girls. One day I found that the girls were perched
on a bank above the swimming hole, and were watching us.
This enraged me, and as the girl with whom I had had my
experience was the ringleader, I took her down the bank and
tlirew her into the shallow water.

1 went with the rosy-cheeked girl all through my High
School years, but I had again become acquainted with my

«68 The Art of Lov'

dark-haired chum of years before. When X and I had a
quarrel, I called on the dark-haired girl, and we became
just as chummy as ever, and played several gamees of tennis.
The quarrel was shortlived, because the girl found that the
quarrel was brought about by one of the stepmother's lies.
I continued to go with the girl next door for a period of
months, and we became very confidential with each other.
During the time I was away in the country, she went visiting
in an adjoining state, and her frequent letters were very
sweet. Very suddenly all correspondence stopped and I was
terribly hurt. I wrote many letters imploring her to give
some reason why the letters had stopped, but I never heard
a word. I heard later from her stepmother that she had
married her paternal uncle on the day of my last letter
from her. This nearly broke my heart.

I had entered college during this time, and my studies kept
me very busy. My old friend, the dark-haired girl, lived
nearby, and we became acquainted again. I told her all
about X, and she sympathized with me. We began talking
about our careers, and we decided that we would go to Medi-
cal School. We took our pre-medical work together and
studied together. Then we worked in the Surgical Clinic at
the hospital for a time, and we learned to know each other
better than ever. Tlicn she went away to a distant city, but,
although nothing was said definitely, we were practically
engaged before she left.

I have neglected to tell of a peculiar thing which hap-
pened during my High School life. I studied with a lad
who was the best athlete in the school and one night, I never
oculd explain the reason, we began discussing erotic things,
and the study hour ended in mutual masturbation. Follow-
ing this, we performed mutual fellatio many times. This
lad was one of my best chums, and we thought absolutely
nothing of our peculiar get-togethers. While I was in the
service, he died in a western camp, and since then I have
missed him very much. There are certain things which I feel
I could discuss with liim better than anyone else. I have it
in my mind that, although these acts were purely homo-
sexual, there was no homosexuality in them (that is, in the

More Sex and Case Histories 269

accepted sense of the word). We did not think we were bad,
and his morale was the finest I have ever known of hi a boy
of his age.

During two years of Medical School, I corresponded
almost daily with the dark-haired girl. I really felt that I
loved her. There was absolutely nofhing erotic in our lives.
When she came home on vacations, we would discuss our
work thoroughly and fearlessly, and through all the years
that we were together, we never even kissed. We spoke our
minds fearlessly and we talked very plainly. I remember on
one occasion we were discussing the physiology of menstrua-
tion, and I had my first erection, that is, while being with
her. I asked her if she knew the anatomy of the male geni-
talia, and she said that she did. Then I asked her to explain
the erection that I had at the time, in view of the fact that
nothing erotic was being discussed. She said that she be-
lieved it to be perfectly normal under the conditions and
immediately clianged the subject. I feel that we were drawn
closer to each other by this peculiar conversation.

I had become the student of one of the greatest physicians
in the city, and I had ready access to his great library. I
read sex books omniverously, in order to find the solution
of masturbation and the cause of my erection during my
conversation with Y, the dark-haired girl. I found nothing
but dire threats against auto-erotism, and I became afraid
that I was doing m^^self great wrong, although I never was
in better health.

Y was my girl for about three years. One day, after
a particularly hard and gruelling night at the hospital, and
I was very fatigued, she teased me about a very little thing,
and I became enraged and tore my fraternity pin from her
frock and handed her back the ring I had worn constantly
for nearlv ten years. I returned all the letters she had sent
me and demanded mine. Then I wrote her several sarcastic
notes. I masturbated a good deal after this, but never with
Y as my image.

I went into the country and met a really beautiful girl
who was teaching at the little school in the village. My
buddy had become engaged to the other teacher, and we*

870 The Art of Love

talked marriage and marital life through the long summer
evenings. This made me lonesome and I saw that the other
teacher was a good girl for me. I took her to our house
and while there I kissed her and she kissed me. She was very
sentimental and she loved long drawn-out kisses. We were
together many, many tmes, and one day while walking to-
gether, I put my hand on her buttocks as we walked along,
and she did not seem to mind. We never went beyond kiss-
ing. I went to see her many times after returning to the
city. When she left for another school in a distant state,
we corresponded for a while, and then the letters stopped
and that was the end. Z is married now, and she named her
firstborn for me.

Another girl who had visited the village invited my chum
who was in the city with me, to come and see her and bring
me along. (In the meantime, his girPs brother had made a
fuss when my chum went to visit her at her home, and when
he found that he would have to marry her family if he mar-
ried the girl, he let matters drop, and although she wrote
many letters for his return, he turned them all down. She
wrote me that I might try and persuade him to return, but
do what I would, I could not change him. The girl has since
died, and I believe it was entirely due to my chum's incon-
stancy.)

I called at the girl's home and enjoyed myself very much.
I went again when my chum had left, and I can say that I
took his girl because he really believed that she was his
girl. This girl was my first vampire and she was some
vampire. A brunette, who dressed exquisitely and always
dressed according to her surroundings. My fall occurred
one night when she was dressed in a wonderful black satin
decollette, and we were in a room furnished in red. She lit
candles and played soft music on the piano, and I kissed
her and had an orgasm. I never dared go farther be-
cause of my erotic condition. Later, mutual friends told
me that she had been engaged all the time of our tete-a-tete,
and that she was merely doing it to pique the other fellow.
They married, and when I last called at their home, they
were very happy.

More Sex and Case Histories 271

Some years before this, I had visited the home of one of
my brother's chums, and had become very friendly with his
younger brother. They had a sister about two years
younger than I to whom I paid no attention at all. I fancj'
that I was filled with X. I visited there many times, went
on long canoe trips with the brother, and I had many happy
da^'s there. Our families were well acquainted and I was
always hanging around their home when in the vicinity.
One day, when my brother's chum was at our house, he men-
tioned that B (his sister) was a beautiful little girl. /
pricked up my ears, and I decided that the next time I went
to his home I would look this girl over very critically, and
I wondered why I had not noticed her before. I went up
there very soon after the remark had been passed, and I
found her to be almost perfect. We went in bathing to-
gether, and it was not long after this that I was calling on
B and not on her brothers. We began to be sentimental
and we kissed and hugged each other for hours in the moon-
lit evenings. We went canoeing together and lunched in the
woods and loved each other with an abandon of delight.
Absolutely nothing took place except this kissing. I decided
that between Z and B, I liked B the better.

B had a peculiar habit of stroking the palm of my hand
when she became excited, and while talking this phase over
with my chum, he thought that she desired intercourse and
suggeste dthat I try it out. She was not my girl, so I did
not hesitate a particle, because if she did get cross, I had
some other girl to consider my own. I called at the house,
and sure enough she did the selfsame thing again, and while
she was sitting on my lap with her arms about my neck, and
was kissing my forehead in her best style, I let my hnad rest
on her ankle and proceeded to feel her leg. She said nothing
except wanting to know why I did that, and I told her it was
an expression of love. I had reached about halfway up her
thigh when she smacked my face and I was very angry and
left the house without saying another word. We had cor-
responded off and on during our little love affair, and when
I found that I had no girl at all, I wrote a letter of apology,
and was received again, but in a far cooler manner. I de-

272 The Art of Love

cidcd t)iat I rcallj liked her and tried to make amends, and
in a few months we were back at our old tricks, but no
feeling of her legs tooks place.

I was summoned into the M. R. C. and went to camp
Later, when on leave, I met a girl — a distant relative — ^who
stayed at the house for a fe wdays. I came to the realiza*
tion that she was a rare beauty and that she was of the type
of A. I admitted to her that we were going to have a splen-
did time together, and she seconded the suggestion.

That night, while I was asleep, I was awakened by some-
thing touching my hand, and I was startled to hear a voice
very close to my face say, "Dear, I love ou so that I am
lonesome for you." I was rather frightened for fear that
someone would liear, and I told her to go back to her room,
and til at I would come to her in a few minutes. I soon
followed her to her room. We kissed in a way I had never
experienced before. Saliva was exchanged, and we drew each
other's tongues into our mouths and had a very delightful
and needless to say, erotic time. I put my hand upon her
mons and found that she was menstruating, and I had to
content myself with her breasts. I fondled her and sucked
her nipples, until she had orgasm, and then I made her hold
my erect penis. She did more and put it in her mouth, and
performed fellatio. When I had had orgasm, I returned
to my bed and tried to sleep.

The next four days were filled with the same experiences,
only increased a hundred-fold. I had her strip naked, and
although she wanted me to do the same, I refused, but she
was always ready for fellatio and was never satisfied. She
swore that she loved me and only me, and after she went
home, I received many letters, sometimes two a day, in which
she swore her love and aff^ection. While at the house, she
made it her business to tell her friends that she loved me,
and made herself very foolish all the way round.

I masturbated continually after this and always had her
nates as my image. I went to camp and stopped mastur-
bating for a period of six weeks and was feeling splendid,
when one of my men brought out a collection of French
photographs, which started me off on my erotic journey, I

More Sex and Case Histories S73

began to masturbate in the confines of my little office. (I
had been appointed librarian of the camp.)

I made the acquaintanceship of a delightful lad from
across the continent, and I told him about my affairs with
my cousin', and he suggested that I go and see her at her
home. I went to see her and my reception was tremendous.
We were left alone for one whole day and we spent the day
stark naked. We did not have intercourse, because I felt
that we might get into serious trouble, and I had made up
my mind that I would not marry her, and if I went to France
and left an offspring to be born in my absence, trouble
surely would come. So I controlled myself, and she tired
me out performing fellatio while I titillated her clitoris.

On my return to camp I was worse off than before. My
chum said that I had better cut the whole thing short, be-
cause he felt that she was absolutely sincere, and I did too.
So I wrote her to cut out the soft stuff, and that I was
through with her. She wrote agonizing letters to me which
remained unasnewered, and she even journeyed the two hun-
dred miles from her home to the camp to see me. My captain
had ben posted, and he told her that I was not at the camp
any longer, although the facts of the case were that I was
holding a class in English literature in the next room to his
office at the same time.

I was transferred with a promotion to another city, and
the affairs of my work absorbed all my attention, and I
ceased masturbating for the time being.

While waiting for my discharge at a camp near B's home,
I visited a nearby town, and during my visit, I talked with
her eldest brother over the 'phone. He suggested that I
write to her and tell her about myself, and that she would
be pleased to hear from me. I wrote tat night, and I called
the next day. Our acquaintanceship was entirely different,
and her mother told me that she had been true to me all the
time. We had many heart-to-heart talks after this, and wc
came to the realization that we truly loved each other, and
we have since spent happy hours together and loved in the
old-fashioned way but sincerely, although intercourse has
not been attempted.

874 The Art of Lme

Just preceding my departure for the Army, Y heard the
news and culled me on the telephone at the hospital, asking
me if I would call before leaving. I did and we had a long
talk, but we decided that we were not meant for each other,
and we parted very good friends. Since then she has written
mc four times, and I have answered all tliese letters.

This is my sex history. I have masturbated continually
from the time that I was about thirteen years old. I have
always been secretive, but not fro mfear. My readings of
the sex literature, which have covered four languages, had
led me to believe that masturbation was very debilitating to
the individual, but I have found that I am of normal weight
for my height, and that I am as physically perfect as can
possibly bo. I have a slight myopia, but glasses give me
SO/20 vision.

The psychology of myself I have tried to read, but I fail.
Tliese are facts. A woman's nates are always before me
when I masturbate. I have taken a large clinic in a great
city hospital where I have charge of the mercury inunctions
of perhaps two hundred women a week. The nates that I
massage are not erotic to me, but when I see these women
lift their clothes to expose themselves and place themselves
in position for the inunction, I am affected.

I have neglecaed to say one thing. Wlien I am saying
good-bye to B, I have a peculiar position which I hold her
in. When I kiss her I have my arms about her waist, so
that her mons is placed against my symphysis. I press her
firmly to me and she kisses me. Then she becomes almost
limp in my grasp and I carry her to the soft, kiss her good-
night and leave her immediately. It has grown to be a habit
and she seems to expect it. Although I realize that her
clitoris is being excited by this manoeuvre and I further feel
that she has an orgasm, I do not believe that she knows
that such is the case, and I did not, until I was discussing
this history with an eminent sexologist who explained the
affair to me.

I expect to marry this girl in the very near future, and
I believe when married, all my erotic temptations for others

More Sex and Cane Histories 275

will cease to exist, and I further feel, that although I have
had this tremendous history, I go to her absolutely clean
in heart, and that I will make a loving and appreciative
husband.

Promiscuity has never been indulged in, because my good
sense tells me that it is all wrong, and I can relieve myself
in exactly the same way without running the risk of injur-
ing myself in so doing. Although I have this auto-erotic
habit, I find that by expert analysis my seminal secretion is
perfectly virile. This analysis was performed by the pro-
fessor of microscopy in my college, and he is a man whose
word can be relied upon.

I also neglected to say what had become of X.. Two
years later I found that she had had a stillborn child. Still
later the second of my namesakes was bom. We have often
been together since then, and she is perfectly happy, and I
guess it was for the best.

Case 520. Sex, male; age, 27; hair, dark brown; eyes,
dark hazel.

I am in good health, have little sickness — nothing but
measles, chicken-pox, whooping cough, while quite young,
tonsilitis rather frequently until several years ago, and
mumps wit!) mild orchitis on the left side this past Decem-
ber. I am inclined to be nervous and worry about my
health and affairs. (I believe that I use suggestion to my
detriment rather than my benefit.)

Motlier and father both inclined to be ner\'0us, no rheu-
matism or tuberculosis, and little or no sickness. They
doctored themselves considerably, magnified little ailments,
and worried. Their use of suggestion in my raising is, I
believe, responsible for my use of it, in that tey were con-
tinually impressing upon me the idea that I must be very
careful of myself, thus keeping approaching sickness always
in front of me.

My early sex impulsees are not very clear in my mind.
However, I will attempt to recall and arrange them.

1. My mother told me not to play with my enis — (this
when I was quite young — S — I do not recall that I was play-

876 The Art of Love

ing with it or that I had a desire to play with it, only that
she conveyed the idea that it was very wrong and I am cer-
tain that if I had been handling myself I stopped).

8. Had desirable sensations from sitting astraddle objects
and leaning forward — 4« — thoughts, if I recall correctly,
were usually cruel.

3. Was attracted to girls — though without being con-
scious of the attraction or reason — quite bashful, especially
with certain few girls that I liked best.

4. Was taught the act of masturbation quite young. And
at the same time to endeavor to use the anus of other boys,
(I disliked to have my anus used.) My early attempts at
masturbation were ratlier quickly replaced by day dreaming*
While feeling that this was bad and hiding it, yet I do not
recall worrying over the effects of it nor thinking it any-
where near so bad as intercourse with a girl.

6. Day dreaming has occupied the largest part of my
sex life. I pictured both myself and others with girls that
I both knew and did not know. I never arrived at an or-
gasm, nor endeavored to by masturbation (with one excep-
tion, which I will treat later), but continually excited myself
by these pictures. Both tenderness and cruelty were mani-
fested, though there was usually but little thought or em-
phasis on this phase of the union. Somewhere in the earlier
day dream period I began to mechanically excite myself by
pouring water on the glans penis while bathing and on one
occasion followed this with masturbation of the more usual
type, obtaining an emission and orgasm. The sensations
were so powerful that they scared me and I endeavored to
withhold the semen. I felt weak from the excitement, swore
to myself, "never again," and for more than seven years
— (13-20) — kept the faith. I was conscious of a feeling of
wrong both mentally and physically from this act, Un-
wisely, I suppose, I did not fight harder against the day
dreams. I remember pushing them back time after time,
only to welcome them later. I believe that this confinual
desire with no outlet led to an increase in my nervousness —
it wyas during this period that I became conscious of my
heart's beating at times, that its rate increased with thinking

More Sex and Case Histories 277

about it and with attacks of indigestion, and that I began to
suffer from frequent indigestion.

6. I began to associate more intimately with girls at about
my eighteenth year, having no intercourse but loving and
in that way further stimulating desire.

I have always refrained from promiscuous intercourse for
several reasons, although the desire for it has been and still
is enormous. The reasons are:

1. A Sunday School teaclier impressed upon me that if
I wanted a good clean wife that she would want a good clean
husband and that I should be both willing and able to give
her what I expected from her.

2. I did not want to ruin an innocent girl.

3. I did not wish to feel forced to marry a girl who was
willing to take a chance.

4. I did not wish to get a venereal disease.

I have always had a feeling of respect and desire for
matrimony ; have always kept a little mental home for the
one woman, and contemplated marrying her with much hope
and pleasure.

At about tlie age of twenty I met a girl of about seven-
teen and became very strongly attached to her. Her atti-
tude towards me, as I sensed it, was rather indifferent. I
doubled my efforts to win her and though disheartened occa-
sionally by the persistence of my rivals, I finally won her.

The following is a short synopsis :

Met her.

Called.

First kiss.

First proposal within five months ; she neither accepted
not refused me, and I continued to propose at irregular in-
tervals.

Finally accepted with parents' consent.

We were in the habit of going up the Penobscot River
canoeing and as the evening approached and it became dusk
we would spoon. Sometimes in June, something happened
thiit was unusual. In the canoe we used a lot of pillows
and would sit or rather recline almost to laying down beside
each other. On this occasion while spooning something led

278 The Art of Love

me to raise myself and lean over her and as I did so she
spread her legs apart so that we were practically together
but for her clothes and mine. We were both upset about
it and I immediately paddled down the river, put the canoe
up and took the young lady home. From that time we had
sex to fight good and proper. In August a worse thing
happened. We had for some time purposely avoided the
river, but on this occasion I explored her genitals and in-
serted my penis, immediately withdrawing it, and as on the
other evening of weakness, prayed her forgiveness, entreated
her to marry me and felt miserable. There was absolutely
no resistance, and though no pain, and probably consider-
able excitement, no pleasure or desire manifest on her part.
This I can only recall through later happenings since I was
too much under te influence of my feelings to do more
than stop the proceedings. At first she believed that the
mere entrance was all that was necessary to conceive and
expressed a desire to end it all. She had since told me that
she decided to marry me or no one then. To continue the
confession, we fought, failing every once in a while until she
did marry me the following June. We have one child, a
beautiful healthy boy.

Now there are some matters about our union which we
need advice and help and for which we will be more thankful
than for an^'thing else in the world.

My wife evidences no sex feelings or desires. She has never
had an orgasm either during intercourse or upon my at-
tempts to excite her by manipulating her genitals or breasts,
and never a desire for intercourse, rather the opposite. She
objects to having her breasts touched and I am not positive
that her clitoris is developed and responsive as I infer it
should be, if for her desire is increased by handling these
organs and if with that increase of desire her clitoris should
enlarge, then she doees not respond normally, for this does
not happen, or at least has not happened to an extent that
I could recognize. She is growing more and more to dislike
intercourse and even on the occasions on which she submits
herself I feel like a beast to treat her so, not that there is
pain, but her attitude towards it is such that it make me

More Sex and Case Histories 879

condemn myself. I endeavor to excite her, but with little
success. She complains that her breasts are sore the next
day if I play with them ever so gently; further I have not
been able to locate her clitoris and her genitals are not
responsive in feeling or an other way except precoital flow.
I am very much attracted towards my wife and our inability
to enjoy this privilege is very disturbing and worrying. She
is willing to try most anything and wishes she could enjoy
and respond to my advances, but so far has not been able.
I have been practicing masturbation to some extnet and she
has aided me in this direction, but it is hardly satisfactory
to me as a permanent arrangement.

I hoped when enlisting in the army, during the late war,
that when I returned the absence might have changed things.
However, upon my discharge I found no improvement.

The following is an attempt upon my part to explain our
conduct.

My wife, I believe, is perfectly normal physically, but will
not and has not let herself go for several reasons :

I. Fear of having children — caused by the shock of the
thought that she would have a child unmarried (in the canoe
on the river), aided by the feeling after marriage that we
could not afford to have a family. (I work for the U. S.
Government, on a moderate salary.)

II. Over modesty. She seems always conscious of her
body, avoiding me seeing her naked or with her breasts or
genitals uncovered.

I believe that I am normal, but that I have been careless
through ignorance. I expected on my honeymoon that my
wife would enjoy intercourse as much or more than I would.
I expected to get more pleasure even from her enjoyment
than from my own. When I found she didn't have the feel-
ing I anticipated, I was disappointed and unable to help her
since I attempted to prolong the act but without good re-
sults. I want to apologize for giving all my attention to my
own needs and desires in these pages, but since my wife has
agreed to submit her history I thought it best to let her tell it.

Case 521. Sex, female. Age, 24. Brown hair. Dark
hazel eyes.

S80 The Art of Lme

I am in good health and have been all my life. I have had
whooping cough, measles, chicken-pox, mumps, and tonsilitis.
My mother has had good health except for liieumatism. My
father was a healthy man so far as I know. He killed him-
self when he was 65.

I had no sex training whatever and was not interested in
the talk at school among girls — ^would much rather play
games, boys' games preferred. I rode horseback consid-
erably until eighteen. I never masturbated and did not know
there was such a thing till I was married. On one occasion
while taking a bath I let the water run between ray legs. I
don't remember any pleasant sensation, at least I only did it
the one time and thought no more about it.

I have never day dreamed. Pictures and literature have
never affected me. When a child I always read boys' books.

When six years old a playmate told me where babies came
from — this caused no sensation, curiosity or thought.

When nine years old I saw two dogs incoitu — an older
bo standing near me asked how I would like him to do that to
me. I told him, not at all. I had no sensations nor any
disturbance in my regard to the boys' friendship.

When ten years old I went out into the country to visit
an old man and his wife. This man was a friend of the
family and I had a casual liking or him. The first after-
noon at his home he tried to put his hand under my dress,
at which I became frightened and cried. He had me prom-
ise never to tell anyone about it. From then on I was afraid
of him and stayed with his wife all I could, going home as
soon as I could. I was always afraid of him after that ex-
perience and whenever he would come to our house I would
make some excuse to leave.

My mensees began when I was thirteen and it scared me.
I had heard that this started the day you were fourteen
and that if it started sooner you would die. I expected that
my mother would at this time tell me everything I should
know, but I was away from home, visiting at the time they
started, and my mother not being with me I never learned
anything at this time and my mother has never told me
anything whatever about myself.

More Sex and Case Histories S81

When about five years old an insect bit me on one of my
breasts and some older girls teasing me about it embarrassed
me very much. A girl in school with me had large breasts
and another girl told me that they were large because she
played with them. Large breasts have always been very
disgusting to me, so also is any display of them. At thir-
teen when my breasts began to get a little larger I pinned
a towel around myself. However, I did not continue this
long as I never got very large.

When fifteen I was operated upon for appendicitis. I
had known the doctor for some time and was very fond of
liim. He was very aff^ectionate with all the girls and though
I never liked to kiss or be kissed I did not mind his kissing
me. The last time he came to see me he put his hand under
the cover, rubbed my knees, and wanted to know if the
muscles were sore. I was excited and did not think that he
should do this, but I did not say anything.

I met my husband and at the time did not like him espe-
ciall3\ He came to see me right often and I began to like
him better than I had ever liked anyone else, chiefly because
unlike other boys he did not attempt to kiss me or talk
about love. After we had known each other for awhile he
proposed that I marry him, but I didn't accept, for I didn't
think I loved him well enough. My mother thought he was
such a nice fellow and would let me go places with him that
she wouldn't let me go with others, one of which was canoe-
ing. I had never been allowed to go canoeing before and I
was very fond of it. Soon we began to stay up the river
and spoon in the evenings, then one night we laid on top of
me for a minute or so. As soon as we realized what we
were doing we went back and did not go up the river again
for some time. I was very much ashamed of my conduct and
did not have the same respect I formerly had for my future
husband. Finally we went up the river again and on one
occasion I became very much excited and did not realize
what we were doing — he put his penis into my vagina, with-
drawing it immediately. I did not know but what we had
already done enough to make me pregnant and I was very
scared and wished to jump into the river. He told me that

«82 The Art of Lave

what we had done was no sufficient for me to conceive.
However, before reaching home I made up my mind that I
would marrj him or no one. I felt very guilty and did not
care to meet anyone I knew. We continued to go up the
river about twice a week and most every time we did this,
though I do not understand why I allowed it, as I never
had an orgasm and my only pleasure consisted of being as
close to my Imsband as I could get and hugging him.

We were married (secretly) and before the canoeing sea-
son of tliat year started my husband sold the canoe in order
not to start our former practice until our marriage was
announced.

Now after being married five years, intercourse has become
repulsive, even hugging and kissing, which I know will lead
to intercourse, does not appeal to me as it used to. Most
of all I cannot bear to have my breasts touched, something
my husband seems especially fond of doing, they seem to
get sore and sensitive to the rubbing of my clothese across
the nipples. My husband attempts to excite me by playing
with my privates, but no pleasure accompanies this and there
seems to be a little gristle that sometimes hurts when rubbed
across.

My husband is very unhappy because of my attitude to-
wards sex and I am anxious to do anything in my power to
straighten things out. We would both be very thankful if
you would help us in any way.

I have always felt that it was more my fault than my
husband's that we acted as we did in the canoe up the river
and aft«r each trip I would declare that we should never
do it again.

CHAPTER Tin

BRIEY MENTION OF CASES ILLUSTRATING THE

NECESSITY OF UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE OF

THE PSYCHOLOGY AND ART OF LOVE

A knowledge of the art of love is necessary to insure that
men and women of good minds and high aims keep moral
and happ, monogamous and healthy. Married people must
have a knowledge of themselves and of each other, and such
confidence in each other that they can be free with each
other, act out their real selves and express themselves trust-
fully each to a sympathetic mate. I will cite Case 318 in
this book where for many years there were serious difficul-
ties ; also Cases 500 and 505, where there were no serious
difficulties. Those who have read my other books will re-
member many cases there illustrating this point.

The following brief excerpts may help to a fuller under-
standing of tliis matter:

A college woman and a professional man had been mar-
ried six years and had two children. They were the best
of upright Christian people. Neither knew anything about
sex and both were too ashamed to talk these things over
with each other or with anyone else. The man thought the
sex life low and degrading: he also thought loss of semen
very injurious. He did not consider that the woman had
needs, and knew nothing of how to conduct intercourse.
Neither did she. Their relations were very infrequent and
no preparations were made. After a year or two she began
to be nen'ous and wakeful, and hysterical after intercourse,
and finally began to have conscious desire. She realized
that sometliing was wrong and obt-ained through a friend
some recent sex literature which she read.

She readily saw what was amiss, and began to create delay

283

S84 The Art of Lme

in intercourse and do her part as best she could, and in this
way obtained orgasms occasionally and improved greatly in
health; yet she continued to suiFer very much from unsatis-
fied desire. In the meantime, her husband had become very
nervous, but consistently maintained a policy of repression,
thinking that intercourse once in two or three weeks was
injurious. He worried constantly about health and busi-
ness. All this time he had frequent persistent erections, and
evidently had to use much will power to keep from inter-
course, whie his wife beside him had to exercise great will
power to keep from asking for it. He was so reserved and
ture on the subject not talk about it. But his wife, a very
tactful woman with great ability, almost unconsciously
modified his ideas, to some extent.

This woman is as certain as I am that their nervous afflic-
tions and increasing ill health and unhappiness were entirely
due to the fact that they had been married and turned loose
together — deeply in love., to be sure, but entirely ignorant
of what love meant to either of them after the wedding cere-
mony.

A young man marrid a young woman. He had had
plenty of instruction in the art of love, and was not afraid
to get more. She had the ordinary New England girl's fear
of sex and had developed very late. She was inclined to
look upon sexual intercourse as unnecessary and a conces-
sion to man's passion. She finally talked these matters over
with one who had investigated extensively along this line,
and she was brought to understand that conjugal love was
wholesome, moral, delightful and necessary. Even then, the
utmost tact and some time were required before she re-
sponded in any marked degree to her husband. But careful
and tactful, gentle and loving provocations finally led to sex
feelings of increasing strength and frequency, and after a
year or so she began to have occasional orgasms. These
increased in frequency until she became fully responsive dur-
ing her first pregnancy.

Older people are prone to say that sex knowledge, while
useful for the young, has no significance for the old. Their

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 285

day is past. It is too late to profit by a knowledge of the
art of love, etc., etc.

Don't be too sure about this. It is doubtless true that tlie
majority of valetudinarians, of hypochondriacs, of snap-
ping and snarling, pessimistc, sour-faced men over sixty and
the weasened, dried-up, wrinkled, doleful, dour, calamity
prophets, funereal-faced women over fifty, are the direct
consequence of a sex life brought to a premature close after
a life of improper sex living. As a rule, this condition is not
a result of sexual vices or excesses, but of repression and
maladjustment due to fear and ignorance, and resulting in
early psychic impotence. These people are not generally
hopeless, by any means, and with them the art of love works
wonderful transformations. I am thinking of four cases, or
four couples, making eight persons. One, the first case of
this kind that I remember, consulted me over twenty years
ago, and the other three within the last year. I have no
idea how many similar cases I have seen in the intervening
years ,but certainly a goodly number.

The four men were all over sixty, the four women all over
fifty-five. None of these men and women had had any knowl-
edge of the art of love. They had merely stumbled along.
Two couples had been pretty happy much of their married
lives, two couples not happy or contented. All the wives
had remained faithful. One man had, for a time during the
fourth decade, had relations with another woman, and had
repented it all his lifte afterwards. All these men had ceased
having sexual relations with their wives from one to four
years before they consulted me. All thought themselves im-
potent. The men were all semi-invalids or neurotic. Three
of the women were neurotic and one I do not know about.

I record a brief history of one couple which is very nearly
identical with the histories of the others.

The man is sixty-one. He never had intercourse before
marriage, but masturbated moderately till shortly before
that event. He was frightened in his youth by quack litera-
ture, and has always felt that masturbation injured him.
He was married at twenty-one, having no sex instruction
other than that gained on the street.

286 The Art of Love

The woman is fiftj-nine. She masturbated moderately
from early girlhood until her marriage. She was very much
ashamed of this, and thought it very injurious. She was
married to the man mentioned above at nineteen.

They had intercourse daily at first, and later three or
four times a week. Though ignorant, they soon became
fairly well adjusted. She usually had orgasms in inter-
course at tlie same time that he did. They took the sexual
life as a matter of course, and devoted little time to it.
With children came cares, worries and gradual diminution
in sex manifestations. Worry increased and nervousness
appeared, particularly in the husband's case. He consid-
ered that intercourse was bad for him as he grew older,
worrying over the supposed effects of his masturbation in
youth. Finally, they began to sleep in separate rooms
which were not adjoining, and intercourse was indulged in
less frequently. The wife missed this very much, but was
afraid it would hurt him, and was ashamed to ask him for it.
During the last two years there has been no interocurse
whatever, and during the two previous years there were but
few (usually unsuccessful) attempts.

The man is completely broken down nervously, and is in
great anxiety about business and health. The nervous con-
dition of his wife is not as serious, but her physical condi-
tion is unsatisfactory.

He was examined and encouraged to belieev that he was
not really impotent. His mind was completely freed from
worry over his fancied indiscretion. He was told never to
sleep alone another night as long as his wife lived. He was
urged to renew his acquaintance with her by going to enter-
tainments with her, reading with her, embracing and kissing
her whenever there was an opportunity, and it was suggested
that he should, with moderate frequency, go through the
preliminaries of intercourse with her. He was also told that,
if she responded to these stimuli and had strong desire, and
he was not able to perform his part, he should relieve her
manually.

She was also instructed to encourage him in every way
and attempt to stimulate him while he was stimulating her.

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 287

and to show no disappointment, if he was not at first suc-
cessful. He was given some pills, said to be aphrodisiac,
which had, in all probability, little other than mental effect.
He was assured again and again of the distinct therapeutic
value of renewed conjugal relations, and as frequently told
that his impotence was probably psychic, resulting from
care, worry and separation.

Within three weeks had had a perfect satisfactory erec-
tion, and the yhad intercourse which was completely satisfy-
ing to both. It is impossible to say whether he or his wife
was the more pleased with the result. Within two weeks this
experience was repeated. Less than a year later they have
intercourse on an average of twice a week. He desires this,
and he feels that it benefits him. His wife has an orgasm
invariably. They have both gained in weight, are cheerful
and happy, and the health of both is better than it has been
for many years.

Friends and relatives look at them iu amazement, and say,
"What has worked this wonderful transformation?" They
are still guessing, but you and I know.

One of the others, a man also sixty-one, recovered his
potency under similar treatment, and has intercourse with
his wife once in ten days. Another has desire, and is suc-
cessful once in two weeks.

The first case seen twenty years ago recovered his potency
at the age of sixty-three after the sex function had been in
disuse about three years. At first, he had intercourse about
once a week. There was gradually diminishing frequency
for the next seven years, when he became really, physiologi-
cally impotent, and well reconciled to it.

Another type of case must not be forgotten in this con-
nection. I refer to the not rare anomaly of a woman who
imagines herself to be entirely cold, or to the woman of
similar type who, knowing what sex desire is, and experi-
encing it at times, is unable to have an orgasm in the
ordinary way, but may experience one if her husband stimu-
lates her clitoris sufficiently.

A woman who had been married fifteen years and who
had had four children consulted me on account of distress-

888 The Art of Lme

ing conditions in her family life. Appropriate questions
revealed tlic following story. She had had many illnesses
during and since her girlhood. She never had experienced
any erotic feelings either before or after her marriage. She
had been taught to regard sex as something never to be
tliought of and not to be mentioned above a whisper. She
loved her husband and had never loved anyon eelse. He
loved her and had been faithful; but soon after marriage
he began to show disappointment because of her failure to
respond to him sexually. He knew little or nothing about
preliminaries, but felt that she ought to enjoy intercourse.
He prolonged the act, or repeated it, hoping to awaken her
interest, but all to no avail. As time went on, the act, at
first slightly disagreeable, became actually repulsive to her,
though she endeavored to conceal from him the state of her
feelings. His disap{)ointment increased, and he became taci-
turn and less affectionate, and finally fault-finding and
over-critical. She began to realize that she was not like the
ordinary woman, and wished that it was possible for her to
enjoy his embraces, and she was in a state of constant
perturbation, fearing that he would cease to love her. She
had no realization that her sex stan^ation, or failure of
Rox-cultivation had anything to do with her own continued
ill-health.

It was necessary to show this woman that, in order to
be happy in her married life, and to retain her husband's
affections, she must change entirely her original point of
view, and devote study and thought to the physical side
of love. Of course this was difficult for a person of her
bringing up; but she tried faithfully, and finally accom-
plished much in this direction.

I discussed both with her and her husband the various
details of the art of love, and urged the stud of this subject
as a recognized part of their daily life. After three or four
talks, her fear and reserve were largely overcome, and they
were left to work these matters out for themselves.

A^Tien next I saw her, nearly a year later, I was surprised
at her improved appearance. On inquiry I learned that
there had been a great improvement in lier home conditions.

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 289

Her husband was now very affectionate and delighted with
lier. She had learned that she was not different from other
women, but that, bj gentle preliminaries, she was soon led
into a highly erotic state. The development had been
gradual; and up to that time she had not been able to ex-
j^erience the orgasm in the nonnal way in intercourse; but
her husband was able to produce this readily with his finger
on the clitoris. They were approaching nearer and nearer
to the climax in intercourse, and they felt certain of com-
plete success in the near future.*

I was consulted incidentally by an educated married
woman who had been happily married ten years and who
had a fine family of children. It seems that, though she
and her husband got on well together, she had some qualms
as to her part in the conduct of the marriage relation. At
the time of marriage her husband had understood fairly well
the art of love as to preliminaries, and could delay the
occurrence of his own orgasm a reasonable length of time.
He understood that his wife should have orgasm with him
and was very desirous to have her do so. She was reserved
and self-conscious, having inhibitions as a result of the old
sex teachings, and a feeling of shame on account of occa-
sional masturbation before marriage. The husband had no
opportunity to overcome this reserve, since she did not ex-
plain these matters to him fully.

Not being successful in producing an orgasm in the natu*
ral way, he finally discovered that he could do so by titil-
lating her clitoris. This abolished all desire with her, for
the time, though he began intercourse after her orgasm had
occurred. He was anxious, naturally, that she have another

* Between the time of writing this and sending it to the publisher
I have learned from the husband the present status of this case.

Now, a little over a year from the first consultation, he resorts to
the ordinary stimulations of nipples and clitoris. This takes nearlj
half an hour. Then they have intercourse, lasting ten or fifteen minutes,
when she invariably has a natural and delightful orgasm.

He says: "We are both happy beyond expression. I was skeptical at
first; for I did not believe it possible that one who had been so long
without any sexual feeling, and to whom intercourse was so repulsive
would ever show any desire for it. The result seems to me miraculous.
We never really lived before."

«90 The Art of Love

orgasm when he did ; but she was unable to accomplish this ;
and, not wishing to disappoint him, she led him to believe
that she had a second orgasm at the time that this occurred.
This appeared to satisfy him ; and she herself had no special
desire, since she had an orgasm via clitoris nearly every time
they had intercourse.

Still, she realized that this orgasm was, in a way, arti-
ficial, and it was not completely satisfying; and she was not
entirely easy concerning the mild deception which she prac-
ticed on her husband.

I told her of various maneuvers and positions to suggest
to him, especially suggesting that he begin intercourse after
short preliminaries, before she hod orgasm, and continue to
stimulate her while continuing intercourse. I also en-
deavored to change her point of view as to matters of sex,
and had her read a good deal of what I though the best
recent literature on the subject. I had opportunity to sug-
gest changecs to him, without informing him of the little
deception which was being practiced upon him. I told him
that certain slight nervous symptoms which were apparent
In his wife might be removed if he made some changes in
preliminaries, and induced her to participate more fully and
for a longer time in intercourse.

A year later she told mc that after some skepticism and
discouragement, she finally began to have a natural orgasm
in intercourse. This was yet of short duration, and some
times incomplete ; but it was becoming more satisfactory from
week to week. Her attitude toward the sex relation was
entirely changed and her enjoyment was greatly increased,
and slie was tremendously pleased with the results.

Asked what she considered the principal reason for her
changed condition, she replied that she thought it due prin-
cipally to her change of mental attitude. Her former
self-consciousness and resen^e had given place to a feeling
that the sex relation was nice and legitimate, and something
to be fully enjoyed.

One other case along this line revealed in some recent
correspondence, which I quote in part.

Necessit yof Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 291

Dec. 11, 19«0.
My Dear Mr. Robie :

A month ago I learned, through a professional friend, of
jour book, "Sex and Life," as the best in its field, and have
since purchased and read most of it. Like others who
read it, I presume, I am at once tempted to join your
correspondence school. . . . On a separate sheet I am there-
fore giving you, in the third person, a hypothetical" prob-
lem and asking some questions..

I am taking the liberty of enclosing a check, though T
understand how you are quite ready to give advice without
thought of it.

My wife has read quite a little of your book too, and I
rather think plans a letter to you also. Never having seen
thing like this in print before, she has had some mental
adjustments to make, to go even as far as she has in accept-
ing your conclusions ; but she feels with me that you can
help her with advice further; and I hope she does write.

Sincerely,

History

Husband, good health, college and university graduate,
no early instruction in matters of sex. Began masturba-
tion at ten or eleven ; a year or two before emission resulted.
Continued with perhaps above average frequency into col-
lege years, and less thereafter. Aggravated probably by
phimosis; circumcised at twenty-three, a few months before
marriage. Experienced the usual mental depression, due to
ignorance of cause and effect. Consulted family physician
during college days, and was assured of no injurious results.
Never had sexual intercourse until married.

Wife, apparently never any knowledge even of the possi-
bilities of masturbation ; and slight sexual desire at any
time, even during long engagement. During ten years of a
most devoted and intimate married life, has experienced
complete satisfaction through natural orgasm only once.
Relief accorded as indicated on page 862, paragraph one,

«9« The Art of Love

"Sex and Life.** (I there advised titillation of clitoris by
finger when orgasm could not be obtained in the natural
way.)

A certain reluctance to this method sometimes still exists;
and the first strong impression on reading your book seemed
to be that the more natural result by touching the cervix
mttst be obtained. Book first read during pre-menstrual
period, and practical hysteria nearly resulted for some time
one evening. Everything all right since, and point of view
and contentment normal.

Trouble over synchronizing th eorgasms has considerably
worried the husband. His difficulty is in retarding; ejacu-
lation with orgasm very prompt. Your advice on "prelim-
inaries** noted; but how indulge in these and not accelerate
husband also? Inability to satisfy wife has at times
apparently produced practically an anxiety neurosis; or,
is this psycho-sexual impotence?

What advice have you for both, particularly the husband?
Is potassium nitrate or saltpetre of any value?

Is manipulation you suggest, p. 362, permissible either in
manual or lingual fonn from ethical, physiological, and
mental points of view?

Dec. 17, 1980.
Dear Sir:

Your letter, check, and hypothetical questions at hand.
The check was unnecessary; but since you are so good, I
will try to earn it. It really does come handy, as the
youngest boy, now in college, uses some money; and I am
so swamped with correspondence and general practice, and
with trying to finish before the first of the year the book,
"The Art of Love," that I have not time to make out bills
and collect. I sliould have had the book done, but have had
to go to many places through the summer and have had
many here to see me, besides my local work. The publisher
was a little previous in announcing it, but now I think that
two or three weeks will see it done.

I think it would be well for you and your wife to read

Necessity of Universal Knoxcledge of the Art of Love 293

quite a lot along this line. She particularly needs to get
accustomed to ideas which at first seem strange.

In advising you I should probably do better to wait until
I hear from your wife, as I work somewhat in the dark.
There are probably several reasons for her inability to get a
perfect orgasm in the natural way. First, you worried for
a time, feeling incompetent, thinking that masturbation liad
proven injurious. You perhaps did not credit uncondition-
ally the perfectly true words of the physician who told you
you had not been liarmed in the least. If there are any lin-
gering doubts on that score, you should forever drop them.
I think you will find enough in my books to definitely settle
that matter. Such worries may have had some influence in
causing early orgasm.

Second, having from the first evidently the correct idea
that you should give your wife the orgasm, and failing to
do so in the natural way has gradually become a source of
worry to you; and you think of this and worry about your
fancied incompetency during the act. Any fear or worry of
any kind at such a time, is likely to cause premature ejacu-
lation, or incomplete orgasm and pleasure, or imperfect
erections of short duration, or all three.

The remedy is to drop all worry of every kind. Convince
yourself of what is undoubtedly the case, that you are per-
fectly competent. Spend a lot of time in working this out
with our wife, and enlist her full sympathy and co-opera-
tion.

Can you not, while preparing her, lying, say, with her in
our arms, one hand toying with lier nipples, the other with
her clitoris, forget our own feelings, think of your work,
or any other subject? Let your erection entirely subside if
it will, and when the time comes and she wants you, let her
help bring it back, if you cannot immediately revert to the
subject. This takes practice, but it can be done.

On the other hand, perhaps you do not have intercourse
enough, and are in a state of repression. If this is the case,
as soon as you get her moist by playing with her, insert and
have an orgasm. Then stay, and keep playing with her
nipples or clitoris or both until you have another erection,

294 The Art of Lave

or withdraw and keep stimulating her until she is excited
thoroughly. Then if you have difficulty in getting another
erection, let her help 3'ou. This will do no harm. It is
better for you to have three or four orgasms at one session
if 3'ou can get her to have one with you, then wait till you
can repeat the process, even if it is a week or two, rather
than keep at it every day, or two, or three, and not get
response from her.

If it is impossible to get response from her in the natural
way, your method, or any method similar is justifiable and
necessary, morally, physically, mentally. You speak of the
Imgual method. I do not remember that I speak of this in
^^Sex and Life," but I am mentioning this with illustrations
in the "Art of Ix)ve.** Your wife inevitably, sometime in
her girlhood, got some impression of sexual matters. She
very likely saw some sexual sight or other, and had some
sexual feeling at the time. This may have been long since
forgotten, or forced out of her mind. This might make
her crave certain things or make certain things repugnant
to her.

Look at casees 331 and 880, p. 167, "Sex and Life.*' A
further elaboration of that woman's case is this. After
they had read my first books, and he had tried all proper
forms of preparation, it was found that, while her breasts
were somewhat sensitive, she flew into a panic and lost all
her feeling as soon as he touched her clitoris. It seems she
had told him of her early auto-erotism, but had not gone
into details. They finally came to see me. He is a dis-
tinguished professor, she highly educated, wonderfully fine
people, dead in love with each other ; and yet they had almost
broken up because of not getting adjusted.

I said to her, "There is something that you have not told
or have forgotten." She said there was, and insisted on
telling me it in her husband\s presence, though he offered
to leave the room. Here is all there was to it. She had told
him of auto-erotism in a general way, but as a matter of fact
her first experience with it was when lying on a veranda on
a western ranch at four or five, and a fly crawled over her
clitoris and awoke sexual feeling, and she had an orgasm.

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 295

She afterwards allowed fliees to do this, and she never before
told anyone of it, because she felt so horribly ashamed and
humiliated about it.

I soon showed her that that was nothing to be ashamed of,
and told her that now it was off her mind she would not resist
but would love to have her husband caress her clitoris.
Within three or four days she had an orgasm, he stimulating
the clitoris until she went wild with desire, then beginning
intercourse.

These are the happiest people you ever saw. They have
intercourse sometimes twice, sometimes five or six times a
week, averaging three or four. Invariably she has a delight-
ful orgasm. They say that they never knew before what
love and marriage were. He is as happy as she ; both are in
the best of health.

I relate this, not because there may be any analogy, but
to show you people how tirvial a thing it may be that pre-
vents perfect adjustment, though you people are already
adjusted better than many couples.

Let me be hypothetical. You spoke of the lingual method.
That may mean that you have seen this maneuver, which
is general in the lower animals, or that you have heard it
mentioned, or in some way have come to think of it as desir-
able. On the other hand, your wif emay have seen something
of the kind, or she and some child of either sex may, at
five or six, or ten or twelve, have tried something of the kind.
This might make this now seem very desirable or very
repugnant.

If anything of the kind happens to be the case, it is just
as proper and natural to resort to this method as any, or
to any method whatever, as it would be to eat with chop-
sticks if one had been reared in China, in a Chinese family.

I can help you both more if your wife will write whatever
is in her mind, and her attitude toward the whole subject.

If she is shy about telling you all these things, she can
write to me, and I will reply to her; and she can show you
the letters at once, or never, as she elects. She can put
some mark on the letter, which you can write me about — ^not
sign it — ^just a written or typewritten statement. Then no

S96 The Art of Lave

one can discover the author, should it fall by accident into
other hands.

Of course it is possible that she is one of the women who
develop slowly, and lias not yet come to fuU sexual maturity.
Particularly I should like to know if your wife gets excited
up to a certain point before or during intercourse, and then
excitement dies away; or is she going along with increasing
excitement wlien you have to stop because your orgasm
occurs? In other words, would she get complete satisfaction
if you could continue long enough?

Sincerely,

W. F. ROBXK.

Dear Mr. Robie:

Your welcome answer of Dec. 17 to my letter of Dec. 11
arrived on Christmas Day, which fact I interpret as a good
omen for us and indicative of the Christian spirit of service
which permeates your work and writings.

We are following your advice and can report some prog-
ress, but as yet no comjfletely "synchronized" results. I
should like to ask how soon after one orgasm it is expected
tliat the husband should be ready completely for a second
attempt.

My dear wife and I have talked over what you say, have
read more of your book together, and are muhially working
on this problem of the most beautiful physical expression of
wedded love. It seems almost absurd for *old married folks**
like ourselves still to have this a ^'problem**; but from what
you say and from what I learn elsewhere, I guess we are in
no respect unique.

As you have suggested, my wife has gotten up her courage
to write you fully herself; and I know enough of what she
lias written to know how completely she has poured out her
soul in these two letters, and what unreserved confidence she
lias in you. Woman is indeed a "sensitive plant.'' **Para-
dise Regained" is already my new name for my wife!

There is little for me to ask or add until you have read
and answered her two letters.

Permit mc to compliment you on your ability in letter-
writing. It is rare in these days to find one who evidently

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 297^

reads as carefully and as understandinglj the letters he
receives, and then answers as fuHy,

Really, you have given a most remarkably sane, spiritual,
beautiful and natural interpretation of sexual relations in
your writings. I was interested in the favorable comment
on your '^Rational Sex Ethics," given by the Journal of the
American Medical Association.

I hope to purchase when available your forthcoming
book. You say you intend to speak in it of the lingual
suggestion. As nearly as I can recall it, I first got the idea
from a French treatise on "L*Amour," which I stumbled
onto in the philosophy seminar in colleges many years ago.

By the way, is there a progressive increase in intensity
from the manual, lingual, and normal methods of inter-
course?

jyo you endorse Freud, Brill, and Tridon among the
psycho-analysts ?

An hour with you I feel would be invaluable, but it is
impossible. I fear I have already raised questions which it
will burden you several hours to answer.

Evidently we two here have not had the right approach
physically to our problems; and worries have had a large
part in preventing the happy solution.

We thank you for every word of help so far and for more
advice to come. You have indeed the understanding heart.

Sincerely

F. S. I really believe you can help us more if I am a little
more explicit regarding both our "progress" and lack of it,
recently.

Since Christmas we have had a variety of experiences,
among them the most beautiful of our wedded life, others
disappointing, extremely.

For example, two hours' efforts New Year's eve (at the
home of a friend) failed to produce in her a climax by any
artificial method. I attributed it to a nervousness due lo
the unusual surroundings, etc.

The next day, at home, in the afternoon (Sunday), during
a second attempt on my part, my wife experienced the most
exquisite result of her life^

898 The Art of Lme

I was able to keep the finger on the clitoris while inserting,
and the result was as stated; but my erection was only
partial and inadequate, and there was no climax for me.
Tliat night, however, though I tried again, and finished
myself, I could not make it mutual.

Last night again I failed to give satisfaction, though
bringing her nearly to a climax, leaving her wanting but
unwilling for anything artificial; and we slept separately
for the first time in ^'ears. Our love is so deep in every way,
it seems as if this mutt work out.

The Wife's Letters

Dec. 28, 1920.
My Dear Dr. Robie :

My husband has asked me to write you; and after think-
ing over our whole problem in all its phases I feel that the
only way I can get any help from this wonderful opportunity
is to tell you absolutely everything (which has taken me
nearly a month to get ready to do).

From the day we were married, nearly ten years ago, my
husband has poured out on me such a wealth of deepest
love, sympath^^, and tenderness, that it seems wrong for me
to ask anythinug more.

Just a word about him, which will explain later my feel-
ings: He is a leader in the community, a man defined, cul-
tured, honorable, whose motto in life is service^ a man whose
integrity is unapproachable, a leader in business, as well as
in professional circles, of high principles, a student as well
as a man of action, and above all a leader in our church,
a man to whom our pastor often comes for advice — they are
f ist friends.

The night we were married he promised should be my
own ; and it was, all in the beauty of spiritual love, with no
mention of anything beyond, in a physical sense.

At thistime we had been separated for more than a year;
and I know now what a gift that meant from a young
man of twenty-three — to lie beside the girl he loved — tff
take her in his arms after more than a year of separation-^*

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 299

and to He quietly^ talking all night long — a man who is
strong sexually, healtliy, normal !

The second night he tried intercourse, with my consent;
but of course it was a poor attempt, and that night he began
the artificial way.

As the mnoths and years went on, though he did not do
it often, and always only because I got no feeling from the
natural wa^', the idea began to dawn on m ethat there must
be something wrong with me physically; for I never felt
even an approach to the orgasm during intercourse - -and
then that I was not a pure woman — and what was worse, that
I was dragging a pure man down with me.

I felt that it was all so terribly wrong; and yet it puzzled
me to think a man could give a woman such otherwise pure,
holy, helpful, and unselfish love ; and I knew all the time that
he would do anything on earth within his power to make me ^
happy.

This went on for some five ears; and then one night,
without the slightest warning, during a second intercourse,
soon after the first one, and without any preparation by my
husband's hands, came my one and only orgasm during
intercourse, and then, from the happiness of that moment,
I full^' expected it always to be the same; but for five 3 ears
more, never once has this occurred.

During intercourse I have no other feeling but one of
overpowering love for my husband, to whom I feel that I
am giving my whole self; and yet aftenvard, nearly always,
1 long for something more. It is very strong, and often
though I have not asked, my husband has given me relief
in the artificial way. This has led me through emotions, dur-
ing the ten j'ears, ranging from desperate longing for the
right way, the fullest expression of love, to feeling that I
have been so far from being a pure wife in my relations to
one of the finest men who ever breathed, that I have tried
my best to hill all sex instincts; and I always could, except
during the first week after menstruation, when my whole
being craved the thing which only my husband could give.
Then afterward that feeling of being morally weak came;
and how I have wanted to turn to someone for advice!

SOO The Art of Love ^

As jou can see^ I am fully awakened sexually. No woman
could help being, with the tender caressing of sucii a man ;
and yet there has seemed no way out for me except tbe one
which I have liatcd.

I cannot understand why if I could experience one org^san
during ten years, it seems so impossible to do it agaki^ I
do feel that we do not luive time enough; for without con-
traception I have but one week during the four; and of
course we cannot be doing that every night for a week — or
should we? Oh, how I wish we could woric this thing out,
now that I know the glory of being^ my husband's entirely.

Until I read your book, "Sex and Life," the things which
worried me the most was — a terror! — ^Hhich I never ex-
pressed to my lover, that I wouM have an- imbecile child froni^
this thing ! That our children were perfect, physically and
mentally, was a mircle, I thought, and only because I
prayed with desperation to be forgiven and helped before
their births,, and the fact, too, that I kept myself during my
entire pregnancies from any sex feeling, though aTRowing^
intercourse freely and willingly during the first few months^

Often, for my sake, my husband has tried intercourse the
second time, until I was sore and had to stop him, with no
response from me, though I have tried.

Now if, as you say, the preparation should be by hand^
just how far should that go? Also, we have tried so many
positions during intercourse; and finally now always I lie a
fittle toward my right side, which was the position of my only
success. No feefing at all ever starts, though many times-
my husband makes me "finish**^ first in the artificial way,
which almost always leaves me with the queerest feeling of
wanting more inside, but which is never relieved during in-
tercourse.

We have talked this all over many times, except the worry
of the artificial thing; and then my husband knew that I
worried, though I did not know that he did until he told
me, after reading your book.

It is all such a sacred thing — so beautiful, so holy — jind
it seems to me we are ready at all times for the complete
consummation ; and yet it is so elusive Wherein lies the

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 801

solving of this wonderful mystery^ following the complete
union of two souls?

I think jou hold it. Dr. Robie ; and through your courage
and understanding perhaps you can help this one more
couple, from your rich store of knowledge.

It seems almost impossible that two people could love as
we do, absolutely understanding each other through a per-
fect confldenoc in every way, lovers drawn closer each year,
on the very verge of solution, and yet unable to work it
out! Ten years on the threshold!

Will you teach us to enter?

Gratefully*

Dec. 29, 1980.

Dear Dr. Robie:

Since writing my other letter I feel that there is a little
more that I want to add. If I could only talk with you I

Probably I have worried over the relations between my
husband and myself more because I have alwasy, in my
heart, thought that no modest wife would let her husband
touch her with his hand below the waist, though it has always
achieved the greatest loving response from me. I have never
put this into a real thought, you understand, but know that
I felt it, deep down in my heart.

Why I believed this I don't know, except that we girls were
always taught how to conduct ourselves with men in general;
and that was one of my strict teachings — ^'^hands off!^

I had always supposed before, and even after, marriage
that the correct procedure was for a husband to start inter-
course, have it, and done with it, nothing more, nothing
less-

My dear little mother had told me what it was, long ago;
and that I should be allowing the intimate "liberties^ of my
husband's hands proved to me that I was a coarse woman,
instead of refined, sweet, and* pure, like my associates!

I had never allowed any man, as a girl, to kiss me, or
touch me ; and vet nou* I couldn^t resist my husband's hands
— there was such a world of love and tenderness in those
hands ! !

302 The Art of Low

Can you imagine, then, my utter astonishment when I
read your chapter on the "Art of Love,'* to see there before
my eyes in cold print, from the hands and brain of a doctor,
scientist, and specialist the advocation and advice for aU
husbands to do to all wives the very thing my husband was
doing to me, and which I was trying to resist? Like Alice
in Wonderland, my wonder grew and grew! I was simply
petrified, and read it over and over again! Was it possible
I could allow m^'self to enjoy it?

I have never come so near to hysteria in all my life, t
could scarcely control m^^self! Never did I know that so
many powerful emotions could sweep a human body and soul !
I was not coarse — ^just human and natural; and above all,
I could love my husband's love. Gt)d was in His Heaven and
all right with the world !

Before I was married I knew vaguely that men loved girls'
breasts — and intercourse — ; but anything between these
two things absolutely never entered my head; and I thought
myself a well-informed girl, whose mother had always told
her everything!

A year ago, after swimming with my husband, on a vaca-
tion trip, after returning to our room at the hotel, when I
had no idea of what he was doing or going to do, he **ki8sed''
me, as he called it, producing such a powerful orgasm that
I was frightened and asked him never to repeat it. It was
such a new idea — so strange — I dared not even think of it
again.

Of course he did as I asked until we read your book, after
which things seemed to lead up to it so naturally that I
allowed it again about three nights ago.

You don't mention it in your book. Please tell me all
about that too. It is still so new — somehow I don't under-
stand — such a strange, unfamiliar world to enter. Will you
lead me to the light?

My husband has always used such beautiful expressions
and endearing terms, with his gentleness, during all his love-
acts, that it has made it so much harder to resist!

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 308

Years ago Mother told me of a friend of hers who had
been married years and years, whose husband had never seen
her breasts. As slie implied that this was the highest type
of wifehood, you can perhaps realize what an impression it
made on my mind after marriage.

I still think Mother was right in teaching me these high
ideals before marriage. It was just that I needed you so
much soon afterward, as I need you now, to give me per-
sonal assurance and guidance in my eternal cycle, which I
have lived over and over again, of resistance, repression,
longing, yielding, — and regret!

And everywhere we have lived, so many people have told
Mother, and have told us, that ours was one of the most
ideally liappy marriages that they had ever seen ! !

Please, Dr. Robie, please!

Baldwinsville, Mass., Jan. 10, 1921.
Dear Mr. :

I have written your wife a disjoined letter, in the midst
of work, thinking, and dictating.

Yours must be brief. However, I will try to cover the
immediate essentials. I congratulate you on having a wife
who truly loves and so fully appreciates you. I also con-
gratulate ou on the great progress you have made in over-
coming the obstaclese to a perfect physical consummation of
that love.

It depends on the man how soon he can repeat. With
one the intermal may be two or three minutes, with another
fifteen minutes to half an hour. It depends a good deal on
how long you have been abstinent, how you are feeling, and
how responsive, or seductive, your wife is at the time. 1
wrote your wife regarding the lingual method; and will only
say here that if this contributes to her pleasure, by all means
use it, especiall yas a preliminary.

Manual, lingual, and natural would, so far as I can learn,
be increasingly erethic. The lingual would give more of a
personal, sensational delight, while the natural is more a
welding of delightful sensations into a final, mutual soul
communion.

304 The Art of Lave

I think j-ou are entirely right in thinking that your wife's
fonner mental attitude was the chief bar to perfect mutual-
ity. Your unfortunate experience New Year's eve was
doubtless due to attempting new methods in strange sur*
roundings; but your success next day was partially due to
her carrying over some of the excitement of tiie night before;
so that effort was not wasted, after all.

It is possible that in your present enthusiasm you are
making attempts too frequently. It may be well to have
intervals of a few days; but do not sleep separately during
these intervals. Do not expect, after your wife begina to
have natural orgasms, that the will be frequent at first.

I know Brill, and have met Freud, and heard him lecture;
'ind I endorse most of the views of both. My chief criticism
would be that Freud particularly seems not to be sufficiently
concerned about the ideal side.

I know of no physician in your section interested or versed
in tliese matters, though there are undoubtedly many such.

I am sending carbon copy of some Ms. by express, which
you can return after you and your wife have read it.

Sincerely,

Jan. 11, 1921.

Mv dear Mrs. :

Your letters, one and two, and your husband's letter
reached me today. I am dictating to Mrs. Robie all the
time I can steal from my practice; for I am determined to
finish my book, "The Art of Love,'' this week.

But I cannot bar to think of your continuing another
day or another hour, unless necessary, suffering from self-
reproach, as you have done all your married life if, through
any instrumentality of mine, it can be prevented.

You know I said somewhere in "Sex and Life" that I con-
sidered each couple whom I had helped in any way to make
their love more perfect, as the red ma nconsidered each addi-
tional scalp at his girdle. When the day comes that you and
your husband add perfect physical affiliation to your pres-
ent perfect spiritual rapport, it will be a "red letter" day
for me, as well as for you. The consciousness of having been

"Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 305

instrumental, In ever so small a degree, in bringing about
the perfect adjustment of one such ideal couple as you two
are, would amply compensate me for the years of labor I
have devoted to acquiring any small ability that I may have
of doing so.

It may be that after revealing your soul to me as you
have done, and after rereading my book and letter, you will
lose your inhibitions, give up your repressions, and under
the improved ministrations of your husband, who is so tender
and true, you will find such an evangel of peace, truts, love,
and conscious purity that even before this reaches you you
will realize that for married lovers "All roads lead to
Rome" — that any and all methods that help to make per-
fect the spiritual aspirations and physical raptures of the
loved one are legitimate, pure, and sanctified.

Would that all girls could be taught the ideals that you
were taught in adolescence, if they could have at the same
time, or when necessary, the knowledge imparted to them
that the physical love relation of husbands and wives is just
as pure as the spiritual, and that the means of its attainment
are multiform, and all proper. I do not need to argue this,
as I see that you already comprehend it. It is only a ques-
tion of your dropping as much of your early teaching as
conflicts with the perfect freedom of your husband with
your body, and your freedom with his in all the acts of love.

Your spiritual communion, already ideal, will be enhanced
wonderfully when you come to delight your eyes in each
other's physical perfections, and feel the indescribable
thrills that come from the sense of touch. It is perfectly all
right, and from health, moral, and religious standpoints
desirable that your husband should rejoice to his heart's
content in the beauty of your breasts and other charms, and
that you should enjoy to the fullest, without shame or the
slightest reprobation all his intimate caresses, regardless of
whether they are above or below the waist.

There is little to say except to confidently assert that
you are on the right track. You only need to give up abso-
lutely all your repressions, to familiarize yourself with the
facts of nature which, had you known them on the day of

306 The Art of Love

your marriage, would have kept you from the nightmare of
fear and self-reproacli which came to mar your otherwise
perfect love.

Your poor woman ! to have suffered all these years, fearing
an imbecile child as a result of the slight artificiality which,
i»ince you could not get a natural orgasm in the natural way,
probably kept you from a serious nervous breakdown !

Do you know that in early days the Catholic church urged
this act if the woman failed to get the orgasm naturally?
It was then thought that witliout orgasm a woman could not
conceive. I had a woman sent to me one time, adjudged
insane by two physicians, her condition being brought on
chiefly by worry, since she could get an orgasm only when
her husband approached her from behind. She thought this
dreadfully wrong; and so did he, for that matter; yet, as
a matter of fact, many women can get orgasm only in this
way: and it is just as legitimate as any other way. Another
woman whose husband did not understand enough of tlie
art of love to give her an orgasm was nearly insane fearing
injury to her unborn child because her desires, unsatisfied
by her husband had forced her to auto-erotic relief during
pregnancy.

"Lord, how long?"

For your encouragement, I am sending to your husband
a little of the carbon copy of the Ms. for the "Art of Love.'*
One section describes two cases, one almost identical with
yours, and the other far worse. I first saw both of these
cases a little over a year ago, and have learned since the
receipt of your husband's first letter that both are perfectly
adjusted and happy beyond words. Tacked on to that
chapter are portions of this correspondence, which I hope
you will allow to go into the book, with this letter. If my
camouflaging is not sufficient, make such changes as you and
your husband desire.

What more can I say? I think that all that is necessary
is for you to give up utterly, and be perfectly pliable under
your "husband's hands"; and when you become suflSciently
moist and sufficienth' aroused, be equally pliable and very
responsive during the act itself.

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 307

I am going to write him to be a long time about this,
and if not successful the first time, to repeat as soon after
as he is able. Do not worry for fear this will hurt him. It
will not do so. It is better, as I said in my former letter to
him, to take lots of time and repeat, and then wait a rea-
sonable time before 3'ou try again. You should repose
much confidence in him in these matters; for he already
knows a great deal about them and I shall give him all the
additional information I am able. Be sure to select your
own time and place for intercourse, so that you may feel
perfectly free, and have no fears of interruption.

As to the "kissing" experience which you mention, that
is what it really is. If you both enjoy this, it is still better
than his hands as a preliminary; and until you are able to
get a perfectly natural orgasm in intercourse adopt any of
these ways of attaining an orgasm which most appeals to
you. Do not allow yourself to become too anxious about the
perfect consummation ; and do not go without some sort of
artificial orgasm while you are waiting for the "perfect
day."

After you have become perfectly responsive in the natural
way, there will be no harm in following these other methods
now and then if they are gratifying to both of you. In the
meatime, be together, sleep together, love each other.

Don't be afraid of your husband ; tell him everything that
is in your soul. He loves you to distraction. If he calls
you "Paradise Regained'* now, when you are just beginning
to find yourself, what words will express his delight when
his every touch, kiss, and sensation are reciprocated by you.^

Please write me freely if any further questions occur to
you ; and in any event let me know of your progress.

Sincerely,

W. F. ROBIE.

P. S. I note from your letter that your successful orgasm
came when the act was prolonged, and your huband bad
repeated. Keep this in mind for the future. I trust that
before this you have given up all effort at repressing your
desires for your husband, on ethical grounds. TInnk of the
act with him! read concerning these things; and talk them

308 The Art of Love

over together before beginning intercourse. You should not
confine your intercourse to one week in the month; but if
you do elect to do this, he will probably need intercourse
nearly every night, though it is doubtful if you will get
much satisfaction after two or three attempts on two or
three consecutive days. You should allow your husband,
for the present, at least, to continue preparing you with his
hands or by other methods, until ou are near the orgasm;
and then he should keep on stimulating you if possible while
he is entering.

Try a variety of positions. I would suggest that your
husband will probably be able to prolong the act better if
you are above him, astride one leg, and with his hands on
your hips. Really, I do not think it is the position, nor the
particular manipulation, that causes the troubles in your
case, but your state of mind.

I am glad that my words led you to understand that there
was nothing coarse in our emotions, to a consciousness that
you were a pure and loving wife, that God was in His Heaven
and all was right with the world.

Instead of "resistance, repression, longing, yielding — and
regret," let your watchwords for the future be joyful acqui-
escence, naked communion of bodies as pure as your souls
are, utter abandon of self in that other self, dearer to you
than your own, erethic exaltation of the physical into a
spiritual more transcendent than anything your spirit has
yet conceived of. That were better than "fifty years of
Europe" or "a cycle of Cathay."

Dreams come true. That ideally happy marriage that
your friends have seen from the outside will, when wisdom
is complete, be perfected on the inside. Then you will endorse
the proverb, "Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all
her paths are peace."

Should any man in the future say that my book, "The
Art of Love," is wrong or impure or unjustified, I have only
to cite two such loving souls as are you and your husband,
groping for the light of perfect love, and he must be utterly
confounded,

W. F. R.

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 809

Efficiency and Sex

This subject was suggested by a talk with a man who,
though lacking definite symptoms, was not physically robust.
His nerves were somewhat shattered; a ten-mile walk would
use hini up for a week. He was generally below par.

Later in the day, sitting at my desk, there flitted
through my mind pictures of ten men similarly circum-
stanced. These men have been met recently and came to
mind instantly, but there are very many more who have
come within my narrow horizon, who would answer their
description.

Now let us see what we know about these men and see
if this knowledge helps us in any way to discover the cause
of their mental and physical ill health and lack of efficiency.
First, these men are mostly brain workers. One is a doctor
of medicine, one a doctor of divinity, one a college presi-
dent, one a Ph. D., one in big business, one an engineer, etc.
All these men are conscientious in the extreme. They have
tried to order their lives with the deliberate purpose to sacri-
fice every thing which did not conduce to mental efficiency
and productiveness. They have all rightly argued that lives
based on sound moral purpose were necessary for their high
aims, and they have lived such lives; yet they have all par-
tially failed to achieve the goals they desired. Rather, they
did fail, up to a certain time, like many others whose
careers I could sketch.

Why this failure? Let us look into their home lives,
their domestic situations for a reason. To do this we must
also investigate the lives of the wives of these men. It is a
fact that these women, like their husbands, have all, up to
a certain time, also come far short of the ideals and accom-
plishments which the had set for themselves. All these
women have been in some degree neurotic. Some have had
infatuations, more or less serious, for other men than theilr
husbands. Some have become almost fanatical in their pur-
suit of some fool propaganda or reform.

To briefly summarize the daily lives of these couples from

SIO The Art of Love

the wealth of detail which I have in my possession is no
small task, but I shall attempt to do this, leaving out all but
the parts necessary to illustrate the points I have in mind.
To begin with, all these men and women were moral people
of high ideals. They all married for love. Their marriages
were what I should call ideal, in that their attractions were
predominanth' based on personal worth and psychic adapta*
bility, and all were incidentally rather than predominantly
sense attractions. All these men and women were sublimely
ignorant of the force and value of sex in marriage. The
women were ignorant of a man's nature and needs, the men
were ignorant of a woman's needs and nature; and all of
them, men and women idike, believed that highest ideals,
physical health and efficiency demanded that sex relations
should be reduced to the lowest terms. They all coveted
lives of repression, thinking this necessary for physical
strength and ethical perfection. With these premises, these
couples attempted life on a super-physical plane. They had
no knowledge of the sex psychology of man or of woman,
nor did they want any, — they were above and beyond it.
Their only concern was to forget and minimize sex. The
husband's sex desires compelled some relief which was accom-
plished by hasty indulgence and self reproach for the same,
without thought of observation of the effect of this on the
wives. The young wife, often unstirred by her husband's
hasty love acts, thought him gross for having sexual desire
at all. Later, when she came to a realization that a woman
also has tormenting sex desires, she thought herself degen-
erate or unwomanly for having such desires.

Neither recognized the desirability and delight and per-
fect satisfaction of perfect mutuality in the sexual embrace;
thought both soon recognized that marriage was not what
they had expected, that something was missing, that their
love for each other, instead of growing warmer and purer
from day to da^', was growing cooler and grosser. Since
marriage was not what had been expected, efforts on both
sides were redoubled to develop individuality, and to pursue
outside interests. My reasons for meeting these people were
that husband or wife or both had become neurotic, or had

Necessity of Universal Knowledge of the Art of Love 311

become estranged from each other, or had become infatuated
outside the home.

As a rule, at the time they came to me, their sexual rela-
tions had been reduced from infrequency to once or twice
a month, or even once in two or three months, five, ten or
twenty years after marriage. In discussing their sex lives,
several of these couples told me that they had been informed,
or had read that once a month was as often as intercourse
was permissible for married people. They were horrified
and sometimes disgusted when I told them, as I sometimes
bluntly did, that once a day would be better in their case,
provided the act was perfectly mutual.

These people had often become acrimonious in their con-'
versations with each other. They often occupied separate
apartments. They lived their own separate lives. This is
hard enough and unphysiological enough for single people,
but for married people who love each other to start with
it is well night impossible, and always disastrous. Quarrels,
neurosis, fanaticisms, fads, physical weakness and infatua-
tion, if not infidelity, have always, one or all, been present
in both parties, with a marriage conducted along the lines
above described. Well, you say, this might have occurred
any way — granted — and you also say, when I state that I
have known hundreds of homes where perfect sexual affilia-
tion was coincident with health, high attainment and hap-
piness, that there might have been these without the sexual
affiliation. Granted also, though I, in a quarter of a century
of study of homes, have never yet seen an illustration. But
what have you to say when I state from definite observation,
susceptible of incontrovertible proof, that the men and
women alluded to, and scores who were observed before them,
when ready to follow advice and when they were ready for
advice before their diseases had become mental or seriously
organic, have invariably, by merely studying and loving and
satisf3nng each other and themselves, by recognizing and
using their sex attributes, thus obtaining the emotional life
and the soul companionship which go with this use, become
stronger, more efficient, have forgotten infatuations, have
given up divorce proceedings, have become happy, have been

518 The Art of Lme

able to accomplish more in a year of natural living than in
years of former unphysiological struggle, have, in short,
become like the perfectly affiliated couples whom I have men*
tioned, and whom everyone has noted?

Does not this show that sex deprivation and its inevitable
results make for weakness and inefficiency? We already
know that proper sex adjustment makes for efficiency. It
is just as logical to say that a strong man or woman can be
as efficient on a starvation diet as on a proper amount of
food as to say that a normal man or woman can be as well
and efficient in absolute continence, or suffering from sex
deprivation, as when in proper marital adjustment. Logic
will not convince, but facts must be admitted for what they
are worth.

CHAPTER IZ

ARTICLE ON SEX EDUCATION AND VENEREAL
DISEASE, "MENTAL HYGIENE," OCT., '«0.

Just as I am finishing this book, near the close of 19S0,
my attention is arrested by "A Consensus of Medical Opinion
upon Questions Relating at Sex Education and Venereal
Disease Crampaigns," "Mental Hygiene," Oct., 1920.

The committee who have prepared this report say rightly
that it should be consulted for all programs on sex education,
both of the youth and adult.

My book undertakes to deal with certain phases of the
sex education of the adult; so it is impossible to ignore this
article. Furthermore, I agree that this article should always
be consulted as the most valuable document ever published,
looking to the establishment of sane and moral ideas for the
individual and destined to lead to more correct and healthful
sex relations.

I have little space in which to discuss this article; and a
proper discussion would require a volume larger than this
one. It is my belief that the Government should publish thitf
and distribute it to all physicians and other scientific men
in this country. During and since the war, under the gov-
ernmental program, the country has been flooded, at tremen-
dous expense, still very wisely, I believe, with all sorts of
information concerning the prophylaxis and treatment of
venereal diseases, warnings against promiscuity, and exhor-
tations to continence; but up to date, although it is dis-
tinctly set out as a part of the government program, there
has not been, to my knowledge, much that is worth while
in the way of sex education.

There has been of late recognition if the fact that we
must explain to young people where babies come from, and

313

314 The Art of Lme

that wc must teach them some anatomy and physiology of the
sex organs, (^oupled with this are warnings against venereal
disease, and the old exhortations to absolute continence for
all single people. This is about the extent of sex teaching;
some improvement, to be sure, on a system under which
venereal disease, prostitution, divorce, and infidelity grew
apace; but not a teaching that will bring a sex education
broad enough to prevent, to any great extent, these evils in
the future.

Why I associate this epoch-making article with my chap*
.ter dealing with the perversions is hereby explained. I had
saved this chapter on the perversions for the last to be writ-
ten ; and I found in this article a text for what I desired to
say on that subject, though the article itself scarcely touches
on the perversions and is in entire agreement with my own
ideas of general teaching in that subject.

While the answers of the physicians are remarkably frank
and illuminating, while also the work of the committee is
wonderfully comprehensive and of the greatest value, in a
few cases the answers of the fonner are not particularly
authoritative; and in some instances the questions and con-
clusions of the latter are seriously obfuscating.

I wish it to be plainly understood at the outstart that
anything I say is neither in a spirit of carping criticism, nor
of intolerance of an one's point of view. For, I believe,
realize more than I that much of this field is still a terra
incognita^ and that much of everyone's thinking is as yet
inevitably clouded and influenced by traditional and unsci-
entific teachings.

I merely desire, if I am able, to add a little constructive
criticism to this wonderful array of opinion (much of which
is scientifically determined fact, as I shall endeavor to show),
which must mark a point of departure for the early ameliora-
tion of our now desperate individual and social sex con-
ditions.

Whatever the present writer's limitations, it is possible
that some slight value may accrue from a cross-section made
!)y him of a little of this matter. He had no opportunity to
answer the questionary, and never saw it unitl questions and

Article on Sex Educatwn arul Vcnr.rtnl Disease S 16

answers were combined in the article referrei to, with the
conclusions of the committee; yet, yf^ars ago,^ he voiced
opinions and recorded facts almost identical with those of
the large majority of men who answered the questionary, at
a time when many of those who distinctly at^rec now with
his main conclusions would have considered hinia heretic and
an unsafe member of society.

He submits that many of these opinions which the answer-
ing doctors have expressed arc not, as the connnittee says,
merely medical opinions, but scientific facts that have been
demonstrated, similar to the facts of his own recorded
observations, which have led him to opinions and conclusions
which he has endeavored to properly label.

It is safely assumed that the large majority of those who
have answered this questionary have dealt for many years in
an open-minded way with the questions involved. Case after
case has been studied ; and fact after fact has been recorded ;
and in the end conclusions have been arrived at often diamet-
rically opposed to any opinions held to begin with.

What is this but the purest kind of inductive science? and
while the data from which the answers were derived could not
be recorded in the questionary, is it not safe to conclude that
such data ])receded these answers in the majority of cases .^
On the other hand, a few of these men must have been so
situated environmentally, or so limited temperamentally that
they were not able to deal with these particular problems
extensively. This brought out by many frank expressions
of doubt in the answers given.

Again, it is legitimately assumed that there were few,
like the mass of the profession and the public, so impreg-
nated with the traditional attitude toward sex, that, like the
strictly anti-Freudians, it was pre-deteriTiined that they
should refuse to see and to believe what they saw. This
seems evident from occasional dogmatic contradictions of
what the large majority affirm.

I^et us see if there are any grounds for these assumptions.

1 T refer to "Rational Sex Kthics," the ideas of which were used
verbally as early as 190^, were written out in 1907-08, and published
in 1916.

816 The Art of Love

Will any medical psychologist or any man who has investi-
gated these questions believe for a moment that such men as
Brill, Brown, Frink, Jelliffe, Jones, Myerson, White, Cabot,
Khrenfest, Swinbourne, have merely expressed an opinion?
However that may be the present writer will give his own
logic.

He happens to have met some of these men and to have
read the books, or otherwise known of the woric of all of
them. He cannot fail to know that they are broad-gauge
men, eminent physicians, and that they have had abundant
opportunities to study these questions. That they have done
so with open minds is apparent. There is something almost
uncanny in the similarity of the results which they have
arrived at independently.

Many others have answered the questionary in ahnost
identical tenor with those named, and it is only the writer's
isolation which prevents him placing them in the same cate-
gory (where they undoubtedly belong) with those named.

It is unthinkable and against all precedent that any of
these men should have, offhand and without good evidence,
stated opinions of conclusions independently which are
almost invariably antithetical to that public conscience which
controlled us all twent^^-five years ago, especially when such a
stigma was attached and is at present in a measure attached
to any liberal view of sex matters.

It is perfectly natural that those least concerned with
this subject should not have arrived at definite conclusions.
They generally say so frankly, and it is no discredit to
them.

It is also inevitable that any minority who have never
been sufficiently impressed with the gravity of these matters
to look for evidence or to weigh evidence should express the
identical views that were expressed by Acton, Howe, and
others of the older writers, who worked in the shadow of
tradition. Neither is this any discredit up to date; but the
time has now come when no physician can drop the subject
of sex like a hot coal and wash his hands of the matter
entirely.

It is not so hard to arrive at an estimate of the value

Article on Sex Education and Venereal Disease 817

of answers in some cases. Let us first quote a few of the
questions: Question 2 is: "Should the anatomy and physi-
ology of the individual's own sex organs be taught — if
so should the instruction aim to give details, or to include
only such facts as come directly within the individual's expe-
rience — erection and ejaculation in men, menstruation in
women ?"

4. "Should the details of ovulation, impregnation, and the
development of the embryo be taught, or should instruction
be limited to the external manifestations of pregnancy and
to personal hygiene?"

6. "How frequent, in your experience, are cases of mal-
adjustment in marriage relations the cause of the husband's
ignorance of sexual processes in woman?"

16. "How frequent are cases of mental disturbance result-
ing from sexual abstinence?"

17. "Do 3'ou consider that absolute continence is always
to be insisted upon, or may it be taught that under certain
conditions intercourse in the unmarried is harmless or bene-
ficial?"

19. "What conditions do you consider most essential for
proper sexual adjustment in marriage?"

25. "What instruction do you advise concerning mastur-
bation? Should it be the same for children and adults? For
both sexes?"

Now, when one answers, under question 2, "No. See no
reason for teaching sex anatomy more than that of heart or
stomach. Do not believe sex should be featured," and under
question 4: "Both might do harm," and again under ques-
tion 6: "Rarely and only in psychopaths," one is prepared
to predicate beforehand his answer to question 19, which is:
"Ardent love and a certain amount of ignorance." But why,
after the answers to 2 and 4, does he answer 28, which is in
efl^ect, "What plan of (sex) instruction would you recom-
mend (for children)?" "Carefully selected doctors should
instruct parents, and parents should instruct children."
What intelligent instruction could be given after excluding
2 and 4? If these answers were not redeemed somewhat by
tlie answer to 25 : "Yes, Yes. Should be told of foolishness

818 The Art of Love

but not subjected to exaggeration and romancing about
evils," which is a very sensible answer and shows a knowledge
of conditions, one would think that the doctor had been on
a desert island all his life, so far as sex was concerned; for
nothing is better known by the medical psychologist and
most other physicians than that marital maladjustments
are exceedingly common, and that one of the most frequent
causes is the husband's ignorance of sexual processes in
women.

I endorse the conclusion that some of these replies have no
better foundation than medical opinion, though it is of course
possible that some extraordinary man in some Utopian com-
munity might have collected facts on which to base them.

One further illustration along this line may be given. One
of the replies to question 17 was as follows: "There are no
hannful effects from absolute continence, as shown by the
health and general tone of the majority of the soldiers of the
A. E. F. Despite the so-called immorality of our men»
the majority who did not get drunk were continent."

Now, this doctor has no means of knowing whether a sin-
gle man beside himself was absolutely continent while in
France, unless he has conducted an investigation and received
reliable information.

To begin with, every man may have abstained from inter-
course while abroad and still not have been continent.
Again, little could be told of the effects of absolute con-
tinence unless the condition had existed for more than one
year, which was, perhaps, the average time the soldiers were
in France.

Again, there are apparently no statistics as to the relative
number of abstainers from alcoholic in the A. E. F., therefore
no way of determining as to the effect of alcohol on chfitstity
on continence in the A. E. F.

If one refers to the article, "Factors Making for Low
Venereal Record in the A. E. F.," P. M. Ashbum, Col.,
M. C, U. S. A.," "Journal of the American Medical Associ-
ation," Dec. IS, 1919, it will be found that, basing con-
clusions on unsigned answers of about fourteen thousand
men who answered a questionary, one third of these men

'Article on Sex Education and Venereal Disease 819

remained chaste, i. e., had no sexual contact in France, one-
third had intercourse very seldom, less than ten times, and
one-third much more frequently. As these were average men,
taken at random, it was argued that these same figures would
apply to the entire expeditionary force.

But the fact that one-third of the men remain free from
sexual contact with women has little bearing on the ques-
tion of whether those men were continent or not. As a mat-
ter of fact there were a certain number of homo-sexuals
among these men. I have absolutely reliable information in
that particular. I also know from the men themselves that
some who remained chaste, whether they were married or sin-
gle, masturbated, faut de mleux, or with some regularity. I
know that my book, "Rational Sex Ethics,*' was carried to
France by some medical officers and by some men, and that it
was read extensively, and that in some cases its conclusions
were adopted. I know also of one man who remained both
chaste and continent in France; but he was a married man
over forty, who had been accustomed to abstinent periods
of six months or more while at home. From my own experi-
ence in the service on this side, I am convinced that condi-
tions, which should have been better, since officers and men
were nearer home, were somewhat worse. It is doubtful if
the war demonstrated anything in particular in regard to
continence. It did show that healthy amusements diminished
desire, that warning in regard to the dangers of venereal
disease, that appeals to the chivalry of the men, and that
authoritative measures largely reduced sexual contacts.
Without doubt, many were benefitted by limiting or control-
ling their usual sexual profligacy. Many suffered, and some
were temporarily harmed by deprivation, while almost all
were benefitted by regular life and stiff training. What con-
tinence had to do with the physique or the morale of the
army in France or here is entirely problematical, for no one
has any exact idea how many were chaste, but surely no one
knows how many were continent.

Coming now to the work of the committee, while the ques-
tions brought out much valuable matter, and were, as a
whole, very plain and comprehensive, a few of them were so

320 The Art of Love

unfortunately worded that no possible answer could be given
briefly that would clearly set forth the opinions or conclu-
sions of the one who answered.

Referring to question 17, quoted above, it seems inevitable
that any answer must confound to some extent questions of
individual health, right, and conscience with questions of
social ethics and public policy.

The committee state in their conclusions, on page 846 — 6,
*'The great lesson of all the films is that absolute continence
is to be insisted upon. . . . It is taught that continence is
in no way injurious to health, and that the continent man is
equal if not superior to the incontinent. . . . While the
pliysiological justification of these teachings (neglecting
here all moral and social considerations) have always been
assumed rather than scientifically determined, they are in
line with the majority of the opinions quoted under ques-
tions 16 and 17. The various films, apparently advisedly
from the standpoint of medical opinion, do not discuss the
question of masturbation or that of sex perversions."

The committee statees that the former teaching in regard
to absolute continence was assumed, rather than scientifically
determined, but that this teaching is in line with the majority
of the answers to questions 16 and 17.

I fail to see it that way. Notwithstanding the uncertain
quality of some of the answers, as a result of the unsatis-
factory wording of the questions, the conclusions or opin-
ions of most of the doctors in regard to these questions
seem perfectly plain; and those conclusions are directly
opposite to the committee's statement. Probably no two
would interpret all these answers in exactly the same way.
My own interpretation would be that under question 16 in
group A, sixteen are confident that mental disturbances
result more or less frequently from continence, eight are
uncertain as to this, and twelve think there are no mental
disturbances from continence. In group B, twenty-one
think there are disturbances, and seven think there are not.

Under question 17, in group A, nineteen would not think
tliat absolute continence should always be insisted upon,
nine are uncertain, and nine think it should be. In group

'Article on Sex Edtication and Venereal Disease 321

B, fourteen would not insist on continence, three are uncer^
tain, and ten would insist. Both questions amount pretty
much to the same thing, and are opinions or conclusions as
to whether continence should be taught as harmless or not.
So, combining the questions, the result would really amount
to this, that thirty-seven doctors would consider continence
sometimees harmful, and forty-three would think that it ought
not always to be taught. Eight are uncertain as to the
harm, and twelve are uncertain as to the teaching; while
nineteen think that absolute continence does no harm, and
nineteen think it should be insisted upon in the unmarried.

In question 17 we get no clear idea of what is meant by
continence; and each one has to make his own interpreta-
tion. For instance, if I were asked this question, I should
look at the first part, then at the last part, and conclude
that instead of continence the committee really meant chas-
tity; and as I do not believe illicit indulgence to be war-
ranted, under any conditions, I should answer yes to the
first part, and should be in a quandary as to the second
part.

I should probably have to say that if sexual intercourse
in the unmarried were a moral procedure, i. e., if there were
no dangers of venereal disease, and neither of the parties
nor society were harmed by it, it would be generally harmless
and often beneficial; but since none of these hypothetical
assumptions can be demonstrated, the answer would be that
it is never harmless nor beneficial. Now, my real conclusion
is that harm frequently comes from continence; so why do
I insist that there shall be absolute continence before mar-
riage? I have to do this because I am compelled by the
committee's choice of terms to do so in order to avoid being
misunderstood.

What I should really wish to say would be that I should
insist on chastity (freedom from sexual intercourse) befoi
marriage; and that I should approve of moderate incon-
tinence (masturbation faut de miettx) when continence was
oppressive (vide CrabKs distinction between chastity and
continence for etymological correctness, which seems to be
in consonance with the ordinary use of the two words).

d«2 The Art of Love

On page 814, after question 25 (which has already been
quoted), the committee speaks of its "tremendous impor-
tance." The doctors' replies to the question almost unani-
mously indicate that they consider this matter of great
importance. Eighteen would instruct as to the ordinary
normality of this practice and disabuse the patient of fears
concerning it. Two would instruct only in rare cases. One
is in doubt as to what course to pursue. Four would give
instruction according to each individual case. Four con-
sider the practice not specially dangerous, but much to be
deplored, while five are unequivocal in their condemnation
of it.

Yet the committee says, as I have quoted, that from the
standpoint of medical opinion, the films do not discuss the
question of masturbation. Is this consistent.^ It is possi-
ble, however, that the committee refers to the answers to
question 18, which is as follows: "In addition to masturba-
tion, are any other perversions frequent enough to justify
popular education concerning them"? Here forty physi-
cians replied that instruction concerning perversions other
than masturbation was unwise, while twelve would favor
instruction concerning certain perversions. In a footnote
below this question the committee say: "A very large num-
ber of the physicians objected to the author's use of the
term ^perversions' in connection with masturbation. Our
use of the term is correct and carries with it no moral sig-
nificance whatsoever. We use the term ^perversions' in its
etymological sense meaning merely that the sex act was not
a hetero-sexual adjustment."

But I also should have objected to the committee's use
of the term, "pen^ersion," not only because of what the term
has come to signify to psycho-pathologists and to most other
medical men, but even (though I am no philologist) on what
they say is the correct etymological use of the term. The
word is derived from pre-versus, meaning to turn through
or thoroughly to turn, diverting entirely to other than the
proper object. If a man had fleeting doubts, one would
hardly say his religion was pers'^erted. Masturbation is
apparently as normal a manifestation in the child as is inter-

Article on Sex Education and Venereal Disease 823

course in the adult. Certainly ordinary masturbation never
leads to alienation from hetero sexual adjustments, and until
it does it is etymologically incorrect to call it a perversion.
If there is a disposition to call it other than normal, it may
be called an anomaly, a term which may likewise be applied
to many other transient deviations from what is ordinarily
considered the normal sexual process. I think that Freud
says that perverse acts are only perversions when they have
entirely repressed and supplanted the normal act; but he
himself is unfortunate in characterizing as perverse acts
those mannfestations which he himself and most of us con-
sider perfectly nonnal, under the circumstances.

Tliere is no adult human being who has not desired or per-
petrated some sexual act which is an irregularity or a devi-
ation from what is called the normal process ; yet we do
not call all men perverse. If one has an insistent demand for
such deviation, and yet has voluntary control over it, his
misfortune is called a perversity. If he has no control, and
the special practice is substituted for the nonnal act, it is
called a perversion. Masturbation may in some rare
instances become a perversion. Cunnilingus, fellatio, etc.,
often become such. Pederasty, Sadism, Masochism, etc., are
usually such.

The professional man may not attach much moral signifi-
cance to the incorrect use of this term ; but the laitv cer-
tainly do so; and it is unfortunate that the term is used so
generally outside its proper connatation. I have myself
seen numerous cases who had been attracted by, and per-
has had occasionally indulged in some slight sexual anom-
aly, made prominent by some childhood expedience, who have
suffered untold miseries, thinking that these transient aber-
rations were perversions. That is the reason, though I have
sedulously avoided the subject of perversions in all my books,
and though I agree with the committee that these matters
should not be emphasized, why I propose to discuss this
matter briefly in the following chapter.

CHAPTER Z

HOW SEX PERVERSIONS ARISE AND WHY THEY

INCREASE

Referring to the close of the previous chapter for a defini-
tion of perversions, I will ask the reader to go on with me
from that point.

Freud says that the child is polymorphous-perverse. I
deny this and claim that the child is plastic.

The salf noses around for some time; so does the baby;
and each sucks or bites a considerable portion of the
mother's anatomy, and perhaps some altogether foreign sub-
stance before one gets hold of the teat and the other the
nipple. There is no perversion in this unless they never get
the teat or the nipple. The child has no opportunity for
sexual intercourse, nor ability to perform it; but the sexual
instinct, like the hunger instinct, comes in advance of its ob-
ject and must be educated before it finds its proper object.
In the process of education of the sexual instinct, many
partial aims are temporarily attractive before the normal
sexual object is found. Man of these temporary aims, aris-
ing from the stimulation of diverse erogenous zones, have a
perfectly normal function in adult life as preliminaries to the
normal sexual act; but whatever experience is associated with
the newly developing sex feelings is likely to cling and to be
shown a preference, just as children continue to suck their
fingers or other objects long after they eat like adults.
Freud says that the lips are the first erogenous zone; and
what was first a pleasure in sucking for nourishment becomes
transformed later into a sexual pleasure. An interest in
kissing, which is a perfectly normal and conventional sexual
manifestation, is developed in this way. Had the experi-
ence been of as frequent occurrence, and had convention so

324

How Sex Perversions Arise and Why They liner ease 326

ordained it, an almost universal desire to spank or be
spanked might have been just as normal and conventional,
so, any desires or practices out of the ordinary become a
source of humiliation to the individual who desires or prac-
tices them, and causes for reprobation by the society that
does not understand the innocent origin of these things.
Ordinarily these things do no harm unless one imposes his
or her preferences to the constant shocking of the mate's
susceptibilities, or when, as I have said, they exclude natural
consummation altogether.

Disturbances are so common concerning these matters
that, in order to make the matter quite plain, it is desirable
to illustrate; and that is my reason for publishing histories
500 and 505, and the Life Story. In the latter case, the
occasional deviations from the normal were the result of
unfavorable conditions ; but there were enough normalizing
influences so that no perversion resulted. In the other two
cases, both the boy and the girl were exposed to similar
environmental conditions which were continued so short a
time that the}" led to a rather distinct, though conquerable,
craving for the same thing. They happened to marry, and
later chanced to discover this mutual craving. The occa-
sional utilization of this method as a preliminary is no more
to be regarded as a perversion than is mutual fondling in one
case and mutual kissing in another. One other illustration
of psychic states which are often established in childhood
is that where one has built up in childhood an imaginary
defence against personal impurit by establishing imper-
sonal imaginary situations. Such a complex may persist,
in spite of all attempts at eradication. When such a state
persists, and when utilized serves as a preliminary, when
nothing else does, it should be invoked as natural, under the
circumstances, and used without shame or self-condemnation.

It used to be thought that perversions were inherent in
the make up of the individual, idiopathic, as it were, which is
undoubtedly the case in some rare instances; but the vast
majority of pen'erted individuals are made, not bom.

In order to show the manner of development, it is neces-
sary to make l)rief quotations from a case which I have

S«6 The Art of Love

observed, and tlien to give the early environment of this
unfortunate, but estimable young man.

I quote: '^^Iiysically, organically, sexually, I am a man,
with all the powers and functions of a man, but my *loves'
(sexual and otherwise) are those of a woman! Three times
in my life 1 have been madly, desperately, in love, and in
each case it was with man! I have never felt toward any
woman as I felt toward those tliree men, nor do I think it
possible. I have tried hard, asking God's blessing and help,
to 'fair for a girl, but as yet it has all been in vain. If I

knew right now that I should never again see G nor

hear from her again, it would cause me no great worry.
Neither am I lonesome for her, nor do I crave her presence;
but in the case of the three boys aforementioned I almost
died, I very nearly lost my reason, when circumstances sep-
arated us, and it was a long time before *time' healed the
wound caused by the separation.

''I would give all I possessed if I could love some woman
as I have loved these men, if I could miss her as I have
missed them, if I could crave the presence of her as I have
craved theirs. But no! it is impossible. I feel toward girls
as they feel toward each other; and I am perfectly free and
at ease and at home when with them, just as much so as if
I were one of them. But even now, after years of training,
I am sometimes uncomfortable among boys.

^'And now, as to sexual passion. This is almost always
aroused by men, almost never by women. The low necks,
the short skirts, the thin waists, the exposed parts — ^the
things which cause normal men to have evil thoughts — do not
affect me in the least; and I scarcely give them a second
thought. But to see a strong, physically perfect, well-
developed, masculine, manly man in a nude condition just
sets me on fire, that is, if I do not sit down on myself and
drive evil thoughts away. Thank God, the mind can be mas-
ter of the body and of itself! It is said that nature never
errs. I think, however, that she made a monstrosity when
she formed me, for I have the body, the organs, the features,
of a man, but the nature and passsions of a woman."

The detailed sex history of this case was given me verbally,

How Sex Perversions Arise and Why They Increase 327

and I give in my own words as much as is necessary for the
present purpose. This is a fine appearing young man of
thirty-one, liberally educated, well-developed, with sexual
organs perfectly normal. There is nothing in his ancestry to
have any bearing on the case except that his mother died in
his infancy, and he was brought up by a prudish, doting,
married relative who had no children of her own, and whose
conjugal relations were probably incomplete.

He was carefully guarded from possible contamination
from boy playmates until the age of thirteen, and had, dur-
ing that period, two girls for constant associates. He was
fastidiously dressed, kept scrupulously clean, taught house-
work, sewing, and all girls' occupations, in short, was made
a little lady. He, nevertheless, saw boys occasionally, and
talked with them enough to learn that sexual intercourse
was a part of the wedding ceremony; and he thought it a
terrible thing that children were allowed to attend weddings.
He also learned that girls had no penes, but passed urine per
rectum. He had one escapade at ten, when some older boys
took him with some other younger boys into the woods, and
while there the younger boys were taught to masturbate the
older ones. He saw that this gratified them, and had some
erotic feeling, and devoutly wished that he was old enough
to do it himself. This experience was repeated two or three
times in the next few years, there being increasing sensation
on his part each time. After the age of thirteen or four-
teen, though still carfully safe-guarded and kept mostly
with girls, he was with older boys to some extent. At four-
teen he began to masturbate for himself.

At first, these boys all masturbated daily. After a year
or two he reduced the practice to twice a week. The boys
frequently discussed masturbation, but never discussed girls
nor exhibited any interest in them. After fifteen or sixteen,
he was again almost altogether without boys' society. He
was converted and joined the church at sixteen, read that
masturbation was physically injurious, and thought it to
be very wrong and was able to abstain two months, after
which he would begin again, and before long undertake
another period of abstinence.

828 The Art of Love

Once when he was twelve, a girl of nineteen seduced him to
intercourse with her. He had little semen, but pleasurable
wensations. He thought this wrong and was terribly worried
during a later sickness of hers, fearing that he had made
her pregnant. In his early teens he fell madly in love with
a girl; but the woman who brought him up was determined
that he should never fall in love and marry; and the associ-
ation was broken up, but was resumed a year or so later.
They embraced and kissed when occasion offered, and at such
times he had erotic feelings, with her as the object. Life
was made so unbearable for him that he finally gave up the
girl. Both suffered acutely from the separation; and when
she finally married, he was still very unhappy, but after a
time became reconciled.

For some time now he kept away from girls entirely. He
controlled masturbation more and more, and as a result
l)egan to have emissions occasionally in dreams. In these
dreams he occasionally dreamt of women, but usually of
men, large, well-developed men who had a sort of vagina
beneath the penis, or a large opening in the penis.

Later, when in college, he became interested in another
girl, whom he warned against the advances of a man who
had venereal disease, and went with this girl for some time;
but this was also broken up by the foster mother.

He had strong sexual feelings on one occasion when he
put his arm about this girl.

He now gave up all hope of marriage, as he was not only
donunated and intimidated by his foster mother, but had the
greatest respect for her, and now finally determined to obey
her. He soon fell in love with a young man, a fellow stu-
dent of his own age; and, as he states in his narrative, had
three similar affairs, which were practically identical with
the colleges "crushes'* which occur among young women.
He sometimes put his arms around one or other of these com-
panions; a strong sex desire resulted; but there was never
any mutual masturbation or other sexual practices. At
times he was jealous of the attentions of others to his
friends, and was depressed after every separation. In all

How Sex Perversions Arise and Why They Increase 329

essential particulars these affairs were similar to the early
love affairs between men and women.

Without the slightest comment, this brief excerpt out
to show the inevitable development of his perversion*, which
is of a common type, and wliich originated in a common way.

The lessons to be learned are that this result was beyond
the boy's control, and he was in no way blameworthy.

The deplorable result was brought about through the false
ideas which led to his abnormal bringing up. It should be
considered a crime to bring up boys exclusively as girls, or
girls as boys. The sexes should not be segregated for any
long period, either in youth or age.

A serious menace to society is developing in this country,
especially in the larger centers. Several things make this
possible: first, the greater number of females than males;
second, many men are rendered unfit mates for many women
because of the increased culture and refinement of the
women ; third, male dependability is apparently declining, as
shown by the proneness of men to liaisons, by their venereali-
zation, by their lack of sympathy, appreciation, and affec-
tion for their women. Many women arrive at the age of
forty, starved emotionally all their lives, and with no chance
in prospect for a suitable marriage. Many women of the
same age have been starved in the emotions and shamed,
ill-treated, or abandoned. All these women are in the prime
of life; their sex instincts are normal and at their acme.
Driven by a craving for emotional sympathy, such women
frequently pair off, for economic purposes ostensibly, when
the purpose is really sexual. However abnormal such Les-
bian-like arrangements may be, it is difficult to blame these
emotionally starved women who have been cheated of love for
seeking such partial compensations as are possible. Female
propinquity and absence of right male society favor these

*I call this a perversioii. It is not a hopeless one, by any means.
He recovered to the extent of feeling great encouragement and to hav-
ing normal thoughts and feelings about women. He then became dis-
roiirfl(red again and lost these feelings; but he has practically overcome
his desire for men. Sufficient continuous suggestion, hetero- or auto->
will in time make of him a normal man with normal sex instinct.

330 The Art of Love

conditions, which rules, exhortations, and criticisms will
have little influence upon. The only immediate remedies
apparent are to encourage men in places where women are
in the minority to go where they are in the majority, or
give the corresponding advice to the women. It is necessary
that man be taught in some way more of the real psychic
nature of woman, and that he must learn to be clean, affec-
tionate, and provident. This is for his own self-interest,
land this is the only way for him to live in honor, self*
respect, and happiness. Unless he does realize his duty in
this respect, woman's loss of love-life must eventually impair
her purity and fldelity. Selfish, extravagant, profligate,
non-marrying men must be made to understand that it is a
disgraceful indictment against them for our lovable and vir-
tuous and uncqualed American womanhood to be threatened
with Amazonian bonds or Lesbian plague-spots.

CHAPTER XI

FREE-LOVE DOCTRINES DISCUSSED, DEPLORED,

and DEVITALIZED

There is nothing essentially different in the discussion
concerning the relative advantages of free-love and the pres-
ent nionoganiic marriage conventions than there was when
my chapter on free-love in "Rational Sex Ethics" was writ-
ten. Neither has my own position changed, except that
continuous study of social conditions has made me mpye
zealous than ever in support of our monogamic system, pro-
vided it is modified somewhat to suit the age, and more
strongly opposed than ever to all free-love doctrines.

This matter is taken up again here, since the increasing
clamors for the recognition of some form of free-love union
appears as a serious menace to happiness, morality, and
civilization.

This book will probably fall into the hands of some cul-
tured people who have not stopped to investigate thoroughly
or to think deeply (m this topic. There is danger that such
people will either adopt free-love ideas as a short-cut rem-
edy for the existing evils which we all admit, or, repudiating
in scorn the whole free-love movement, attempt to draw
tighter the lines of conventions which are already too dras-
tic, and thus enlarge the revolt against them.

The attempt will be made to show briefly whence these
free-love ideas came, why such propaganda is increasing,
why it is largely the work of women, what would be the
result if such ideas were in force, what is the best way to
nullify these ideas.

It may be thought that such discussion, however brief,
has no place in a book, devoted to the art of love. Whether
it has or no, the author believes it incumbent on him to call

$81

3S2 The Art of Love

attention as often and as plainly as .possible to what, in his
belief, is the falsity of these revolutionary teachings.

However, no one need fear that this topic is not germain ;
for it will appear that it is not only relevant, but exceed-
ingly apropos. In short, ignorance of the art of love is
the chief reason for all free-love propaganda. Knowledge
of the art of love is the most efficient weapon with which to
fight all such ideas.

Of great value as an exposition of social conditions in
Germany (which in this particular line are much the same
all over the world) is "The Sexual Crisis," by Grete Meisel-
Hess, published by Critic and Guide Co., N. Y., 1917. This
book was suppressed for a time, and may be yet. It is hos-
tile to our present sexual conventions, as affording the sole
means for an sort of sexual relations. I disagree with her
conclusions, which I think aj;e based on certain fallacies in
her reasoning; but in man ways the book shows the clearest
insight into the inadequacy of marriage as it is, and the
travesty on love which our present system is. She thor-
oughly dissects social conditions and gives vivid pictures of
what he calls the inadequacy of present conventions, but
what I should call the inefficient administration of them.

Her general idea is that marriage has had good reasons
for its existence, and is still the ideal life for those who can
attain a happy marriage through the process of natural
selection. Yet, she says the cost of marriage, since it
excludes so many women who must be celibates, since it
causes loss of maternal and infant life as a result of clan-
destine unions, since it makes possible prostitution, venereal
diseases, etc., is too great to have this the only legalized and
recognized form of spxual life.

Other points from the book are: marriage is at present
based on the earnings of the male; and under present eco-
nomic conditions this is insufficient; men are afraid of the
responsibility, so only the man of means may marry; and
he may be the least fit.

Women are more numerous; and since many men do not
marry at all, woman's chance of marriage is limited ; and she
must compete with her sisters for the man who will marry.

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 333

Thus the natural order of courting is reversed; natural
selection is vitiated, and inferior children result, since the
economically independent men who marry and procreat late,
in becoming independent, exhausted themselves physically or
have wasted their forces through promiscuity and venereal
disease.

Increasing differentiation in spiritual needs by those who
are seeking to mate makes selection of a mate increasingly
difficult. So, also, lessened opportunity for acquaintance-
ship, greater demands on the man, and the fact that the sex
iin}>ulse is growing relatively weaker, are all causes for
increasing celibacy.

The question, slie says, as to whether the male's appar*
ently polygamous nature and the woman's apparently
dependent characteristics are organic or the result of con-
ditions cannot be settled until there is an economic and
moral equality between the sexes.

The modern revolt is not against marriage as such, but
against the "fetters and shackles'' which it imposes on the
individual and against the fact that "reproduction and
selection depend upon this single form of sexual association."

She recognizes the waste of time and energy, and the
debih'tating effects of conscientious scruples which accom-
pany all free-love associations under our present conven-
tional systems, and would have legal concubinage or a brief,
not binding, marriage-system in universal repute.

Yet she says: "In any reform of sex relationships it is
necessary tliat the permanent association of one man with
one woman sliould be preserved, for otherwise mankind
will lose a most important acquirement. . . . Mutual inter-
course, even if permanent and intimate, does not really bring
about complete mutual understanding, for this can arise only
when the man and the woman dwell together, work together,
and administer a joint household — presupposing, of course,
that thev are also inwardlv at one. The task of the future
is to make such unions easilv attainable in an order widely
different from the profoundly unnatural and anti-selective
marriage system of the present day. . . . We regard the
social factor in marriage as an enduring human need. If

834 The Art of Love

a man and woman are to find complete mutual satisfaction in
a sexual companionship, it is necessary that they should
co-operate plainly and publicly. . . . The individual will
always strive instinctively to find a life-companion; and the
change of such companionship dictated by external circum-
stances will cause grievous suffering — . . . It is upon
enforced secrecy that the 'free' sexual union is so often ship-
wrecked ; and, precisely because of this secrecy, such an inli-
macy is a thousandfold less free than the most fettered form
of marriage. One of the first needs of a sexual order which
shall rid us of the network of lies and hypocrisies in which
our social life is now enmeshed is the frank public recogni-
tion of tliose sexual intimacies that must arise during the
development of young people and are invariably transient in
duration. The demand for a 'provisional' wife and for a
'provisional' husband, able in either case to satisfy the most
urgent needs of the earlier years of sexual maturity, but
only during those years and not later, is a demand whose
open satisfaction society must learn to admit."

But in the next chapter we find: "From the very outset
of an experimental sexual partnership the knowledge that it
may be terminated at any moment and what it is fully
exposed to the dangers of crises of sentiment introduces into
the relationship a feeling of uneasiness and instability.
Moreover, the experimental note is out of harmony with the
idea of love which, since the days of primitive man has always
striven to bind the loved ones together. . . .

"The dangers (of free unions) are very real, and the
actual study of free unions will show that these dangers are
more extensively than their advocates are apt to imagine. In
the free intimacy the partners expect from one another a
continuous stimulation, but in marriage, after a short time,
no such demand is made, and social amenities and a common
life take the place of this stimulation. . . . The man
engaged in a love intimacy is usually subject to auto-sugges-
tions to the effect that his conduct is influenced by lust.
Now to a woman it is distasteful that anyone should consider
her to be a perpetual 'temptation to sin.' The married
woman, when beloved, can enjoy all love's pleasures without

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 3S5

being regarded as a Circe from whose arms a man must
escape if he is to preserve his manhood. . . . The married
pair need not devote long and costly hours to conversation
and erotic interludes; yet they remain in the most intimate
association, gain energy from their mutual proximity, and
are able to speak to one another on any subject whenever
they like. . . . Let us have no illusions about the fact
that the free-love union is always in a condition of unstable

equilibrium, The secret lovers themselves know this all

too well, and one or the other of them, often each in turn,
trembles for the permanence of their happiness. As a con-
sequence those united in such a relationship are never com-
pletely free from mutual reserve. . . . The most intense
feeling of happiness which any individual can experience in
relationship with another, is not the consciousness of pas-
sionate love, but the sense of perfect mutual trust and of
unconditional interdependence. One kind of sexual relation-
ship alone, marriage, — and not the mere fonn of marriage —
is competent to arouse this feeling — and marriage itself can
do so only when it has persisted for a number of years. . . .
The elementary human right of individual choice is disre-
garded unless there be granted social freedom for every vari-
ety of amatory life which works no harm to the species. . . .
Why is it that after a brief enjoyment of such an intimacy
(free) the man so often surreptitiously departs? Usually
because he feels that the intimacy imposes no duties upon
him. . . . In a free intimacy he feels stressed and entrapped,
and nothing but passion will hold him. . . . If he is so for-
tunate as to overcome it, he feels no obligation to his sexual
partner and goes on his way rejoicing. ... A man may
marry from passion, but toward his wife he has usually
another feeling in reserve, a certain quiet inclination. . . .
Alread in the higher animal world we find it characteristic
for the male to care for the female. In the human species
such care is firmly grounded upon the fact that, alike phsi-
cally, morally and intellectually, the female can be injured
and destroed far more readily than the male; upon the fact
that biologically and economically women are weaker than
men; and upon the fact that woman's emotional life is far

336 The Art of Lave

more delicate and therefore far more susceptible to injury.
These are the facts that must never be forgotten amid all con-
ditions and all changes of form in the sexual life, and above
all in relation to the woman's movement, . . . Enough has
been said to show why the writer considers that there must
be a change in the entire public organization of the sexual
order before she will feel it possible to join in the paeans
which are so often sung in favor of free love,

"In our present sexual order woman is faced by the fol-
lowing possibilities: marriage, prostitution, or the bitter-
ness of solitary celibacy — the only remaining alternative
lieing a succcsssion of brief intermezzi during the years of
her youth. For the man the alternatives are: marriage, with
recourse to prostitution as a preliminary stage, or solitary
bachelorhood, with occasional recourse to prostitution so
long as the senses continue their claimant demands. . , .
Marriage as the permanent sexual association of one man
and one woman, drawn together by an intimate harmony of
phj'sical and mental qualities, and each fin {ding in the other
complete satisfaction of all desire for sexual relationship,
with father, mother, and children, living together in har-
mony, is and must remain the ideal. . . . There is no real
gain when passions which glow with elementary force in
young and healthy bodies and minds are successfully
repressed. Alike to the mental and to the physical organism
if, under the stress of these passions, men and women are
forced into the duress of the present form of marriage if the
door of the traps shuts fast on them forever. . . . Society
will have to provide for the safety and support of mother
and child. . . . It is a fact of experience that in most free
unions the woman is abandoned sooner or later. ... In the
male satiety ensues as soon as he has gained the goal of his
desire. He wishees to pass on in search of fresh sexual experi-
ences, whereas the woman who has given herself to a man
clings for this reason all the more firmly to him. . . . Not
until the necessar}^ changes have been effected in the eco-
nomic and sexual order of society will it become possible to
realize in practice the profound values attaching to the free

Free-Love Doctrinees Discussed 8S7

intimacy as contrasted with coercive marriage. If the free
intimacy were neither antisocial nor deliberately temporary,
if concubinage were a recognized status, regarded as an end
in itself, endangering no one, and therefore to be condemned
by no one, — not injurious to the career of the man, nor
threatening the honor and very existence of a woman, nor
yet involving social penalties and deprivations to possible
children — then the unshackling of sexual relationships,
would be followed by its appropriate results. . . .

"Those who are opposed to greater freedom of choice in
the sexeual life raise an objection to the effect that if such
freedom were granted, women, after devoting the best years
of their youth to a man, would commonly be abandoned.
But why should not natural selection through the survival
of the fittest have free play? . . . Must we not also recog-
nize that unduly frequent changees in the sphere of the sexual
life may impair human elasticity alike mental and bodily,
in a manner analogous to what is seen in the case of those
who change their dwelling place too frequently?. . . . Ordi-
narily the woman, with no regular occupation, feeds para-
sitically like a vampire upon the person and the time of the
man. ... It remains of the first importance that the wife
should have a cultural life of her own, no less engrossing to
her than her husband's occupation is to him. . . . It is pos-
sible that the sexual partners (in free sexual unions) would
be happily together only for a certain time. . . . Yet after
all no one can venture to expect perfect happiness, and par-
tial happiness in a sexual union is not to be rejected on the
ground that guarantees are lacking for a rare and soul-
satisfying beatitude. If we are not to pass our whole lives
wandering through the desert in pursuit of a hope that will
perhaps remain phantasmal to the very end, we must be con-
tent to come to terms with fate."

The reason why I have quoted thus fully from this author
has probably been guessed already. I desire to show that
all forms of free-love association are utterly opposed to all
permanent individual hapiness and to any real racial prog^
ress. In short, such ideas are "phantasmal'' in the exteemc.
Careful consideration of the excerpts quoted from this bril-

3S8 The Art of Lave

ilant student and author, who does favor a certain type of
free union, sliows that slie agrees with me that other types
are reprehensible. Her arguments to show this are as sound
AS anyone's, and are as convincing as mine, perhaps more so.
Very well, we leave that part of the question as settled for
the present, and proceed to discuss concubinage, or other
form of teni}>orary union if such unions are given to social
and legal status. The writer quoted favors such unions.
The present writer is opposed to them. She, while declaring
the relative advantages of such temporarly, legally sanc-
tioned and morally approved relations over unions which
irc really free, and we readily admit such advantage; never-
tlieless brings out clearly that any short-time union has many
•ind serious disadvantages. E. g., there is always the haunt-
ing specter of impending separation; there are the bleak
spacees ahead, when disruption does occur, to reconcile one's
:-»elf to, on the ground that the little happiness achieved was
Ucttcr than none at all; there is the tendency of both male
and female, but male especially, to seek new relationships
when not securely bound in one.

Many other reasons will be found in reading over the quo-
tations, which militate as strongly against concubinage as
rtgainst the freest of all free-love doctrines. But let us see
if there are not others which have not been enumerated.

A stream does not rise higher than its source. Legal sanc-
tion and moral approbation of temporary unions, instead of
perpetuating and strengthening a permanent monogamic
Ideal, which this author and many free-love advocates admit
as the most desirable, would rapidly obliterate this ideals
and the short-time, material union on the physical plane
would soon be the ideal of the race. There is little hope that
we can ever neglect to audit the treasurer's books or to
remove from the criminal the fear of punishment. Human
nature is influenced by a gravity that draws toward the path
of least resistance; and it needs a. vis a tergo working in an
opposite direction to counteract regressive tendencies.

^lutual regard is usuall a permanent matter. Sexual
passion may occur at any time, under a variety of condi-

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 889

tions, and is often temporary. The time in the month may
be the sole reason for a woman's ungovernable desire for a
man whom she would not ordinarily notice. A month of
abstinence may compel a man to seek a woman whom he
would under no other circumstances be seen with. Passion,
in co-operation with mutual regard, makees for permenent
unions and higher ideals. Passion alone is transitory and
often regretted. Anything tending to separate passion
from mutual regard makees for material, physical, sensual
aims only.

Since social and moral standards in all history tend to
rise no higher than the lowest standards tolerated, the argu-
ment that marriage and concubinage can exist side by side, in
a progressive society, falls flat.

It is maintained that legalized free-love unions are desir-
able, since females are in excess of the males, and since the
marriage rate is declining. It seems hardly necessary to
say tliat no change in the regulation of the sex life will have
the slightest influence on the relative numbers of males and
females ; so no cliange except the recognition of polygamy
would increase the woman's chances of satisfactory mating.

Witli regard to the declining marriage rate, the remedies
which tliey propose to apply to make the legalized temporary
union successful would undoubtedly, if applied to our pres-
ent system, make marriage more desirable than the tempo-
rar union. The temporary union is attractive chiefly for
two reasons : the opportunity for the temporary relief of
sexual starvation, and the lack of responsibility attending
this relief. If the responsibility for the man in marriage
couhl be brought within reasonable limits, and if through a
knowledge of the art of love marriage were made perma-
nently sexually attractive, men would prefer marriage to
short-time unions, since the permanent mating is more in
accord with tlie instinct which has developed under long
years of marriage conentions ,or which, according to West-
ermark and some others, was the original, primal instinct
of man.

It is naively admitted that in such free unions as have

840 The Art of Love

been observed, the woman is almost invariably abandoned
sooner or later. The advocates of free unions would fore-
stall such desertion on the part of the male by an agreement
beforehand (practically a limited marriage contract), and
by reducing the man's responsibility by public support of
the mother and child. If this is a feasible way to make free
unions permanent, why would not our present marriage con-
tract, witht the added feature of public support of mother
and child, when tliis too great a burden for the man, make
marriage more attractive than any sort of a free union,
since, as is generally admitted, this is more in line with both
custo mand instinct?

It is claimed, and with good reason, that, in many
instances, men are oflFensive, abusive, quarrelsome, and that
it is unjust that coercive marriage should compel women
to continue to live with such men. Here again I agree; but
present laws admit of separation if conditions are intoler-
able. If present laws are not elastic enough in this particu-
lar, public opinion could be educated to bring about legisla-
tion which would render separations under such conditions
more easily obtainable.

What would be the advantage of concubinage, or any sort
of free union applied to such casees? This would not in any
way change the character of a man; and would it not be
better that one woman should be subjected a little longer to
such ill treatment, and in the end have the man's character
so brought before the publiv that others could avoid him,
rather than to have several women in turn suffer from this
same treatment in short-time unions? It is certain that if
it were legally possible, such men would keep on seeking new
alliances. It is admitted that since women are too numerous
to exercise free choice, such men would find plent of good
women to enter alliances with them. The woman would have
no warning as to the character of the man, since little pub-
licit would attend the making and the breaking of the short-
time union ; and the man's character would not ba a mattfer
of record. Women repeatedly subjected to such pairing
experiences would speedily become disillusioned, cynical,
cheapened; and, as the author quoted says, they would

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 841

become less stable generally, like the person who is constantly
changing his place of habitation.

Free-love ideas would not have arisen if people had gen-
erally married and had been generally happy. Such ideas
arise from the revolt of those who have been cheated out of
a chance to marry or those who have suffered severely
through certain abuses connected with marriage. Those who
suffer from either cause are predominantly women. Such
women cannot help realizing their own sufferings, nor fail
to perceive the sufferings of their sisters. Women are pre-
eminentl sympathetic, and always desirous of relieving dis-
tress. Women, as a class (like a large group of men, con-
cerned in our present socialistic movements), are not deep
students of history, nor profoundly logical.

It is, from the foregoing considerations, not difficult to
understnd why woman, the more moral being, is more prone
to favor free love, which appears to be an attack on the
best moral system that has been evolved up to date.

It is a characteristic everywhere, of the easily impression-
able, fairly observant, and profoundly sympathetic person,
to invoke direct method as a remedy for all evils. Syndical-
ism, Bolshevism, etc., illustrate this; but the student of his-
tory and of human nature, who makes a thorough analysis
of past and present, realizes that merely overthrowing an
aristocracy or a tyranny does not make instantaneously a
perfect democracy. A bloody revolution would not correct
certain evils in our republic, but would carry us back to the
dark ages. No more would abrogation of all our marriage
conventions make for us a sexual Eden.

The underlying principles of democracy and conventions
are correct : but the details of their administration are yet
imperfect; and people are too ignorant to take full advan-
tage of them. Many people are still ignorant of these prin-
ciples, and are wilfully opposed to public policies which they
in their short-sightedness think interfere with individual
right and initiative, when, in reality, the cause of the indi-
vidual and of society are one, and democracy and conven-
tion are the chief safeguards of this common cause.

On the other hand, the women who talk most of sexual

842 The Art of Love

freedom and of the equalization of the sexes in all rights
and privileges are commonly those who by inheritance, cul-
ture and thought have become capable of exercising the
rights and privileges of freedom. These women do not stop
to think of the hordes of other women to whom such privileges
would he a curse, nor of the social disturbances that must
inevitably result if all restraints are removed.

No one, I am sure, will accuse me of anything but a liberal
spirit toward woman. I desire that she should have equality
of opportunity, a chance at liberal culture, a happy married
life, freedom from male tyranny, from venereal disease, from
prostitution, and all the rest. My opposition to female
suffrage has always been on anatomic and physiologic, bio-
logic grounds. According to my reasoning, the suiFragc
would prove injurious to woman's prospects and a menace to
her happiness.

If anyone has imagined otherwise, let her be assured that
in what I am saying I have in mind no derogation of woman,
but her ultimate advancement and advantage.

There is no free-bom American citizen, no student of hft-
tory, no ardent supporter of democracy who would claim for
a moment that the American Commonwealth could haev sud-
denly sprung into being out of feudalism or Kaiserism. A
few, united, choice spirits, devoted to freedom and service,
initiated this greatest event in the world's history.

It is only necessary to look at the chaos in Russia to
understand that republics cannot exist until there is general
enlightenment and until an intelligent spirit of co-operation
has come into being.

Freedom does not mean the right of the ignorant and the
ruthless to bum and pillage at will. While man is ignorant
and sufficiently brutish, there is no other possible government
for him, no matter how unjust it may seem, nor how great
its abuses, except tlie control of the weak, ignorant, and
vicious by the strong and far-seeing, even though the strong
and far-seeing be tjTannical and self-seeking. In short, the
slow evolution from tyrant to feudal lord, to Kaiser, to
King, and individual suffrage, has been in the logical and

Free-Love Doctrines DUctissed 848

necessary and only possible order. Man must learn to obey
before he is fit to govern. We in America have not learned
that lesson well enough et to warrant the degree of fredom
which we enjoy.

Woman's evolution was necessarily even slower than man's.
Some say that her evolution was delayed by man's injustice
and tyranny; and to a certain extent this is true; but the
larger biologica reason why kept woman in a narrow circle,
caring for and defending and giving her vitality to her
young, while the unhampered man continually gained new
experiences from his contact with reality, must not be
ignored.

Grete Meisel-Hess well says that woman will not obtain
her full rights nor attain to her full powers unti Ithe com-
munity in some way lightens her load of child-bearing and
child-rearing. Perhaps she will never, in the aggregate,
become the full equal of man, in all the manly arts. Very
well, she has compensations, if she can be led to appreciate
them, and man can be led to proide love, home, children,
culture, and a quiet life. And who shall say that mothering
the race is not as noble a vocation, as high a calling, as
great a chance for the development of individuality?

Man evolved slowly to the point where he was capable of
8elf-expression and self-direction, and has a long way yet to
climb. Woman arrives at this point more slowly, and is not
as et, on the whole, as near that place as is man.

Whatever I have said in regard to political evolution
applies just as fully to evolution as applied to the sexual
relation. The present social consciousness and the marriage
conventions need reform. A woman's unchastity should not
be scorned, while the same fault in man is condoned. A
woman should be protected at marriage from the venerealized
or degenerate man. A woman should be allowed to free her*
self, without great hardship, and without any disgrace, from
a man proven vicious, drunken, or brutal. Those women
bearing children outside wedlock should not be ostracized or
pcorned; but they and their children should be properly
treated and adequately provided for on the basis that the

S44 The Art of Lme

one who had not done the same, or who might not do the
same under similar circumstances, should throw the first
stone.

But all this doees not mean free love, or concubinage, its
next-door neighbor. Woman is no more prepared for such
freedom in love (if she ever will be), nor is man, for that mat*
ter, than is Russia for our system of government, than were
the Philippines when we took them, than was France under
the Bourbons. Bloody or bloodless revolution ( and we pre-
fer the bloodless, which means a campaign of education)
must occur before those controlled by necessity, political
or social, shall exercise their own choice in the control of
themselves and others.

Now, in order to insure the most prolonged and most pro-
found pleasure of the individual and the greatest possible
social progress, I would compel chastity (freedom from sex-
ual intercourse) in both sexes until a reasonable age for
marriage.

I would have the whole community share in providing
such economic conditions as would enable every man and
woman to marry at the proper age.

I would insist on a knowledge of the art of love by both
parties to the marriage contract, after they had been pro-
vided sufficient opportunities for acquaintanceship and
choice.

I would sterilize those who were surely unfit to procreate,
and allow them to marry among themselves afterward.

I would advise the temporarily unfit against procreation
until there was reasonable chance of their producing healthy
offspring.

I would make it a disgrace for a health married pair not
to liftve children if they were capable of procreating, and a
crime for any such pair to have too many children for the
woman to bear comfortably or for the parents to properly
rear.

I would have all young people taught that love and mar-
riage arc the most important considerations for a healthy,
happy, and useful life in any profession or calling.

I would also teach them that sublimation of the sex instinct

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 846

In play and work and in enthusiasm to a reasonable degree
is right until proper age for marriage; but that auto-erotic
relief of excessive desire, in the youth or the unavoidably
unmarried of both sexes is just as clean and honorable and
healthy as is intercourse in marriage.

I would have all married people learn that all normal men
and women have desire, which may vary in frequency and
intensity; but that it, when properly satisfied through the
altruims and sacrifice of each, contributees wonderfully to
the health and pleasure of both parties,

Doees all this sound like the phantasmagoric hallucinations
of a dreamer's Utopia ; or do some think that I would swallow
up individual right in the socialization or public manage-
ment of everything? Both guessees would be wrong; for these
suggestions toward improving our sexual life are the sim-
mered down quintessence of what has been learned during a
fairly long life lived among ordinary people in the pursu-
ance of a multiplicity of avocasions; and on the second
count the writer is utterl opposed to socialization in any
ordinary sense of the term, a Republican, a follower of
Roosevelt, a conservative New Englander, a hater of direct
methods, who believes that we have still too many who think
themselves bom to command who have never yet learned to
obey, who conceives that freedom of speech and press means
freedom to submit fact and to urge reform with sobriety and
sanit}^ but that they do not mean freedom for demagogues
to incite rebellion or destroy the existing order.

It matters little in a general discussion whether we refer
to politics or to social conventions, since the situations are
analogous; and the same principles apply in coal-minings
material living, and transcendental speculation.

The world is not so ery large; and the universe grows
more and more understandable. The unifying principle of
all philosophy, that which created a cosmos from a chaos,
pervades and makes one, astronomy and chemistry, mathe-
matic and psychology, sociology and politics, morals and
religion. This principle is not far to seek. It is an omni-
present intelligence, perhaps a edius m Tnachma^ or maybe
ex machma^ possibly imminent, very likely remote.

846 The Art of Love

Call this, if you like, natural law which has been set in
motion by the great law-maker, under which we work with-
out interference; or conceive this principle as the constant
accretions of contemporaneous infinitesimal increments,
emanating from an imminent, divince source, intrinsically
shaying and guiding us. The only diiFerence is that in the
one case we must learn the law, and in the other we must
intelligently heed the warnings. As yet we are very imper-
fect in our knowledge or in our interpretations. We can
and may and must remake human nature somewhat; but
there is not the necessit or possibility for radical change
that there is for the gradual development that comes from
fuller interpretation.

Better understanding of the law leads us to increasing
charity. As we come to recognize that our own comfort,
health, and advancement are intimately bound up with our
neighbor's political action, economic condition, sexual prac-
tices, and religious views, we shall the more interestdly seek
for his well-being.

When we recognize the truth that the altruisms of social
service, of economics, etc., redound more to the benefit of the
altruist than to that of the object, altruism will be made
easy.

When it is fully recognized that the altruisms and sacri-
fices of married lovers are not to be urged merely as spiritual
benefits for the future, but that they pay a thousandfold here
and now in the physical joys of this life, there will be, from
this selfish reason if from no better, a prevailing objectivity
and altruism in love.

The golden rule is scientific, just, and utilitarian. Apply
this to conjugal love — if you do as you would be done by,
you will make the companion happy, for one would have that
one make you so. It is impossible for one to be happy when
the other is miserable. The happiness of the other leaves
the one free to enjoy without regret. The pleasure of one
is enhanced b that of the other, as proved by deduction and
by experience. There is quantitatively more truth in this
in married love than anywhere else, for in true married love

Free-Love Doctrines Discussed 847

is the most placid, the most erethic, and the most enduring
pleasure that men and women can experience. So, to enhance
such pleasures by perfect mutuality means more than similar
enhancement of lesser joys.

CHAPTER Xn

A PROLEGOMENON AND AN APOTHEOSIS OF LO\'E

A Prolegomenon

I wrote out a tentative table of contents for this book sev-
eral months ago, when but two chapters had been written.
The idea then occurred to me that someone beside poets and
novelists should be permitted to say something nice about
love. Why should not a doctor, who had sifted love and
nature to the bottom, rhapsodize a little, if he could con-
sistently, as well as he who merely reflects his own feelings,
aided somewhat, perhaps, by tlie facts obtained by superficial
investigations?

Nearly thirty years ago, Krafft-Ebbing, in his chapter, "A
Fragment of the Psychology of the Sexual Life," in "Psy-
chopathia Sexpalis," penned a wonderful tribute to human
love at its best estate; but we have progressed somewhat in
our knowledge of sex since then ; and that very technical book
reaches, at most, tlie eyes of a very select few. I have always
admired the genius of one who could, as he did, keep con-
stantly in view the purity, the ideality, the joy, the uplift
of love, while working for nearly a lifetime among perverts
of every dye. Few if any could approximate the insight and
erudition revealed in that chapter. The present writer
knows his own limitations enough to disclaim any attempt to
do so. Yet it seems that one spending many years in the
study of the normal manifestations of love, and rarely occu-
pied with the perversions, ought to get glimpses of love at
its zenith, and if his mind is practical enough make concrete
a little of what has heretofore been abstract proposition.

At once we encounter the objection that a medical ter-
minology will be chilling and uninspiring in an essay on love.

948

'A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 849

On the other hand, who can conceive of a country doctor so
familiar with belles lettres as to be able to express himself
in a felicitous literary phraseology? Added to these diffi-
culties, the author is now almost afraid to attempt this at
all, or anything but a mono-syllabic, mundane form of ex-
pression ; for as sure as he does, he may become lost in flights
of fancy ; and in the attempted transmogrification of the
material to the super-mundane, by the esoteric use of exoteric
knowledge, his sj^nonyms may become antonyms, and his
humiliation complete.

For, be it known, that the author is in some trepedition
now, as he stands on the abyss of the belated judgments of
two unassailable and unanswerable critics. Formerly he felt
humble and self-critical when he noticed the criticism to
which be replied in the second volume of "Rational Sex
Ethics."

Again, the army experience, related in "Sex and Life,"
had a tendency to inhibit any genetic egoism.

Irately a medical man of great repute and of high official
capacity disagreed with him, most courteously as all must
admit, but with such a tremendously weighty argument on
which to base his disagreement, that it must give the author
})ause before he starts on any headlong career of self-
assertion.

After reading my first two volumes, my friendly critic
wrote me as follows : "I suppose we are all led to our diflfer-
ent opinions on this very troublesome question. And for my
part I am very well aware that my experience is not large
enough to warrant any settled convictions. But it would
not be friendly and honest of me to let ou suppose that I
do agree with our conclusions.

"In years past I have many times been called upon to
speak upon this subject in the larger boy's schools, and while
I entirely agree with you that much harm has come from
false teaching regarding the ill effects, both physical and
moral, of such indulgence, I have come to believe that in
fighting against these temptations there is the greatest
cliance now in our modem civilization for that real warfare
which makes men. I have always comforted myself, as well

S50 The Art of Love

as others, with the conviction that however ill may be our
successes, what is most important is that we shall be faced
right. Without this special temptation, I doubt if most
bojs would ever feel the need of divine assistance. Humili-
ating as our mistakes may be, if consciousness of our own
weakness turns us to ask for Grod's help, then we may find
such blessings as can never come to those who are strong in
their own strength.

*^To you who have given so much thought to the problem
and have striven with such frankness to help others, these
reflections of mine must seem very crude; the fact is I am
absolutely ignorant of the literature on the subject.^

Perhaps certain uncritical and congratulatory comments
started a train of grandiosity, to which later occasional
criticisms proved antedotal even to toxicity; then still later
gratulations brought on a recrudescence of expansive ideas.
This fluctuation may account for a recent diagnosis of the
author's case by two dignitaries of professorial attainments
whose subtleties of telepathic induction have rendered their
minds ambi-dextrous (excuse the metaphor) in a material
sense, and supernal in all transcendentalities, hence unap-
proachable by any finite paths. These critics and apologists
of banusic education a pharmaco-psychiatric blend of epis-
temological deduction. It appears that these uncanny ac-
complices of those gods who dispense oracular wisdom have,
in some subtle manner (assuming that the author possesses
the attribute of radio-activity), recognized, selected, and
Anally synthesized the emanations from his personality that
have impinged upon the sensitive apparatus of their micro-
apperceptive super-consciousness.

To paraphrase the above: a friend informed the author
that tliese two savants in medico-psychologic archaeology
had, from no other data than these impinging infinitesimals
of molecular force, delimited complexes and reconstructed
constellations until the well-known pathological entity of
manic-depressive insanity had been discovered; and that the
author, m humble self, was at present in the exacerbated

'A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 861

phase of maniacal elation and belonged in a certain state
colony, devoted to the care of the mentally alienated.

Had these acute diagnosticians been within striking dis-
tance, he might have been detained at this colony, for he
has often visited it, has even presented his manuscripts there
at board meetings, for discussion, has been royally enter-
tained there with the rest of his district organization.

But, alas! here he is, enjoying the freedom of the com-
munity, which during thirty years he has served in many
capacities ; and even now he is summoned frequently to the
sick room, tolerated often in the congregation. No one
evidently has suspected him of more serious defect than
inabilitv or more serious disease from inertia.

But the question is whether friends, neighbors, patients,
and colleagues will laugh or be suspicious when they read
that this damaging diagnosis was made when neither of the
learned diagnosticators had ever seen him or read his writ-
ings, but from differences of opinion, based on the circum-
stantial evidence derived from the judgment of some capable
or incapable, approving or critical reader and expounder
of his books.

Too much space has been devoted to a small matter; but
those interested in differentiating an inductive from a deduc-
tive, or a deductive from a hypothetically inferential science
will be interested.

Those readers who think for themselves, and reason from
facts to conclusions, will be envious, but never mind. There
is a certain lack of complete assurance in the pupil of even
the most rapt observer who expounds with sang froid and
perfect equanimity those perfect systems which he has
evolved in his translated psyche from the intangibilities of
the unseen.

Pardon is craved for this terminal ebullition, on the
ground that a serious and earnest attempt has been made
all through this book to deal with an all-important subject,
while a self-suspected slight sense of humor makes an occa-
sional relaxation inevitable.

Again, supposing the above diagnosis to be correct, lack

S52 The Art of Lme

of restraint in this euphoric, excited phase Is the modem
ideal of therapeutics. From the following little essay the
reader must draw his own conclusions as to whether it shall
he characterized as the irresponsible psychic peregrinations
of grandiose alienation or the honest estimate of romance
and sentiment which has been forced upon one, which has
gro^Ti into the warp and woof of one who, through lenses
made clear and multi-magnifying by an idealistic and untar-
nished pre-marital romance, and the ever increasing fullness
of unspeakable marital bliss, has perceived that most human
ills, sorrows, debaucheries, and crimes come, on the one hand,
from the abstraction of love, and that most human joys,
ideals, beatitudes, aspirations, and altruisms come, on the
other hand, by the inclusion of love in its entirety, ideal,
psychic, affcctional, physical, with the other common at*
tribute of our common humanity.

An Apotheosis of Love

What Krafft-Ebing said in the chapter referred to is as
true today as when he said it; and our accumulating knowl*
edge gives it greater force than it then had.

"In coarse, sensual love, in the lustful impulse to satisfy
this natural instinct, man stands on a level with the animal;
but it is given to him to raise himself to a height where this
natural instinct no longer makes him a slave: higher, nobler
feelings arc awakened, which, notwithstanding their sensual
origin, expand into a world of beauty, sublimity, and mor-
ality. . . . Sexuality is the most powerful factor in indi-
vidual and social existence; the strongest incentive to the
exertion of strength and the acquisition of property, to the
foundation of a home, and to the awakening of altruistic
feelings, first for a person of the opposite sex, then for the
offspring, and, in a wider sense, for all humanity.

"Thus all ethics and, perhaps, a good part of esthetics
and religion depend upon the existence of sexual feeling.

"Though the sexual life leads to the highest virtues, even
to the sacrifice of the ego, yet in its sensual force lies also
the danger that it may degenerate into powerful passions
and develop the grossest vices.

A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love . . 353

^^Love as an unbridled passion is like a fire that burns and
consumes everything like an abyss that swallows all, — honor,
fortune, well-being. . . .

"Notwithstanding all the ethics which love requires in
order to develop into its true and pure form, its strongest
root is still sensuality. Platonic love is an impossibility, a
self-deception, a false designation for related feelings. . . .i
As a result of a powerful natural instinct, at a certain age,
a man is drawn toward a woman. He loves sensually and
is influenced in his choice by physical beauty. . . . With a
woman it is quite otherwise. If she is normally developed
mentally and well bred her sexual desire is small."

Of these word sof Kraff^-Ebing I should criticise only the
last few sentences. Since they were written it has become
apparent that the exaggerated sensuality of man appears
as a result of too strenuous and unnatural repression. With
the opportunity to lead a normal life much of man's prover-
bial grossness disappears.

On the other hand, the sexual desire of the woman who is
well bred and normally developed mentally is not small, but
a periodical demand, like that of her mate; but until recently
woman has denied her natural sex desire, since traditional
teachings were to the eff^ect that virtue and goodness were
incompatible with it. Today we assert that with proper
knowledge and freedom from prudery, men and women are
fitting mates, with the same idealistic aspirations and the
same physical desires and necessities.

Let no one misconstrue what I have said in a previous
chapter concerning a chaste wife's going to the demi-monde
for information or borrowing from the ballet. Sexual love
was once hallowed as a religious rite. It became often, in
the absence of high spiritual and idealistic aims, nothing but
a Saturnalian orgy.

Then Christianity came and put a ban on all things sexual,
urged asceticism as the highest virtue, and condoned only so
much of sexual love in married life as was necessary for
procreation.

Revolting from this unnatural state, men went back to
materialism and license, while strong-willed, virtuous women.

854 The Art of Love

ashamed of sex, hid their inmost desires, and their weaker
sisters, like man, became openly licentious.

In striving to correct our social evils, and in endeavoring
to combat suggested remedies ofr these evils, viz., free love
and disregtird of conventions, which we believe to be worse
than the evils themselves, we cannot, in our day and genera-
tion, since we now have the knowledge that psychic and
sexual love are alike fundamentals of our beings — ^pure and
lioly and necessary to every married pair — go back to tradi-
tional deification of asceticism, or to condemnation of the
physical side of sex.

Psychic love to the exclusion of the physical has been to
iiuch an extent tlie ideal of the home that it is in a way to
iniin all health, to rob of all virtue and efface all happiness.
In short, it is this exaltation of the psychic or spiritual at
tlie expense of the physical or sensual which has made the
brothel possible and allowed the continuance of all the shame-
less extremes of license and lust in our modem society.

But it must be plainly understood that ph^'sical love, while
I^. is the only kind of love sought for in the brothel, is and
must be, along with soul love, one important constituent
In tlie life of the home. Man cannot put ofF his human
nature and put on immorality at will.

Woman's ultra-refinement from physical love has made
her a nervous wreck, a physical weakling, propagandist, and
opportunist, or a courtesan, open or clandestine, as the case
vmy be. All but the courtesan have ignored until lost the
Icgitovate art of love which every good wife should know.

Women must learn that it is not alone man's unbridled
passion nor his ignorance of the art of love that have broken
up homes and caused liim to go to the prostitute or to seek
(iivorce ; but it is very largely due to their own lack of under-
standing of their own true natures and utter ignorance of
the natures of men.

All normal women as well as men have within them the
instinctive cravings and physical necessities of physical love,
f»s well as potentialities for undreamed-of heights of ideal-
i:»tic or spiritual love. Such spiritual- or soul-love can
never be properly realized without the proper admixture of

A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love S55

physical love. There is a certain common factor of physical
love which runs through all humanity, whether Don Juan
or Cleopatra, Heloise or Abelard, Lucrcce or St. Francis.

Love in the lower animals is an instirict strong, which seeks
and directly finds its own ends. Love in man is modified by
reason ; but when reason went wrong and tried to expurgate
all the common and necessary acts of phj'sical love, it be-
came nccessarv to add to our social curriculum the art of
the sensuous side of love. Hence I say that it is advisable
for those women of highest virtue, who have forgotten, or
have been afraid of, or have lost this art, to take note
of the methods of those who have made the art of love their
sole profession.

Man, from this experience with women who have made the
sexual side of love a profession, thinking that their sordid,
debauched love can have nothing in common with the love
of a chaste wife, has, on his part, been so reserved in his
conduct of physical love with such a wife that he has, in
man}^ cases, apparentl lost the art of delighting her with
the intimacies wliich she invariably desires, for good wives
do inherently desire much more than they readily admit of
love's play, love's dalliance, love's freedom.

Along this line I quote the following from p. 631, 6th
A'ol. of Havelock Ellis' "Studies": "Numberless are the
jovial and contented husbands who have never suspected, and
who will never know ,that their wives carrv about with them,
sometimes with silent resentment, the ache of mysterious
tabus. The feeling that there are delicious privacies and
privileges which she has never been asked to take, or forced
to accept, often erotically divorces a wife from her husband
who never realizes what he has missed. The case of such
husbands is all the harder because, for the most part, all
they have done is the result of the morality that has been
preached to them. They have been taught from bo3'hood to
be strenuous and manly and clean-minded, to seek by all
means to put out of their minds the thought of women or
the longing for sensuous indulgence. . . . Tliey have ac-
quired the notion that sexual indulgence and all that apper-
tained to it is something low and degrading, at the worst

356 The Art of Loev

a mere natural necessity, at the best a duty to be accom*
plished in a direct , honorable, and straightforward manner.
No one seems to have told them that love is an art, and
that to gain real possession of a woman's soul and body
is a task that requires the whole of a man's best skill and
insight."

I must add a quotation from Rayford Pike, which Ellis
adds as a footnote to this page; for nothing truer was ever
written, though it remains only for those who have seen the
naked soul of many virtuous women who have starved for
love and all love's dearest and most intimate tokens, to
recognize its truth.

^^To be really understood, to say what she likes, to utter
her innermost thoughts in her own way, to cast aside the
traditional conventions that gall her and repress her, to
have someone near her with whom she can be quite frank,
and yet to know that not a syllable of what she says will be
misinterpreted or mistaken, but rather felt just as she feels
it all — how wonderfully sweet is this to every woman, and
how few men are there who can give it to her?"

Love very often becomes sordid and selfish, either because
our prudish system of keeping young people ignorant of
what true love really is, and the yearnings and idealizations
which burgeon instinctively and naturally in adolescent
dreams, balked of proper outlet, forbidden true knowledge,
are dwarfed and tarnished by the vulgar and sensual teach*
ings of those pornographic and licentious frequenters of
street corners and cheap dance halls.

Our children are taught by those whose limited vision has
kept love from being more than selfish satisfaction of one's
own senses or have been led to imitate those of higher dreams
who have been coerced and hampered by prudery and imper-
fect conentlons until, witliout proper advice, not knowing
which way to turn they have yielded to imperious and out-
raged nature and fallen back from budding aspirations to
the lowest estate.

Instinct is primal and dominant and early in its insistent
demands, while reason, under our system, is tardy in assum-
ing control.

AProlegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 867

It IS deplorable that the sensual part of love, which is
inevitably and naturally auto-erotic in childhood is kept in
that primitive stage in adulthood as a result of the veil of
ignorance and the whispered insinuations which ever sur-
round the young. The transformation of child love, always
narrow, auto-erotic, selfish, which should naturally change
sometimes in adolescence, to the hetero-erotic, altruistic, ob-
ject love of adult years never takes place.

Tlie love for God in relgious worship is unselfish. It
involves fealty and sacrifice. The love for friends is a reach-
ing out, to give as well as to take. The love of parents
would shield and protect, and would give all for the happi-
ness and benefit of the offspring. So the archetypal form
of all human love, the love of adult men and women, blossoms
under proper guidance from the boA'^s craving for self-
indulgence into the man's desire to cherish and protect find
make full, independent, and happy the life of some woman,
and from the girl's impersonal satisfactions, first into mis-
sionary zeal, then into a yearning to mother and comfort
and serve and companion some man.

Krafft-Ebing did not judge love from its preversions.
We must not judge love from its childish, undeveloped mani-
festations ; but let us remember that selfish, sensual, per-
erse loves are not ordinary birthrights, but states manu-
factured from our shame and fear and reticence concerning
the physical side of love which in the light of truth and with
fearless teaching will disappear like chafF before the whirl-
wind.

All who have had their heads above the miasmatic vapors
of human depravity have had a vision of love, pure and
nol)le and undefiled, the greatest thing in the world. Con-
certed strivings and correct teachings must be enlisted to
make all love fulfill the ideal of the purest adolescent dream.

What is the dream of the adolescent? It is of the realiza-
tion of the ideal state of the truly mat^d man and woman.
Where would be homes and habitations, music, poetry, paint-
ing, all art, aesthetics, morals, religion, were it not for the
fanciful pictures of future conquests, joys, and service bom
in adolescent dreams? What youth is so prosaic as not to

858 The Art of Love

foreglimpsc a future where beauty and virtue and honor and
material comforts arc won, not for himself alone, but for
the shadow woman whose material realization will some day
vivify the othcmise barren desert of his imagination?

Docs not the flickering firelight reveal other transfigured
fonns of resplendent beauty springing from the perfect
amalgamation of two whose yearnings for each other have
been satisfied? What maiden does not dream with innocent
blushes of becoming so pure and winsome and altogether
lovely that when the perfect prince jhall come he shall be
drawn to her and masterfully woo her until, overcoming her
virgin resistances, he completes her life and his with the
children wliich the dolls of her childhood have symbolized?

Is not this voicing a universal idealization? Is not this
telling a tale that is told?

Surely my own early inspirations were all derived from
some of these dreams. Were not yours? and ought not every-
one to start puroseful life with such a pictured Elysium?

Will any pair who have thus dreamed and realized and
gone through life together deny that the joys which have
eclipsed all fancies are worth all efforts and struggles?
Poets' dreams are not mirages; romances are more than
fiction ; loves are not all sordid ; completed lives are not so
rare.

There are many men and women, perfectly mated, whose
bodies leap to their tasks with welcoming vigor, whose spirits
effervesce in playtime with incomprehensible joy.

What nobler ideal for mankind than invocation and prag^
matic evaluation of loves such as these, which give strength
to the body for labor and service and zest to the spirit for
uplift and goodness and reverence and hope that their future
as judged by their present may be filled with transcendent,
eternal, illimitable joy.

Why should it be desirable for us to utterly evaluate and
appreciate love? Why should we place love on its proper
pedestal as the greatest thing in the world? Why sing
love's praises, and worship honestly and sensibly at this
shrine? I need give no reason, so far as psychic love is
concerned. Clergymen, altruists, sociologists, have already

^A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love . . 359

dilated extensively but none too much on the pleasures real-
ized and the obligations discharged by the love of friends,
by a love for all mankind, by consanguineous love, fraternal,
maternal, paternal, filial, by the love of man for his Maker.
The raptures of conjugal love on the psychic side have often
been depicted ; but it is left for me, if I am able, to picture as
noble and desirable, as pure and healthful, as compatible
with highest ideals, as a foretaste of divine love, not only
this psj'^chic love, so rightfully lauded and perhaps so justly
considered the greater part of the loves of men and women,
but also the other, sensuous part of love, which is an ines-
capable heritage of all, while man is man.

Marie Stopes, that keenly perceiving English woman who
has written so truly and gracefully of love and sex, says in
her "Radiant Motherhood" what is said, in effect, by sev-
eral recent writers, that physical love, intercourse between
man and wife has three distinct beneficial effects.

a. Intimate personal effects on the internal secretions.

b. Social effects.

c. Procreative, or racial effects.

While our attention has but recently been called to the
beneficial effects which proper conjugal love has upon the
internal secretions, that such love was beneficial in some way,
and that glandular activity was stimulated by it was known
before the Bible or our most ancient treatise on the art of
love were written. The Bible speaks of the bridegroom
coming forth from his chamber like a strong man to run a
race, and the "Kama Sutra" speaks of the increased secre-
tion of salivary and sexual glands under the stimulus of
desire.

How much of the beneficial effect of the individual is due
to the effects on the glandular system, and how much due to
proper emotional expression and to psychic satisfaction, we
cannot at present say; but it is undeniable that mutually
satisfying sexual relations of mated people have a distinctly
beneficial influence on mental and physical health.

The beneficial social effects of conjugal love are illus-
trated by many of the cases referred to in the earlier pages
of this book. Let us look at two hypothetical couples, such

860 The Art of Love

cases as all physicians and most other people have seen
duplicated many times. The first couple, after ten years of
married life, have what is called home. The family is com-
posed of one or more peevish, unhappy children, a man
discouraged, cross, taciturn, or malevolent, whose infidelity
is but a question of time, a woman spiritless in work or reo
reation, suffering from pelvic disorders, who scolds her
children, nags her husband, and is hysterical, consciously
suffering or unconsciously paying the penalty of thwarted*
instinctive desires. She also, like her husband, unless she
hi'comes a confirmed neurotic, will ultimately reach out for
love by concealed infatuations or open infidelities with men
whom her imagination conceives to be capable of giving her
what should be every woman's birthright, the fulness of
psychic and physical love.

But let us consider the other couple, also ten years mar-
ried, who started under identical conditions. The children
are bright and joyous, the father contented and pleasant*
given to stealing a kiss from his wife when profaning eyes
are unobservant, while she, singing about her duties, is
lighter in step and younger in mind, more beautiful in body
and spirit than on her wedding morn.

Is there any question about the social benefits of perfect
sexual adjustment after comparing the unaffiliated with the
affiliated couple? Who does the work of the world? Who
spreads abroad charit and altruism and pleasure? Who
will furnish the children who will become the foremost citi-
zens in a progressive hereafter? Which home is the resort
of the wayworn and weary? From which comes succor for
the distressed?

Each of these couples loved as sincerely as the other, to
begin with. There was no diff^erence in health, aspiration,
or ability. The one factor of perfect or imperfect sexual
adjustment caused all the difference.

No psychic attachment, no Platonic arrangement, no re-
ligious convictions, no altruism or other laudable virtue, no
capacity for work, no sense of humor, nothing under the
*un, can ever make a couple much diff^erent from the first

A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 861

described if mutual sexual love is excluded. It is un-
believable how many desirable attributes may be absent or
rudimentary, and still have homes like the second if sex is
recognized, appreciated, and made an integral part of the
home life.

I am speaking ex cathedra^ for I long ago graduated from
a home similar to to the first into one having some semblance
of the latter.

Such a graduation is a translation. The iridescent won-
ders of the later beatitudes arc beyond all verbal expression,
and can only be known to those other lovers whose ways
have also been in the paths of peace.

For me love was transfigured, and from the transfigura-
tion came the inspiration to devote from necessary bread-
winning and coveted play-time and leisure some energy and
effort to the intelligent founding of true homes and to the
reconstruction of those that had become partially disrupted.

To my personal knowledge hundreds of homes have been
started or reconstructed according to the specifications by
which my wife and I reconstructed ours; and if one can
judge by the communications that cumber my desk till I
despair of replying, thousands may have heard the music
of our bucolic lyre.

But such empty assertions prove nothing. I hope my
books have proved something. If you think not, look around
you with human interest and solicitude, first removing the
scales of prudery and false teaching from your eyes. I
shall be happy if I have suggested, overjoyed if I have com-
pelled intelligent attention leading to the proper adoration
of love's trinity, the completest, highest love of man and
woman, the properly blended, rational, emotional, and
physical love of true and permanent mates.

If what has been said is granted, what greater pleasure,
what higher duty, what loftier service to God and man than
to apotheosize love, not merely by lip service nor by phrase
making, but by teaching our children, convincing our con-
temporaries, telling our community, that all life is love, and
all love is life?

S6S The Art of Low

Half truths never make correct precepts. Those who
dwell in earth's lowest places are those who have learned
half truths and have experienced half loves.

Those who dwell on the hilltops or soar in the azure are
tliose who have faced all truth and have experienced the
fulness of love.

Such supposed ascetics as the beloved Brooks, the vale-
tudinarian Kant, the tortured St. Francis, should not deter
us from seeking a full orchestration of the music of love.
These solitary types of the celibatees who have passed on,
happy or ill or tormented while here, to such reward as is
to be, have left no trace but memories; no form nor feature
of consanguineous human arrests our eye or controls our
thought; no proud descendant strives to emulate or prays
to duplicate the spirit of his fathers.

Full-orbed perfection, perpetuation in perpetuity, right-
ful participation in the millennial dawning when humanity
has reached the zenith of its accomplishment, is the crown
and blessing of those only who have lived life at its highest
and known human loves in its fulness.

Hail, then, love, the crown and blessing of humanity, the
gate to infinity, the symbol of the All-Father!

Love is the greatest thing in the world. I have said this
before ; and it may be quoted from the profoundest scientists,
the greatest divines.

Everyone has said it who, feeling the emotional love of
the adolescent, reaches out in gratitude for his own joyous
springtime, to the Maker of all, and with missionary in-
spiration strives to infuse this joy into all mankind.

Everyone has said it who, seeing in the mature light of
reason the glories of the universe and the wonders of the
world, experiences the rational love which is expressed in
fealty to the Maker of all and in a spirit of service.

Everyone has said it who has known the perfect, com-
pleted love of a man for a woman or a woman for a man,
has said it and has sung it, and has known, from this highest
liuman relation, that divine love was not a myth, and that
altruism was the greatest obligation.

But is there any special, rarefied, perfected brand of love,

A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 863

or is all love one, and do all loves interpenetrate? Is there
a higher love and a lower love; or is the so-called higher
derived from the so-called lower; and are each and all good
and worthy when properly blended? Can there be the ideal
without the material? Can one form of love be perceived,
or be felt, or can it exist, without all? No! Life that man
enjoys, human love which is the medium through which tliat
life is given, aspiration and love of the Divine, inspiration
and hope of immortality, all stand or fall together.

Phih)sophy demands this, science has discovered it, the-
ology takes it for granted ; for no religionist, ancient or
modern, pretends that more than one man, and He through
the agency of a special, divine dispensation, has been born
into this world other than through the via naturalis of
human love.

Can we wonder at the oak and ignore the acorn? Can we
rejoice in the harvest and scorn the sed-time? Can we
glory in God's goodness and despise that agency of His
through which we live and breathe and work and pray?

Man bom of woman is here through human devices pre-
scribed by his Maker. If the Maker is good, so are we, the
works of His hands ; and so are the means we are made by.

Once science saw dimly and said that fortuitous nature
through diverse combinations fulfilled all conditions, and
that love was a good, though earth-born and lowly.

Religion too, seeing darkly, revered a creator, first mighty
and fearful, then revengeful and human, now loving and
tender.

Science ignored the Author. Religion despised the means
and motive force of mortality and immortality. Science and
religion were all at war. Now all rational worship, all
logical science, unite on love as the motive principle, the
mainspring of human and divine, of mundane and transcend-
ent, of time and eternity.

Sackcloth and ashees no longer indicate humility; a long
face and the renunciation of all pleasure no longer mean
piety; ignorance and star^ed-out emotion are no longer
synonymous with virtue. Neither absence of passsion nor
lustful possession can now be called love. Love came from

364 The Art of Love

the highest. It became realizable to us through the lowest.
It is only thus that it can again soar to the highest. It
is thus a pragmatic compound of both higheest and lowest,
eternal and undifFerentiable.

Love alone gives happiness, which philosophy has made
the highest desideratum, which science has declared the most
potent tlicrapjy which religion has recently learned to be
the only state for true goodness and worship.

It is clear that love and happiness and goodness and life
and immortality are one and inseparable; and that lo^-es
themselves, called diverse names in diverse places, are also
one and inseparable, and that love is fundamental for all
that we are or have been or will be, for all that we imagine,
desire, or may realize?

If so, let us leave love's laudation and speak a word con-
cering the practical application of such special knowledge
of love to social conditions.

It may be anti-climax to leave the abstract for the con-
crete, to abandon lofty thoughts for pragmatic considera-
tions ; but we should like to leave at the last a brief summary
of what much thought has crystallized into what are believed
to be fundamental, practical measures to broaden and deepen
and multiply the loves of our common humanity.

There is general agreemnt among sociologists, sexolo-
gists, psychologists, and physicians — really among all
thinking people — that there should be more frank discussion
of sex matters, and that old and young should have more
sex education, that marriage should be earlier, that the
families of the healthy and wealthy should be larger, that
people should have children according to their means, and
that the unfit should not have children at all.

Of course there are slight differences of opinion regarding
these matters, but I think that everyone who has investi-
gated these subjects at all will agree to the proposition that
the greatest menace to our well-being as a nation, and the
greatest danger of race deterioration arise from the increas-
ing numbers of the unmarried of both sexes, with, as results,
venereal disease, promiscuity, neurosis and sex antagonism,
from the ignorance of the newly married of the proper con-

A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love 365

duct of sex relations, with resulting promiscuity, divorce,
unhappiness and neurosis, from the decreasing number of
the children of the fit, leaving fewer to carry on the work
of the world, from the increasing number of children of the
unfit and the consequent increase in vice and crime of all
kinds and the heavier burden on the self-supporting and inde-
pendent class from the over crowding of hospitals and insti-
tutions for feeble-minded, nervously incompetent, and nerv-
ously unbalanced.

It is time to consider practical remedies; and when it is
settled that such remedies are worth while, it is time to
inaugurate the necessary reforms. We are now burdened
with public expense, and many hesitate to increase the bur-
den by new expenditures ; but if we look ahead a bit, it
becomes plain that this not only imperative but that it will
be in the end a great economy. I think that one tenth of the
public money invested in sex education, in control of birth,
in encouraging and fostering the early marriage of the fit
would in one generation decrease by four-fifths the amount
of such money now spent for the care of criminal, pauper
and unfit.

The following practical suggestions are the result of many
years of intensive study of some of these qustions. Some
of these suggested remedies have been tried in a small way
and have shown remark ablv favorable results. Some are
merely suggestions of myself and others, to enlist the con-
sideration of thinking people concerning these matters.

The almost uniformly happy lives of those people who
liave been taught the essentials of the art of love just before
or soon after marriage would seem to warrant the establish-
ment at public expense of schools conveniently located where
all candidates for matrimony, both men and women, should
be taught the essentials of married love just before marriage.

The young should be given sex instruction in high school
and college, also those who do not have these advantages and
those who need supplementary instruction should be taught
by physicians, psychologists, clergymen, and others who,
after first living for some years a normal married life, have
qualified in this subject.

366 Thf Art of Love

Laws preventing proper instruction in contra-ceptive
methods should be repealed; and centers for disbursing con-
tra-ceptive knowledge should be established, probably in
conjunction with the schools for those about to marry.

Young people in love and desiring to marry, but ham-
pered by the economic problem should be encouraged to
marry and taught how to live a normal and satisfactory sex-
ual life, while using proper preventive measures for the first
few 3'ears. Even those marrying in good circumstances
might be encouraged to postpone procreation for a year or
so after marriage.

Candidates for matrimony should first be examined physi-
cally, and by Binet methods. If the chances are decidedly
against their having healthy offspring, they should be taught
how to prevent conception and allowed to marry, with the
warning that if the advice given is not heeded the power to
procreate will be taken from them by vasectomy or oophorec-
tomy or other method. Those palpably unfit to have chil-
dren should be sterilized before being allowed to marry.

It would be criminal to prevent the marriage of this class
altogether. It is an unwarranted interference with the right,
the health, the pleasure, of the individual and would leave
society full of dangerous and uncontrollable elements. We
should promote happiness and safeguard health and fore-
stall vice and crime by allowing such people to marry; but
we should control the progeny.

I am aware that some oppose early marriage, arguing that
first love is calf love, that it is an affair of the senses, and
that divorce and infidelity would result from such early mat-
ings. There is some reason for this argument, no doubt;
yet I have seen many permanently happy marriages, with
})erfcctly healthy offspring where men of nineteen or twenty
married girls of seventeen or eighteen. A^ery likely such ages
at marriage are too early for most, but not for all.

On the other liand, the marriages where the man is thirty
or more and the woman twenty-eight or over often result
badly, since both parties have become selfish and habituated
to certain habits of thought or ways of living, and it is
hard to make the compromises which are inevitable, and to

^A Prolegomenon cmd cm 'Apotheosis of Love S6T

merge their personalities, as is necessary to insure a happy;
marriage.

I believe that men and women marrying in the early
twenties have better and more permanent health, better
chance of long life, better prospect of healthy offspring,
other things being equal, than those who wait till the early
thirties.

I believe that it is unquestioned at present that there is
much more venereal disease among the men and more neu-
rosis among the women who marry late than among those
who marry early.

Probably the majority of women should marry between
twenty and twenty-two, and the majority of men between
twenty-two and twenty-four.

How can this be done, under our economic conditions, and
with our present system of prolonged education? One help-
ful measure would be to postpone the procreation of children
for three or four years. Another would be some measure
guaranteeing increased wages to the father of a normal sized
family, or some subsidy to the mother.

Educational institutions should encourage the presence of
young married people in college and universty. I know at
least one college president who would favor this.

Dr. Hilda Noyes has advocated, in "The Journal of Hered-
ity," Feb., 1920, "A Parents' Mutual Protectve League"
whose members would each pay a yearly fee. This fee would
be based on the earnings of the members. The proceeds
would go toward paying the expenses of members of the
league having children in any given year. A surplus would
go to promote the study of eugenics, child welfare, public
health, sex education, voluntary parenthood, etc.

This is a most valuable article. I think she has also men-
tioned, but whether or not, there is suggested by her arti-
cle a scheme somewhat as follows: The state issues insur-
ance policies to promising young men who are not able to
marry. There is an annual premium, but the policy, instead
of maturing in twenty or forty years, or at death, is paid
in a lump sum or in installments from the first. The state
takes the risk that a young man leading a clean and normal

568 The Art of Love

married life will pay the yearly premiums until the policy is
cancelled. This idea commends itself very strongly to me^
especially if it combines with it the idea of thorough sex
instruction at the time of marriage. It is impossible to
tiiink of a safer risk, unless it might be United States bonds,
than the promise to pay of a young and happy husband
married to a young and happy wife when the pair know the
way to keep happy and to control the family within reason-
al)le limits.

I have formerly spoken of a tax on bachelors as an incen-*
tive to marriage. Perhaps it might be construed as an
attempt to force them to marry, thus interfering too much
with the right of the individual. Certainly no one wants a
nian to marry until he is in love with a woman. But such a
tax would be no more than fair ; for the bachelor contributes
nothing in the way of home influence to the present, nothing
in the way of legitimate ofF spring to the future and, as a
rule, little to the public exchequer. Of course there are
many cases where this is not true; and man bachelors who
have good reasons for their bachelorhood have high aims and
broad philanthropies.

If a tax would set the ordinary bachelor to thinking;
and if then proper sex education should reveal to him that
his health would be better, his life prolonged, his happiness
wonderfully intensified if he were to love and marry some
good woman ; and if, on the other hand, he could be brought
to realize that by not marrying he was doing some good
woman an irreparable injury, it would be a blessing for him
and a benefit to the public.

One great hindrance to marriage is that men and women
are so busy and are so isolated from each other, especially
in the strenuous life of large communities that they have
little time to get acquainted and to allow propinquity, which
is the hand-maiden of love, to accomplish its work. As a
rule, there are no suitable, properlv supervised meetings
places for such young people. In "Sex and Life" I men-
tioned the necessity of such centers, where people of both
:iexes could meet and dance, play games, sing, pass social
evenings, and enjoy themselves generally in a perfectly ethi-

[A Prolegomenon and an Apotheosis of Love S69

cal, self-respecting way, under some unostentatious, proper
supervision. Loneliness would be averted, happiness would
be increased, and many marriages would result.

A woman lecturer of note has recently written, asking my
opinion of the utility of such centers, if fostered, encour-
aged, and supennsed by the Woman's Clubs of the country.
I favor the idea enthusiastically. The expense of such a
social measure should be borne by the whole public; but
until the public is prepared for this, altruistic individuals can
devote their subscriptions or benefactions to no better ends
than to the establishment of such centers.

Finally, I would enjoin every man and woman who reads
this to ask the questions of himself or herself: "What is my
duty? What can I do to teach young people to live right
and to marry early, and to have a suitable number of off-
spring?"

When we became convinced of the necessity of these
reforms, and that on their enforcement depend purity, happi-
ness, health, progress, we shall all find many little ways in
which we can individually help toward a happier and better
society.

^dvAyxqi 6' ovbh deol jidxovroi*

When my first book was published, in 1916, I had no idea
that I should write another, unless I got time to do it while
in jail. I surely did not have the time; and I knew that
within recent years in this country an author spent consid-
erable time in jail for writing a much milder book than
mine, along the same lines. Even when Havelock Ellis
attempted to publish the first volume of his series in England,
prosecutions made it necessary for him to seek a medical
publisher in this country.

But instead of a storm of criticism, there arose a "cloud of
witnesses." People had begun to heed the Delphian precept,
«Yv«6i aeavxov* there was a desire, increasingly insistent,
to know the meaning of life, and how to live it.

At any rate, it was not possible for me, with my compla-
cent personality, to fight against the necessity furnished by
the demands of friends, patients, and my own consciousness,
of the need of knowledge in this field; for, like Ellis again,
I had then been studying, in a desultory, superficial way, to
be sure, for that was all I had time for, for fifteen years
before the book was written, and that was eight years before
it was published. I had read the literature, to some extent;
but my principal study had been of men and women in the
raw.

If I have made any contribution, it is because I have, in a
diminutive, microscopic way, like Socrates, been midwife to
many souls in labor.

I have watched, it seems to me, endless personalities,
stripped of all adornment, in complete self-re vealment, houses
divided against themselves, complexes, set against complexes,
a gruelling contest, an Armageddon, between the instinctive

87i;

872 The Art of Love

cravings of primitive man and the public conscience of mod-
em society.

When my first book was written, I already had accumu-
lated a wealth of clinical material. As I have written, it has
more than quadrupled ; and that without including the par-
tial, sketchy, historical accounts and commendations which
are as the sands of the sea.

I have written rapidly, and have had little time or dispo-
sition to look over anything once written; so the old saying,
€51; xtfd(i6Ti (KivaTo;> must often have occurred to the
reader.

Each book has seemed cfi^^cwrrog ji(dog» (an endless task)
when in prospect; and one feels a little weary with them in
retrospect; but not much grass has grown under our feet
while we were about them.

I say "we'* advisedly, for, in spite of all her early objec-
tions and reticences, I never should have written any of these
books without my wife to run the typewriter. Yes, I may
go back further and say that, without her dear self as a
problem and an inspiration, I should probably still be grow-
ing com and potatoes in the Green Mountain state, with no
more knowledge of the sex question than the archaeological
professors whom I have elsewhere referred to, or than the
many fossils that we find in modem society, solid reminders,
like the Dover cliffs, of a former life, abundant to be sure,
but of limited development and perspective.

But the world do move; and let me say right here, that
the criticism in the Appendix to Book II of "Rational Sex
Ethics," which I answered, perhaps, rather cavalierly,
escaped the attention of those in authority over the journal
in which it was published ; and forthwith a most sincere and
unexpected explanation was rendered me; and furthermore,
I was shown the greatest courtesy and confidence in being
asked to review and criticise a proposed new book on sex
instruction. I do not mean to say that the social hy^eno
societies are in entire agreement with me, nor I with them;
but we surely agree, like all who have investigated these sub-
jects, in fundamentals.

I was saying that I have conceived and executed, ancf my

Epilogue S7S

wife, except for two or three chapters typed by one of our
sons, and two or three more, typed by a daughter-in-law, has
typed all, and corrected most, of these books.

Most of "Rational Sex Ethics,'* Book I, was done in a
month; nearly two months were consumed on Book II, while
marking time waiting for my call into active service. In
the two months preceding our thirtieth wedding anniver-
sary, most of "Sex and Life** was written; and now, since
Nov. fifteenth, nineteen-twenty, all but some thirty pages of
this book has been written.

So please excuse me a little, and my wife a good deal; for
she is doing her own house-work, with a family numbering
six or seven (or "at sixes and evens,** as she says). Still,
day before yesterday, she either copied or took dictation to
the extent of twenty pages, while, in between, I scribbled out
enough for eight pages more. We finished at eleven P. M.,
when I went out to see a patient. She, good soul and true
sport, waited up, though she has the idiosyncrasy of all
women of being constitutionally of a semi-somnolent nature.

This book really completes my hurried, imperfect, I hope
semi-scientific, I am sure semi-popular, survey of what I
conceive to be rational sex life.

If I stop here, I think that no one will have difficulty in
grasping my point of view; and I may stop, since I am
fifty-four, and busy, and I suffer from inertia.

But material keeps coming; and it piles up, even as I
finish this book, and I am not denying that "we** may again
yield to "much importunity'* (for, as I said in the first line
of this epilogue, "not even the gods can fight against neces-
sity*') and write something more, or, rather, arrange what
my patients and friends have written for me along this line,
though, frankly, niv preference would be to write the "true
novel," with mv wife*s collaboration, — the one I referred to
in the "Word of Explanation" in "Sex and Life."

INTRODUCTION TO GLOSSARY

As a book for most Americans, tills book is already too
large. We tire when we are through with essentials; and if
the gist of a subject cannot be given in a reasonable time it
is better to leave something out.

The author's redintegrative tendency may be responsible
to some extent for the size of this volume, but the inherent
nature of the subject and the former utter disregard of it
are also in large measure responsible. Few have had reason-
able ideas of sex; these ideas have had slight publicity; and
any innovations in this field have been under the ban of an
intolerant public conscience.

A subject like my present one must be dealt with by repeti-
tion, by illustration, by exhortation, if what is said is to sink
in and carry conviction.

. Regardless of size, it would be a defect to omit the anat-
omy and physiology of the reproductive organs if this book
were intended primarily for the general public; but such is
not the case. It is designed especially for professional peo-
ple. At the same time, it has been the author's hope that it
would so find favor in the eyes of those for whom it was
designed that they would pass it on to their marriageable
eons and daughters, and possibly give it as a prescription in
selected cases, as has been done with his former books.

Furthermore, it is the author's belief that within ten years
prudes will have vanished, the laws will have been modified,
and this and similar books will be accessible to an intelligent
laity, whose need is great.

Even now the author knows clergymen, not a few, who
would bestow such information as this book contains, along
with the sanctions of the church and the blessing of God, on
every newly wedded pair.

Jn explaining to my professsional friends that I have in

876

876 The Art of Lave

▼iew the possible use of this information sometime by those
outside the professsions, I avoid the necessity for an apology
for my extremely simple terminology, and explain the pres-
ence of this glossary, which, while entirely unnecessary for
the professional reader, may in some small degree compensate
for the omissions of chapters on anatomy and physiology,

Gloiiary

Adolescence^ period of change from boy or girl to man or
woman.

Asceticism^ celibacy, or complete sex control.

Auto-erotism^ masturbation, Onanism, self-abuse.

Biology^ science of life,

BulboiLSf in or pertaining to the bulb, or enlargement, at the
root of the penis.

Celibacy^ single life, absolute sex control in the unmarried.

Cervix^ the neck of the womb, which protrudes into the
vagina.

Chastity f abstinence from sexual intercourse.

Clitoris^ a small, round, erectile organ at the upper part of
the vulva, or lips, surrounded by the upper part of the
nymphoe, or small lips. If the embryo had developed
into a male instead of a female, the clitoris would have
been the penis, and the upper portion of the nymphse,
surrounding it, would have been the prepuce, or fore-
skin. The sensations of the clitoris in the female are
like those of the penis in the male.

Coitus^ sexual intercourse.

Coitus interruptuSf withdrawal, Onanism.

Coitus reservatus, intercourse without orgasm by the man;
sometimes also, neither party has orgasm.

Contmence^ complete sexual self-restraint, i. e., from botli
intercourse and masturbation.

Cu/rmi lingus^ or linctus, cunnilinguis, stimulation of the
female genitals, particularly the clitoris, by the tongue
or tongue and lips.

Ejacvlatio praecox^ premature orgasm, or expulsion of the
semen.

Ej actuation, orgasm, or emission of semen.

Glossary 877

Erogenotis zoneSj parts of the body susceptible to sexual
stimulation.

Erotic, produced by love.

Exhibitionist^ one who exposes his private organs.

Fellatio, taking the penis in the mouth.

Fraenum, the membrane which attaches the prepuse to the
lower part of the glans penis.

Frottage, to press the penis against a woman's nates, or
buttocks.

Glans clitoris, the head of the clitoris,

Glans penis, the head of the penis.

Hymen, a thin fold of mucous membrane, varying in shape,
and extent, which closes more or less completely the
mouth of the vagina. This is often ruptured innocently
in play, by striking some sharp instrument, or cut to
allow treatment.

Impotence, without sex power.

Intercourse, sexual connection.

Intromission, insertion of the penis into the vagina.

Libido, erotic sensation, energy.

Li/ngam, penis.

Masochism, desire to suffer pain.

Nates, hips, or buttocks.

Numphae, the small lips Inside the vulva.

Nymphomania, a disease of women, causing insatiable desire
for intercourse.

Orgasm, the height of excitement, or pleasure, in inter-
course, accompanied by spasmodic contractions and
pouring out of mucus in the female, and by involuntary
contractions and expulsions of semen in the male.

Ovulation, discharge of eggs from the ovaries.

Pelvic organs, woman's sex organs in lower abdomen.

Perineal, in or on the perineum, which is the space between
the sex organs and the rectum.

Pre-coital, before intercourse.

Prepuce, foreskin.

Frost atis, inflammation of the prostate gland, a body, in
the male, between the penis and the bladder, about the
size of a chestnut, through whch the urethra passes.

878 The 'Art of Love, '

Puberty, adolescence.

Sadism, desire to inflict pain.

Seminal vesiculitis, inflammation of seminal vesicles.

Speculum, instrument through which internal organs may be

seen.
Spermatozoa, the male reproductive cells, which appear like

small tadpoles swimming in the semen.
Subconscious, beyond ordinary memory, or power to recall,
TitiUation, tickling.

Unconscious, used by Freudonians for subconscious.
Urethra, passage for the urine.
Urethritis, specific ( gonorrhoea!) , or benign (innocent)

inflammation of the urethra.
Ureihrorrhoea ex libidine, slight discharge from penis duripg

sexual excitement.
Uterus, womb.

Vagina, canal for intercourse and for exit of child.
VirUity, power of procreation in male or female.
Voluptuous, sensual.
Yoni, female genital organs.

LIST OF BOOKS

No pretense is made that this list of books is at all com-
plete or comprehensive. It is merely a few of the older and
a few of the newer books which in mj opinion are most
helpful.

Unfortunately, while there are many very valuable scien-
tific books for the student, they are too large, too technical,
and too abstract to be of the greatest value to the laity in
general.

There is a tremondous volume of sex literature, purporting
to teach a proper sex life to all classes, and giving all definite
instruction about venereal disease. The portions treating of
venereal diseases are almost invariably accurate; and they
are very necessary. The books treating of sex education are
as yet almost entirely dominated by the old fallacies; and
their terms are often so veiled as to make the essential parts
of the subject unintelligible to the unsophisticated.

All these books show the best intent, and many have such
value ; but I will not name them, since their number is legion.

Portions of my book, **Sex and Life,'* to wit, "R. S, E. for
Parents," "R. S. E. for Young Women,*' "R. S. E. for
Young Men," "R. S. E. for Married People,** and this book
itself are intended to fill some of this void which exists in the
literature between the older and newer ideas of sex. How
the parties who need this information can obtain it is the
question, since I have written these things without detrac-
tion from the truth, as I see it, or from facts as I obtain
them; and in many circles these unveiled teachings are con-
sidered altogether too plain for the general reader.

Bloch, Iwan. — ^The Sexual Life of Our Time. Rebman,

N. Y.
Ellis, Haveloch. — Studies in the Psychology of Sex. Six

vols. F. A. Davis Co., Phil.

879

S80 The Art of Lave

HuHKEB, Max. — Disorders of the Sexual Function. F, A.

Davis Co., Philadelphia.
FoBEL, August. — The Sexual Question. Rebman, N. Y.
Geddes and Thomson. — The Evolution of Sex. Humboldt

Publishing Co., N. Y.
Hall, G. Stanley. — Adolescence. Twx> vols. Appleton^

N. Y.
Kbafft-Ebing, R. von. — Psjchopathia Sexualis. F. A.

Davis Co., Phila.
Malchow, C. W. — The Sexual Life. Moseby Co., St. Louis.
Mental Hygiene, Vol. IV., Oct., 1920. N. Y.
Meisel-Hess, Gbete. — The Sexual Crisis. Critic and Guide

Co., N. Y.
Menzies, K. — Auto-erotic Phenomena of Adolescence, Paul

Hoeber, N. Y.
NoBTHcoTE, Rev. H. — Christianity and Sex Problems. F.

A. Davis Co., Phila.
Talmy, B. S. — Woman. N. Y,

Psychoanalysis

Bbill, a. a. — Psychoanalysis. N. Y.

Bjebre, Poul. — History and Practice of Psychonalysis*

Badger, Boston.
Febenczi, S. — Sex and Psychoanalysis. Badger^ Boston*
Fbink, H. W. — Morbid Fears and Compulsions. Wm.

Heinemann, London.
Fbeud, Sigmund. — The Interpretation of Dreams, and other

books. BrilPs translations.
Hall, G. Stanley. — Educational Problems. Two vols,

Appleton, N. Y.
Holt, E. B.— The Freudian Wish. Holt.
Jones, Ebnest. — Psychoanalysis.
Jung, C. G. — Psychology of the Unconscious. Moffatt,

N. Y.
White, W. A. — Mechanisms of Character Formation. Mac*

millan, N. Y.

List of Books S81

Young Men

Gilbert, J. Allen. — Sex Alarma. Rebman Co., N. Y.
Gerrish, F, H. — Sex Hygiene. Badger, Boston.
Woodruff. — ^Letter from a Physician to His Son in College,
Reprint from American Medicine.

Young Women

Blanchard, Phyllis. — The Adolescent Girl. Moffat, Yard

& Co., N. Y.
Robinson, Wm. J. — Woman, Her Sex and Love Life. Critic

and Guide, N. Y.

Boys and Girls

Dennet, Mary W. — ^The Sex Side of Life. Dennett, S50
W. 55th St., N. Y.

Young Men and Women

Carpenter, Edward. — Love's Coming-of-Age. Kennedy,

N. Y.
Herbert, S. — The Psychology and Physiology of Sex,

Black, London.

Married or About to Marry

Drysdale, Chas. V. — ^The Small Family System. Huebsch,

N. Y.
Ellis, Havelock. — The Objects of Marriage.
Fielding, Wm. J. — Sanity in Sex. Dodd, Mead & Co.,

N. Y.
Gallichian, Walter M. — The Psychology of Marriage. F.

A. Stokes Co., N. Y.
Holt, L. E. — Care and Feeding of Children. Appleton,

N. Y.
Howard, W. L. — Sex Problems in Worry and Work. M. J.

Clode, N. Y.

88« The Art of Love

Long, H. W. — Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living. Badger,

Boston.

Moll, A. — Sexual Life of the Child. Macmillan, N. Y.

Robinson, W. J. — Birth Control. Critic and Gruide, N. Y.

Stopes, Marie. — Married Love. Critic and Gruide, Radiant

Motherhood, London.
Smith, Wm. H.— Children by Chance or by Choice. Badger,

Boston.
Social Hygiene.— 105 W. 40th St., N. Y.

INDEX

[Alphihsm, 159, 154
Anxiety Nerosis, 115
Aphorisms of love, 18, 47
Arabian Nights, 46, 47
Aristotle's History of Animals, 49,

43, 44
Aristotle, works of, 86, 37, 45, 46
Art of Love, 63-95, 191, 901
for the unmarried, 191, et seq,
newly-weds ignorant of, 73, 94
value of Imowledge of, 984
«t ieq.
Asceticism, 54, 99, 94, 191
Author, experience of, 998, 999
Auto-erotism or heinous, sin, secret
vice, self-abuse, unpardonable
sin, masturbation. Onanism, 54
55, 58, 61-63, 70, 74, 76, 78, 86,
99, 94, 100, 109, 113, 139, 133-
136, 138, 139, 149, 179, 191, 909,
905, 906, 914, 915 et seq., 995,
944 et $eq., 948, 954» 955, 961,
€t ieq,
artificial objects in, 70, 94^ 136-

139, 955, 960
preferable to prostitution, vene-
real disease, homosexuality, 999

Case

No. 318, 934

No. 318, 937

No. 500, 940

No. 510, 953

No. 590, 961
. No. 591, 979

on page 69, 89, 85, 99, 70, 74^
78
Cellbacq, 54
Chastity, 318 et $eq.
Christian Science, 16, 169
Cleanliness of sexual organs, 106
Clitoris, 38, 56, 69

repugnance at mention o( 949

Clitoris, titiUation of, 69, 79, 76, 94,
100-106, 138, 198, 905, 949, 950,
954, 973
Coitus, 94, 47
directions to both sexes concern-
ing, 40, 41, 49, 191
Coitus interruptus. See With-
drawal
Conception, prevention of, 908
Concubines, 39, 191
Congress, how to begin and end

the, 99, 36
Considerations minor, 199-194
Continence (Male) or reservatus,
76, 89, 90, 114, 115, 147 et 9eq,,
159, 161-165, 167-169, 177, 901,
903
failure in, 90
frequency of, 180, 909
in A. £. P., 318 et seq.
Copulation, age when capable and

why desired, 39
Cunnilingus, 69, 915, 944 et eeq.,
954 961

Dharma, 90, 91

Diana, 143, 144, 147, 159, 153, 156,

169, 180, 191, 194
Douches, 199, 193, 194
Dreams, erotic hi women, 43-45,

904» 905

£Jaculatio precox explained, 88,

105, 938
Emissions, 55, 198 et eeq.
Emotion sexual, beneficial effects

of, 80

Fellatio, 917, 918, 963, 968, 979
Fetichism, 991 et seq.

nates as fetidi, 979 et eeq.
Fornication, 54

888

884

Index

Free T.ove, 127, 129, 161, 183, 184-

187, 192, 831 et seq.
Free time, 123, 124
Frigidity, real, 87
pseudb, 86-89, 287 §1 $0q.

Generative or^rans, male, 37, 41
Glands of IJttre, Cowper and
Bartolin, 109

Homosexuality not usually con-

irenital, 230 et seq., 254, 276
Hvnien, 68, 75, 105, 204, 248
Hysteria, 57, 88, 129

Impotence, aS, 93, 94, 107, 173
manual stimulation in, 94^ 113,
166, 201
In-brceding, 53

Infatuations caused by lack of
affection and sex starvation,
235 et seq.
Infidelity, reasons for, 239, 240
Inliihitions, 52, 54, 56, 57, 62, 63,
8i, 88, 96, 106, 278, 279, 280
281
Intercourse, conduct of, 98, 113
duration of, long-timed, 24, 26,

112
duration of, short-timed, 24, 26,

112
for procreation only, 125, 126,

141, 153, 162-164
for two purposes, social and

procreative, 125, 126
frequency of, 60, 70, 72, 75, 78-

85, 92,' 113, 123, 173, 182, 202,
205, 206, 248 et seq., 256

motion of, 103 et seq., 118
mutunlitv in, 43, 73, 74, 79, 85,

86, 105, 109, 202
preparation for, creating con-
fidence in the girl, 33

preparation for, the embrace, 34,
35, 38, 39, 56, 76, 109-111

preparation for, touching and
titillating breasts and nipples,
35, 56, 72, 76, 98, 99, 104, 106,
109, 111, 136

Intercourse, preparation for,
touching private parts, 36, 7<^
99, 104, 109
satisfaction in, 97, 109

Kama, 20, 21

Kama Shastra, 31

Kama Sutra, 18-20, 37, 46-48, 51, 81!

Karezza, 147, 151, 152, 157-159, 191,

194, 197
Karesza Method, The, or Magneta«

tion, 156-159
Kissing, 35, 55, 56, 59, 69, 79, 74^

104, 107, 122, 137

Lesbianism, 254

I/eucorrhoea, 238 ^

IJfe Story, 211 et seq.

^ingam, 22, 26, 27

Love, Psychology of, 48, 51, 53, 67

Love, psychology and art of,

Icnowledge necessary, 338 #(

seq.

I
Malformations, 89

"Male Continence** pamphlet, 147i

et seq.
Marriage, courtship and, 39-33, 64^

65, 74, 85, 90, 98, 99, 109, 131,

124, 130-133, 149, 164, 308 ^
Masochism, 232
Masturbation during pregnancy, ini

absence of husband, 357, 358
fear of, cause of marital

trouubles, 337, 238
fear of, cause of nervous 8jmp«

toms, 58, 347, 386
harmlessnes of, 311 et seq., 959,

253, 274
in the married, 85, 86, 94, 349

et seq., 379
mutual, 225, 267 et seq.
of wife by husband when he {4

impotent, 257
of wife by husband when aha

fails of orgasm, 360
tell the truth about it, 336, 353
Menstruation, 39, 40, 43, 78, 79, 84.

85, 138, 139
intercourse during, 84-88, 133

Nudity, 80, 96, 103, 104, 130, 189

in Alphism, 152 et seq., 348
Nymphse, 56, 104

Index

885

Offspring, desire for, 40, 93, 94
Onan, 162

Oneida Community and its doctrine
of male continence, 141-210
General description, 207 et $eq,
gynecological study of, 179
tiervous diseases in, 179
Hand Book of, 184-187
Oneida Community Limited, 168
References to special literature,
147, 159
Orgasm, diurnal, 198

frequency in female of, 76-80,

123-204
immediate repetition, 84, 89, 116,

119, 255
inability of woman to attain, 69,

70, 94, 95, 205
overcoming difficulty in attaining

in woman, 101, 119
in man to be permitted by wife
or induced artificially if re-
pression is difficult, 102, 103,

105, 113
in woman to be produced by hus-
band or wife if not attainable
otherwise, 102, 109, 112, 205,
290
precipitate, 75, 88, 89, 93, 105,

112-115, 214, 270
spontaneous, 247, 279
thought to be injurious, 193
vicarious, 197, 198

Passion, belief that woman should
have none, 63
of woman in coition, 24, 118
Penis, substitutes for. See auto-
erotism, artificial objects, etc.
Perversities and perversions, how
developed, 213 et seq., 244 et
seq., 262 et seq., 322 et seq.
lessons and warnings from, 232
exhibitionists, 57, 59, 60, 108
pierce. Dr., bad effects of his book,

244
Positions in intercourse, 55, 56,

explanation, 101-103, 110-112,
116, 121, 256, 259, 260
Post coitam, 122

Pregnancy, fear of, 124 et seq,
intercourse during, 44, 45, 76, 80,
118, 248, 256-258
Preliminaries, summary of, 104, 119
Promiscuity, 55, 71, 120, 128-5130,
230
reasons for refraining from, 277
Prostitutes, consorting with for
fear of masturbation, 226, 229,
244
Prostitution, 54, 120, 128, 130
Psycho-analysis, 108

Rape attempted, 59
Reform, social, 364 et seq,
Reservatus. See Male Continence
R. S. E., 77, 133, 134, 165, 171, 192,

211

II., 134, 313

Sadism, 232

Semen, amount of, 199

expulsion of, 55, 63

what becomes of in M. C, 176,
198, et seq,

loss of, not injurious, 43
Sex activity invigorating, 220
Sex and athletic activities, 227, 228
Sex and case histories, 234 et seq.
Sex and Life, 67, 82, 98, 134, 135,

136
Sex Communion (S. C), 141 et seq.

159-161, 169, 205
Sex control, psychic, 182
Sex desire in man, 74-76, 78, 80-

83, 84, 89, 96-98

Sex desire in woman, 45, 70, 71, 72,
78, 83, 84, 86, 91-96, 98, 107,
116, 124, 204

Sex desires unrelieved cause of
nervous symptoms, 83, 84, 94,
276

Sex desire in woman spontaneous,

84, 87, 109, 110

Sex excitement, pre-coital flow in,

43-45, 68-72, 100, 106
Sex expression, physiological, 182
Sex impulse transmuted to love,

178
Sex necessity, 134, 135, 204, 299
Sex organs, relative sixe of, 68,

69, 72

386

Jndes

Sex practices of brothers and

sisters, 949 et seq.
Sex problem of young men solved

by early marriage, 996
Sex necessities of woman, 90-94,

109, 109, 114, 194, 163, 904^ 905,

906
Sex repression, injurious effects of,

99, 93, 198, 199, 131, 179, ITS,

906
Sex shocks to girls, 61, 69, 74, 101,

108, 980, 981
Bex slavery, 45
Sex teaching, 53, 69, 65, 74, 88»

139, 138, 313 et tea.
Sexual abuse of girls by men, 61t

956, 980, 981
Special sensees as sex stimuli^ 108
Standard of morals, 996
Stirpiculture or scientific propagac

tion, 168
Sub-conscious, 198
Sublimation, 81, 199-131, 170, 179

Tabu of sex. Christian, 17, 53^ 87
Tongue-sucking, 979

Union, sexual, kinds of, 93, 99

according to sise, 99, 93

duration of, 93
Urethrorrhoea ex libidine, 109, 199

Vatsyayana, 18, 90, 95, 34, 46, 48,

99
Venereal disease, 130, 995

Wedding night, 60, 78, 96, 97, 110,
904, 934, 947, 956
preparation for intercourse on,
947, 948
Withdrawal or coitus interruptus,

89, 114 et seq., 159, 960
Withdrawal, modified form, 114-

117
Woman acting the part of man,

97, 98
Work of a man, the, 96

Barrie, 107
Writers
Blackmore, 107 i

Bloch, 4S
Brill, 113 \

Writers— «OfiNiMMd)'
Burton, 46
Canfidd, 107
Chidlqr, N. W, 194
Crawford, 107
Dante, 199

Ellis, 97, 51, 199, 181, 194. SU
Fielding, 107, 119
Porel, 48, 51
Freud, 51, 199, 89S, 394
Frink, 46
Gallichan, 51
Glyn, 107
Hall, G. S.
Hall, W. S^ 198
Hichens, 107
Hirsch, 177
Howe, 997
James, 991
Johnston, 107
Jung, 51
King, 107

Krah-Ebing^ 51, 848, 85T
Lidston, 48
Locke, 107

Long, 49, 109, 119, US, 19S
Madilow, 48
Meisel-Hess, 51, 197, 889 #f $§q^

343
Menxies, 113
Moll, 48, 51
Noyes, Hilda, 850
Noyes, J. H^ 147 et $$q., 15(^ 1711
Owen, 151
Pepys, 190
Pike, Rayford, 856
Rinehardt, 107
Robinson, 14r
Sanger, 167
Scott, 107
Shakespeare, 107
Solomon, 191
Stockham, 151, 156, 197
Stopes, 86, 359
Sturgis, 48, 49
Tamowski, 51

Yoni, 99, 97

Zones, errogeneous, 106
Zugassenfs Discovery, 159

Internet Archive Audio

Featured

Top

Images

Featured

Top

Software

Featured

Top

Texts

Featured

Top

Video

Featured

Top

Mobile Apps

Browser Extensions

Archive-It Subscription

Save Page Now

Full text of "THE ART OF LOVE"

See other formats